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Ep #39: Friday Coach Like

In this first episode of this new year, 2015, I decided to do something a bit different. As all of my email subscribers know, every Friday I send out a weekly newsletter called “Friday Coach Like.” In those emails, I give you a summary of one of my coaching ideas on a variety of topics. Many of you mentioned that you would like an audio version of these, so in this episode, I am reading all of the Friday Coach Likes for the past year, 2014.

Whether you have read these ideas in my weekly emails, or this is all new to you – you’ll have these gems all in on one place in this episode, available for your listening pleasure. Any time you need a bit of inspiration, re-listen to this material, and I promise, you will get inspired, motivated and ready to tackle any task at hand, whether it is improving your own life or coaching someone else.

Grab your copy of our new Wisdom From The Life Coach School Podcast book. It covers a decade worth of research, on life-changing topics from the podcast, distilled into only 200 pages. It's the truest shortcut to self-development we have ever created!

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What You will discover

  • My coaching ideas from 2014 on a variety of topics.
  • Ideas about your life’s purpose.
  • The role risk and fear play in our lives.
  • Powerful questions for coaching clients.
  • Weight management ideas.
  • Some of my most successful coaching tools.
  • Inspirational personal stories.
  • And much, much more…

Featured on the show

Get the Full Episode Transcript:

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to The Life Coach School podcast where it's all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. Now, your host, master coach instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Hi everyone. Welcome to 2015. You may be listening to this in 2016 because once you put a podcast out there, it's out there forever. For those of you who listen to this real time, every Thursday, some of you have told me that you're always excited to get the next episode on Thursday so for those of you who have been waiting for this episode welcome to 2015.

I am thrilled that we are starting a brand new year. I love a fresh start, new goals, new excitement and that's totally where I am. I think 2015 is going to be epic. I have decided to do something a little bit different with this episode because it's the first time I'm recording in 2015.

One of the things that I do for everybody who's on my list is I send out an email every Friday called, "Friday Coach Like," and it's basically just a little summary of a coaching idea or of a thought. Or of a concept and it's just a little snack. A little bite-size morsel.

Sometimes it's about something that's going on at the school but most of the time it's just a little bit of insight for you to take throughout your week into your weekend. What I've decided to do is go through and read some of the 2014 Friday Coach Likes.

You have them in one place and you have them, a lot of people have told me that you like having the audio version and that you listen to this many times over and so I want to share those with you.

A lot of you loved me reading some of my blog posts and you thought that was great and so I want to offer this as another way to take the concepts in. I know many of you are already on my list and you may have already read these but hearing them a second time in a different way may be even more powerful.

If you're not on my list...What the heck is happening? You need to get on there right away. Go to thelifecoashschool.com and it says, "Join the List," right on the front. You just put your email address and then you, too, will be getting an email from me every Friday. You never know what time on Friday but you will get it every single Friday.

Let's get started. Number one. Instant results are awesome. Winning the lottery? Super fun. Meeting the love of your life and knowing it? Brilliant. Opening a present and it being just what you wanted? Magic. Hard work that takes a while is also awesome.

I have a weight loss client that took a year to lose fifty pounds. An average of one pound a week is slow when you are used to instant results. Now she's done and she's very proud. Eating less, moving more and figuring out why you overeat works. Period. But it's not instant.

As coaches it is our job to help our clients stay with themselves long enough to get the result they want. Instant results are easy. Quitting is easy. Neither will ever make you proud.

Attention. Our attention is sacred. What we pay attention to is what triggers our thinking and creates our emotions. If we pay attention to what we don't want we feel icky and we get more of it. Often we let our attention get stolen away from what matters.

If I want to focus on my dreams and goals I have to consciously direct my attentions there. If I want to feel abundant I need to focus my attention on what I want that I already have. In all the world I can control very little but my attention is something I have full control over.

So do you. So do your clients. What deserves your attention? What doesn't? One of the most heartbreaking things is when I coach a client who has stopped wanting. As kids we want like crazy. We want everything.

For some, wanting becomes painful as we get older and so they stop wanting. They start ignoring their wants and therefore, themselves. They have lost the magic of following desire. One of the first and best questions to ask your clients is what they want. See how they feel about what they want. See if they even know. Start there.

Because what they want matters. A lot. Whatever you want you must believe in it relentlessly. Relentlessly. One of the most exciting parts of being a coach is showing clients how powerful their thoughts are. Most clients will come to you having no idea why they felt the way they do.

They won't understand why they aren't getting the results they want. I teach my clients to metaphorically take the thought which is just a sentence out of their mind and hold it in their hand.

The thought, "I'm not good enough," is harmless when we look at it objectively. It's when we aren't aware we're thinking a thought that it causes pain. It's when we believe a thought that it affects our results.

When we look at single thought with curiosity and wonder not judgement, it can create intimacy and self-knowledge. Look into your mind and pull out a thought. Hold it as a sentence in your hand. Gently.

There's no such thing as a rough day or a hard day, or a bad day. There are only days when we have crappy thoughts and days when we have amazing thoughts. I can describe the exact same day in two different ways.

One would make it a great day. The other would make it not so great. When we act like our days happen to us or like we are the victim of a day we lose all of our power. You can decide at the beginning of the day that it's a good day and you can make many decisions during the day to make it so.

What happens in the day does not determine how I feel. I do. And today I feel great. It's a great day. That was a decision. People tell me they want things all the time. They want a thriving practice. I want an amazing relationship. I want a thin body. But they don't. If they really wanted those things they would prove it to themselves. They would do everything they could do to get it.

The truth is they kind of want it. They hope they get it. They aren't committed. If you really want something give it to yourself. Get it for yourself. Don't let anything stand in your way, then look at yourself and say, "I got this for you."

Sometimes poisonous thoughts seem very innocent. They sound pretty and lovely but if you pay close attention you'll see they cause negative emotion. One such thought is, "I already know that." I noticed this for myself when I was taking a class, recently.

I was tuning out and distracting myself from what was being taught because I was thinking, "I already know that." That little thought cost me. Wait, what? What did I miss? I didn't fully learn what I was being taught. My friends in the class started using what they were learning and getting great results.

Wait, what? What did I miss? I could have known if I'd been paying attention. You can tell the effect a thought is going to have by how it feels. "I already know that," created a feeling of apathy and indifference. Not ideal feelings for me. Keep an eye out for these types of thoughts and make sure you're choosing what you want to think consciously.

When I am coaching new clients they all seem to have one thing in common. They're in a hurry. As soon as we discover a thought feeling pattern they want to change it immediately. Ew, how can I feel better now? I always want to slow them down. All feelings can be felt and the more we feel them the better.

First because when you truly feel a feeling without resisting it it doesn't last very long. Second, when you know you can feel any feeling without added suffering you aren't so afraid. Usually the worst that can happen is a feeling and if you know you're capable of feeling it the risk doesn't seem so terrifying.

I can and am willing to feel humiliation, terror and even jealousy. It's just a vibration in my body. Don't be in such a hurry to get away from your feelings. Find what they have to offer.

I'm currently in Napa Valley California with a group of Life Coach School, certified coaches. We are working on classes and offerings for the next year. My favorite question to ask about everything we do is, "How can we make it even better?"

It's a great question for business but it's also great for daily life. Ask this question about your job. Your house, your commute. Your evening dinners. How can I make it even better? Questions tell your brain what to do. When it's thinking of ways to make things better it has a hard time spinning on negativity.

It doesn't have to be something big or dramatic. Small and easy improvements daily just from asking, "How can I make it better?" I believe it's just a thought you keep on thinking. Most of us don't even know what our beliefs are. They are such an important part of who we are we don't see them as optional.

We might be functioning on belief systems we established when we were still living at home with our parents. Beliefs like, "I'm not good enough. I won't be able to get what I want or need without sacrifice. Love is hard. I have to give up on what I want to feel in order to make others happy. If you can't do it perfectly stop doing it. I will always struggle with my weight."

So many of my clients have discovered these latent beliefs through coaching. They find out how much they are unknowingly holding themselves back in their lives by thinking thoughts that don't serve them.

What are your belief systems? What do you believe without even realizing it? What thoughts are creating your current results? Are you happy with what you're creating? Have a look into your mind. See what you think.

I'm on the way back from a ski vacation with my family. We went to Mount Bachelor in Oregon and had an epic time. My kids said it was the best ski vacation they've ever had. I learned something from these crazy boys this week.

Being afraid is what makes it awesome. As they snowboarded down the mountain and over jumps they knew they were going to be afraid. In fact the fear is what made it worth doing. I asked my son Conner why.

His exact words. "Because if you do something you're afraid of doing it will make you so proud to do it. It wouldn't be fun if I wasn't afraid." Wow. When did I forget this? Being afraid is what makes it worth doing. Thanks, kids.

I just penned this. "Other people's opinions are good for other people." What people think about you has very little to do with you. If it did everyone would have the same opinion of you but they don't. If you walk into a party with ten people all ten people will think about you differently. Yet, you will be exactly the same.

Some will love you and others won't even like you. How can that be? Because what they think about has to do with them not you. You can stop trying to get people to like you. In fact, allow them not to like you if that's what's true for them. You're not for everyone and that's a good thing.

This year has been the most successful year The Life Coach School has ever had. In technical, business terms we are crushing it. We've had more students come to the school than ever before. We've had a bigger reach and more interest than we've ever had. We just added three people to our team.

We're in the process of hiring more. This year we're launching two new programs. We are very proud. And the best part? We're just getting warmed up. What gives? Why so much success this year? What is our secret? Failure.

We have doubled our rate of failure this year. We make daily mistakes. We try things that don't work. We take risks that don't pan out. It's not our favorite. We don't enjoy that part but we're willing.

Failing is part of success, and I believe the more willing you are to do it the more successful you'll be. We keep on failing and succeeding. We want to invite you to do the same. Fail on.

Let's talk about shame. Brené Brown says that only sociopaths don't have it. Here's what I know for sure. I am not a sociopath. I had my share of shame this week. It really sucks but do you know what's worse than shame? Resistance to shame. Avoiding shame. That's when shame grabs your stomach and won't let go.

Here's how to prevent it. When you feel shame it's because you're thinking there's something wrong with you. That thought will sneak up on you and when it does you'll want to dismiss it, resist it or ignore it. Shame festers on that.

Instead just name it. When you feel it, say it. Shame. I'm feeling shame because of what I'm thinking. Own it. Shame doesn't like to be owned. In our style of coaching we spend a lot of time asking questions. We don't give advice or action steps. We don't offer answers. We teach the client to find their own answers.

One of the best questions I've ever used in coaching is, "Why are you choosing to think that?" Our thoughts cause our feelings, and our thoughts are choices. Why are you choosing to think something that's causing you pain? This sums it all up in one, powerful inquiry. Ask it to your clients often. To yourself even more.

The amount you weigh right now is what you're supposed to weigh right now. If you have a hard time with this statement it's because you're rejecting the present moment. In reality if you have a hard time with this statement it's because you're rejecting this present moment. The reality of now.

So many of my weight loss clients struggle with acceptance. They're afraid that if they accept their body the way it is it will never change. I explain to them that the only way to change anything is to own it first. Truly own it. Accept it. There's a reason why you weigh what you do. Take it as an invitation to learn more.

To find out why you overeat. To find out how to accept this moment exactly the way it is. To find a way to unconditionally love your body right now and in the future. Your relationship with your body doesn't get better when your body gets better. Your body gets better when your relationship with your body gets better.
I just finished teaching master life coach training. I believe it's the best work I do every year. When the class ended I hung up the phone and cried. I cried because I'm going to miss talking to these eleven women everyday. I cried because I'm so proud of the work they've done. I cried because I know these women will be friends for life and I'm so happy for them. I cried because I love them all so damn much.

It's an ending of sorts but it's also a beginning for each of them. I can't wait to see their master projects and how many lives they will touch with their important work. And this ending is also leading into a new beginning for me.

This morning I will meet a brand new class of students who are coming from all over parts of the country for life coach training. I get to begin this journey with each of them and I couldn't be more excited. Here's to endings and beginnings. May all of yours be so sweet.

Some of the main problems with my clients innocently sound like, "I'm confused. I can't decide. I don't know." They are poisonous thoughts. They seem like valid reasons not to take action so we might not even notice them for what they are. They give us a place to hide and not be seen.

They have no definite end. They steal our dreams. Keep an eye out for these thoughts in your life and change them to "I'm not confused. There are no wrong decisions. I can figure this out. I will learn how."

I just spent two full days shooting videos for the school in our virtual trainings. It was a very long day but incredibly rewarding. As I was finishing up the day the cameraman pulled me aside and told me I was the best he had ever seen. He said I was a natural in front of the camera and obviously very good at what I do.

He said he'd been very interested in all of the segments he had filmed. I was stunned. The entire day I'd been thinking this poor guy's bored out of his mind. It was just one more lesson for me. One more opportunity to learn that we have no business pretending to know what others think. Duh. Hadn't that been what I was saying over and over on camera? Hello. Managing one mind is enough. Don't pretend you can manage others.

Yesterday I did a Q & A call on our upcoming life coach training. One of the students asked me what was great about being a life coach. I gave her many reasons. Working from home, making my own hours, and having a career that makes a contribution but the reason I love being a coach is mainly because I get to be myself everyday. Being a coach is not just something we do, it's something we are. You know what I mean. Wake up, be yourself, repeat. Best job description ever.

A story. My son, Conner does not like to lose. We bought a trampoline and the kids use it as a soccer field. They basically destroy each other until someone puts a ball through a hole in a net. Inevitably my husband is expected to be the referee. Lots of yelling, stomping and smack talking.

Last night Conner lost. He yelled at his dad, which is ill-advised. I caught a glimpse of his red face and scowl before he slammed the door to his room. When I walked in to check on him an hour later he was lying in his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

He wouldn't talk to me. His dad had taken away all of his electronic devices. He had nothing but pure anger in his eyes. I did what any other parent would have. I walked over to his closet and put on his huge, creepy unicorn mask.

I stood there very quietly in my long dress and mask until he looked up at me. His face was priceless. He couldn't stop laughing. Uncontrollable laughter. I walked out of the room and he followed me to give his dad a hug. Best coaching ever.

Of all my podcasts so far the one I get the most emails on is the manual. The manual is a concept I developed to use as a tool at The Life Coach School. It's a way of looking at our expectations of other people and how we let our expectations with them determine our feelings. If they behave, I'll be happy.

We want our friends to be more attentive. We want our husbands to be more aware. We want our bosses to be more understanding. We want strangers to be more respectful, and when they aren't we feel angry, disappointed and sad. We hand our power away by having thick manuals of how others should behave.

When we learn about our manuals and how to put them away our ability to feel happier increases. We learn how to let people be who they are. And when we aren't trying to control others we get to be who we are.

It's not all rainbows and daisies and that's okay. I just spent a week with my extended family in Montana. It was beautiful and fun and amazing and hard and frustrating and painful. The Facebook photos only show the smiles and there were plenty of them. But please, don't be fooled.

No matter how much we love our family members they provide us with many opportunities to suffer. I accepted that invitation many more times this week than I would like to admit. Pride in the shower seethed behind my gritted teeth. What gave me relief was remembering that there's room for all of it.

Room for the anger, fear, judgement, love and tenderness. Relationships are like that. When you don't make room for all of it all you get is resistance. When you can make room for everything the love is always dominant.

We all have problems. I've come to learn that it isn't the problems that are problems. It's the way we think about our problems. Most of us resist, avoid, and react to our problems because we aren't focused on solving them.

We carry our problems around like screaming toddlers in the grocery store. Trying to get through our days despite the loud distraction. If we can learn to find the true cause of our problems and change the way that we think about them the amount of pain they cause diminishes. Think of a problem you have right now.

What is the problem? Facts only. How are you thinking about the problem? Is it useful? Every time I do this short, powerful exercise I find tremendous relief. When I change the way I'm thinking about the problem, the problem literally changes. Most often the solution becomes much more clear.

Lately I seem to have a lot of problems. I wake up and feel the weight of them immediately but here's what's amazing. I have been using my own product on myself to solve them. I created, "How to Solve Any Problem," for my clients and my students but I'm the one who's been using it daily. Seriously amazing.

I have no better testimonial than the daily work I've been doing over the past month. I keep reminding myself that it's never the problem but how we think about the problem. I keep choosing to focus on the solutions and not on the past.

Then I get to work doing the exact process I teach in "How to Solve Any Problem." I'm loving it and I know you will, too. You guys want to check it out you go to thelifecoachschool.com and you go to podcasts and it's right there on the side. "How to Solve Any Problem."

Weight loss. It doesn't sound fun. Most people dread the idea of it and that's the problem. It's very difficult to accomplish something when the emotion fueling it is dread. When you stop overeating you'll start feeling. Those feelings may be uncomfortable. They are the reason you're seeking comfort in food.

Your ability to feel those feelings instead of overeating is your ticket. If you can approach the process with curiosity instead of dread your life and body can change. You have the ability to feel any emotion. Are you willing?

I had a client who came to the call crying. She was devastated that her birthday didn't go the way she had wanted. I asked her why. She said her husband had invited the wrong people and had planned it a place she didn't like. I asked her if she had told him who to invite and where to have it?

She said, "He should have known. He never gets anything right." She must have said this ten times. I explained to her that I always plan my own birthday. I invite my best friends and we do exactly what we want for the entire weekend. Everybody always has a blast.

She was stunned. She had a belief that planning her own birthday would make it less special. I asked her why. She had no idea. She had never even questioned it. I have lived by the belief if you want something you can ask for it, increase you chance of getting it. Or you can create it and guarantee it will be exactly what you want. I recently planned my 42nd birthday. It was perfect.

Boundaries. I never really understood them until I really needed to implement them. I used to think setting boundaries was about sticking up for yourself and being firm. What I learned is that boundaries are about love. Love for yourself and for the person you're in a relationship with.

In my case it was my mom. I used to think it was her fault our relationship was strained. I used to think it was always going to be that way. And then I learned about boundaries. Life changing. Boundaries gave me the freedom to enjoy my relationship with my mom. It made loving so much easier.

It took all the resentment out of the picture. It wasn't easy. It took courage but it's the most important thing I've ever done for my family. I've since applied boundaries to many of my other relationships. It's changed everything for the better.

If you're interested in learning more about boundaries you can go to my website and look under "Training with Us," ongoing classes. I have a class there on boundaries. We go deep and I share all my painful examples and the ones of my clients. You've never taken a class from me? Maybe this is the on that gets you started.

Anxiety is not bad. In fact, anxiety in its many forms has a purpose. It helps you get tense so you can respond to danger. It puts you on edge on purpose so you can survive. The problem with anxiety is we don't need it very often anymore. It's not bad, it's just unnecessary. When something is trying to kill us anxiety can save our life.

When our job is demanding anxiety can quite literally kill us. The way we respond to anxiety today is the exact opposite of how it used to serve us. Instead of getting us tense and ready to run we need to breathe and relax. Remember. Anxiety's not bad. It's just not necessary.

One of the questions I ask myself whenever I'm spinning in negative thinking is what are the facts? When I take the time to separate the facts from my thoughts I usually feel tremendous relief. Here's an example.

This. "I have so much more to do today than I have time. I can't believe I scheduled this much. I'm not going to be able to do any of it well. I'm not going to be able to get anything done. I should have planned better. I need to get it together."

Becomes this. "Finish slide show. Compose email. Pack clothes. Lunch with a friend." And another example. This. "I'm so fat and ugly I can't believe I put on so much weight. I have no self-control I can't complete anything. It's just that I like food so much I'm never going to be able to lose it. Other people can eat whatever they want."

Becomes this. "I weigh 225 pounds. I'm the only one who has control over what I eat. My body has the ability to lose weight." That's an example from my client. Taking the drama, adding only facts. It's a simple but life-changing concept. Separate out the facts leave the drama.

Here's a simple question that has recently blown my mind. What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? I did not like my answer. Your brain has the capacity to think about 60,000 thoughts per day.

How many of those thoughts are thoughts you've decided to think on purpose? How many of those thoughts serve you in the highest way? You have to decide what you want to think about most of the time. And then you have to consistently direct your mind to do it. It's easier to stay the same than it is to achieve your dreams. That's why most of us stay the same.

We stay overweight. We stay underpaid. We stay loveless. It takes very little effort to give up or make excuses and when we do the autopilot of our life continues to take us where we don't want to be. Self awareness and self direction require effort. A lot of effort.

It's totally fine if you don't want to put the effort into that change. But promise me that you will own that. Don't tell yourself you can't. Just notice that you won't. And don't beat yourself up for it either.

A story. A few months ago I went to the dentist. I was all worked up in my mind because I didn't want to pay for x-rays again and I knew they would pressure me. I told the receptionist and she explained to me that I needed them.

I told the hygienist and she gave me a lecture on how important they are. Whatever, lady. Then my dentist came in and told me it was no problem and asked me how I was doing. He's a young, good-looking guy who always makes me laugh. I kept going back to him because he's the most fun I've ever had at the dentist.

After he examined me and left, the hygienist told me that he had Stage IV colon cancer. Wait. What? But he's young. And handsome. And funny. He has two beautiful daughters who are six and eight. They have long, shiny blond hair and huge smiles. He has a thriving dental practice.

I looked at the hygienist. She had worked for him for twelve years. She clearly loved him. I wanted to get up and hold her. My eyes fill with tears just thinking about it. Two weeks later I received an email from his wife letting us all know he had passed away. I can't sum up how much this has affected me in one short, sentence but I promise you this. I will never be the same.

As coaches questions are our most valuable tool. We use questions to do two, main things. Inquire and create new thinking. We ask why. And how do you want to feel? And why are you choosing to think that? In order to inquire.

We ask, what is amazing about you? How can you create more joy? And what do you really want in order to create positive thinking and ideas? Questions put our brain to work in our favor. They help direct us towards awareness and positivity. The better the question the better the answers.

What is working in your life right now? What do you love? Of what are you most proud? Keep asking awesome questions to create different focus in your brain. If you want to learn more about this concept check out my class on the website title, "Questions."

Today I'm in San Diego attending a high-level master mind. Everyone here is crazy successful and unbelievably intelligent. I'm by far the least experienced businesswoman in the room. I'm the only woman business owner attending alone.

I'm out of my comfort zone, freaking out a bit. I've just committed a large amount of money to be part of a year-long coaching program. It feels like a huge risk. Did I mention I'm kind of freaking out? Here's what I know.

Everything that I've ever done that has helped me grow and evolve freaked me out first. Every thought I have that is freaking me out is a lie. I checked. Thoughts create doubt, fear and worry. Growth is outside of my comfort zone. But I'm willing to be uncomfortable to take myself to the next level. Are you with me?

Hey. You know those parts of yourself that you try and hide? The ones you don't want to see? Last night I'm lying in bed at 4:00 am trying to hide from myself. It was hard. There I was. I struggle with liking little parts of myself. Instead of doing the work of liking, I try to hide. I hide those parts of myself from myself.

Last night I decided to have a good, hard look. I cringed for a minute and then I softened. I'm human. It's okay, it's part of the deal and then I said, over and over in my mind until I feel back asleep, "I love you anyway. I love you anyway. I love you anyway." Totally worked. Woke up feeling awesome. Please, try this.

Hey. I'm in the most amazing suite in Park City, Utah, master minding with four other amazing women. We are planning our businesses for 2015 and I couldn't be more excited. There's something ridiculously powerful about listening to other women's dreams and then sharing my own.

The ideas. The strategy and the planning are all incredibly useful. But collective dreaming and believing is priceless. Share your dream with somebody who believes in you. Do it right now. Trust.

I met someone new this week. She was a fan of mine. She told me what an honor it was to meet me. She was a little bit giddy. I asked her how she knew me. She said she'd been a student for years. Because she was my student it would have been very easy for me to assume that I know more than her. I'm so lucky I didn't.

I asked her to share her work with me. She did. Unbelievable. Brilliant. Mind-altering. I've learned a lot from a lot of amazing women but she's now one of the best teachers I've ever had. I'll be sharing her work with you very soon.

The lesson here is to never think you know more than any other human being. Everyone has something to teach us. And maybe, just maybe you will find your next teacher looking up at you.

Here's something you must start wondering about. What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? Look at your mind. Do you think about things that make you happy? Or are the majority of your thoughts creating negative emotions? It's such a simple concept it might be easy to overlook its importance.

What you spend the majority of your time thinking about will ultimately create the majority of your results. About fifteen years ago I used to spend the majority of my time thinking about how overweight I was.

Now I spend the majority of my time thinking about my clients and how I can best serve them. Obviously, the results of my life are vastly different. What about you? For what are you using your brain to create in your life?

What happens when you commit to something no matter what? Do you know? Have you ever done it? Maybe with your children? Maybe with your husband? Maybe with your parents? But what about with yourself? With your dreams? With something you really want?

When's the last time you went all in and didn't quit? Isn't it amazing when you do? When you commit to something no matter what? You release doubt and insecurity. It's not really an indulgence you can afford when you're committed.

At the very least you don't want to drive you away from your commitment. It matters. I want it. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. I'm willing to take massive action until I get a result I want, no matter how long it takes. The world is filled with people who quit way more often than they commit. Are you one of them? Do you want to be? What do you really want to do; no matter what? Commit.

I've been teaching and coaching more in the past two months than I have in years. I'm loving every second of it. A few nights ago I was coaching one of my amazing students and I heard myself say something.

Yes, I know that sounds weird but it happens all the time. Kind of out of body watching myself coach stuff. Here's what I said. "The way you think about people is the way you feel about people." So true.

The way you think about your lover is the way you will feel about them. The way you think about yourself is the way you will feel about yourself. The way you think about your enemy is the way you will feel about them.
If you want to feel great you need to manage the way you think. Too often we think other people's behavior determines how we feel about them. Wrong. It's what we think. What we make it mean. How we decide to interpret it.
You want to feel loved? Supported, connected and cherished? Notice if your mind is doing its job to make that happen. What I practice believing I'm already complete. Everything I need is within me now. Nothing has gone wrong. Negative emotion is an essential part of life.

The future is mine to create. I'm capable of creating what I desire. It's okay for people to judge me. Working hard is a good thing. I have something important to offer. My life is important simply because I'm here. My brain is a tool, not my identity.

I'm one hundred percent responsible for what I do with this precious life. Hiding isn't safe. It's scary. Love is always an option. Creating your work and putting it into the world is not as easy as it sounds. It's a thrash. It's 600 invitations to click. It's thought after judgmental thought wondering what "they" will think.

It's so much easier to hide our work under our fear. Creation is a solitary practice. You and you, and your creation until you expose it to the world. At that point you already have to believe in its value or you will shrink into despair with all the eyes looking. But those eyes can be delighted when they see your work. It takes courage to let it touch them.

There you have it. A collection of some of the Friday Coach Likes from 2014. I really enjoyed reading them to you and kind of visiting the year through my thoughts. I'm really looking forward to offering some epic, new thoughts in 2015. Until next week.

Again, if you're interested in joining Friday Coach Like please go to thelifecoachschool.com and click on "Join the list." I'll see you there. Have a good one. Bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to The Life Coach School podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.

21 Comments

  1. love. love. love!!
    think I’ll need to listen to this one three times through!!
    I was listening while running and kept trying to switch to notes to write any of the amazing words that kept pouring in my ears!
    thank you, thank you! What a grand idea

  2. I meant to do this a while ago… I just needed to say how much I love your podcast! You are talking about everything I always believed in without me being able to express it or always apply it in an meaningful way, thank you so much for being there, the value you are brigning me every week is priceless! I know this might not be really “constructive” or helpful to would be listener but I had to just share how I felt about this podcast!

  3. Loved this! I always enjoy your weekly emails, but having you read them aloud was so powerful. I listened again and again, nodding and absorbing!

  4. Brooke

    I am heeding your call for a comment, finally. I found your podcasts about 2 months ago and have been listening to them in order, this is the one I just finished today. I listen to these on my way to work and have been finding them enlightening in so many ways. In fact, I immediately pushed these podcasts to my sister and fiance as a must listen. I’ve always struggled with my weight since I was a young teen and in my mid 30’s, recently had a mild stroke. Suffice it to say, the Dr’s had a lot to say about me getting on track. I too feel like I’ve tried everything and now not only do I battle early programming to use food for comfort, but also the weight of all the past failures. Something you speak very commonly about. I just picked up your book, “If I’m so smart….” so I haven’t spent much time reading it as yet. In the past, I’ve always tried to hate myself thin and always treated my attempts to lose weight as if I was heading off to a long war that may be hopeless. I’ve been really impressed with the methodologies presented in your podcasts and feel somewhat incredulous that you give this stuff away for free! Thank you for doing this and for your time. I really feel like it’s making a difference in my thinking and working on loving myself thin, moving forward. I listen about 3x a week, so I’m looking forward to catching up.

    Joshua

  5. Hi Brooke. I was told about your podcasts from a dear friend of mine and trainer, who has never given up on me. I started listening to your podcasts three weeks ago and they have been life changing. LIFE CHANGING. I am working hard on not wanting too much too fast and doing all of the work I need to do. I know this road will not be a short one and I am COMMITTED to changing my life. I knew that I had negative thoughts, but I had no idea how greatly they were affecting my life.

    While listening to this current podcast (I am catching up) this particular paragraph struck me: “Being afraid is what makes it awesome. As they snowboarded down the mountain and over jumps they knew they were going to be afraid. In fact the fear is what made it worth doing. I asked my son Conner why. His exact words. “Because if you do something you’re afraid of doing it will make you so proud to do it. It wouldn’t be fun if I wasn’t afraid.” Wow. When did I forget this? Being afraid is what makes it worth doing. Thanks, kids.”

    I immediately came to the computer to post and ask a question, and I really hope that you can provide me with guidance. I have two children, twins, Sam and Sabrina. My son in particular is very afraid of many, many things. He is afraid of failing in sports, he is afraid of taking chances with new things and he gets anxious about an event he is unsure how he will do in. It doesn’t happen all the time, but enough that is makes me worry and wonder. I heard in this podcast talking about fear and if you had advice for helping kids who seem to have these fears about things in general. My husband and I have talked to him about this at length, and how just because you are afraid of something doesn’t mean that you don’t try. We are so supportive of him no matter what he does! I have tried to help him see the whole scenario (example, basketball and if he doesn’t make a shot, it is okay). I really don’t think it is bad enough yet to warrant talking to a therapist, but in the future it might be.

    This is so hard to watch as a mom too because we have raised him with love, affection, comfort, and stability. It breaks my heart that he is so hard on himself all at the age of nine, and I don’t understand why.

    Any suggestions or ideas with kids dealing with fear would be great.

    As a side note, I wish I could comment on every single podcast, but I just don’t think I can put into words how excited and grateful I am to have found this.

    1. Hi Rachel,

      First of all, thank you so much for the feedback. Brooke certainly appreciates it! And great question about how to handle your son’s fears. Brooke will address this in an upcoming Questions & Answers episode for you. Stay tuned!

      Carina

  6. I loooooove the podcast so much and it’s given me so much to go out and go after what I want in this life! Thank you sooooo, so much! I would love to receive the weekly emails and Friday Coach Like but can’t see where to sign up?! HELP!! ❤❤❤

  7. Thank you. Thank you for following your calling. Thank you for doing the work. Thank you for reflecting my own awesomeness, brilliance and success back to me. Thank you for letting all these words of wisdom pour forth from your being in to the world. You have been the piece that has allowed me into integrate so many lessons on a deeper level. I am DEVOURING your podcast as of lately and have observed so many positive changes. Your podcast is the illuminated path in coaching education for me right now as I have put so many things on the back burner: “to age like a fine wine”, while I parent my new baby, as well as continuing to be blown away by parenting my 3 and 6 year olds….my True Priority Now.

    I have been working on myself since I was 12 years old. This path has brought a lot of happiness, centerlines and wisdom as it continues to spiral me more deeply into my own greatness. I am so grateful for these opportunities to continuously grow into better versions of myself. Sister, you are speaking my language in such a powerful way! Allowing you to guide me with such grace, wisdom, humor and unconditional love has been one of the greatest gifts I have received in this work. Again. Thank you. I am here. I am listening.

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Brooke appreciates it so much to hear that her work resonates with you. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your message with us.

      Carina

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