Ep #55: Drama

Welcome to the Life Coach School Podcast where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. Now, your host master coach instructor Brooke Castillo.

What's up everyone? Are you coming in June? I just talked to five people in a row who are coming in June and it gets me excited. I love talking to smart people who are excited and motivated about learning the stuff more and it's so fun. It's perfect because some of the examples that we talked about today are going to go right into the topic which is drama. More specifically I'm going to call it mind drama. When we think about drama, when we think about drama queens, when you think about people that are into drama it's almost like that toxic noise that happens.

It's like people are like instigating stories and talking behind each other's back and making up things to try and create drama where it's unnecessary. It's so easy for some of us to sit back and say, those teenage girls are so full of drama, right? As if we're not. As if we don't have our own mind drama. It's a different flavor but it's the same drama. Meaning that it's thinking and thoughts and instigating emotion that's completely unnecessary and not usable.

For example if I come to you and say, my God did you hear that she did this and she likes this boy and this boy doesn't like her and did you hear that this happened and then this happened and it was so awful and my god like that obviously drama, right? Then if I say, my gosh, my boss at work is such a nightmare. He doesn't acknowledge me enough. He doesn't care about my work. You may have a different voice, it may sound like this but it's the same drama. One of the examples that I'm going to use today is the example of money.

Because I think it's the most easily instigated drama trigger. I just made that up. I don't even know what that means. It instigates us, right, to have drama. I don't know what it is about money but I'm right in the middle of teaching master coach training right now. I should say in the middle, we just started. One of the things that we're doing is talking about our financial goals. Whenever you're setting an outcome, it's really important to make it measurable, right?

Because when it's measurable then you can do math. My business coach is always telling me that everything is just math and I laugh because I always want to say to him but what about the drama? Like, yeah you could do math but there's all the drama and the disbelief and the doubt and all of that. Don't we want to talk about that and the great thing about him is he never wants to talk about drama. He just wants to do math. For me, for whatever reason it's all about the drama and I noticed this with my students too.

When they say, I want to make $150,000 a year as life coach and I'll say, okay, well, if it was $120,000 a year that would be 10,000 a month so what are you charging? How many clients would you have to see? If I see 10 clients, that would $1000 per client per month. Okay, so done. Let's just get you 10 clients. That's the math of it, right? Then there's the, I don't know how to get 10 clients. I don't know, I'm in a hurry. I don't know if I'm good enough. I don't know if I can handle it and I don't know ...

All of the stuff that goes on in our minds. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know is usually the title of the story. It's I don't know. We talked about this a couple of episodes ago about indulging and those emotions of confusion. If you just do the math and you recognize that the rest is drama and you skip the drama and you just do the math then that's how you can actually create the results in your life. The mind drama is what prevents us from accessing our true abundance in our life.

I was just talking about, somebody said to me, well, for you just not like normal people you have a very abundant mind set. You're always thinking in an abundant way and here's what I think is true. I think and I just read a quote that's similar to this and basically what it says is, we don't create abundance. Think about that for a minute. We don't create it. Abundance is our natural state. What we create are limitations. That's what we create. The exact quote is we don't create abundance.

Abundance is always present. We create limitation and that's from Arnold Patent in his book Money. Think about that for just a minute. If we don't have any limiting thinking in our minds then our natural state is abundance. If we aren't limiting ourselves, if weren't thinking thoughts of limitation, then the world really is ours. Think about the model. We are creating our results with our thoughts. If that is really true and it is then what will we allow ourselves to believe?

What is our capacity for having? Because abundance is available. We limit ourselves to the abundance of the world. That's it. If we believe we can have whatever we want, we will have whatever we want. I know that not all of you believe me and those of you that don't believe me, probably don't have much of what you want but what if you did believe that? Just like go there with me for a second. What if you did believe that you could have whatever you want?

For those of you who really want to have abundance in your life and you want to do the math of abundance and you want to be able to see that and then separate that out from the drama, then all you really have to do is reduce the drama. Eliminate the drama and the math does itself. The thing that's beautiful about math is it just equals itself. The equation for math is 1 plus 1 equals 2. Now you can argue with it, you can debate it, you can scribble it out, you can cross it out, you can erase it, you can never think about it again but it's there.

It's available to you if you want it. The truth of it is available. If you believe in it, it will be true for you. If you don't believe in it, it won't be true for you. Think about this, let's for example say that you want to make a million dollars a year, okay? You want that to be your gross income. If you take a million dollars which for a lot of people that's such a huge amount of money that they can't even wrap their mind around it but if you take a million dollars and you divide it by 12, that's $83,333 a month.

If you look at that per month and then you figure out, okay so in order for me to make that per month, I need to make $20,000 a week. Okay, now, how can I make $20,000 a week and if I can figure that out, then I can make $1 million a year. Okay, so if I have 20 clients and I charge them $1000 a week, right then I'm going to make $20,000 a week and I will make a million dollars that year. That's it. Now, all of the doubt is going to come up. My gosh, how you're going to charge the client a $1000 a week? That's going to be so hard.

No one is going to ever pay that. It's not going to work. All the drama, right? If you just let the math be the math and you believe in the math and you believe in the possibility of that and you will allow yourself to access the wisdom of how that can be done, it will be done. It genuinely will be done. The rest of it is just drama. There are people. There are a lot of people who make $1 million a year, right? They make $1 million. They figured out how to gross $1 million a year. How do they do that?

First of all they figure out the math and then they clean up the dram and the math happens. Okay, now I know for some of you even just hearing this podcast is making you have drama on your mind. You're having drama with me. You want to go talk to people about me behind my back, probably, right? Because you're like, right, make it so simple. For some of you, $1 million. Maybe you can't even wrap your mind around it. Let's do the $100,000 example. Let's say you want to make $100,000 a year.

Actually let's make the math easy. We'll use the example that I used before. Let's talk about $120,000 a year. That's going to be $10,000 a month. Now, if you have drama about making $10,000 a month, you're going to lose your mind here and you're going to have all sorts of I can't, I don't know, I can't, I don't know, and some whining going on, right? You may even like, tell your friends how it's impossible and create a little gossip drama along that.

If you just let math be math and you think it is possible for me to make $100,000 a year ... $120,000 a year and it is possible for me to make $10,000 a month then all I have to do is figure out the math and do the math and have to keep believing in the possibility of that. Now, for some of you, $100,000 is not a lot of money so there's no drama around that number for you. You just do it. For those of you that there is a lot of drama around that number, you're not doing it, right? Here's what I want you guys to do.

I want you to think about the amount of money that doesn't have drama for you, okay? That's just math with smaller numbers. I want you to think about what your mind does when you talk about the amount of money that doesn't bring up drama for you and then I want you to incrementally increase that dollar amount until you start having drama. All I want you to notice, you're going to keep the math and the drama separate. All I want you to do is notice how the drama changes.

There's no drama and then all of a sudden there's drama. Now, you want to give credit for that drama to those numbers but I want you to really think about it. It's like, giving credit for the gossip to the wall, right? Numbers just are numbers. All they do is add themselves up, right? They're innocent. The numbers are not causing the drama. Your head and your thoughts about what's possible is causing the drama. For some of you, the drama starts 120,000. For some of you it starts at 150,000. For some of you it starts at 500,000.

For some of you it starts at a million and for some of you it starts at 10 million, okay? You can do it per year per whatever. When you can manage the drama, when you can understand where the drama starts, maybe you can see that it has nothing to do with blaming the numbers for the drama but something happens in your brain. I watch it happen with my students and it's so fascinating how their numbers are all different based on their belief system. Some people think making $150,000 is easy and they make it easily.

They're in the exact same profession as another one of my students who think making $150,000 is hard. I was just talking to someone about it today who said, well, I made money as an accountant making this much money but I can't make the same amount as a personal trainer, right? It's not that they don't believe that they're capable of making that amount of money but now they've made the drama about the specific person that they're in. Now, what is drama? It's just a collection of thoughts that create a response, right?

An emotional response. All of our thoughts create an emotional response, emotional vibration. If I say to you $150,000 a year and you have an emotional negative response to that it's because of your mind drama. It's because you have thoughts about what that means and you're probably not going to make it. For those of you who I say $150,000 and you don't have any mind drama, you probably already made $150,000 year probably pretty easily. What's the difference? The only difference is how much you indulge and believe in your mind drama.

You need to understand what exactly that is. Here's the best way to deal with drama. When people try to bring drama to me they'll come and my gosh, everybody is really upset about this thing you did. I'll say, first of all I need to know names. Who exactly is upset? What are the names? What exactly did they say and what exactly did they do? I just do math with them, right? I separate out the facts from the drama. This is exactly what's going on.

This person's interpretation, my God everything is falling apart. Everyone is upset. It's just drama. I need to know the math. The same is true with our drama about money. Our drama about numbers. There's no reason why $150,000 should freak someone out and not the other person. It makes no sense. It's the exact same number. If it was the number's fault, both people would have the same reaction, they would have the same drama about it but they don't. They have different drama.

Is drama because of the amount of money or it's the drama because of the person's brain and what they've allowed themselves to believe? I've told you guys before about my coach, my business coach who charge me $36,000 for a coaching program and I watch myself have drama about it, about that number and paying that number for coaching. One of the things that I've thought a lot about is first of all I changed the drama to if you invest in yourself and you look at it as an investment then the return on that investment is what matters, the interest you're going to make.

If I'm making $36,000 and I'm investing it in a company, I'm going to expect ... That's an asset that I now have invested. I'm going to expect the percentage of a return, okay? If I think about the $36,000 as I'm investing in myself in coaching, I'm going to expect a return. What I expected from myself is ... Notice, I didn't say expected it from my coach. What I expected from myself is that if I invested $36,000 in me that I would give myself 100% return on that investment and I did.

The way that I did it is I just did exactly what my coach told me to do. He said one of the selling points he made was if you invest in this program it is my hope that you'll make that money back in the first month we worked together and so I said to him, I want to make the money back in the first month we worked together and I did exactly what he told me to which of course by the way was math which I had a lot of drama about but my husband reminded me. Wait a minute, you're just supposed to do what he says and you're supposed to skip all that drama stuff, right?

I did. I skipped to the drama stuff and I just did exactly what he told me to do. I did the math and I made the investment back. The other thing that really did for me not only did it, showing me that I'm worthy of investing in myself. I'm better than any stock company I've ever invested in. I've never had a stock company that I've been able to get 100% return on my investment which I did. When you think about that, you guys you think about if I invest 36,000 first I have to make the 36,000 back and then I need to make another 36,000, right?

It's not just making the money back but then it's increasing and doubling that investment. I didn't think about it as investing in the program. I thought about it as investing in myself and I was responsible for my return on my own investment and I'm a pretty good bet, right? That's what I figured out about myself. When I invest in myself I deliver so I might invest in myself a lot more actually and I'm really seriously thinking about where else can I invest in myself?

Now, the other thing that it did for me is it really helped me think about the kind of clients that I want to attract into my life. The people that I want to work with. I want to invest with people who want to invest in themselves and want to give themselves a good return on their investment. They're not looking for me to give them a good return on their investment because that's impossible. They're investing in themselves. They're not investing in me, right? They're not giving me their money so I can create something for them.

They're giving me their money as an investment in themselves and then they're going to bring the time and energy to produce what it is they want in their life. That's a beautiful business for me to be in because the potential is huge. I mean I've had people invest $6,000 with me that have made $100,000 in a year. Now, can I take credit for that? No, they invested in themselves, they did the work, and that return on investment was obviously exponential. What it did, it had me put my money where my mouth is, right?

If I'm going to invest in a coach and I'm going to work really hard, that's going to set me up to attract like attracts alike, I'm going to attract that into my life. I've been attracting people that really want to make an investment not just in money and expect me to do it for them but invest money and time and energy and intellectual capital and action, massive action taking to create that results for themselves in their own lives. I tell you what, when you're around a bunch of people like that, that is an amazingly good time.

In my coach training one of the things that I love being able to say to everyone is there's no discounts. I don't offer discounts to come to my training. I don't offer scholarships. I do give a lot of stuff away for free. If there's people ... This podcast is an example of that. If there's people that don't want to spend their money on an in-person training because notice that I didn't say they can't afford it, right? It doesn't have to be a training. It can be anything you guys want to do in your life. Anything you want to buy, right?

You say you can't afford it but the truth is you want to spend your money on something else. That's totally fine but I don't offer any discounts. Everyone pays and invest the same amount because the level of energy from everyone who has gone all in on themselves and they're betting on themselves that they're going to rise to that occasion. That energy, you have that many people on the room all betting on themselves, that is a great exciting wonderful place to be.

The more abundant I've been in my own life and what I mean by that is more abundance I've allowed into my own life, the more abundant people that have come in to my life. I was talking to a student today who was just signed up for the training and one of the things she was saying to me that she thought that was a huge investment. Everyone in her life was telling her what a huge investment it was. One of the things that I shared with her was that story about my coach and how we had a lot of drama about spending that much money with him.

Because of the way and the intention I have behind it, how much that has come back to me in so many ways and the work that I've done and not just financially by the way. The abundance, mentality that it has created for me. I think that you have to remember that when you're in our life is are you the person, are you being the person that you want to attract into your life? Are you showing up in that way that like will attract like in your life, right?

When I see my coaches or when I see my students either deciding to sign up for a training or deciding to become a coach, I really want them to see that this is math and this is drama. This is your mind drama. Your mind drama, here it is you guys like really think about this. Your mind drama is optional. It's a choice. When you look at what you're believing, notice that, that is what you picked off the menu of all the believe systems available to you in the world, those are the ones you're picking.

If you want the results that those beliefs will create then don't change the drama. If you want a different result, you need to take a look at it. That collection of mind drama thoughts and you need to decide is that what I want to believe? I'm going to be talking a lot more about this but here's something I want you to consider. Those thoughts that you're manufacturing in your brain that you're recycling in your brain that you've been thinking for so many years have been giving you the result you have in your life.

If you want to change the result, you're going to have to change those belief systems. You're going to have to change your drama. Now, you can come up with your own beliefs and you can practice new thoughts but if you really genuinely understand the power of the mind and you understand that without the limitations you are abundant then maybe you can consider that there are thoughts available to you that you can't even wrap your mind around yet. That there are beliefs of abundance that come from such a deep place within you that you can't even fathom that you could believe them.

You may be thinking that $150,000 is a lot of money in your life and there maybe something deep within you that knows 5 million isn't even a start for you in your life. How do you know that I'm wrong? Notice the drama that came up for some of you when I said 5 million. Now, I get a lot of flak because I always talk about how much I love money and I think money is fun and I love it when I have money. I love it when other people have money. I love it when I see someone in a Tesla. I am so happy for them.
I love money with no drama. Money just is. Let me give you an example. I was driving the other day and I had on a pair of heels, high heels and I had some chocolate on the front seat of my car that I was going to give to one of my friends for her birthday. It's like a little collection of truffles and the sun was beating on it. I noticed that the sun was coming in the window and beating on it so I leaned over to move the chocolate and I want to put it on the floor board.

When I leaned over, my foot with my high heels slipped off the break pedal. I didn't even feel it slipped off. I rolled into and crashed into the car in front of me. We were at a stop light so it wasn't like I was crashing into them but it was jarring. Now, here's the bad news. The bad news is it was a 57 Chevy and it had a ruby red paint job and red interior and it was convertible and it was a couple. I think it was a Sunday afternoon. It was their pride and joy obviously.

They were horrified that I hit their car. The guy next to me and the car next to me have been looking at the car and admiring the 57 convertible Chevy. It wasn't a truck. It was a sedan looking thing. Obviously, I know nothing about cars which of course I'm sure they were mortified. The guy next to me was so upset about me hitting their car. He was losing his mind. What the hell is wrong with you lady? My god, I can't believe. What the hell is wrong with you? Screaming.

Here's what happened with me. I had no drama about this. My foot had slipped off the break. I certainly hadn't hit their car intentionally. It was a mistake and I would be happy to pay them to have their car fixed. We pulled over, they were very shaken up and I asked them are you okay? They were okay. They weren't hurt in any way. The impact because we have been stopped, it hadn't been much but they were much more concerned about the car, right? They didn't see if I was okay at all because they first said is about the car.

I just said, I'm very sorry. I'm happy to pay you for whatever the damages are. Here's my phone number. Here's my insurance information. Please just contact me directly and let me know what the damages are. We looked at the back of the car and there was nothing wrong I could see from the car. Nothing. I mean it was, it had a steel bumper which I guess is what cars had back in the day and so there wasn't even a dent in the bumper but I said call me and let me know. Still no drama for me which was impressive actually.

I saw myself thinking like, there's no reason for me to get upset about this because it's not going to serve any purpose that is upset. The man called me a couple of days later and he said, I just want to let you know that they looked at the car and I guess when you hit me, the bumper actually moved up a couple inches and caused damage that we couldn't see. I'm going to take it to the body shop and have them do an estimate. He said, I just want to let you know this is a very old expensive car. It's probably going to be expensive to fix.

I said, okay. Just let me know. He called me back and he said, I have the estimate. It's about $1300. Do you want me to send it to you? I said, yes please send it to me. He send it to me and I started reading it and I still had no drama and I told my husband he was like, what the world, 13? This is his drama. $1300? You got to be more careful. How did you end up hitting 57 Chevy. I said listen, I just want to pay this. I feel like they've been inconvenienced by the situation. I want to pay it so that they can get their car fixed.

They are the ones who have to go to the body shop. This is a pain in a butt for them. It's $1300. We're going to pay them. They're going to get their car fixed and we're going to move on with our lives. That's it. We're going to look back because getting upset about it and complaining about it and negotiating with them, any of that, what is the point? I paid it and I moved on, right? I'm astounded by how brilliant that is. Like, I think about all the times when I've had so much drama in my life about much less money and still ended up paying it, right?

When I just come from a really abundant place, look my foot slipped off the break. It was absolutely my fault. I ran into their car. By the way, this is my second accident. Just so you know, this is my second accident in like two months and they're both just minor fender benders. I didn't make it mean that there's something happening in the universe, I didn't make it mean that I need to get my act together and something is really wrong with me. I didn't make any of anything. I didn't even make it to be a problem.
It's just is that. The first one, I'm having my insurance take care of because the people are complaining that they have soft tissue injuries which that's whole another podcast I may have to tell you all about but still here's the thing and I had much more drama over that. Which still when I think about it right now is completely unnecessary. The drama is unnecessary. It doesn't serve an purpose. Now, just because you don't have drama it doesn't mean that you necessarily pay.

It doesn't mean that you necessarily don't pay, right? Whatever you do, you just do it without all of the upset and worry and freaking out. I was able to say to him, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience. I'm very sorry that you're even have to deal with this and I'm sure it was very upsetting to you because I can tell that you love your car and I just paid the bill. Period. That's the end of it. Because I come from an abundant place financially, I'm not worried about the money part of it at all.

Because of the way I handled it, I actually believe that, that money will come back to me in spades. I want you to think about where you have drama especially when it comes to money that isn't serving you and see if you can at least delay your drama for a higher amount of money in your life. The amount of money is neutral. You get to pick when you start having drama. Whatever number that is that you start having drama will be your salary cap wherever you start having drama.

The more you can work on raising your drama to a higher level meaning a higher number, the more money you're going to make. I dare you to test me on this. I dare you to make more money not because you need the money, not because you're greedy, not because you want it, not because you love it at the expense of other people. Just because you love the idea that you can create abundance in your life and it's a fun game to explore.

Do it for that and get rid of all the issues that everyone has taught you that you should have around money and just enjoy it. You can help a lot more people in a lot bigger way if you have more money. If that's important to you, I dare you to raise your number and to create a higher number of when your drama starts. Let me know how it goes in the comments. I'll talk to you guys next week. Take care. Bye.

Thank you for listening to the Life Coach School Podcast. It will be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments, or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.