If you’re going to leave or you’re going to stay, make sure you really like your reason.
Make sure your reason isn’t, “I’m trying to manipulate the outside world in order to be happier internally.”
And if you really like your reason, you will feel solid and confident in your choice and you won’t be in a hurry.
Because being in a hurry is an indicator that you’re chasing happiness instead of actually getting happy.
You’ll be able to pace yourself and feel stabilized by your decision instead of destabilized by your decision because you’re able to communicate.
You’re able to have love, you’re able to stay present.
But, what if you still want to leave?
What if you want to leave?
Let’s say you want to leave your career of 25 years to do something else.
You’ve been doing this job your whole life, but you’re ready for a change.
People depend on you. You’d made promises to keep. You’re committed to specific results.
You’ve just been offered a huge opportunity to make more money to stay where you are.
But, you want to leave.
What would you do?
This situation is not all that uncommon.
People have this desire to leave brewing inside them for much longer than they realize before they finally make the decision to change–or live in quiet desperation for the rest of their lives.
We all get this desire to just run away and hide sometimes.
Especially when we have a lot of responsibilities and people relying on us, even though we want to leave or change.
It can feel like we’re stuck or have no other option but to grit our teeth and deal with it.
Or, worse, we believe that destruction is the only way to leave.
That’s simply not true.
Expect Pushback From People You Care About
As soon as you start to put a plan together, take the steps to leave, and leave with love, you may get some pushback.
When you make decisions like this to leave, people will be confused.
They won’t understand.
They’ll pushback and ask questions:
- Everything seems great, why are you leaving?
- You seem so happy in your relationship?
- Why are you changing it?
- You seem to be happy in your job, why would you leave it?
The pushback will come from the people around you.
They’ll say that your decision seems reckless or out of the blue.
They’ll ask for justification, which you neither don’t need, nor may have.
“Why would you change something good?” they’ll ask.
What’s interesting is that to go from good to great, you must leave something behind.
Sometimes those people, places, or things that you leave behind are upset about it.
You cannot control this.
It’s hard to leave something that’s working, even if it’s metaphorically.
It’s hard to leave it because it seems like it’s perfectly well-functioning, doing its job, and successful.
And, sometimes we have to say, “Yes, and we’re going to let that go, so that we can have our next evolution–to have the next stage of growth for everyone involved.
Remember that what is normal and what is standard and what is acceptable to the world is ordinary.
Read that again:
What is normal, standard, and acceptable to the world is ordinary
You don’t have to explain or justify any decision that you want to make.
Here’s something very important:
Process the emotion of quitting or leaving or changing as much as possible before you leave.
A lot of times, when we’re impulsive, we’ll quit something or change something in the moment in order to get away quickly.
And then we end up processing the emotion afterward.
We end up going through the pain of the decision that we’ve already made after we’ve made the decision. This is where regret rears its ugly head.
Instead, make the decision in the future.
Say to yourself, “I’m going to quit my job in 90 days.” Or, “I’m going to change my career or sell my business or leave my relationship or change the format of my relationship with someone. I’m going to do it in 90 days.”
This gives you and the people involved time to process the emotion of it before it actually happens.
This is the kindest way to go through the world.
Give Yourself Time to Process
Now, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have additional emotion after you actually move out of the company building or you move out of the house in terms of the relationship.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t have additional emotions.
But when you decide ahead of time to put the decision out there in the future a little bit, it gives you time to process.
Processing emotion all the way through often comes in waves.
Take the time to have really meaningful and beautiful conversations with the people involved as you’re letting go slowly.
This can make it so much easier to leave with love and growth and commitment.
Don’t leave a situation in order to be happy, because happiness is something that happens inside of your brain. You want to be the one in control of it, not someone chasing it.
If you’re looking for help processing emotion before, during, or after a change, then the Get Coached program is perfect for you.
No more feeling frustrated, anxious, worried or unsatisfied with your life.
Get Coached will help you manage emotions and discover how leave things with love.