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Ep #203: How to Not Be Shy

This week, I want to talk to you about shyness.

If you consider yourself shy, you’re surely familiar with being overwhelmed being around others, feeling uncomfortable, timid, and insecure.

For those of you who view shyness as a character trait that cannot be changed, I bring you good news: it can absolutely be changed. And in this episode, I will show you exactly how you can do it.

Join me as I share some of the ways I use to work around these issues of shyness and what you can begin doing today to start to enjoy social interactions a lot more.

Listen in below to discover how you can make yourself more pleasant, warm, and friendly when you meet new people and leave your shyness behind.

As a bonus, for those who are interested to learn more about my business and how I run it, make sure to stay tuned after the main topic. In the second part of the episode, I am answering questions related to my business that I have received from all of you to help you get a new perspective on your own business.

Grab your copy of our new Wisdom From The Life Coach School Podcast book.  It covers a decade worth of research, on life-changing topics from the podcast, distilled into only 200 pages. It’s the truest shortcut to self-development we have ever created!

Listen to the show

What You will discover

  • The difference between an introvert and extrovert and why it matters.
  • What it means to be shy.
  • How to figure out where your shyness is coming from.
  • How to avoid giving off the impression of being snobby.
  • What you can do to become better at small talk.
  • Tips for being less shy at networking events.
  • Bonus: A segment on how I run my business and what’s coming up in the future.

Get the Full Episode Transcript:

download the transcript

Episode Transcript:

Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Hello, hello my friends. God, it is such a gorgeous day here today. I am so happy, I just took my dogs on a serious hike. I am in a good space. I am feeling great right now. And I'm so happy to be here with you, talking to you about how to not be shy. How not to be shy.

And this is a really long episode because at the end, I have about 25 minutes of me talking about my business. So I know that not all of you are interested in business and me talking about my business, so I put it on at the end for those of you who are interested. For those of you who aren't, just go ahead and turn off the podcast as soon as this segment is over.

In this session, I want to talk to you about shyness because it's something I've been working with a lot of my clients on. It's really fascinating. And I think it's important to distinguish between being an introvert and being shy, and being socially awkward. I think those are three really good terms to kind of separate out and look at because I think they're confused a lot.

And people look at shyness as a character trait that can't be changed, and any people would like to change that about themselves, and it absolutely can be changed. It depends on how you look at it. If you look at it as something that's innate or something that is a result of some emotions, and I'm going to show you how to look at it in a way that will help you change it, if that's what you want to do.

But first of all, I want to talk about the difference between being an introvert and being shy. An introvert, which is what I am, and ironically, what a lot of teachers are, which I think is so interesting, right? Because we stand in front of groups and teach, which it seems like a very outgoing extroverted type of activity. And that's why I think sometimes it's confused because I'm loud. People are like, "How could you be an introvert because you're loud?"

But here's the difference. An introvert gets their energy from being alone, and an extrovert gets their energy from being around other people. I have a lifelong friend, my friend Marek, who I went to high school with, who, she cannot wait, like, "Who are we going to meet? Where are we going to go? What parties are we going to go to? Where are all the people? We need the people." And I'm always like, "Please don’t invite me to the party, I don't want to have to say no." She's always around a lot of people, and I'm always like, alone, reading a book.

And we always laugh because she'll text me, "Hey, I'm on my way to a party, I think there's going to be 50 people there." I'm like, "Protect yourself, hunker in, hunker down." And she's like, "It's going to be great." She gets so energized by all the energy of all the people, and being like, at a concert or being at a party where there's lots of people, she just loves it and thrives on it. And I've always like, really loved and thrived on being alone.

And so I think knowing those definitions has really been helpful because sometimes people will think that introverts are isolating themselves because there's something wrong with them, and that's not true at all. We just simply are recharging our energy. When I teach classes with lots of people in them, I plan those sessions so I can take my lunch break alone whenever possible, and in the evening, I don't make any plans. I try to just be alone for the evening so I can recharge. Because being around all of the energy is totally exciting for me, especially when I'm coaching.

Now, this is what's interesting too. When I'm coaching and teaching, that is energizing to me. When I'm in a group of people chatting, or making small talk, that drains my energy, which I find totally fascinating. But let's talk about being shy, and how that applies to maybe going to a party or when you're meeting new people.

I would call myself as someone that has been shy a lot, which many people misinterpret that for being like snobby, and being standoffish, and I think this is actually a big misconception of a lot of introverts, and a lot of people that are shy, is the interpretation is, "They just don't care, they're too good for us" or whatever.

I watched this with my coach, Frank. He's a total introvert and he's like, crazy socially awkward and shy, so he doesn't want to be around people. And so, he like, runs away from them. He would die if he heard me say that, but he really like, does. Like, he would just rather like, be in a small group of people that he knows. So people misinterpret that about him. It's just that for him, there is a lot of emotional stuff going on, and for me too, and for a lot of people who would identify themselves as shy.

So I wanted to find what shy is. I defined what being an introvert is, someone that gets their energy from being alone, and I wanted to find what being shy is. It's a feeling or like, an ongoing trait. Something that continuously happens, of feeling nervous and timid in the presence of other people, especially strangers.

So I don't know if you guys have ever had friends that are shy, but like, you'll be in a small group where they know everyone and they're really outgoing and they're really you know, funny, and talkative, and then you go and meet like, new people, and all of a sudden, they're like, quiet and timid. I would totally describe myself that way. One of my friends, Jodie, totally outgoing, crazy friend, and I'm outgoing and crazy with her, but then like when we go and meet new people, I like, curl up in a little ball and am really shy. It's something that I've been working on and something that a lot of my students have been working on.

So I wanted to share our work with you all in case any of you struggle with the same thing. First of all, I think when we call ourselves shy, it kind of lets us not address the underlying issues. So I have kind of taken that label away from myself and focused more on the feeling of nervousness and timidness and put it in the model. And trying to understand what is the anxiety, what is the nervousness, what is the timidity - is that the right word - caused by.

And of course, it's always, always, always caused by a thought. and I think the thought is, "I won't know what to say", "I won't remember their name", "They won't like me", "I feel uncomfortable around new people." Like, all of these thoughts are what create the feeling of nervousness. And I notice that with me, they're just knee-jerk thoughts. And remember, your brain is primitive, so your brain is always looking for danger. So it's going to be suspect of every person that is new and stranger and coming into your environment.

And so I want to share with you some of the ways that I have worked around these issues and really found myself being able to enjoy social interaction a lot more because of this work that I've done. So the first thing that I want to recommend that you do is understand where your shyness is coming from. So for you, I want you to really look at what are your thoughts, what are your feelings when you are around new people, around strangers, going to a party.

For some of you, it's you're severely shy, it's even going to the grocery store, any of those kinds of environments where there are brand new people that maybe you don't know. What are the thoughts that are causing those emotions for you? Do not try and change them right away, do not try and fix yourself right away. Just try and understand what is going on for you.

And then the other side of that is you want to consider on purpose how you want to be when you're with other people. And for me, I made this really conscious decision because the last thing I want people thinking about me is that I am snobby or that I think I'm too good for other people, and I know that sometimes shyness can be interpreted that way.

And so it's really important for me to try to not create that impression if I can. And one of the ways that I've done it is by making a decision that I want to be warm and friendly with people on purpose. And that may sound super obvious to those of you who are naturally warm and friendly to strangers, but when you are having negative thoughts, it is the opposite of how you feel in terms of warm and friendly. And the way that I've been able to do that is by stopping thinking about myself, and by thinking about the other person.

And so when I'm thinking about, "This person won't like me, this person is going to be disappointed in me, this person doesn't want me here", whatever negative thoughts come up for me, then I start acting anxious and shy and nervous, that other people can interpret as snobby. And when I think about, "I want to be warm and friendly" and one of the beliefs that really helps me is all of us just want to be loved, and I have an opportunity to love here, I have an opportunity to be warm and friendly, and that won't come naturally, so I need to practice feeling warm and feeling and acting friendly.

And the thought that helps me do that is, "Everybody, even the most popular people in the whole world, even the most put together people in the whole world, even the strongest people in the whole world, all of them are human and all of them just want to feel loved." And I believe that everyone loves a smile and friendliness. That's always going to be well received. And that doesn't come naturally to us who are timid and nervous, and so we have to practice doing that.

So the first thing that I want you to do is decide how you want to be with strangers and then plan on being that way. Now, I know this sounds weird, but when I meet someone new, like, I have to remind myself to smile even though I feel nervous, and I have to remind myself to be friendly. Because I always laugh with Frank, it's like, people don't think it's friendly when you like, duck under the chair for cover, for protection from yourself. They think you're very strange, right? Or when you run out the door. It's like, fight or flight is what happens with a lot of shy people if they're not managing their mind.

And so just remember, hey, everything's fine, everyone just wants to be loved, be warm and friendly, it just changes everything. It changes the experience for everyone involved. You can never go wrong with being warm and friendly, and doing that on purpose.

The second thing that's really helpful, and this is really helpful for those of you who are going to dinner parties and you're in environments where small talk is required, and this is something that I've taught my kids too, is to always be curious about other people. Be genuinely curious about what's going on for them, and ask questions. One of the best ways to keep small talk going, and to keep conversations going is to always wonder about other humans and to ask questions about them, and to continually ask questions about them.

And what you'll notice is that when your energy shifts from being focused on you and what they might be thinking about you, and now you're like shifted to being curious about them and what their life is like, and what they do, and how they do it, and where they're from, and all of those things, then all of a sudden you take the pressure off yourself.

So one of the techniques that I want to recommend that you do is when you ask someone a question like, "Where are you from?" or "What do you do for a living?" or "Why are you here at this event?" or "How do you know the person that's here?" or anything like that, like, how genuinely, how are you, and you ask someone that question, as they answer that question, if you simply acknowledge that they're speaking, you simply repeat something that they said, so maybe they'll say, "I'm from Columbus, Ohio." And if you just simply say, "Oh, Columbus, Ohio?" It like, offers them a way to continue. You see what I'm saying?

So like, you may not know anything about Columbus, Ohio, you may not even know how to make conversation, you may be freaking out in your own brain. Simply repeating something that they say with curiosity will invite them to tell you more about it. And I have found that is the best way to have a conversation with someone. First of all, you get to know them, which is interesting and fun, and it gets them a chance to be in conversation without it being awkward because you're the one leading the conversation by asking questions.

Something that I've told my kids, they're always like, "It's so weird meeting new people because you introduce yourselves and then you're just staring at each other." I'm like, "Oh, that's when you start asking questions, especially if they're not asking you questions."

The other thing I want to offer is that sometimes shy people, once - they'll be asked a question, and because they're shy and insecure of feeling timid, they just won't stop talking. Like, I know it seems weird, like, if you're shy, you would be quiet, but sometimes shy people just keep talking to fill the space so there's no awkward silence, and that makes it just awkward noise. So one of the ways to think about this that I think is super useful is when someone asks you a question, you answer the question and then you ask them a question. It’s like lobbing the ball back and forth.

So someone will say, "Where are you from?" And I'll say, "Dallas, Texas. We moved here because there's no state income tax and we are loving it so far." So notice, I didn't just say, "Dallas, Texas." And it's just silence, right? I'm like, "Dallas, Texas. We moved here because there's no state income tax, we are loving it so far." I could just keep talking, and like, "We live in Allan, where are you from?" Right? So then I lob it back over. I have a little conversation piece, I don't drop the ball, and I don't ask yes or no questions. That's the other trick. "Are you having a good time?" "Yes."

You don't want to answer a question like that. You want to say, "Hey, so what brings you here?" "How did you spend your day today?" Something that gives people something to talk about. I know this seems like, so weird that we're talking about small talk. For some of you listening to this, you're like, "This is weird" because it comes naturally to you, you don't even have to think about having a conversation with somebody.

But for those of us who are shy and timid, when it comes to having small talk with strangers, because our brains are like, freaking out, having conversations like this about talking and lobbing and answering questions and asking questions is life changing when you go to parties, because you kind of know and you can plan on how to have conversations. And it makes it so much more enjoyable.

The overall most important thing to remember is to stop thinking about yourself, because when you're thinking about yourself and your brain and what other people are thinking about you and what you're wearing and how you're coming across and if people are bored, that's what makes you act, or at least it makes me act really weird and creepy. I'm like, "Hi, do you like me?" And people can feel that, so you just want to show up and be genuinely interested in what you can find out about people.

Another thing that I learned actually from somebody that was in one of my masterminds is how nice it is when you go to an event, or you're in a situation like a business situation where you're sitting down next to someone that you don't know, which happens quite often in those types of events, is just to simply introduce yourself.

I know, again, it seems totally obvious, but how many times have you sat down next to someone in an auditorium or in an audience and not said a word to them, or sat down on an airplane and not said a word to them, right? Just sit down, "Hi, I'm Brooke Castillo, it's nice to meet you." Now, if you don't want to keep talking to them, like on an airplane for example, you just want to sit down and you know, focus on yourself, that's fine. Sitting down, introducing yourself, and then going back to your energy will let them know, "Hey, I'm not in for a long conversation."

But just introducing yourself is a great way to like, break that barrier if you want to have a conversation with someone. "Hi, how are you? I'm Brooke Castillo, nice to meet you." And they'll usually introduce themselves, and it just kind of opens up the line of communication instead of having that weird, awkward silence there.

The other thing that I find really useful to remember is to maintain eye contact with the person that you're talking to. A lot of times, those of us who are shy and nervous, like, we let our eyes dart around, and that reveals what's going on in our brain. And I know that this seems weird, but if you notice yourself doing this, it's very distracting to the person talking to you. And especially if you're being curious with the person that you're talking to, and especially if you want them to know that you're interested, everybody wants to be interesting, right? So if you want to let them know that you're interested, you want to maintain eye contact with them.

Every once in a while, just count the number of times they blink. I know it seems weird, but if you're having a hard time staying focused because you're nervous, or you're uncomfortable, or whatever, just focus on their eyes. Keep your eyes on their eyes. It is amazing how warm and connected and interesting people will feel when you do that. And you may not even realize that your eyes are darting around if you're nervous and feeling shy.

So when you are focused on someone, and when you are genuinely listening, and when you're acknowledging what they're saying, and when you are smiling, you become a person that people want to be around. When you are nervous and you're talking too much, or you're not talking enough because you're indulging in feeling anxiety, you actually perpetuate this idea that people don't want to talk to you and they don't want to be around you.

It's almost like that nervous energy makes you and them uncomfortable, okay? So these are my tips, and I know that there's just a few of them, but I'm telling you, they will change everything. They really will. You have to plan on who you want to be around strangers. I want to be warm and friendly. You decide how you want to be. You want to be interesting, or interested in them, you want to be curious, you want to stop thinking about yourself, start thinking about them, see what you can find. Find out interesting thing about other people.

Like them on purpose. Decide ahead of time that you want to like everyone that you're going to meet at the party. You want to like everyone you're going to meet. And that way your judgmental brain will get turned off and you can be in a place where you can genuinely smile and genuinely make eye contact with other people.

Please do not fake-smile or act like this, "That's so funny"; please don't do that. Please, for the love of the party, don't do that. Don't pretend to be interested. Find a way to be genuinely interested and ask about things that you're genuinely interested in. Being shy is about your thinking, and if you want to change so you are not shy, so you are present and warm and friendly when you meet new people, following these tips, I promise you, will help.

Alright, I'm going to sign off for now. For those of you interested in the business part. Stay on board, and for those of you who aren't, I'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

Hey friends, okay, so for some of you, you're going to want to go ahead and end your podcast listening enjoyment here, but there's a group of you who follow me on the podcast and listen to me on the podcast, who are entrepreneurs and or life coaches, who are super fascinated with my business and how I'm growing my business, and my business philosophy.

And I've been receiving an inordinate amount of questions about it lately, and so I wanted to answer pretty much all of those questions here on the podcast. I figured it'll be kind of cool one day to listen back to some of these messages that I've given you all as I'm growing. And I know that for many of you who are building your own businesses, it's interesting to kind of hear different perspectives on my philosophy.

So I'm going to share what's going on with me in my mind around my business right now, in the hopes that it will help some of you. And if not help you, it'll at least answer some of the questions that you might be having about my business and how I run my company.

Now, I just had a team meeting with my team. We have an annual team meeting all in person here in Dallas, and I recorded that, and when I say I, I mean my son came to the meeting and recorded it, and I have put a good chunk of that behind the scenes meeting in Scholars. So if you're in Scholars, that will be the behind the scenes for March. You'll be able to see me talking to my team.

In that video, I talk a lot about my vision for the company and our values, and our business philosophy in detail. So if you're super interested in going through like, all of the details of that, you'll definitely want to check that behind the scenes. But I'm going to talk about it a little bit in general here on the podcast for those of you who are just pretty curious about where I am in my business and where I'm going.

I want to start with first talking a little bit about money, because I think it's kind of fascinating. In Scholars, I have a whole section on money and a whole section on entrepreneurship, and for me, because I make my money through entrepreneurship, they're really aligned and the same thing for me when I think about them.

And money, as I've talked about before, is a great measure of how I'm doing in business, in terms of how much revenue I'm generating and that sort of thing. But what I have found the most interesting over the past four to five years is that the more money our business makes, and the more money we make, Chris and I, as a couple, the less interesting it really is. And the less I use it as a way of kind of, creating abundance, right? You create this abundance in your mind first and then when you get the money it's kind of almost like, anti-climactic.

We were just talking about the other day, I spend so much less money now than I ever did before when I had less of it. And as I've listened to a lot of podcasts and direct accounts from other entrepreneurs who are running multimillion-dollar businesses, is that the money becomes less interesting. It's fascinating because when you're first starting a business, you're short on cash usually, and so you're really focused on the money. And I think that is very important and I think it's a good thing, and I think a lot of people have to get over all their money issues in order to build a business.

For example, if you think capitalism or corporate money is exploiting people and therefore you don't want to make any money because you don't want to exploit people, you have to get over that because that's all just mental garbage in my opinion. People that exploit people exploit them whether they have money or not. And people that don't, don't.

So I do think in the beginning, getting over all those money beliefs is really important, but once you've gotten over them enough to make a good fair amount of money, to run an eight-figure business, the money, the actual cash that I bring home is for me, the most least interesting part. That being said, I do have the most amazing money goal for my business. I want to build a 100-million-dollar life coaching business, because it sounds outrageous, and it sounds exciting, and it sounds amazing.

And again, the least interesting part of that is what I will be able to buy if I have a business like that. Isn't that interesting? I think a lot of times we think, "Oh, if you have a 100-million-dollars, what would you buy?" And the things that I want in my life, I already have the things that money can buy, right? What I want, and the reason I want a 100-million-dollar business is because I want to prove what is possible with the self-coaching model, with CTFAR.

I want to prove the belief that you truly can put whatever you want in the R line. I want to prove that if you want to be at your ideal weight, you can. I want to prove that if you want to stop overdrinking you can. I want to prove that if you want to make 100,000 dollars, a million dollars, 10 million dollars, a 100-million-dollars, you most definitely can. And I've proven it in so many ways, and I want to prove it in the most of outrageous ways. And I think 100 million dollars is truly an amazing proof of the model.

And besides, I think I'm going to have to overcome so much of my own doubt and frustration, I can be fully aligned with that amount of money, and so that is super exciting to me. The reason why, of course, I want to use the life coaching business to make 100 million dollars is because I think proving the concept of the model by putting 100 million dollars in the R line is one step, but by proving the model by helping people use the model to get the results they want in their life, will make it so my company is much more revenue producing.

Because what happens is when you have a product that is crazy effective, and super important to people, that's how you generate more customers. So it does it on both levels, right? We're proving the concept by actually teaching it within my organization. The other dream, the huge dream that I have, and has nothing to do with making money is I want to employ coaches to do what they're meant to do in this world.

I have seen so many amazing people come through my school, who have a gift of coaching other people, and I want to be able to provide them a place where they can work and make really good money doing what they're meant to do. And this is especially for those people who want to be coaches but don't want to be entrepreneurs.

Right now, my sweet spot really in the school is coaches who want to be entrepreneurs. I teach them how to coach and I also teach them how to be entrepreneurs, and I teach them how to build their businesses. The next phase, I will of course, always continue to do that, because that's exactly what I have done and what many people want me to teach them to do.

But there's another subset, there's another group of people that I want to serve, who are people that want to learn how to be coaches, who have a servant's heart, who want to be of service to their clients, but don't want to be entrepreneurs. They want to be employed by an organization that allows them to coach, and I want to be that organization.

I want to be the organization where people are paid very well and they love the work that they're doing. They're able to live in their unique ability and serve the world. And if I can offer that to my employees, they will show up better for their clients, and I genuinely believe that that will be the impact that we can leave to the world. I think the effect of that will be profound.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my trust, which sounds very morbid. My husband and I, Chris, we went in to talk to our attorney about rewriting our wills, because now our kids are approaching 17 and 18 years old, and we wrote our will when they were 10. And we're in a different financial situation now than we were 10 years ago, and we want to really think about our legacy in a way that will go beyond our lifetime.

I've been studying a lot about wills, I've talked about it on the podcast a little bit here, but one of the things that I've been thinking a lot about is that I want to leave a legacy financially, but I also want to leave a legacy of knowledge. And when I think about my great, great, great grandkid, I want her to know what I know. I want her to understand the model and how it works. I want her to have the financial freedom to go to whatever school she wants and to start any business that she wants.

For me, that is what matters, is that I pass on not just money, but also the ability to make money, to not ever be dependent on the money outside of myself, or for them, outside of themselves, but to know that they have the ability to create it from within, and to create abundance and prosperity and success from within.

So when I think about that and I think about my business, one of the really heavy things on my mind lately has been how does my business survive without me running it, or being the face of it. If something happens to me, does my business go on? And many people, at this point, including me, would say, most likely not the way that I want it to. Because I am really the main teacher, and I am really the face of it and the personality of it and the creator of it, and most people want to learn directly from me because they've learned from me on the podcast and they've learned from me in the school.

And I think that's a beautiful thing. I don’t have a problem with that at all. What I have a problem with is if something happens to me, will people stop learning the model? Will people stop learning what it is I have to teach? Now, here's the most amazing thing that I think in my lifetime is probably one of the most significant things that we can ponder, is that my teaching will live on on the podcast, in the videos, well beyond my lifetime. It will be here as an asset.

But to me, that isn't quite good enough. I want my intellectual property, meaning the ideas that I have and the things that I've taught, to thrive without me and to stand alone without me. So what that means is I need to teach other people to teach the way I teach. I need to teach other people to coach the way I coach, and I have taught many people to do that, but not nearly enough people. And I want to teach in a deep way so that there is a full career available to thousands of people who want to do exactly what it is that I do for a living, and make a beautiful living doing it as a career, and serve thousands of people as I have served thousands of people, right?

So I want to duplicate the success that I have had to all of my students. Sometimes I'll have students come to me and it's not even just my students, it's sometimes other students with other coaching certifications, and they'll say, "The life coaching market is saturated." I always laugh because what that means is you're in a bucket with a bunch of life coaches talking about life coaching, and you guys think it's all saturated because you're all talking to each other.

But if you go out to a dinner party and you ask how many people have a life coach, it's not everyone. It's not even close to everyone. It's not like everyone's like, "I have two life coaches right now, I'm a little saturated with life coaching." It's not that way at all in the outside world, when we get outside of our bubble of life coaching, there are thousands of people who have not been exposed to the benefits and the wonder of life coaching.

And so, we are so not even close to even priming the market, let alone saturating it. And so, one of my missions is to - and one of the reasons why I know that is I have such a huge demand from clients every single day to learn about what I'm teaching, to feel better, to stop overdrinking, to stop overeating, who don't know how. Thousands of people want our help that we haven't helped yet.

And when we get lost in our own little bubble and think that the life coaching market is saturated, we are completely missing the opportunity to serve and to be servants to the world, which is truly what I believe my mission is, and the people that I work with, our mission is. And by the way, when I say that, that we're here to serve the world, to be servants to the world, that does not mean that we don't get paid money to do that. I mean, that is the ultimate in a life well lived in my opinion, is to be able to serve the world at the highest level and to get paid with true abundance, and to prove that that is possible and to be an example of that is possible. That has been my honor in my business, to be able to do.

So I'm really in this space of approaching my business this way. So my 10-year goal is to build a 100-million-dollar business and my next five years is to create a business where my tools really do stand alone and all the people that I hire to teach them at the highest level, to teach them at the same level that I'm teaching them, and to be able to coach at the same level that I'm coaching.

And what that will require from me is to train a new set of coaches who are interested in actually being employees and not running their own businesses, and being contractors, or employees of my organization and just coach all day every day, and there are thousands of coaches out there that want to do that, and there are even more clients that want that type of coaching.

I believe in the next 10 to 20 years, everyone will have a life coach. It will be weird not to have one. Just like most people have a gym membership or an exercise routine, they will also have someone to help them with their mental health, and I think the more we evolve as a species and the higher our technology gets, the more important it will be to manage our brains. And I think there will be a wider awareness of how important that is.

And like all good entrepreneurs, I see that as an opportunity for me and by business, but I also see that as an opportunity to serve. And I love that they just happen to be aligned with each other. And so, my mission and my vision is to bring that to reality, and I have not even one doubt in my brain that that is possible.

I received an email from someone whom I had helped get through the death of a loved one recently, and the email was so profound and so beautiful and so touching to me, that I decided at that moment I'm never going to let any criticism or anyone doubting me, or anyone claiming anything about me that isn't true to ever slow me down. Because being able to help this person in the way that I helped them is all that matters to me. It is the most important thing to me. And that is what I'm going to stay focused on, and that's what I'm going to help all of my students stay focused on, and all of my employees to stay focused on.

So the piece that I'm missing here, and the piece that I've been working on lately is the CEO piece, and I've talked about this briefly, but I really want to hire a CEO for my company. And the reason why I want to do that is because a CEO runs the company and manages the employees, and executes the vision, and holds people accountable, and makes sure that everything is running smoothly.

And I am able to do that, and I have learned how to do that, and I can do that, and I am doing that, but that is not my unique ability. My unique ability is in teaching and in coaching and in creating tools that help people live better lives. And that is what I want to spend the majority of my time doing.

So right now, and probably for the rest of this year, I will be focusing on creating the infrastructure for my business and creating the systems and the programs and the processes that we need in order to create a business that is at the highest functioning level where I can pay everyone very well, where we can offer full benefits and health insurance and all the goodies that we want to be able to give to our employees. So we need to be able to generate a profit to be able to - or generate revenue to be able to cover that.

That's all very important to me and we're setting up all those systems right now. And I need to bring someone on board who can work with me to learn the job of the CEO of my company, and then take over that responsibility of kind of keeping the engine running. I read an amazing book for any of you who are in the same position I am, running a multimillion dollar business that's growing, that you're adding employees to, that maybe you're an entrepreneur like me, and maybe you're the creative force behind it, but you're now trying to set up systems and programs for your business, it's a book called Rocket Fuel, and it's also based on the book Traction, which I think the other one is called Get a Grip, which is the fable version of it.

And basically, what they talk about in Rocket Fuel is that most businesses that are super successful have what they call a visionary and an integrator. And in the beginning, the main entrepreneur is usually both of those, and in my case, it's been me and my husband, Chris. I talk a lot about how I'm really the quarterback who gets all the glory in the business and Chris is the offensive frontline that protects me from all the obstacles and does all the hard work and doesn't get any of the glory.

And it's really fascinating because Chris is like, totally stoked and happy with that, and that's how he likes to work. He's kind of like a behind the scenes guy. But the thing about Chris, my husband, business partner, that's really fascinating is he's also very good at execution. He really enjoys being someone that handles the details and takes care of the tasks within our business, and thank goodness for that, because he handles all of the payroll and all of the employees and making sure everyone gets paid and he monitors all the finances and monitors all the customers, and manages all of our operations.

And so, when we talked about how he has always been that integrator for me, and I've always been the visionary, and that's why we've been so successful, does he want to be the guy that takes it to the next level. And this is just interesting for those of you who are curious about it, is you know, after this conversation, one of the things that we decided is that an integrator moving forward to the 100-million-dollar mark has to be someone very strategic, and they have to be able to take my vision and create a strategy for it, and that's just not Chris' unique ability, nor is it what he wants to do.

He really is like, the guy that wants to be inside of the business doing the work and managing the people that are doing the work within the business as well. So Chris is going to stay as our COO, which is our Chief Operations Officer, he will manage everyone who's in operations, and he does that amazingly well, and he will be in the details of our business, understanding what exactly is going on, which I think is really powerful.

I'm going to pull myself out of those details so I can focus on literally what are my students suffering with, what are my clients suffering with, and how can I help them solve their problems. Like, genuinely, that is my jam. And then when I create solutions to problems and when I create tools that help my students and then teach them and coach them on it, like, that is when I'm in my wheelhouse.

So we are bringing in someone to be the integrator for our business, which is basically the person who will handle the execution of my vision at a strategic level, and I'm in the process of interviewing and talking to people, and talking to recruiters about who that person will be. I'm actually pretty fascinated to bring someone in from outside of my industry with a lot of CEO experience.

And so it's really interesting to talk to people to see kind of their reaction to the business that we've built and their ideas and hear ideas about our business. It's super exciting and super - like, Chris and I were like, "Oh my god, we feel like adults. Like, we're having big conversations with like, executives who want to come in and be a part of our organization." So that's super exciting.

I got an email from someone recently who said, "Don't hire a CEO, you're going to make your business so bureaucratic and red taped and boring" and I hear you. I don't want to do that either, I worked for corporate America, I don’t want our business to be like that. But I also want to be able to acknowledge that I'm not going to be able to do this vision part and the integrator part and nor is Chris. We know when we're kind of out of our league and when someone can come in and help us take it to the 100-million-dollar mark.

So as soon as I hire that person, I think I'll probably have them on the podcast. Probably at the end of a podcast like this one. I will definitely have them in behind the scenes on Scholars. So you can kind of see that process of bringing someone on board and building our business to the next level using you know, a partnership that will really be extraordinary. I'm already envisioning this person and I wrote out the list of everything I want this person to have and be, and one of the most important things to me is just someone who like, loves to talk about business all the time, because that's what I love to do.

I love to talk about my business and I love to talk about business. It's one of my joys, and so I'm really excited to kind of have that person to talk about strategy with. Of course, when it comes to our business and the details of the business, Chris and I talk about that all the time and we totally love jamming about that, but Chris doesn't like to talk about the strategy as much. It's just not how his brain is wired, so I'm excited to have someone that would just want to jam about strategy and possibility for the business.

So for those of you who have been curious about what's going on in my brain, what's going on in my business, and where I'm headed, that is it, my friends. That's where I'm at today. Now, I'm not saying that won't change. It's all kind of seedling, sprouting, infancy in terms of - you know, it's interesting, I've been in business 10 years, and I feel like we're just a brand-new startup in the way that we're thinking about growing to the next level.

So I love that you're all a part of it. I love that over the next 10 years we're going to watch my business 10 times itself. Like, I think that's going to be fascinating to be a part of, and I promise you, I will share the struggles of that process with you and also all of the fun and joy that we get from experiencing it.

So I hope you guys have an amazing week. I hope for those of you that listened in that this answered some of your questions about me and my business. If you want to know more, make sure you're in Scholars, and watch behind the scenes. Talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out Self-Coaching Scholars. It's my monthly coaching program where we take all this material and we apply it. We take it to the next level and we study it. Join me over at the TheLifeCoachSchool.com/join. Make sure you type in the TheLifeCoachSchool.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in Self-Coaching Scholars. See you there.

16 Comments

  1. Listened to this podcast this morning. I loved it! I am an introvert! I like to go to the beauty salon on a Monday when no one is there. I ended up there this time on Thursday with a full salon. I was prepared because of this podcast. note: I am also one of your Scholars working on February. By the time I left people were thanking me for sharing my wisdom and one of the stylists called me a court jester because I had a woman with a broken arm laughing about it. Amazing how one podcast can change a day!!

  2. Hi Brooke, I was introduced to your pod cast in April 2017…I quickly fell inlove with your teachings, and your adorable giggle! I too, like so many other listeners, feel you are talking directly to me during our time together. You join my dog and I each mornimg on our walk in the woods ,:-)

    I especially loved todays podcast, episode #203. My dream is to work with you and for you! I have made a goal for myself to sign up for your Self Coaching Scholars Program by June 2018.

    Right now, I am going back to work, outside the home, after 12 years as a stay at home mom.

    In todays podcast you mentioned you want to hire Life Coaches who do not want to create their own business and have them work dor you, I would LOVE to be one of those people. I live in Nova Scotia, Canada…is this something I could do from home or would employees have to work from the actual building you create?

    Thank you so much for your time and knowledge!

    Heather Brazil-Miller

    1. Thanks for listening in and for the feedback! Brooke appreciates it very much. For information on coaching certification through the Life Coach Schoo, click here.
      –Brecklyn

  3. In this podcast you said something to the effect that anything put into the R line can be created. I have done a model on making it to The Life Coaching School Course.
    C – The Life Coaching School
    T- I can do this
    F- Confident
    A- Get paying clients/save money
    R-Attend The Life Coaching School
    Is this how the model works?
    You have created so much positive energy in my life. I have learned how to deal with my emotions through many life circumstances. 2017 had a separation with me and my husband where I moved back to my home state, my son and dealing with his addiction and learning it is not my guilt and I can let it go, and in December the death of my mother. If I hadn’t learned the self coaching model starting in March of 2017 I believe I would have been an anxious, depressed shell of a person.
    Thank you.

    1. Thank you for sharing, Joanne! Brooke may address this in an upcoming Questions & Answers podcast. Stay tuned!
      –Brecklyn

  4. My daughter and I listened to this podcast this morning (new listener, can’t wait to listen to more episodes). We are both introverted and definitely have shy tendencies. I have continued to grow out of mine over the years but want to help her do that sooner (and she wants to). You mentioned that introverts and/or shy people can be labeled as snobs. So true! My daughter immediately offered that she has been labeled by others as “depressed”. Lack of a smile and engagement must automatically mean depression. It initiated a very good conversation between us. I have also had a teacher label her as apathetic. He might have gotten quite an earful from me!

  5. I am new to the podcast and am loving every moment of it. Right now I’m on episode 80. For new listeners, do you recommend starting from 1 and continuing from there, or listening to Brooke’s latest podcasts and working my way back. I feel like some of the offerings have changed, for example do you still offer a weight loss masterclass? I am forever grateful for finding you, your podcast was recommended by a life coach scholar.

    1. Hi Laurie! So glad you found Brooke’s podcast and are enjoying it. Either way is great. When I found Brooke’s podcast, I started from the beginning and worked my way forward. All of Brooke’s offerings are now housed under her coaching program, Self Coaching Scholars. You can click here for more information.
      –Brecklyn

  6. This is my problem to a perfect “t.” You couldn’t hit the nail on the head harder. I am FULLY aware of my negative self talk and thoughts prior to meetings and get togethers. I could not wait to hear your insight. “Plan to like everyone before hand——- smile and laugh genuinely” wait… aren’t those contradictory ? If I’m planning on liking people that means that I may be fake laughing or smiling.. that may mean I’m just playing along bc I already decided I liked them before I met them which to me is INCREDIBLY INGENUINE. I struggle tremendously and find it emotionally draining to be around people and give my energy to people I don’t exactly like or appreciate… so to me this advice was incredibly confusing and frustrating. Maybe I misunderstood…

    1. Thank you for your question. Brooke will be responding to questions in an upcoming Questions and Answers episode. Stay tuned! –Brecklyn

  7. Thank you, thank you. I can really relate to this podcast and found the tips very useful. I did find myself cringing, laughing and shaking my head several times, because I have become so aware of my shy awkward conversation skills. I drop the conversational ball, my eyes drift away from the other person so much that they actually look in that direction. It’s not always that way, some conversations are better than others. With these skills, I think I might be able to practice better conversation skills and become less shy and socially awkward. Much appreciated.

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