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Ep #79: Interview with Molly Freestone

Today, you’re in for a very special treat! Our today’s guest is Molly Freestone. Molly is one of my amazing students, one of my colleagues and friends. Molly's coaching specialty is working with mothers.

On this episode, Molly and I discuss a variety of topics related to moms and some of the concepts that she helps them work through in her coaching practice. We cover the reasons why it’s impossible to make your children happy and talk about the biggest gift that you can give them as a parent and much, much more… Don’t miss Molly’s expert tips for healthy parenting as well as taking care of yourself as a mother so you can best serve your children and lead a fulfilled life in the process.

Grab your copy of our new Wisdom From The Life Coach School Podcast book. It covers a decade worth of research, on life-changing topics from the podcast, distilled into only 200 pages. It's the truest shortcut to self-development we have ever created!

Listen to the show

What You will discover

  • Molly’s journey to becoming a life coach.
  • Why people should consider being coached.
  • How coaching is different than talking to a friend.
  • Molly’s philosophy and why she chose to serve the group of moms.
  • How moms can benefit from Molly’s coaching.
  • Whether we can control how our kids are going to show up and what they take from us.
  • Why our happiness is the biggest gift we can give to our kids.
  • Some of the ways Molly helps moms get more focused on themselves.
  • Why we can’t make our children happy and what we can do instead to help them get there.
  • And much, much more…

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Get the Full Episode Transcript:

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Life Coach School podcast, where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. Now, your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Brooke Castillo: Hey everyone, how are you guys? I'm so excited to have one of my students, one of my colleagues, one of my friends, Molly Freestone, on the podcast today. She works with mamas and we are going to talk about moms and what we struggle with as moms and some of the concepts that she helps moms work through. There is some good stuff in this conversation. I love Molly, I think she is a fantastic person and coach, and I highly recommend any of you considering coaching, hook up with her. Please enjoy.
Hey Molly, are you there?

Molly Freestone: Yes. I'm here. How are you?

Brooke Castillo: It's so funny how when you get on a podcast, you act like you haven't just been talking for five minutes. It's all good. I did an intro of you just before this so everybody knows who you are and what you do. I would like to just get started with having you talk a little bit about what your journey to being a life coach was. I think a lot of the people that listen to my podcast are very interested in becoming life coaches, some of them are life coaches, and for those that are maybe thinking about it in the back of their mind, how could you share your journey to becoming one that might be useful to them?

Molly Freestone: I think for me my journey was … I was going to say it was a fast journey but in some ways it's been a long, slow journey of life. All the life that happens before.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: When I was introduced to life coaching I really was at a point where I just had a lot of places in my life that I was really stuck and I felt like I didn't know how to move forward in those areas. For me, I had a couple of coaching sessions and I was amazed at just that for me it was a very fast transformation and change for me to feel like things were really changing for me.

Brooke Castillo: Nice.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. It was like this is something that needs to be in my life and this is something that I need to do. I'm getting emotional just talking about it here because it really did make such a huge impact in me that I knew it needed to be in my life. It wasn't long after that that you had offered a course that was something you'd added on. It wasn't the right time, it was like this isn't good timing, it's going to be down the road. Sure enough I decided that sometime down the road seemed to be right now. I just dove in and it's just been amazing to continue to see life coaching, how it changes me, and I'm able to really share my experience with other people who I work with.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah. I think that's such a common experience for so many of us is that we get a taste of how effective it is and impactful it is and powerful it is, and then all of the sudden we're like, "Wait a minute. The world needs more of this and this is so important that I want to be a part of this movement and part of this."
There's a lot of people who listen to my podcast that aren't interested in becoming a life coach, they're just interested in the experience of being coached. I think there's also quite a few people that listen to the podcast that are interested in being coached but nervous about signing up for coaching and worried about what it will be like and if they'll be able to do it and that sort of thing. What would you say to someone like that who's hesitating even doing a session with a coach?

Molly Freestone: I would just say, this is really simple, just go for it. You're going to be amazed at how coaches are in this profession because they care so much and they're there for you, they want to help you.

Brooke Castillo: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Molly Freestone: I've been coached by so many coaches just in my training, in groups that I've been with, and I have never had a situation where I feel like I've opened up and I've ever regretted it.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah, me too.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. If you're really ready to feel better, to make changes, to do that, then I think just go for it.

Brooke Castillo: I love it. I totally agree with that. I think once you've had one session … Now I think it's important most of my coaches that I've trained offer a free mini-session where you can just get a flavor if it's a good fit, you'll get a sense of that, I think, right away, and give yourself the opportunity to do that. Then I think being able to spend one hour … This is what I always say, being able to spend one hour where you're just focused on your life and talking about your life to somebody else versus being in your life talking to someone … How would you answer this, and I'll put my two cents in too, I think a lot of people that don't understand our industry would just say, "I don't need to pay for a friend. I have my friends that coach me." I was like, "No, it's very different when you're paying someone for an hour versus talking to a friend." What would you say about that if someone said that to you, Molly?

Molly Freestone: Yeah, absolutely. As a good example for that, my sister is also a coach.

Brooke Castillo: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Molly Freestone: Sometimes when I call her I'll say, "Hey, I need a coach. If you can't be my coach right now, I can't talk to you because my sister will not help me right now." I do, I literally do. Friends are so great to offer the camaraderie and to listen and to really tell us to agree with our story about what's wrong with us.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: Whereas in a coach position, you're so neutral and you bring to light a whole new perspective and help people discover what they just can't see. They can't see the forest through the trees. I think that's what it is, it's this broader picture, it's a more open look of what's really going on, and how you can solve your own problems going on.

Brooke Castillo: Right. Absolutely. One of the tools that we teach at the Life Coach School is called Holding the Space. When we're coaching someone we are holding the space without judgment at all, we don't have an opinion about what our clients should or should be doing. With our friends, we always have an opinion, we always know exactly what they should do, we're always judging everyone who's mean in their lives, we're always commiserating. It's a completely different experience when I'm talking to a friend versus when I'm coaching someone. The other thing, like what you were talking about Molly, is I think when you're paying someone for an hour just to focus … When you're talking to a friend it's this back and forth, tell me about your life, no, tell me about what's going on with you. When you have a whole hour, and most sessions are an hour with most coaches, some of them are 45 minutes, but if you're focused on your life from outside of your life and looking at it from that clean perspective with someone that's holding the space, you will see your life in a way that you've never seen it before. That's something that your friends can't offer you, nor should they. They're supposed to take your side on everything, as they should.

Molly Freestone: Yeah.

Brooke Castillo: Even like your sister, when she's being your sister, she's going to be like, "Yeah, let's go kick their ass," whatever it is. When it's a coach there's just this … Let's look at it from all perspectives without judgment. That can really change … That's what you were talking about when you had your first session. It changes so much so fast that you can't even imagine what just happened when you're getting coached by someone. I think that that's so powerful. Tell us a little bit about who you work with in your coaching practice and what you offer them, maybe your philosophy behind why you chose the group that you did.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, okay. I am passionate about working moms. I love the women I work with. As a mom myself of three kids, three very different kids, and trudging my way through motherhood, I just see a really great need to have support for moms who are just … Motherhood seems to … All the rules went out the window when I became a mom I felt like.

Brooke Castillo: Yup.

Molly Freestone: Everything that made sense before no longer made sense. Specifically I focus on really helping moms with their fears and insecurities around messing up as a parent.

Brooke Castillo: It's so funny because I always am saying you're such an amazing parent before you are one. Then you become a parent and you're like, "My God. Why am I so worried all of the time and why am I so insecure with what I'm doing? Am I doing it right?"

Molly Freestone: Yeah.

Brooke Castillo: I think that was the biggest surprise for me. I just thought it was all going to be love rainbows and I knew exactly how I was going to raise them. When I became a mom I was like, "Wait, what?" It's a full-on identity crisis when you become a mom.

Molly Freestone: Yeah.

Brooke Castillo: You're not expecting that. I wasn't anyway.

Molly Freestone: No, not at all. I wasn't either.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, I pulled the rug right out from under you. I created my practice to really help moms to be able to find their confidence in their own way of doing motherhood.

Brooke Castillo: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Molly Freestone: Be able to work through their fears and to ultimately … The more we can face those fears and find our confidence, we're going to be more effective as parents. That's one of our fears, that we're not being effective. As long as we have these fears floating around, we're probably not being very effective. Just helping these women to see why they're feeling overwhelmed, why they're feeling so fearful about messing up, and really that sense of having the weight of the world on their shoulders. As we can sift through and get that mental clarity, I believe … I feel like it brings out the true you, the true and best version of yourself, the mother that your child really needs and wants.

Brooke Castillo: Right. For me I think it's … I have teenagers right now and I think that we go through this no matter how old our kids are. I think if our kids are long gone we still go through this. We want to be the best parent. I think a lot of what I … What really helped me was to understand that my kid is going to have his own journey no matter what and how I parent my kid will influence them tremendously but it's not going to determine who they are. I think when I really learned this, and I know that you do this a lot in your work with moms, but I think it's really important for people that are listening to really understand this process. If you've grown up believing that your parents are responsible for who you are and you blame them or give them credit for who you are, then as you raise your own children you will take on that undue responsibility and it will make you a controlling and creepy parent.

Molly Freestone: Yeah.

Brooke Castillo: That need to control … I'm going to do this perfectly so my kid won't turn out the way that I did, I think is what makes so challenged as parents I think because we want … We have this pressure on ourselves to do it right and then we have that fear, like what you said, am I doing this right, is my child going to turn out the way that they need to, am I being the exact parent that they need. For me when I really released my parents for responsibility or blame as to how I turned out and gave myself credit and responsibility. I think that really helped free me up as a parent. Whereas I think a lot of times mothers don't realize how important that work is. They're like, "I don't want to think about my thoughts about my parents, I just want to think about my kids." Do you see that in your practice? What are your thoughts on that?

Molly Freestone: Yeah, absolutely. We just want so bad to just fix or make good or right what's in front of us, what we have to do.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah.

Molly Freestone: Forget about the work behind that of … Like you said, if I'm responsible for how I turned out and what's going on with me, then it just allows you to release that sense of responsibility for everything that your kids and everything they're able to accomplish.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, definitely.

Brooke Castillo: I think too the other thing is for me one of the things that I needed coaching on, and I still do, is seeing my kids performance or how my kids show up in the world as a reflection on me. I think when they're little it's more about how they behave that I see a lot of parents doing and I know I did too as a reflection on me. If my child came in and sat down and was very polite and very calm and very well-mannered, then somehow I got to take credit for that. If they came in and act like a total hellion, which by the way is what my two boys always did, it was always some reflection on how I was parenting them or not. I think that that's one of the things that gets you into trouble when the kids are younger and even as they're older how they have manners or show up with adults, how they do in school, how they do in sports, we somehow feel like it's a reflection on us. Can you talk a little bit about that and how you work with parents on that?

Molly Freestone: Yeah. The program that I do … I go through these different tracks that we fall into and that's one of them that we really focus a lot on because I know when … For example when my kids were little my first child, he just … He had manners, I swear, in the womb. He just knew what to say and he got a lot of positive attention. You're such a great mom, you're teaching so well. Then my second child came along and it was like where did this kid come from? I got to where sometimes when people would compliment me about my kids, I would jokingly say, "No thank you, I don't want to take credit for that," or "I have to take credit for the bad too and I don't want to."

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, it's so important because there's the part of us where how we show up as a parent, like you said, with little kids that it's so much about their behavior. Yes, we want to teach them and train them and do the best we can, but ultimately, like you said, our kids have their own journey, they have their own personality. We can take responsibility about how we show up as a parent and what we give, but then they're the ones that have to take responsibility and credit for the success and failures that they create.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah, absolutely.

Molly Freestone: With success we think … It's funny because it's almost like we want to give our kids success, but you can't give success, success has to be created. I think as we work through some of these thoughts and get some clarity on situations that my clients are facing that it just … It does free up that burden. Of course we can't control how they're going to show up or what they're going to take from us.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: We just … To be in charge of us and what we bring.

Brooke Castillo: I think that that's so hard for moms to wrap their minds around because I think so many of us feel like all our time and energy should be going towards the children and we don't necessarily think about ourselves. I remember when I was a young mom and I listened to an Abraham audio, and one of the things they said is, "The best gift" … This is still one of my favorite quotes of all time. "The best gift you have to give your children is your own happiness." For me that was so profound because my mother had been so depressed my whole life. What she had tried to do was give me all the best opportunities and the best gifts and the best things to do. When I think back on it, what I really would have loved is not any of those things, not the money or the education opportunities or the experiences, but really I just wanted my mom to be happy. That's what I spent a lot of my childhood trying to do is make her happy and proud. I think if more moms understood that, that our children just really want us to be happy separate from them.
Talk about this, Molly. I think a lot of times … For me as a child I was always looking at my mom to be happy because of what I was doing and I think when we raise our kids with that … My kids are my whole life and when they're happy I'm happy. I think people think that's a very altruistic thing to do, but as a child that's so much pressure on me as a child to make sure I'm happy so you can be happy. Will you speak to that a little bit? What do you think about … I know that your moms must struggle with the same thing, focusing on themselves seems like a luxury versus focusing on the kids.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, absolutely. When we talk about priorities, for my clients to put themselves on their top five list of priorities is so hard for them. A lot of times it doesn't even occur to them to put themselves on there. It's that crazy [inaudible 00:18:30] challenge their beliefs about that and take a look at what it would look like if their happiness and their well-being was actually a priority.

Brooke Castillo: Yup.

Molly Freestone: We all know this, I'm sure a lot of people have heard this analogy or thought about it, when you travel and they have the oxygen masks and the flight attendant is doing the little spiel about that and they always say, "If you're traveling with small children, put your mask on first and then help the child." Then they go around to everyone and personally make sure that they know that because our natural instinct is to help the child first, help the child be happy first, do that first. Until we can secure our own oxygen mask, until we can take responsibility for our own emotional well-being, we're just not in a place to really be the mom we want to be. We can't be the best version of ourselves unless we're taking care of ourselves.

Brooke Castillo: Right. I think for me it's so counter-intuitive to think that when you grow up … My God, my mom was always so happy, she was always delighting in her life, she was always so happy with her body, and she took such good care of herself, and she always had so much energy for us. Versus my mom, she totally let herself go and was always focused on us and was always worried about us. I think we don't think about that as being something that may not be ideal for a child. We think it's very altruistic of me to always be focused and worried about my kids. When you think of yourself as a kid, having a mother that's delighted with her own life and that takes really great care of herself, I think is so much more powerful. We just don't think that way because we're so in love with the kids. We focus on them all of the time.

Molly Freestone: Yes.

Brooke Castillo: What are some of the ways that you help moms like us get more focused on us when we're so reluctant to do that?

Molly Freestone: One of the things that can be really helpful is just really spending some time taking a look at how things would be if your needs were met. Taking a look at okay, let's figure out what your needs are. A lot of times … Let's say I'm working with a mom and we go through her priorities and she's frustrated that she can't meet everyone's needs, she doesn't feel like she's a good partner, she's not a good mom, she's overwhelmed, all of these things … Without fail as we just challenge it, we just say, "Let's just go out on a limb and say that we put you as a first priority." We really move into that space of what that looks like, what that feels like.

Brooke Castillo: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Molly Freestone: As we do that, and as they realize … Wow, if I have enough sleep and if I have joy and if I have all of these things, then I can really be a good mom. I can get it all done, I can create those relationships and do all of that. For me I think … For me, myself as well, this is something that I continue to challenge myself on because it does come so naturally to put the kids above us in priority.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: As we can really catch the vision of how our life will be different when we can take care of ourselves and create joy for ourselves, it's a no brainer. Of course we want to be that person for ourselves and for our family.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah, I think for me hearing that quote, "The best gift you have to give your children is your own happiness," it resonated with me so deeply because of my experience as a child. I think then the job of focusing on how to be happy for myself and not relying on my kids to provide that to me was such a mind blowing experience. I think that the challenge that some moms might have is … Yeah, if I'm going to take care of myself I want to go to the Bahamas and I want to get a pedicure and I want to get massages all the time. Come on, really? We don't have the money or time to do that. I think that's just another excuse. I think really owning that your mental health and your physical health are priorities to you and really taking care of that. I think, first of all, then you have so much more to give your kids. Not only that, your kids do what you do, they don't do what you say. When are you aren't taking care of yourself mentally and physically that's what they learn. If you … We want our kids to grow up and be nice, caring, connected, intimate individuals, and yet we don't even acknowledge when our husband walks in the room. For me that was a real challenge when we had kids was to … I'm sure you work on this in your work too. Focusing on the kids 100% of the time and then trying to tell my husband how he should focus on the kids to make them happy. That was huge. I know that I've had a lot of clients work with this too is being able to let go of … It sounds funny to say this but let go of my husband's relationship with his sons.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. That's huge. That's the other thing that a lot of the work I do around these fears is it just creates this unnecessary marital stress.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: Now we want so bad for our kids to be happy and successful that it's not enough for us to pour everything into it but we're also worried about what our husband is or is not pouring into it.

Brooke Castillo: That's right. Yup.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. Releasing that is huge. Sometimes there can be resistance to feel hard to let that go. When we get to the point where we can let go of that, it's so liberating. It's just a relief.

Brooke Castillo: It's a relief I think … First of all for me, and I'll just speak to myself personally, it was a relief to not have to control my husband because I'm not good at it. I remember when the kids were little and he was giving them a bath and I was trying to tell him how to do it and how to do it properly. Believe me, he doesn't know what he's doing. I think a lot of the times then he would be like, "I guess I don't know what I'm doing." I remember thinking he's an adult, he's bathed himself, he's a man, this is his son, this is ridiculous that I'm feeling like I need to control this. I often have to tell myself that Connor's relationship with his dad is between Connor and his dad. Me telling Chris how he should be a dad so I can feel better is completely counterproductive. Now it doesn't mean that we don't both have conversations about how we want to parent and that sort of thing, but being able to release that … First of all, just as a mom, was just so … Like you said it was just such a relief not to have to take responsibility for that relationship because I could barely take responsibility for my own. Then what that did with my marriage, and not being so nitpicky and controlling and naggy with him, then I was able to see him more as a partner and we could discuss our mutual challenges with parenting. It really helped clear that up for me. I will say that I think that was one of the most challenging pieces for sure.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. That's very, very common.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: With everyone that I've worked with that always comes up.

Brooke Castillo: What are some other things that your clients worry about or are stressed about? Anything we haven't talked about yet?

Molly Freestone: I know one thing because I know you touched on this and we talked about mom making herself a priority and her happiness. Another thing is just us really feeling responsible for our kids' happiness. I know people probably that listen to your podcast are familiar with emotional responsibility. It's almost like we swap it out. We're going to make sure that they're happy and then they get to be in charge of if we're happy based on their behavior.

Brooke Castillo: Right.

Molly Freestone: Sometimes we see that, we think I do feel responsible for my kids' happiness and other times we don't really realize we feel that way until they're unhappy or they're complaining or whatever. Then it's why can't you be happy.

Brooke Castillo: I think, too, I know for me, as a parent, we have this false sense, I think, that our kids should be happy as often as possible. It's our job to "make them happy." I remember my kid was in, I think, first grade, and he got his school pictures. We cut all the school pictures up and he had some of those little ones that you can give out to your friends. He went to school and he gave one of his pictures to a little girl that sat next to him, and she said, "Ew, I don't want that picture." He was devastated and he came home and told me. I was devastated. I got on a coaching call with my coach and I said, "My God, I can't even tell you how devastating this is. My beautiful son had this experience and it was so awful." My whole morning was ruined. I remember I was sitting in the Starbucks parking lot crying about this. My coach said to me, "It sounds to me like you don't want your son to experience emotional pain." I said, "Of course I don't want my son to experience emotional pain."She said, "Why? If when your child is a child, if they don't learn how to manage their emotional pain, they will never be able to manage it as an adult." I remember when she said that I was like, "My God, it's like when I let him cry in his crib and he learned how to soothe himself." That just never ends does it? Even now I just want him to be happy all of the time.

Molly Freestone: Yes. Of course, we would love that.

Brooke Castillo: Right, totally. Whenever he … Even now I want to find a way for them never to experience pain and whatever I can do to make sure that happens. Now when either one of my sons are in pain, I always have to tell myself this is their opportunity. I have so much confidence in them that they can figure out how to soothe themselves, manage themselves, handle themselves. If I swoop in all the time they won't learn how to do that and that's when they're going to turn to external things to solve those problems. I think that's the hardest thing. Basically what we're saying is I'm responsible for how I feel and my kid is responsible for how they feel. I think that for some of our clients that might feel like we're being cold or non-caring. What do you think about that?

Molly Freestone: I think, for me, when we look at the thought model, it makes it so clear that it's literally impossible for me to make my child happy. It's impossible, I can't do it. To me, when you look at it that way, it's not necessarily cold but it's really about giving them the gift of understanding and learning how to create those emotions for themselves.

Brooke Castillo: Yes.

Molly Freestone: How they really have happiness, it's like success. We can't give them happiness but what we can do is love them and give them the space to help them learn to create their own happiness. That's the best thing we can do for them.

Brooke Castillo: Totally. I think also demonstrating that we're not always happy and that we work through our own negative emotion. This is huge, can you be happy when your child isn't? Can you show them … I think a lot of times we think when our child is upset then we should be upset too. I'll give you an example of this that was really powerful for me as a child. When I had a really tragic accident with one of my show horses … I used to ride as an equestrian and I had this very tragic accident where we had put side reins on the horse and he backed up and flipped over and hit the top of his head on a corral post and immediately it cracked his skull and immediately he died and there was blood gushing out of his … It was the most tragic gory experience I've ever experienced in my life to this day. I was at the barn by myself and somebody gave me a ride. I couldn't get a hold of my parents and someone gave me a ride to a restaurant where my parents were. I went there and I was devastated and in shock and I had blood all over me and it was just horrible. I went into the restaurant and my mom, when I told her what had happened, was so unconsolable, she was so upset about it that it was almost like my pain … She was so upset for me and for the horse that she was of no help to me. Whereas my dad, my stepdad, was so … He wasn't so involved in the emotion so he was able to hold that space for me to fall apart. I think that's what we can do on a much smaller scale for our children when they're upset about a grade. We don't have to be upset about the grade. When they're upset about their friend saying something to them we don't have to be upset about it. I think that we think if we're upset about it too that's a really caring thing for us to do. I think sometimes when we are unaffected by something we can show them that the thing itself isn't upsetting, it's how we're choosing to think about it that's upsetting. I think that is extremely powerful and I wish for myself to be that strength for my kids to let them have pain and I can still be in a happy space.

Molly Freestone: Yeah. If you're adding to your child's emotion with your own upset it's even more overwhelming.

Brooke Castillo: Yes.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, I think I … Of course, like I've said, I've got three kids so I'm in the same boat as all these moms that I work with too.

Brooke Castillo: Yup.

Molly Freestone: When we can effectively manage our own emotional life and we're okay that's so much more of a strength for our kids and they can feel so secure in knowing that you're okay and they can fall apart as much as they need to.

Brooke Castillo: Yes.

Molly Freestone: Process that without you being mixed into their emotional mess that's going on in spite of them.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah. Then they feel like … I think sometimes kids feel like they have to hold it together so mom doesn't worry and fall apart.

Molly Freestone: Yeah.

Brooke Castillo: Whereas if mom's just okay because mom's okay, mom's not going to fall apart because her kid's upset or going through something or struggling with something. Then I think that that's such a gift. I want to say that it's not easy. We're talking about it and people are listening to it and being like, "Maybe that's something that I want to try." I think that having someone help you see that is so incredibly powerful. I think all moms … I think as soon as you have a child you should get a coach. It should just be included.

Molly Freestone: Yes.

Brooke Castillo: I think you should have a night nurse that helps you with the lack of sleep, and then I think that you should have a coach that can help you through that process, that instruction manual. It's okay that your kids are upset, it's okay that they're struggling with negative emotion, they are going to figure this out. This is their journey. I think that's the other thing for me is knowing that I'm responsible for my journey much more than I'm responsible for my child's journey. I'm here to support them in their journey but their journey is all about them. That's a challenge for me for sure.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, absolutely. It's because I think motherhood, when we become a parent, it's so personal.

Brooke Castillo: Yes.

Molly Freestone: All our deepest insecurities and fears and everything we thought was gone just pops up again. Yeah, that really is a challenge and yet something worth working through to be able to separate yourself from your journey and their journey and how they relate to one another.

Brooke Castillo: Totally. I think one of the things, and maybe this is the last point we can make, because I think a lot of parents are so buried in the minutiae of the everyday life. I got to get my house cleaned, I got to get the kids to soccer practice, I got to get a lunch made, I got to get dinner made, I got to get … Before they know it the week is over. I think that right there, people think "I need a coach to help me get my life organized," and what I've seen with the work that you do and with what we teach is that once you get your brain managed and once you come back to yourself and make yourself a priority then all of that stuff becomes so much easier to manage, the house and getting it cleaned and the lunches and all that. When you're not taking care of yourself that stuff just seems overwhelming and ridiculous. I remember feeling that way, there's just not enough hours in the day and when is nap time.

Molly Freestone: Yeah, exactly.

Brooke Castillo: I couldn't wait for that. Molly, if somebody wants to hook up with you and learn more about what you offer or maybe even just talk to you in a free mini-session about what you offer, what's the best way for them to get a hold of you?

Molly Freestone: Yeah. My website is mollyfreestone.com, and I have right now some little freebie videos on there that talk about the three motherhood myths that most commonly make us worry. If you go to my site you can sign up to get those. Then, of course, there's always the option on my site of signing up for a free mini-session with me. I love to do those, I feel like we're able to stay really focused on an issue facing you, and see what's going on and see where you can get some new insight and make some changes.

Brooke Castillo: Yeah, I think for any of you who have been listening to my podcast for a long time, and you've played with the idea of hiring a coach, and you've maybe been nervous about it or not sure about it, I think this is such a great way to dip your toe in the water having a free mini-session, especially with someone like Molly, she's very nice. I think people are scared to call me. I just think especially if you're a mom struggling with any of what we've talked about today I would really encourage you to do that and just get a taste of what it might be like to have an hour a week. I know it may feel, for some of you, like a luxury to pay a coach and to spend an hour, but I tell you I would say that would be the best investment over your kids' college fund. I would say that's the best investment you could ever make in yourself to get that perspective and get back that freedom that is absolutely available to you. You don't have to wait until your kids are … What is it? First we're waiting for them to be out of diapers, then we're waiting for them to be out of school for summer, and then we're waiting for them to be out of the house, and then we miss them tremendously. I think it can go by in a blur if you're not really slowing yourself down and finding some peace with yourself. I highly recommend that you do that. Molly, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I loved talking to you, it was so great.

Molly Freestone: Thanks so much.

Brooke Castillo: I'll talk to you guys all next week.

Molly Freestone: Sounds good.

Brooke Castillo: Take care, everyone. All right, bye bye.

Molly Freestone: Bye.

Thank you for listening to the Life Coach School podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.

4 Comments

  1. Hey Brooke!

    I wasn’t sure where to put this since it’s not on the topic of this particular podcast but I’m curious how you would approach my current situation. I had water damage/mold in my home and called a water restoration/contractor out to fix it. I’ll add that I’ve never worked with a contractor so it has been a learning experience and I’m identifying where I need to take responsibility. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, the work seemed to be done in a timely thorough manner. My insurance agreed to cover replacing the carpet in that room and I was given $1600 for that. I decided I was willing to pay a little extra to upgrade from carpet to a vinyl type floor.

    This is where it started to get messy with my contractor and where I’m trying to get clear how to keep things clean on my side of the street. When he asked what I want to do with the flooring I told him I was interested in vinyl planks and found a good price at home depot. He emailed me back saying they don’t like using home depot/believe they don’t do good work and referred me to his flooring guy. I was open to looking into different options, went to his flooring guy who’s estimate was out of my budget. I told my contractor that the estimate was too high and over the phone he started listing all the things he did for free for me that he didn’t need to and essentially implying I should just install the carpet with them because “I owed” that to them.

    He feels if it wasn’t for him talking with the insurance inspector I wouldn’t have gotten the carpet covered to begin with. I wasn’t there for that conversation to know whether or not its true, others have told me it’s common for insurance to cover carpet after water damage even if the carpet wasn’t completely ruined. Now that it’s clear I won’t be using them to do the floor, he is saying I owe them money for a visit they made to check on things, when at the time of that visit, I was told I wouldn’t be charged.

    So after that whole story here’s where I’m stuck using the model: C ?? charged $800.00 for extra visit, T: He’s trying to punish me for not doing carpet with them/taking money away from him F: Angry and taken advantage of, A: send defensive angry email back as to why I shouldn’t have to pay, R: get an angry email back from him likely, nothing resolved. (FYI I’m new to you/the model, glad I have it as a resource right now:)

    I’m wondering how to turn this around so that regardless of his actions I feel at peace, apart of me just wants to pay him to be done with the whole thing and clear of him. However I want to stand up for myself but with grace and intergrity and find I keep going back to feeling like a victim and listing all the ways he is wrong. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated on how you navigate these contractual type of relationships.

  2. Thank you for talking about this! I notice in myself that I do the SAME thing! Trying to control how my fiancé does day to day things with my daughter. Like bathing, even changing her diaper! I’ll probably listen to this episode over and over again to remind myself to let go, And let them have their own relationship between each other. I feel relieved already!

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