Monday, March 28, 2011 At 09:03AM

Last week, one of the Rowdies was having a bit of a pity-party on our private forum. We've all been there. Kind of run down. Tired. Wanting help. Wishing life was different. Easier. The reason why she felt this way, really isn't important. What matters? She was believing the thought "Life isn't fair."

I told her:

"It's not fair."

That can be a seriously painful thought. So common. And so toxic.

And you're not going to like this. The thought that will actually set you free here is:

IT IS NOT FAIR.

Seriously.

This is the best news ever.  You've been killing yourself trying to prove how it should be fair, how it could be fair, how to make it more fair.

And it's just not.

It never will be.

Ever.

Life isn't fair.

And it shouldn't be fair.

Japan gets hit with a tsunami.

We don't.

That's not fair.

You struggle with cleaning your house.

Other people struggle because they have no house.

That's not fair.

There truly is not one single thing in this life that IS fair.

That's reality.

Let life be what it is. Let it not be fair. Stop trying to make it fit your math equation. Just let it be what it is.

It's not fair.

And that's beautiful.

Give me 20 reasons why you are grateful that life isn't fair.

In other words – tell me 20 different ways that you have benefitted from life not being fair.

 

This exercise was life changing. Not only for the Rowdies that participated in it – but for me to read through the incredible ways the life has been unfair. And good.

I couldn't keep this amazing-ness to myself. 

Meadow's 20 Reasons Why Life Isn't Fair:

1. I was born to people who valued questioning authority.

2. I was taught to play music from the time I was able to walk.

3. I had a grandma who adored me.

4. I did not die when I was playing in water and the power line had fallen into it.

5. Getting good grades was ridiculously easy for me.

6. I've always been pretty. (Even when I didn't know I was.)

7. I was able to have a child. 

8. I was able to sell my music conservatory and move to the central coast.

9. I was lucky enough to have Brooke randomly find me through the internet. And was wise enough to figure out that she might be a great person to get to know.

10. I am able to work a job that I love and support myself and my daughter.

11. I have an iPhone.

12.  I get to start every morning and end every night reading amazing insights from people around the world. 

13. I know how to coach myself.

14. I was able to be a guest on Oprah.

15. I have an amazing team of people supporting me 24/7.

16. I had the courage to leave. And start over.

17. I had the great fortune to lose all my money and to find my way back.

18. I had the great fortune of being raised with violence and dysfunction so that I can help others heal.

19. I know what the truth means.

20. I believe in love.

 

Another Rowdy:

1. I was born to parents who loved and adored me.

2. I was born to parents who believe in the value of education.

3. I was born to parents who were financially able to provide for me.

4. I married the man I love and my parents love and support him as well as me.

5. I have 2 healthy and beautiful children.

6. I  have lived in 2 extremely dangerous countries for long periods of time and left unscathed.

7. I bought a house we could not normally afford because the builder was in foreclosure.

8. I can afford to take classes like this one, go to the gym, go to yoga, and have a massage every once in a while.

9. Because my husband is the primary earner, I can choose where/when/how I want to work.

10. I have been able to travel and expose myself to lots of different countries and cultures.

11. I became a US citizen 10 years ago. And I think there is no better place to be.

12. I have friends I can call upon whenever I need them.

13. My kids love and adore me.

14. We took a chance on a risky overseas assignment that no one else wanted, and had the best experience of our lives.

15. My mom did not die of cancer when I was 4 years old.

16. My daughter survived MRSA when she was 18 months old and living in a third world country.  Twice.

17. I was in 2 earthquakes on the top floor of a poorly constructed 15 floor apartment building.

18. For no good reason, other than Grace, my faith was given back to me after 30 years of missing it.

19.  In a dangerous situation, I watched my husband walk out our apartment door and knew that he would lay down his life for me and our children.

20.  When I hated and despised my high-paying corporate job, I was able to quit and start work as a catholic school teacher.

 

Another Rowdy

1. I've driven drunk and made it home okay.

2. I had a mammogram and it came back clear.

3. I was born in the US.

4. My child was born healthy.

5. I was able to conceive.

6. I was able to pay my bills this month.

7. I drove to work yesterday and made it safe.

8. The tsunami warning was a false alarm.

9. We had an earthquake a few years ago and my home and business were unaffected.

10.  My mom and sister have had breast cancer and they're still alive and cancer free.

11. I have health insurance.

12. My small business is successful.

13. When I was 17 and hiking in a bad spot, the ground did not crumble when I needed it to stay solid.

14. When that bottle of beer fell off our 12th floor balcony at the hotel it didn't hit anyone.

15. I found Self Coaching.

16. My dog didn't get hit by that car when the gate was left open.

17. When our boat ran out of gas in the middle of the ocean, it was only a moment before someone saw us and was able to help.

18. I pulled my hand back in time to avoid a serious injury.

19. My plane didn't crash.

20. I can always call my Mom.

 

Another Rowdy

1. My Mother decided to have and keep me although she was only 16.

2. My Dad married his pregnant High School sweetheart and last October we celebrated their 40 year love story.

3. At 3 I survived a sexual attack and the subsequent hospitalization, both great reminders of my own determination.

4. Met my best friend 33 years ago in grade 3, we just had lunch together last Sunday.

5. Have the best childhood memories on my Grandparents farm with my cousins.

6. My Grandpa was my hero. It was my privilege to hold his hand as he prepared to leave this world.

7. I have the 3 greatest brothers.

8. My family is dysfuctional. I know this, it has made me a better person.

9. I was fortunate to marry a man who reflected back to me all my fears and how little I thought of myself.

10. Together we had two beautiful children, the Sun and the Moon in my Universe.

11. I located my strength, fought my way out and started my life for the first time at 35.

12. My parents and two brothers have been very supportive and helpful. The third…well I love him anyway.

13. By the grace of God, I was able to purchase a modest house, in need of a lot of work, but close to my children's school, for my children and I to live.

14. I worked on this house, while I worked on me. Both are more me now.

15. I have a great sister-friend, who helps me remember who I am, when I forget.

16. I have grown from the strength, vulnerability and honesty of the Rowdies and our fearless leaders, Meadow & Brooke or Field & Stream as you might also know them.

17. I can run.

18. I can dance in my very own kitchen!

19. I have music in my life.

20. I can question my thoughts and laugh at life.

 

Another Rowdy

1. I was born to a 14 year old in a really small town who was brave enough to give me up for adoption.

2. I was adopted by fantastic parents

3. I've had the opportunity to travel all over the world

4. I'm able to say that my favorite pizza joint is in Peru.

5. I grew up going to top private schools.

6. I've never had to look for jobs- they always came to me somehow.

7. I went to college and grad school and never had to take out a loan

8. My hubby was on my first list of "matches" on e-harmony 

9. I was incredibly reckless in H.S. and college and didn't die – no joke.  I'm still amazed.

10. My big sister is a millionaire and never hesitates to help me

11. I have an amazing network of friends and family that support me.

12. I've had MS for 11 years and you wouldn't know by looking at me.

13. My first corporate job paid me a ridiculous salary

14. I've found a career that I love at a relatively early age. 

15. Going to college was never even a question for me

16. I was able to re-apply and finish my master's degree without having to retake the GRE or fully fill out the forms

17. I had an amazing boss who supported me fully when I told him I was leaving his company. He even let me go part time while I finished school. 

18. My hubby and I just took an all expenses paid trip to the Caribbean

19. I've had a car since I was 16

20. My hubby is completely supportive of me opening my own biz and doesn't get mad when I have a dry spell. 

21. Rowdies! 

 

Another Rowdy

1.  I had a Mom with an endless curiosity and love of learning.

2.  My angry, distant, alcoholic father never laid a hand on me.   

3.  I grew up in safe, beautiful place where I could explore outdoors.

4.  I had the freedom to learn things the hard way.

5.  I survived some dangerous situations with some very bad people.

6.  One day I stopped and never looked back.

7.  I got into a great college, paid my way, and graduated debt free.

8.  I made it to my Mom's bedside in time to hold her hand for her final breath.

9.  I was working the day my future husband stopped by the farm.

10. 30 years later – I love him more than ever.

11.  We left security to move across the country and it worked out great.  

12.  When we came back we ended up exactly where we needed to be. 

13.  I found my psychologist and I didn't give up.

14.  I can work my own schedule and be the parent I want to be.

15.  My children are healthy.

16.  My inlaws are loving.

17.  I have 2 true, deep, wonderful relationships with girlfriends and a kick-ass Big Sister. 

18.  I love my work and I feel proud of my success.

19.  I am healthy.

20.  I can afford to keep learning and be part of Rowdies. 

 

 

Over this past week, we have had hundreds of beautiful reasons why life isn't fair posted on our forum. I could post for pages and pages, but I wanted to just share some of the gratitude with you.

This is what some of the Rowdies said about doing this exercise:

Meadow, this was maybe the most powerful exercise I've done.  When I saw what you wanted me to do, I thought, OK, she's got me there.  OF COURSE, I can come up with 20 ways I have benefitted from life not being fair. In fact, I was so sure of this my initial instinct was not to even write it down.  But I'm SO GLAD I did, because it just made my heart overflow with gratitude and humility for the universe.  

For anyone else reading here, I would totally suggest you make your own list.  I just feel so grateful after doing it.

Thanks for this excercise. Feeling kinda shitty today, so this really helped.

Wow! It really does make me feel better!  

How can you not do this?! 

 

Now it's your turn. List your top 20 reasons. Write them down. Keep them where you can see them. I'd love for you to share them here (post a comment if you'd like) – or send me an email.

Really.

Do this.