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Ep #77: Weight Loss Challenges – Part 2

Last week we covered why you’re overweight, how to understand hunger, hormones, fuel and exercise as a part of the weight loss process. On the second part of the “Weight Loss Challenges,” we’re getting into the mental drama associated with this difficult undertaking.

On this episode, we’re talking about understanding your mind, feelings, commitment, patience and kindness, and what needs to change in our thinking to be able to lose weight. Tune in for a juicy sneak peek at some of the concepts from our Stop Overeating Masterclass course. You won't want to miss this episode, jam-packed full of game-changing ideas to help you lose weight and keep it off for life!

If you can master all of the 10 things we discuss in our “Weight Loss Challenges” 2-part series, I guarantee you will be able to manage your weight to a T.

Grab your copy of our new Wisdom From The Life Coach School Podcast book. It covers a decade worth of research, on life-changing topics from the podcast, distilled into only 200 pages. It's the truest shortcut to self-development we have ever created!

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What You will discover

  • Why you need to learn to feel every emotion, good and bad.
  • The process of learning to truly feel these emotions.
  • The concept of the observer and how it can help you with the process of managing your mind.
  • Tips for understanding your commitment to losing weight.
  • What needs to change.
  • The importance of patience and kindness in your relationship with yourself.

Get the Full Episode Transcript:

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Life Coach School podcast, where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.

What's up, you guys? Hey! I am so excited. I just ran into the office real quick to record this for you because I'm on my way to Lake Tahoe for the weekend. I'm so excited. We're going to go up there and meet 1 of my best friends and my godson. We're going to spend the weekend. We spent a week up there a couple weeks ago, and it was amazing, and so we're going to get another weekend to just unwind and relax, and I can't wait.

It's been a crazy week for me. I'm working so hard on, as you guys know, my Stop Overeating master class project. I'm working with my design team right now. It's always so fun when they send over the pictures and the graphic for a new site and new stuff, and I've just been over the moon. So exciting! I can't wait. Look out for the red shoes.

Today we are going to talk about weight loss challenges, do do do do, part 2. We are going to really dive in to the next 5 challenges. I've actually already been reading some of the comments on part 1, and you guys are loving it. I am so glad tat you're finding this information helpful. Lots of questions from you guys about the Stop Overeating master class. I just want to let you know that if you join the interest list that you absolutely will be getting informed of when it's released and the webinar that will proceed it. Make sure you're on that list if you're interested, and you can get that link in the show notes.

We've already talked about understanding why you're overweight, understanding hunger, understanding your hormones, understanding fuel, understanding exercise. Today, we are going to talk about understanding your feelings, understanding your mind, understanding your commitment, understanding what needs to change, and understanding patience and kindness. If you can master these 10 things, you will be able to manage your weight to a T.

I really know that for many of you, you may be in a stage with yourself and your weight where you don't even think this is possible. I remember feeling that way. Now I really feel like I can decide how much I want to weigh and then weigh that, with very, very little conflict, and very, very little drama, because I've applied all these tools to my own life. In fact, I don't ever teach anyone anything, or try and have them try anything until I've absolutely done it for myself. I really have done it, and I'm a hard case. I just want to let you know. I try to outsmart myself all the time and justify and negotiate. If you're anything like that, then this work will really benefit you.

Let's start with talking about our feelings. Now, we talked a little bit about this in the beginning, because when you tune in to the sensation of hunger, at the same time you're going to be tuning in to your feelings. It's really important that you know how to feel, and that you understand your feelings, right? Because if you don't understand what's going on with your feelings, you're not going to be able to control them. You have to be able to control your feelings and manage your feelings and process your feelings if you want to change your actions. Why is that? Because feelings drive all actions. Okay? The feelings that you have drive the actions that you take.

What does that mean? Your feelings drive overeating. Remember, overeating is the problem here. So if you're eating for any reason other than hunger, you're eating because a feeling is driving you to overeat, and you need to understand that feeling. You need to understand how to feel the feeling without reacting to it or trying to avoid it. That's 1 of the biggest issues with us as emotional eaters. Emotion eaters, right? Basically what happens is we start to experience an emotion, and we try and dull that emotion by overeating. We distract ourselves from it by overeating. We react to the emotion by overeating. It's kind of our go to. Other people smoke cigarettes. Other people over-work, over-sex, drink. There's lots of things that people do in order not to process and stay present with their feelings.

Feelings drive us to stop eating when we're not hungry. So just like a feeling would drive us to overeat, it will also drive us to not eat when we aren't hungry. So we need to, if we want to change the actions that we're taking, we want to change our habits, we need to understand our feelings that will drive those, and the feelings that are driving what we're doing now. Feelings will drive the choices that we act on. When we make choices, and we want to act on those choices, what determines whether we follow through? What determines whether we do what we say we're going to do? Our feelings in that moment and whether we can manage those and not react to them, or whether we react to them.

Learning how to feel is a skill we must, must learn. When we tap into our body's sensations to be aware of our hunger, we're also going to be tapping into our emotions. When this starts to happen for most of my clients they tell me, "I feel terrible. I didn't feel terrible before I started this work with you." What I tell them is, "You did. Because you were eating, you didn't notice. Because you were constantly focused on food and constantly focused on your weight, you didn't notice how you were really feeling. So I'd like to introduce you to yourself. I'd like to introduce you to your true experience of being alive. Not to the side life that you're distracting yourself with, you know, with the diets and the weight and the overeating and the dieting and all of that. I want to introduce you to yourself. This is how you are in the world."

It's kind of like when you have a conversation with a friend and they tell you, "Hey, I just want to let you know how I've been feeling for the past year." And you're totally shocked. That's what it's like getting to know yourself when you start tapping into your sensations of hunger, and you find out that there's a whole well of emotions that you're experiencing on a daily basis that you're not paying attention to.

You may ask, "How do you learn how to feel?" Okay? I really want to make it clear that the skill that you need to learn is not how to feel better. All right? A lot of my students will learn the model, and they will think that the model is simply a tool to feel better. Now, can the model help you feel better? Absolutely. Can it give you the skill of feeling better? Absolutely. But in order for those changes to be permanent, the goal has to be how to feel anything, any emotion that is present. That is what is going to get you to know yourself.

For example, when you're in a relationship with someone and they are feeling sad, 1 of the goals you may have is to try and make them feel better. A lot of times people don't want us to make them feel better. They just want us to be with them while they feel sad, and that is what you're going to need to learn how to do with yourself, be with yourself when you're having any emotion, instead of abandoning yourself by eating food.

The first thing, and we've talked a lot about this on this podcast. There's an entire podcast where we talk just about feelings and processing feelings, and how to feel better, and indulge in emotion. So make sure you go to the website and scroll through the podcasts, and listen to all the teachings I have for you on feelings. But just remember, the goal is not to feel better. The goal is to feel what you are feeling, to be willing to be in that emotion. I've said it a thousand times. Your success in your life is directly related to your ability to feel any emotion without fear, without resistance. Okay.

If you can be present with a feeling instead of eating, and you can learn how to do this consistently, you will lose a tremendous amount of weight if you're an emotional eater. Makes sense, right? If right now, every time you're experiencing emotion, you're eating instead, that's a lot of eating. Right? If you're not paying attention to yourself and eating when you aren't hungry because you don't want to be present with your body, that's a lot of extra eating.

Once you learn how to experience your emotion, whatever emotion that you're having, that will give you access to your brain. That is a beautiful thing to have access to, because that's your control center of your life. Once you get there, then you can start creating the emotions that you will need in order to lose weight. Okay?

Here's the issue. You're having a lot of emotion right now that you're distracting and avoiding yourself from. You're pushing it away. You're resisting it and eating instead. The process is to learn how to feel those emotions, be present with them, not be in a hurry to change them, but also know that you can change them, and you can create emotion for yourself to carry you through on this journey. The emotions that you most likely will need are determination, courage, and patience. You can learn how to generate these emotions. You can learn how to create these emotions for yourself, and to use them as fuel to get you through the entire process of losing weight.

You may be asking me how? How do you generate feelings? Well then, that brings us into the next step, which is, understanding your mind. You might remember from the model that thoughts create feelings. Okay? Our feelings that we're learning how to feel are all generated in our mind. One of the magical things about being willing to feel is it gives you access to your mind and to the thoughts causing your feelings. If you notice that you are feeling sad, you can find the thought causing it. If you notice that you're feeling anxious, or overwhelmed, or deprived, or frustrated, it's really important to know that you're feeling those feelings because of your mind, not because of what's happening in your external world.

That's amazing news, because if you want to change how you're feeling, you can get access to your brain, so you can see what's causing your feeling in the first place. Once you really, truly see that connection, when you really, truly understand that it is your mind causing your emotion, then change becomes much easier. Okay.

The first part of our work together is about really paying attention to your sensations, to the hunger in your body, and getting access to your feelings. As you do this, you will develop the skill of what we call the observer. If you're not familiar with this concept, it's all the way through tons of spiritual and Buddhist texts. Right? The concept ... It's all in meditation as well. It's the concept that if you are watching your own thoughts, right? If you're observing your own thoughts, there is the observed, and then there's the observing. Right? It's 2 different components of who you are. Right? Who is watching the thoughts, and who is having the thoughts? That'll blow your mind a little bit, and that's the point. We want to blow your mind. Right?

The more you practice watching your mind, the more you practice observing your feelings, the better you get at being the observer. When you're in that observer place, there is total relief and freedom. This is the work of Eckhart Tolle, right? When you are observing your thoughts, when you're identified as the observer, when you're observing your feelings, you're identified as the observer, you aren't experiencing it as you observe it, and so it immediately puts you in that meditative state. It immediately puts you in the most powerful state you can be, because what you understand is that you are not at the effect of your mind. You are the force behind it. Just as you are your mind, you are also the creator of what's in it.

That is the magic, understanding that, understanding that you are not at the effect of the universe. You're not at the effect of anything happening outside of you. The more you identify it as the observer, the more you will realize that. When you're in that observer state, there is calm. There is peace. You recognize that there is no judgment and nothing has gone wrong. Everything just is. When you're in that space of true observance, you do not need to eat. You do not need to overeat. You do not need to react to any sensation, including hunger, or react to any emotion that you may be having. You can simply observe it, and it gives you relief from it.

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have. Your brain and your mind are the most powerful tools that have ever been created, ever. There's nothing on the planet that even comes close, and you have it. It is priceless. No one would be willing to sell their brain to you for any amount of money. Nobody would be willing to sell their mind for any amount of money. It is the most powerful tool that you have. It creates your results in your life. The better you are at managing it, the better you are at creating results. What that means is, the better you are at managing your mind, the better you are at creating the way you want to be.

The process looks like this. First, you notice your default mindset. You do that by accessing your emotions and finding the thoughts causing them. You notice this from the observer position, and you do not judge it. Judging it complicates everything. When you're in that observer position, you're just doing it from total compassion and understanding. I notice that when I feel anxious, it's because I'm thinking this. I notice that when I feel angry, it's because I'm thinking this. I notice that when I feel deprived, it's because I'm thinking this. I notice that when I feel pity for myself, it's because I'm thinking this. I notice that when I feel loathing for myself, it's because I'm thinking this.

That is the first phase, understanding the feeling. Feeling it and finding the thought causing it. The more you do that, the more you practice being the observer from a compassionate place, the more relief you will get, and the more interested you will be in the power of your mind. You will see the direct correlation between what you're thinking, and what you're creating in your life. If you look at any thought that you're thinking in your life, you can see the result of it in your life. There is the absolute direct correlation. There is no evidence against that on the planet. When you think something, you feel something, you do something, and there's a result of doing that thing.

The second phase of this, once you've really mastered the art of feeling and recognizing your mind, then and only then do you start creating thoughts, and creating deliberate intent in your mind, and directing your mind what to think, and ultimately what to feel, and completely what to do. You will notice that what you choose to think will give you that result, and you will practice, and you will practice, and you will practice, and you will create the result you want.

If you are not the weight you want to be right now, it is because of a thought in your mind. It is because of belief in your head. I think that's the best news ever. If you're overeating, it's because of a thought that drives a feeling that drives that action. When we can uncover what that is, we will understand truly how to change it. So understanding your mind, in my opinion, is the most important tool, not just in lose weight, but in anything, everything, in your life. It is the control center.

You've been given the tool of your mind, and you've also been given the ability to manage it. As far as we know, we are he only species that understands that we have a mind, and that can manage our mind. We aren't just reactive. We don't have to be just reactive to our instincts. We can be deliberate. We can create from a deeper space, from a space beyond our mind, the life that we want to create. This may sound deep and over the top to some of you, but I promise you it is the way to get into the smaller clothes. It is the way to get into the bikini on the beach. Right? It is the most beautiful design, in my opinion, because in order for you to be able to create like magic, you have to have that deep relationship with yourself. It's not just the relationship that you have with your personality. It's the relationship that you have with that deeper observer part of yourself. The more intimate that relationship is, the better you will be at managing your mind and creating the results you want.

The next challenge and thing to understand, that's really important, I know I keep saying that about every one, is understanding your commitment to losing weight. I have worked with thousands of people who have told me they want to lose weight. But the truth is, most people just are really good at trying to lose weight. Most people want to try to lose weight. Most people are not committed to losing weight. You know what I mean. I've actually said this to a couple of people recently, and it takes them back a little bit, but it's a really important question. Do you want to try to lose weight, or are you committed to losing weight.

Notice that if the word try is in the statement or the declaration, it's indicating that quitting is a likely options. Right? Because try doesn't exist without a quit. Right? Because I tried something, and then I stopped trying it, indicates that there'll be a quit involved. Most people are very good at quitting. We are very good at trying and quitting. We are not very good at committing. Now, the way that I define committing is that you will continue to take massive action until you get the result you want. Quitting is not an option. You will keep at it for as long as you need to. You will adjust in order to reach your goal. You will not quit. You will not give up. There is no wagon. Nobody's falling off a wagon, because there is no wagon. Right? You are the wagon. You're the one heading towards the result that you want. I would stay out of the wagon. You need to walk instead. Right?

Here's what I ask my clients. "Are you willing to commit to losing weight no matter what?" Most of them say yes. I say, "If you don't lose weight, are you willing to give me $50,000?" They said, "What? Wait a minute. I'm committed, but I'm not giving you $50,000 if I don't make it." You see what I'm saying? There's a commitment, and then there's a commitment.

I want you to think about if I asked you if you wanted to work with me, and I'm going to in a couple weeks. Right? Would you like to work with me? How committed are you? Are you committed to doing every single thing that will be required of you to get to the weight you want to get to? Are you willing to not quit. Would you be willing to put $50,000 on it? Now, if you did, if you said, "Yes, here's $50,000. I will not give up. I will continue until I get the result I want." I want you to think about how you would approach it differently if you said that, versus if you said, "I'm going to give this a try." That's the difference between most people. That's the difference between people who follow through and commit and get the results they want in anything in their life, versus someone who wants to try something out. Trying something means that you're willing to quit.

I talk to my husband about this a lot, and one of the things that he notices is that I don't say, "Hey, I'm going to try and have my own business. I'm going to try and do a class. I'm going to try and do a training." I just say I'm going to do it, and this is when it's going to be, and this is how many people are going to come. I'm not going to try it. I'm going to do it. I'm committed. You have to decide which kind of person you are.

Now the question is, why don't most people commit? It goes back to the feelings. Making a commitment and following through on a commitment requires you to be uncomfortable much of the time. It requires you to evolve. It requires you to go to the next level and keep taking massive action. There's not a lot of room on the sidelines for people who commit. You've got to stay in the game.

What determines your level of commitment? I like to think of this in terms of a marriage, because a lot of people can relate to this. Or even think about your commitment to your kid. Right? The way that we commit to something is we basically make a decision ahead of time. I have a whole podcast on this, making a decision ahead of time. Now what determines whether you follow through on that decision ahead of time.

Well, think about it. When you make a commitment to your husband or to your wife that you will stay married to them, you're deciding ahead of time that you're not going to sleep with other people. You're deciding ahead of time that you're going to live with this person, that you're going to work out your differences, that you're going to fight fairly, right? That you're going to probably hold hands, make out, have sex, maybe have a couple kids together. You're making a decision ahead of time maybe that you'll grow old together.

Now what determines whether you continue to keep this decision with someone? What determines that is how good that relationship is. Is that right? So notice, the more you keep your commitments to each other, the decisions you've made ahead of time, the better that relationship will be. Now, I'm not saying you should always stay in a relationship. Please don't hear me say that. But what I'm saying is, what determines whether you're going to honor those decisions is how good that relationship is.

Well, what's true is that this is the exact same thing that happens in our relationship with ourselves. If we make a decision ahead of time not to eat something, what determines whether we follow through on it? Our level of willpower? How strong we are? No. Our relationship with ourselves. How good are we at honoring our own commitments? How good are we at keeping our word to ourselves? How good are we at giving ourselves what we want long term, instead of selling ourselves out in the moment? What determines whether we can create the results we want in our lives depends on how good we are at honoring the decisions we make ahead of time when we are thinking about what we want long term.

If you're having a hard time honoring your own decisions, because most of us are very good at making decisions ahead of time. We want to eat when we're hungry. We want to eat healthy food that feels good in our body. We want to move our body in a way that feels good to us. We want to be committed to not overeating. We want to be committed to losing weight. What determines when we honor those commitments to ourselves is how good the relationship is with ourselves.

Most of our relationships with ourselves are terrible. We avoid ourselves. We don't listen to ourselves. We don't pay attention to ourselves. We don't honor our commitments to ourselves. And we certainly don't follow through on what we say we want long term. We aren't willing to have our own backs when we're uncomfortable. We aren't willing to use our courage and our patience to get what we want. Most of us, because we don't have very good relationship with ourselves, turn our back on ourselves the minute we have a chance. We eat behind our own backs. We procrastinate behind our own backs.

The solution is not beating ourselves up. Can you see how beating ourselves up worsens that relationship, which is the exact problem? The answer is to find out why, is to listen, is to pay attention, is to get to know ourselves, is to strengthen that relationship. That is what all my work is about. The way that you strengthen your relationship with yourself is by learning how to feel and paying attention to your mind. It's about having a nonjudgmental, compassionate experience of yourself, and telling the truth. That's how you make and honor a commitment to yourself. That's how you make a decision ahead of time and follow through.

When you know how to honor yourself and you have faith and trust in yourself that you will honor your commitments, you can set bigger and bigger goals for yourself, and you know that through the process you will not abandon yourself. You will not be mean to yourself. You will not chuck yourself under the bus. Okay? That took me a long time to learn, and I'll tell you what, I chucked myself, and ignored myself, and avoided myself for many, many years, before I learned how not to do that.

Your issue is not that you don't have enough willpower. Your issue is not that you're not strong enough. Your issue is that you may not know how to have a deep, intimate, honest, trustworthy relationship with yourself. Once you do, there is absolutely nothing you won't be able to create that you genuinely want.

The next thing that we need to understand is what needs to change. The first part of my work of ever working with a client is getting them present, getting them to pay attention to themselves, to stop judging themselves, to stop beating themselves up, and to just be the observer and notice. They need to tell the truth and notice why they're overweight. They need to pay attention to their hormonal biofeedback and see what's going on with their hormones. They need to pay real close attention to what they're eating. What is their current fuel, and what is the effect of that current fuel on their body? What are they doing for exercise? How does it feel? How is it serving the body? What is hunger like? How often do they overeat? We need to find out what's going on with their feelings. What are they feeling on a regular basis?

We need to find out what's going on in their mind and what they're thinking. That has to be the first phase. What are we dealing with? Where are we? It's like that example they always use of the navigation. I'm requesting to use your current location. That's what I do as your coach. I've got to request to see your current location. Where are we starting from? What's going on in your emotional life? What's going on in your body? What's going on in your mind? What's going on with your actions? What are the real results that you're creating in your life? What is the truth?

When you get that really clear picture of what you are practicing and getting better at every day, most of you are practicing avoiding yourselves. Most of you are practicing lying to yourselves. Most of you are practicing overeating. Most of you are practicing putting nonfuel foods in your body. And guess what you get good at? You get good at what you practice. That's where most of you are starting. I don't say that so you can judge yourself. I say that so you can settle into the truth, pay attention, and I think it's actually really good news when you start really looking at, "Oh, the reason I'm overweight is because of look at all these times per day I'm overeating. Look at the foods that I know aren't working in my body that I'm continuously eating. This is the reason why I weigh what I weigh." Then it just becomes math, when you take all the drama out of it.

One of the things that I suggest that all of you do, and that I do with my clients, is you take a piece of paper. On 1 side of the piece of paper you write "More," and then you draw a line down it. Then on the other side of the piece of paper you put "Less." What do you want and need to do more of? For many of you, it's paying attention. It's being present. It's listening. It's doing thought work. It's doing thought downloads. It's writing models. Talking to someone, having a coach. Most of you know that you need that in your life. Right? What do you need to do less of? For most of you it's, you need to do less busy-ness, less beating yourself up, less overeating, less processed food, less drive-thrus, less sodas, less reacting, less avoiding/ignoring. Right?

So write that down. What needs to change? What do you need more of in your life? That can be fuel. Maybe you need more fat in your diet, more fruits and vegetables in your diet, more whatever it is you believe your body would respond to, more water. And what do you need less of. Right? Put it all down there. Make that list for yourself. Then really notice how you feel when you look at that list. Notice if you're willing and committed to making those changes. Are you willing to have more muscle in your life and less fat. Right? When you look at that list and you know what will create it. Here's the other thing. Notice what you aren't willing to do, and why. Do you like your reason for why you aren't going to change? Tell yourself the truth.

I think is was telling you guys, I was working with my designers on this. I asked 1 of my designers. She was saying, "I want to lose weight." I said, "But do you really want to lose weight?" It stunned her that I asked her that question. Because she's like, "I want to be thin. I just don't want to go through the process of getting there." That's a really honest answer. She kind of wants to stay in avoidance. She wants to stay in not knowing, and not changing, and not understanding, and that is okay. Right? Of course, it's okay. But just ask yourself why, and make sure you like your reason. Is that the person you want to be. If the answer's yes, don't let anyone try and change your mind. Right? But if the answer's no, that's when you can get to work.

The last thing that you must understand is patience and kindness. Now, a lot of people think, oh, those are the soft skills. I don't really want to pay attention to those. But I will tell you what. Patients and kindness are 2 of the best ingredients for any relationship. If the reason that you're not getting the result you want with your weight is because of your relationship with yourself, my guess is its because you don't have enough patience and kindness.

Patience is the opposite, the opposite of immediate gratification. Most of us got into this trouble because of our desire for immediate gratification. Patience is what keeps you from quitting. Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay. Think about that. It's the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, without getting angry and quitting. That is a skill that we need to develop. How many of you, when you want to lose weight, are in a crazy big hurry? How many of you, if I said, "Okay, let's lose 10 pounds, and it'll take 3 years," would be willing to sign up for that deal. Most of us want to lose 10 pounds in 10 minutes. Right? We want immediate gratification, or nothing.

But if we could establish the skill of patience, there's very few things we can't create. Right? We could create millions of dollars if we were consistent. We could create any weight we want. We could create an intense relationship that was very intimate with ourselves. Patience flows, and it's very strong. It's not a soft emotion. It's not weak. It's process oriented. It appreciates the journey and the process, and isn't in a hurry to get to the goal. It stays present and focused. It tells the truth, and it adjusts, based on feedback. Patience is, I think, the most important skill. I think it's the easiest one to chuck. Okay? The more time you spend developing patience, the more successful you'll be.

I want to be really clear that patience is not the same as complaisance. It's not the same as pretending that you're making progress when you're not. Patience is committed to progress, no matter how long it takes. That's a huge difference. So it doesn't look like, "Well, I'm not losing weight. I'm going to eat half a cake. I'm going to be patient." It's, "No, I'm not losing weight, and I'm not going to eat half a cake. Even though the result isn't there yet, I'm willing to let the result be created in however long it needs."

I tell the story a lot, when I first was losing weight, it took me 6 weeks to lose 1 pound. Your body likes that homeostasis. It doesn't like to change. It's trying to protect us. It's trying to take care of us. It's trying to hang on to the fat. Right? So if ever you drop your calories in a significant way, you need to be really careful with that, especially if you're over the age of 30, because your hormones go, "What? We need to take care of you. We need to hang on to this fat. There's not a lot of food around." It doesn't know. It doesn't know there's McDonald's around the corner, right? That's not how your body evolved. Paying attention and understanding what your body is trying to do, and not getting mad at it for trying to keep you alive, is a huge part of the process. It does not mean that you start going into denial and calling it patience.

Kindness is not the same as indulgence. People say, "I'm going to be kind to myself. I'm going to lay on the couch all day. I'm going to be kind to myself. I'm going to let myself eat ice cream. I'm going to be kind to myself. I'm going to stop working so hard on losing weight." That is not kind. Kindness is strong. Kindness goes to bat for people. Kindness doesn't look the other way. When someone's being attacked, kindness steps in. Kindness helps someone up when they're hurting. Kindness risks themselves for someone else. Kindness pays attention and listens. Right? Kindness is difficult. It's easier to just pretend like you don't see it and walk away. Kindness means stopping, looking, paying attention, understanding, and doing something.

When you are beating yourself up, when you are saying mean things to yourself, when you are grossed out by a picture of yourself, when you are grossed out when you look in the mirror, when you stand on the scale and beat yourself up, that is the opposite of what will get you the results you want. That negativity will bring you more negativity. Kindness and patience are the skills that you must learn to be able to get to the finish line when it comes to losing weight, and most people are unwilling to develop those.

We are in an environment that teaches us about instant gratification. It doesn't honor the process. It honors the result. Nobody asks us, "Hey, tell me about what it was like to learn math. I want to know what that process was like for you." Nobody says that. Everybody says, "What was the grade you got in math?" Well, when it comes to losing weight, I'm much more interested in the process. I want to know what it was like for you. When you arrive at your goal weight, I want to know about that process, what you learned about yourself, what you did, how you did it, why it worked for you. Right? I know it's not because you went on some diet. If it was because you went on some diet, I'm interested in how you stayed on it. What went on in your mind and in your soul that made you commit to that. Tell me everything. That's what we're interested in, the process, and it requires kindness, and it requires patience. Those aerospace the 2 you have to develop.

I have gone completely beyond time in this 1, but it was really important for me to give you at least a snapshot of some of the research that I have been doing, and the way that I'm organizing my thoughts around this class that I'm creating. I'm very excited for the group that I'm going to be starting and working with. I have started doing videos and creating the content, and I can feel the buzz in my own soul about how powerful it's going to be. Hopefully you're on that list, and I will let you know when I have an upcoming webinar that's going to be on this topic, and I invite you to come. As usual, and of course, it's absolutely free.
Have a wonderful, amazing week. I'm off to Tahoe. Take care everyone. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to the Life Coach School podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments, or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.

7 Comments

  1. Brooke:

    It’s Elizabeth Elliott. I responded with lightning speed to your email yesterday regarding the Stop Overeating class. My quick response was prompted by my excitement and enthusiasm for this class! I worried that I didn’t say the “right” thing that would make you think I was a good fit. I am just that…a good fit. I know it. It’s my time and I’m all in. I am not taking back my commitment or my excitement. I know this is my path and I am ready! In gratitude- Elizabeth Elliott

  2. I’ve spend this holiday weekend OD’ing on your Life Coach School podcasts. Wow…such great information!! I’ve been practicing your advice about eating at -5 hunger. This has been so eye opening. It really brought to light how often I’ve been eating when I’m not even hungry. I consider myself to be a fairly healthy eater, but I wast considering that eating healthy food when I’m not hungry isn’t good for me either.

    Thank you for the great info you share in these podcasts!

  3. i loved listening to the two episodes on weight. so excellent. i’ve had weight issues for most of my life. i’ve lost significant weight several times. up and down and up and down. that said, i love the idea of applying the model to weight loss!! i’m on board. two things: exercise makes me feel really good so i will carry on with that. for some reason, i make healthy eating choices when i exercise. second, i am thinking about hunger. i am hungry much of the time. i will take time to observe and feel my feelings. but here’s my query–if we allow ourselves to be hungry won’t our blood sugar drop and our bodies go into starvation mode? i guess this ties into the hormone aspect of weight and how we all have different chemistry. please help me to understand this. thanks.

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