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What is Your Why?

“How do I find my purpose?” It’s a question we get asked a lot at The Life Coach School. Our clients are often searching for their passion or their “why”—and we teach them that their why is something they create for themselves. Yes, you read that right. We aren’t born with a why; we create our why.

Oftentimes, we confuse our why with success. You may think your why means making more money or being able to take the vacation of your dreams. Sure, those things are nice. But our why is bigger than that. It’s bigger than us. 

For our coaches, their why is teaching other people how to be the best version of themselves possible. You see, their why isn’t actually about them. And they don’t expect their career as a life coach to simply provide this purpose for them. They recognize that it’s up to them to create their passion—and their career as a coach offers a platform to act on their why.

Who You Are Isn’t What You Do

So many of our clients come to us proclaiming that they want to quit the job they currently have. They tell us they’re unhappy there and they don’t feel fulfilled. But instead of quitting this job, it’s important that they recognize that their why isn’t the job they do from 9 to 5—it’s who they are. It’s who they get to be.

Your why and the job you do in the world are not dependent on one another. They can be intertwined, but you don’t have to have the job of your dreams to also have discovered your why. Your purpose should be found where you are right now, in this moment, no matter what your life circumstances look like.

If you’re in a job, marriage, or body you’re unhappy with, stay there until you do the internal work of finding your happiness in that space. Then, once you’ve discovered this happening, you can make a decision from a more emotionally balanced place. Stop trying to find your why in the wrong places.

How to Find Your Why

woman looking into distance

If you’re struggling to feel purpose or passion in your life—whether that’s in your marriage, career, dating life, or home—it’s important that you understand why. The first step toward figuring out why is doing a thought download. What’s a thought download? We’re glad you asked. When you do a thought download, you sit down for five minutes and write down any and every thought you have. It doesn’t matter how silly or outlandish the thought seems in your head. Write it down.

It’s important that when you’re doing your thought download, you’re staying away from a place of judgment. Do not edit yourself. Use a pen, not a pencil, so you can’t erase your thoughts. They’re there for a reason. Get them all out. Don’t avoid writing down the thoughts you think aren’t relevant.

So if you’re feeling like you don’t have passion in your job, your thoughts might be that you don’t like it, you dread going in every day, you get annoyed by your co-workers, you’ve been doing this so long you’re burnt out, etc. Take a look at what you wrote down. Do those thoughts seem negative? If so, are you surprised that you’re feeling so negatively about your job?

Your Thoughts Dictate Your Why

woman looking up and thinking

Now, imagine that you’re incredibly successful at your job and that you actually look forward to work each day. What would your thoughts be? Maybe you would approach your workday completely differently. Or maybe you’d feel excited when you get out of bed every morning instead of experiencing dread. 

There’s a tool we use in Self Coaching Scholars called the Model. This tool teaches that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. When you change your thoughts, you also change your feelings. Do you see how that works? The way you’re thinking about your current situation dictates how you feel about it. It’s as simple as that. You’re in complete control of how passionate you feel. You control your why.

This may not come naturally at first. In fact, it will probably require a lot of effort. But when you’re able to practice it and make it a habit, you’ll program your brain to think differently. It’s sort of like learning to speak a new language. At first, you sound awkward trying to speak this language that you don’t understand. But once you practice it more, the better you become.

How Knowing Your Why Gives You Purpose and Informs Your Actions

woman holding a coffee mug and smiling

Once you’ve learned how to start thinking thoughts that generate passion and purpose, you will start to feel these things. You’ll start to know your why. When you bring this back to the Model, you’ll see how this train of thought impacts your actions as well.

If you remember, your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. So, when you feel a sense of purpose or passion, what do you typically do? You act on it. If you feel passion about your job, you go to work, excited and ready to get results. If you feel passion about being a parent, you can’t wait to spend time with your children. You generate that why by how you feel (and, of course, that’s generated by the thoughts in your mind).

If you feel apathetic about your job, do you think you’ll put your best effort into your work every day? Probably not. If you feel frustrated with your children, are you going to show up with love and compassion for them? Unlikely. Your feelings inform your actions—fortunately, you can control how you feel by the thoughts in your mind.

What is your why? Learn more about finding your purpose by enrolling in Self Coaching Scholars today. If you’re looking to discover your true potential, consider a career in life coaching. At The Life Coach School, we train the best coaches in the world. Get more information about our online Coach Certification Program by clicking here.

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Why is Leadership Important?

Leadership is absolutely essential because businesses never grow faster than the person leading them. Nothing is more important to the health and wealth of an enterprise.

The key to a successful organization is a conscious leader. What is a conscious leader? One who manages his or her mind. 

Everything in business (and life) starts with a thought. Every product, every program, every profit/loss sheet is dependent on the thoughts of the leader of the organization. Few people understand that what a leader thinks determines the results of the business. It’s absolutely that simple. 

This elegant simplicity is the theory behind the Model, a tool used to solve any problem that leaders, or anyone, might face. Every leader should have a deep understanding of the Model as a tool to be utilized to create success. The Model is based on the concept that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive your actions, your actions create your results, so ultimately, your thoughts create your results. Excellent leaders know if they want to achieve a goal, all they have to do is work on changing their minds.

Leadership is crucial because it sets the tone for the culture of the organization. The best leaders embody and encourage self management and personal responsibility at all levels of the business. Self managed employees or teams know how to focus on outcomes, more easily resolve conflict, and are more adaptable, so they’re more valuable contributors to the bottom line of the business. By now, it should be quite clear that to grow a business, you must first grow a leader.

How to be a successful leader in your organization

When you understand how powerful the thoughts in your mind are, you can recognize how they impact your emotions, and therefore, how your emotions affect your actions. Leaders who create big results are those who are able to manage their mind. These are the leaders that know how to be intentional with their thoughts and decisive with their actions. 

Indeed, all of your power as a leader is in your ability to make decisions. You do it in your way, a way that may have never been done before. You weigh the options and decide: If you could be successful at all of them, which would you choose? You make a decision and never second guess it. 

If you want to excel as a leader, it’s important to have a vision. You don’t need to know how to achieve that vision, but you do need to be willing to take what Self Coaching Scholars calls “massive action” and fail your way to success. 

Let’s dive into the meaning of massive action. The very best leaders do this intuitively, but it is a skill that can be learned. Massive action means that you take action until you achieve a goal no matter what. “If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.” The best leaders use the Scientific Method—trying, testing, refining, and repeating the process as needed until the desired results are achieved. Real leadership is going first without the “how” and iterating your way to success.

The most powerful leaders are crystal clear communicators. What does that mean? As a leader, you tell employees exactly what outcome you want and when you want it. You invest in your employees upfront with training and then empower them to think for themselves once they have set parameters for a task.

When you become a leader of a very large organization, it’s impossible to be a people-pleaser to everyone. So how do you decide who to please? You have to find out what you truly believe and what you truly value and what you can stand beside. 

Simply put, leaders have integrity. They know that people-pleasing is simply lying. They don’t lie to others or to themselves in order to be liked. They know that other people’s opinions are none of their business.

Mastermind Speech

Effective leadership skills

At the top of any list for developing impressive leadership skills has to be the Model. Because the Model is all that you need to solve any problem you have, it is also the answer to improving your leadership. The Model simplifies your problem no matter how simple or complex and helps you come up with a solution. You can learn even more about the Model by clicking here.

Not only do leaders manage others, but they also manage themselves extraordinarily well, embracing self awareness as a superpower. Let’s examine the essence of self management. Self management means you’re able to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Once you can properly manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions, then you have control over your results.

The ability to self manage automatically boosts a leader’s performance, productivity, and efficiency. A self managed manager can set big goals and take massive action to achieve them.

The willingness to experience any emotion is a sign of true leadership. It’s about putting your own fears and doubts aside. Those in charge experience the same fear as any person, but the difference is they tackle the thing they fear anyway. That’s because if you push fear away or dismiss it, you can’t step up to lead.

Leaders have developed the tolerance to experience any emotion and embrace getting everything wrong and experiencing shame, humiliation, or failure. They know that they have their own back that they’ll take care of themselves through that.

It’s important that you learn how to process and feel any emotion without resistance. Emotions are vibrations in the body and nothing to fear. Leaders have developed this knowledge and skill set, setting themselves up for success.

Virtuoso leaders also know how to manage time effectively. They don’t indulge in overwhelm or constantly say “I’m so busy.” They understand that “busy” is just a thought. They’ve mastered the art of organizing their time with laser focus on the task at hand.  Calendaring and honoring time commitments are leadership skills that can be learned.

The best leaders know if you try to do too much and be too much and control everything, your effectiveness as a leader is the exact opposite. Reality and humans often don’t comply with your wishes.

You can improve your leadership skills by constantly observing your thoughts, rewiring your brain, using your thoughts to be an amazing leader, processing your feelings, and deciding on purpose. Changing the way you approach your day will give you the mindset you need to take care of yourself and your team. The discipline of self care really sets you up to be such a good leader. 

When you enroll in Self Coaching Scholars, you will gain immediate access to all the tools you need to become the leader you were meant to be. Click here to enroll in Self Coaching Scholars.

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Types of Listening

When we’re having a conversation with someone, and not talking, we’re listening. But do you know what it means to listen? And did you know there are actually multiple ways you can listen to someone? The way you listen to a friend, family member, coworker, etc., can greatly influence your relationship with that person.

In order to strengthen your relationships, it’s important that you know the types of listening and how you can improve your ability to listen. In this article, we will dive into the different types of listening that you may need to do, tips for improving your communication skills, and the best way to strengthen your relationships through conversation.

Listening vs. Listening Hard 

When you’re listening to someone, there are layers of communication happening. First, there’s the intention of what the person talking to you is wanting to say. Then, there’s what they’re actually saying. These two things don’t always align. Just because someone intends to say something one way doesn’t mean that’s how it comes out of their mouth. 

Next comes how you’re interpreting what they’re saying. As the listener, it’s not up to us to determine what their intentions are, but so often, we’re hyperfocused on what we’re making their words mean. A lot of times, because we’re so worried about what their words might mean, we don’t really hear what they’re saying.

When we interpret what someone says to us as hurtful, it causes us to feel hurt, angry or frustrated. But the truth is, what they said didn’t hurt you; your thought about what they said is what hurt you. When we recognize this, we can understand that no one has the power to create our emotions—only we do. This makes it exponentially easier for us to listen hard instead of just listening.

Listening hard means you’re listening for their intentions, you’re listening for what they’re actually saying, and you’re listening for what you’re making it mean (and therefore how it’s making you feel). At first, this may feel overwhelming—how can you do all of these things at the same time? It will be a challenge at first, but you will get the hang of it.

Corinne Crabtree Listening Hard

How to Listen Hard

As you learn how to listen hard, you’ll want to start by evaluating your conversations after they’ve occurred. This is a very common coaching technique. If you feel a certain way after you’ve had a conversation, take time to break down what the person said, what you thought about what they said, and what you believe their intentions may have been.

There are a couple of ways to break down your conversation:

  • Ask yourself why that person said what they said. It’s important that you focus specifically on the answer to that question in their brain and not your own.
  • Ask them why they said what they said. This is one way to get an answer from their brain that completely clarifies the situation for you. If you don’t feel comfortable flat out asking them this question, when you listen hard, you’re always looking for the intention behind their words.

When you’re able to listen hard, you can take action from a place of compassion instead of defense. If you are a coach, this is how you hold space for your clients.

Brooke Castillo and Kris Plachy Listening Hard

Tips for Improving Communication

Whether you’re doing the listening or the talking, it is so easy to default to blame, defensiveness, and frustration. There’s this primal need in each of us to be right all the time. But this need to be right puts our relationships at risk when we don’t know how to communicate the right way.

One of the best things you can do in any of your relationships is to throw out the idea that either of you is right or wrong. There are no winners or losers when it comes to having a conversation—there’s simply how. As soon as you can recognize the fact that you don’t have to be right, there’s no reason for you to be defensive. If you’re not defensive, the other person doesn’t have to be offensive. It’s literally a win-win situation.

Asian Woman Listening Hard

When to Say I’m Sorry

Sometimes when you’ve made someone upset from something you’ve said (even if it’s just because of how they interpreted what you said), you will need to apologize. Saying I’m sorry is a beautiful opportunity to clear up any miscommunication and misinterpretation that occurred. Apologies can be so easy too.

This ties back to the best way to communicate: throwing out the idea that you have to be right. When you’re willing to apologize, you’re able to soften the conversation and open it up to clarification. Saying I’m sorry (when needed) is one of the best ways to connect with another person. It shows you’re taking responsibility for what you said (again, even if this is only necessary because of how they interpreted it).

Black Man with Confident Communication

Confidence in Communication

Whether you’re listening or talking, it’s important to be confident. If you’re familiar with the Model, you know that this comes from your thinking. If you feel like you’re going into a situation and aren’t communicating the way you’d like, take a look at how you’re managing your mind.

Learning to manage your mind correctly is key to feeling confident in your communication. Believe that what you’re saying is important. On the other hand, if you go into a situation feeling like you need to defend yourself, it’s likely coming from a place of insecurity. 

Before you communicate with someone, ask yourself how you’re feeling about what you’re going to say. If the answer to that question is that you’re feeling negative emotion, you need to change the way you’re thinking about it first. There is always a different way to think about it, and there’s always a more beneficial way to say what you’re wanting to communicate. 

To learn more about the art of listening and communication, check out The Life Coach School’s coaching program called Self Coaching Scholars.

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Fear of Success

Fear is one of the most common emotions we feel as humans. So many of us use it as an excuse not to do something we were truly meant to do. In fact, fear is responsible for most of what we don’t do in our lives. When you fear something, your brain is actually working exactly the way it’s supposed to. It’s keeping you safe. But fear is not a valid reason to avoid taking action.

What is Fear?

As humans, we’re wired for survival from the day we’re born. In the not-so-distant past, fear was necessary so that we could run away from things that were trying to eat us. It served us in many ways—and it still does today.

Fear is what prevents us from running straight into traffic. It keeps us from driving recklessly down the street. But it also causes us to have irrational fears that hold us back from the things we actually want to do in life.

Why Do People Fear Success?

fear of success

It can be difficult for most people to understand the fear of success. After all, we tend to think about success as the dream or ultimate goal in life. If we can just be successful, we’ll finally have “made it.” But for many people, there’s a certain anxiety associated with success, and it can come from a number of different places.

Some are worried their friends won’t like them anymore after they become successful. This is especially prominent in those who have not made much money for a long time. They’ve made friends who are in the same socioeconomic group as they are, and they’re afraid their friends won’t understand the success.

Others may be afraid of change, even if it is for the better. It’s human nature to fear change, especially if we’ve tried something in the past and failed. We tend to go back to our comfort zone and stay there. But there’s no growth this way. In addition to the change, there are added pressures that come with success—financially, socially, etc.

And some worry about how success might change them as a person. If they grew up in a lower- or middle-class family, they may be worried about how their family will perceive them. Will their family like who they’ve become? Will they like who they’ve become? 

How to Overcome the Fear of Success

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When you can accept that fear will inevitably be a part of your life, you can acknowledge it and move forward. Most of the fear that you feel comes directly from a thought in your mind… and in most cases, that thought is irrational. 

If you’re feeling the fear of success, there are several things you can do to overcome that fear. First, try to understand where this fear is coming from. It can be extremely helpful to write down all your thoughts when you think about the fear of success. This is called a thought download, and it can make it easier for you to process the origin of your fear.

Next, run a model. What’s a model? We’re glad you asked. The Self Coaching Model is a tool that can help you solve any problem you have—including fear of success. The basic idea of the Model is that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. So if your current feeling is fear, determining the thoughts that are creating those feelings can make all the difference. You can learn more about the Model here.

Before you can overcome your fear of success, it’s important that you accept that fear will be part of your life. This is critical in helping you move forward. Fear isn’t a stop sign in your life. You don’t need to be fearless in order to take action and put yourself out there. Just do it. In fact, taking action while you’re recognizing your fear can be powerful.

It’s also important to understand that fear comes from a thought we have in our mind, and most of these thoughts are irrational. Think about that for a second. If you are creating your own fear with your mind, your mind can also overcome that same feeling.

How to Start Feeling Differently About Being Successful

fear of success

First and foremost, it’s important that you feel the fear instead of pushing it away. Give yourself the opportunity to experience it and realize it’s not as bad as you might’ve thought. When you take time to feel the fear, you will recognize that it’s nothing more than a vibration in your body. Allow yourself to feel the vibration, let it pass, and move on.

Next, you need to manage your mind and the thoughts that you’re having. Knowing that your thoughts about being successful could be sabotaging your success is a terrifying realization; yet, recognizing that you have control over these thoughts if you learn how to properly manage your mind is key to moving forward. And with the right tools, you can control exactly what you think, how you feel, the actions you take, and the results you achieve. There is so much power in that.

When you can redirect the thoughts that are telling you that you won’t have your friends once you become successful or your family will look at you differently or you won’t be able to handle the pressure, everything changes. You can replace those thoughts with different ones like you will be able to help more people if you gain financial success or you can offer more jobs when your business becomes a success. This will create excitement where there was once fear.

Once you’ve felt the fear and redirected your thoughts, it’s time to take action. This doesn’t mean your fear is gone or your fearful thoughts have disappeared completely; it just means you’re moving forward anyway. Learning to take action while you’re still feeling fear is an invaluable skill. When you’re able to take action, despite the fear, you’re able to put yourself out there in ways you never thought you could. This is when you start to see real results. This is when life gets really fun. Are you ready to put yourself out there?

To learn more about the fear of success and how you can overcome any problem you’re struggling with, join Self Coaching Scholars.

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How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection is a feeling that can impact all areas of your life. Maybe you experience some nerves in situations where you could potentially be rejected, or perhaps the fear has become crippling, to the point where it’s affected how you pursue your goals. There are a number of underlying causes that can result in this fear, and when left untreated, it can become worse over time.

People-pleasers are especially prone to a fear of rejection. So many people struggle with the idea that someone might not like them if they don’t please that person enough. They tend to do whatever it takes, or say whatever they need to say, to get the other person to like them. Their fear of rejection keeps them from telling the truth and getting what they want.

So what should you do if you experience rejection, and how can you overcome the fear?

Where Does Fear of Rejection Come From?

We are born with a fear of rejection. It’s primitive. In the past, we feared being rejected by the group because the group is what kept us alive. In our brain, that rejection was equivalent to death.

Our brains are wired to be part of a group, so when we see someone being rejected, our natural instinct is to assume there’s something wrong with that person. In primitive times, it meant someone was sick, wasn’t going to survive, and needed to be left behind. This feeling has evolved with us today.

For instance, many of us went through high school terrified of being rejected by the popular kids. Because of this, it became easy to reject ourselves ahead of time as a way to self preserve. We might then avoid putting ourselves out there or even interacting with people we might actually want to be friends with.

In fact, the idea of seeking approval goes back to when we’re children. We believe that if we can get our friends, teachers, and family members to approve of us, it means we’re worthy. But guess what? You’re born 100% worthy. Even at a very young age, we tend to not believe this, and so we try to protect ourselves by avoiding anything that might get us disapproval or rejection. This often follows us into adulthood.

The inaction this fear causes keeps us stagnant and keeps us from evolving. It holds us back from creating beautiful things for this world because we’re afraid of rejection. We’re worried about people hating what we’ve created. And guess what? When you create, you will face rejection… so it’s important that you know what to do.

brooke castillo speaking event

What to Do When You Experience Rejection

The reality is that there will always be people who don’t like you. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. How you handle the rejection, on the other hand, is completely your responsibility. 

When you have self confidence, you’re able to experience any emotion, no matter how bad it may feel. Most people approach rejection with the question of, “How do I avoid getting rejected?” Really, the question they should be asking is, “How do I experience this emotion, process my feelings, and move on?”

The best way to deal with being rejected is with self confidence. Be willing to feel the rejection. Be confident in who you are as a person and what you believe in, being “all in” as you. Be open to losing someone else’s approval just to gain your own.

the life coach school rejection

How Fear of Rejection Impacts Our Results

When we fear rejection, the impact goes far beyond our emotions. It seeps into our actions as well. This fear can paralyze us from taking action and getting real results.

Take, for example, someone wanting to start their own business. It’s absolutely necessary to present the business to other people. There’s no way around this. Whether they’re pitching their product or promoting their business online, they will have to put themselves out there—and it’s possible not everyone will accept what they have to offer.

For some people, this idea may keep them from ever taking that first step to start their own business, even if it’s something they’ve dreamed of doing their entire life. They’ll become stuck in the emotion of fear and worry about being rejected. As The Life Coach Founder Brooke Castillo said, “Worry is responsible for more unanswered dreams than anything else I’ve encountered with my clients and students in Self Coaching Scholars.”

the life coach school fear

How to Get Past a Fear of Rejection

The solution to overcoming your fear of rejection is simple. You must process the emotion. Be willing to be disliked, or even hated, by other people if it means you’re able to love yourself and pursue your dreams. Allow yourself to feel fear, recognize what the worst case scenario is, and then decide what you can actually control. You don’t have control over what other people think about you, but you do have control over what you make it mean.

Understand that in order to feel rejection, you must first think a thought. Anytime you feel rejected, know there’s no one else causing it. Once you’re able to recognize that, it’s possible for someone to reject you without it causing any pain at all. Someone can try to reject you and it won’t hurt at all. This is when you realize the power of your mind.

Just think for a second: What if you never had to fear rejection? Imagine how different your life might be. Think about all the things you haven’t done because you’ve been too afraid of what other people might think. When you’re willing to put yourself out into the world and willing to hear “no” from someone a hundred times before you finally get approval, that’s when you really grow. That’s when you’ll take the risks that see real results and create a life you’ve always wanted.

To learn more about how your thoughts control your emotions, sign up for Self Coaching Scholars today.

How to Adult

There’s no exact moment in life that we become an adult. Sure, when you turn 18, you’re legally considered an adult and allowed to do things you couldn’t as a child or teenager. But, emotionally, it’s up to us to transition from child to adult.

Unfortunately, there aren’t classes offered in high school or college that teach us how to do this. Nobody tells you that as an adult, you’re able to control what you think and feel at any given moment, despite what other people in your life may do.

As children, we aren’t mentally capable of doing this. Not only do we lack the ability to fully control our emotions, but we don’t even recognize the fact that we’re responsible for them. So, as we age, we continue to think other people (or circumstances) are responsible for how we feel. We give up so much of our own power by believing this. 

We’re even taught this by the adults in our lives. If another child gets their feelings hurt, we’re told to apologize for “hurting their feelings.” This perpetuates the idea that we’re responsible for how someone else feels, however, and it’s the most disempowering thing we’re taught as children.

Emotional Childhood

When someone doesn’t start to understand their own responsibility for their feelings as they grow older, they keep themselves in a space of emotional childhood. Being stuck in emotional childhood means we blame everything on everyone else. It’s the fault of the government… or the economy… or our spouse… or our parents. Ultimately, the way we feel is the fault of anyone but ourselves.

As adults, when we believe someone else is responsible for how we feel, it causes us to use a manual for the relationship. This means we establish how we want other people to behave so that we feel a certain way. When we use a manual for our relationships, it’s the emotional equivalent of us stomping our feet and demanding that the other person does exactly what we want so we can feel the way we want.

Emotional Adulthood

On the other hand, when we make a decision to take responsibility for how we feel, despite what someone else may or may not do, we’ve reached emotional adulthood. This is a huge breakthrough in learning how to adult. When this happens, we’re able to control the actions we take and the results we get.

You can think of the difference between emotional childhood and emotional adulthood like this: If someone is having a bad day and they choose to yell at you, you can either tell yourself they’re simply having a bad day and cut them some slack (emotional adulthood) or you can choose to take it personally, telling yourself they’re mean and putting the blame on them for making you upset (emotional childhood).

If you choose the second option, blaming them for how you feel, it’s important you know you’re the one that caused your feeling. This puts the power in your hands. It allows you to identify that nobody else can make you feel a certain way—only you get to decide how you feel. When this happens, you’re able to allow other people to be exactly who they are.

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Skills You Need in Order to Adult

In addition to establishing your emotional maturity, it’s critical that you learn how to live life on your own on a day-to-day basis. Your physical and mental health should take top priority, and it’s important that you learn how to be healthy. Your health is your responsibility and no one else’s.

As an adult, you must pay attention to your mind. This is known as self coaching, and it’s a vital part of adulthood. Be sure to check in with yourself instead of living life on autopilot. Give yourself the time you need to stay healthy, both mentally and physically, and take responsibility when you’re failing to do so.

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How to Manage Money as an Adult

Another key skill to master as an adult is money management. There’s a distinction between having money and your relationship with money. Your feeling about having money will determine how much money you have, and the more comfortable you are with having money and not spending it, the more money you’ll have.

Learning your money philosophy and what you need to do to cover your bills, set aside savings, reach your financial goals, and still have enough to enjoy your life is crucial to learning how to adult. If you want to establish a different way of thinking about money or create more money in your life, check out some of the amazing money courses in Self Coaching Scholars.  

Dealing With Parents and Friends

As we become adults, we must re-establish a new relationship with our parents. When we keep acting the way we did with them as children, putting the blame on them for how we are, we are only disempowering ourselves. So many of us have resentment toward our parents, whether based on how they behaved when we were growing up or how they behave now. But once you can understand that all relationships are about letting people be whoever they want to be and simply controlling your own thoughts about them, you’re able to appreciate the other person for who they are.

This is also true when it comes to friends, especially those we’ve had since childhood. As adults, we have a far greater capacity to control our thoughts (and therefore our feelings, actions, and results). It’s important to let go of any expectations you have about how they should be. Allow yourself to feel however you want to feel despite how your friends may behave. This is the key to successful relationships and true happiness in your own life.

If you want to learn more about how to adult and achieve emotional adulthood, sign up for Self Coaching Scholars today.


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Self Disclosure

If you’ve ever revealed information about yourself to someone else intentionally, you’ve experienced self disclosure. This information can be anything from your fears and dreams to your favorite color. It doesn’t have to be verbal either. For instance, you could intentionally wear all pink for your first coffee date with a new friend to let them know it’s your favorite color. Ultimately, self disclosure means letting someone else in on who you are and what you’re about.

Some forms of self disclosure, like revealing your favorite color to someone, aren’t overly meaningful but can be helpful in initiating your relationship with another person. If you share the same hometown with someone, for example, you may use that to further your bond throughout your relationship.

Self Disclosure and the Manual

When you believe you would be happier if someone in your life behaved a certain way, you’re adhering to a manual. This is an instruction guide we have for that person and how we’d like them to behave. Most people don’t even realize they have a manual and feel like the other person in the relationship should just know how to act.

When someone discloses information to you (or vice versa), it’s likely that you already have a manual for them and how you want them to behave. If the information they share doesn’t align with your manual, it’s easy to let it affect the relationship. But when you understand that making the relationship amazing only requires you to change, your relationship will grow stronger.

When you’re able to let go of a manual, you can just love people and enjoy who they are, which can be a very freeing way to live. By embracing this concept, you make it easy for others to self disclose to you and for you to self disclose to others. This is when you start to see a big impact on your relationships. Your intimacy with those around you will grow. Learn more about the Manual and how it can help your relationships by clicking here.

self disclosure the life coach school

How Does Self Disclosure Impact a Relationship?

Once you learn to let go of a manual, you’ll see massive changes in your relationships as you begin to share personal information with other people in your life. There is a trickle-down effect when you self disclose to someone. First, you share the information. The other person in the relationship will react to this information and it’s then up to you to process the reaction.

If you’ve already developed a relationship with someone, self disclosure can affect how you see that person. If you have a friend at work who is constantly disclosing what she thinks about your co-workers, it may cause you to think she’s inappropriate for the workplace or immature in general. Remember: This is your manual for her.

Avoiding work gossip may be very important to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s important to someone else. You could have an honest conversation with your co-worker. Say, “ Hey, I love talking to you, but discussing our co-workers makes me feel uncomfortable. I love you and still want to talk to you, but I won’t take part in the conversation if it goes that way.” This way, they can still do whatever they choose to do, and you can take action based on what you want to do and love them no matter what.

On the other hand, if you are able to continue the cycle of disclosure, with each person sharing personal information about themselves that is received by the other in a positive way, it is likely the level of intimacy in the relationship will increase. This is one of the best ways to build a stronger relationship with a friend, family member, or significant other.

BROOKE chris castillo the life coach schoolRisks of Self Disclosure

No matter what the relationship, it’s important to decide what’s right to share for you and what’s not. Using your best judgment on a case-by-case basis is key. But you should also remember that you cannot predict someone’s response to the information you share. But no matter how they respond, you always get to decide how that makes you feel. It’s possible that their reaction may lead you to think thoughts that create feelings of embarrassment and upset. Click here to learn more about feeling on purpose.

If this happens, remember that embarrassed and upset are just that: feelings. And the only reason you feel these things is because of your thoughts about the other person’s reaction. When you can learn how to manage your thoughts, you can control how you feel. This is a concept explained in detail through the Self Coaching Model, which you can learn more about by clicking here.

the manual life coach school

Benefits of Self Disclosure

Although it’s possible that disclosing information to someone can cause an unexpected reaction, it’s more likely that it will strengthen your relationship and increase the level of intimacy you experience with that other person. Sharing personal information with a friend, family member, coworkers, etc. can build trust, form stronger bonds, and even help you to resolve conflict.

When you’re disclosing information to someone, it’s important that you consider your motives before sharing. Never disclose information in an effort to steal the spotlight, take attention from others, or speak badly of someone else. You should also never expect that the other person will disclose information from you just because you’ve shared with them.

If someone’s disclosing information to you, be sure to listen carefully and respond with care. Throw out your manual for them. By releasing all the rules and expectations you have, listening to the other person, and hearing what’s going on for them, your relationships will change for the better. You can start understanding them from a different perspective that isn’t clouded by our own thinking and expectations.

Keep your reaction respectful and be careful not to elicit advice that may not be wanted. When someone’s sharing personal information with you, they’re putting a certain level of trust in you that you should take consideration of.

To learn more about the skill of communicating with others and about manuals you may have that are impacting your relationships, join Self Coaching Scholars today.

 

 

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Self Management Skills

Learning how to self manage is a critical skill that can benefit you both personally and professionally. Simply put, self management occurs when you’re able to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. When you’re able to self manage, you will see a boost in your productivity, performance, and overall efficiency. So, how do you gain these valuable skills?

Similarities Between Self Management and Self Coaching

First, let’s dive into what self management means. We’ve already mentioned that self management skills allow you to manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions, meaning you can set big goals and take massive action to achieve them. In other words, you have control over your results once you can properly manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Sound familiar?

This is the exact idea behind the Model, a tool used in Self Coaching Scholars to solve any problem you may be struggling with. If you’ve heard of the Model before, you may be acquainted with the concept that your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive your actions, your actions create your results, so ultimately, your thoughts create your results. This is fantastic news. If you want to achieve a goal then all you have to do is work on changing your mind. It’s that simple.

self management the life coach school

How to Improve Your Self Management Skills

Because the Model is all that you need to solve any problem you have, it is also the answer to improving your self management skills. The Model simplifies your problem no matter how simple or complex and helps you come up with a solution. You can learn all about the Model by clicking here.

Once you’ve applied the Model, you will be able to:

  • Set and reach your goals: Setting goals in your life is critical to your growth. When you apply the Model to your life, you will have a clear view of your true potential and be able to set and achieve goals you never thought possible.
  • Strengthen your organization skills: Using time management strategies will allow you to increase your efficiency each day so you mark off everything on your calendar. You’ll be amazed at how much more you can get done.
  • Focus on your self care: One of the best ways to improve your self management skills is by taking time for yourself to eat right, exercise routinely, and keep your stress levels low. Changing the way you approach your day will give you the mindset you need to take care of yourself.
  • Enhance your work ethic: When you’re able to self manage, your professionalism, timeliness, and dependability will skyrocket because you’ve learned what it means to commit to yourself. You will become focused on results and willing to do whatever is needed to get things done.
  • Learn how to make decisions quickly and easily: When you know the right way to make a decision, everything in your life will change. You’ll become more efficient, gain confidence, and start to see incredible results—all from decision-making.

self management the life coach school

Benefits of Good Self Management

Whether you’re learning how to self manage yourself to improve your productivity or looking to sharpen the self management skills of your team, you will see immediate results from doing so. An individual or team that is self managed will be able to focus on the overall outcome of any project instead of worrying about project-level objectives.

You will also notice that those who can self manage are more flexible, able to move from role to role within different projects. This can allow team members to gain experience throughout your company at all different levels of experience to grow personally and within your company.

Finally, those who are self managed can resolve conflict much more quickly than someone who isn’t. By identifying that our thoughts create our feelings, it becomes easier to manage how we feel (and ultimately, how we act) by controlling our thoughts. This is a pivotal skill to have and something that is taught when you use the Model.

The concept of self management can be applied to any area of your life. From managing stress to motivating yourself to exercise to achieving your career goals, honing your self management skills can change the trajectory of your life forever. You can become a valuable asset in any workplace—or as an entrepreneur.

To learn more about self management and the Model in Self Coaching Scholars, click here.

 

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7 Time Management Strategies to Increase Productivity

Brooke_Castillo_Time_Management

“I just wish there were more hours in the day.” It’s a phrase you’ve probably uttered many times. Maybe you want to get more done during your workday, spend more time with your family, or just have more time to take care of yourself emotionally—or all of the above. Whatever the case, a time management strategy will help you focus on what’s important and allow you to accomplish more throughout the day. When you begin to manage your time the right way, you will take your life to the next level.

At The Life Coach School, we see so many clients struggling to get everything done that they need to do in a day. They think they’re too busy. But, in reality, they just don’t know how they should be organizing their day so that they can increase their productivity. Once we work with them, they understand exactly what to do to accomplish more. They start to see results immediately by implementing our time management strategies. Keep reading to learn what you need to do to get more done in a day so you can start living a truly conscious and deliberate life.

Understand That Busy Is a Thought

So, where do you even begin? First and foremost, you need to recognize that “busy” is simply a thought you’re having. You think that time, other people, and other things have control of your day. But feeling busy and overwhelmed isn’t the reality.

Understand that your thoughts about your time are also going to impact how you show up. If you are constantly telling yourself how busy you are, your productivity is going to suffer. You will also be more stressed than you really need to be.

When you can tell yourself the facts (“I have three kids. I have a husband. I have a job. My son has soccer practice every Saturday morning. I take a yoga class three days a week.”), you’ll recognize these things aren’t “busy” or “overwhelming” until you think they are. Before you take another step forward, ask yourself how you think about your time and schedule. This will make a big difference in your overall productivity. It will change the way you feel and approach your to-do list.

Take a Look at How You’re Spending Your Time

Next, you need to take a look at how you are currently spending your time. If you’re unable to get everything you need to do done, why? You can easily identify this by jotting down everything you do for a week or two. Once you have a good representation of what your days look like, evaluate the areas where you may not be as productive as you should be. If you’re spending three hours a day scrolling through social media, determine what you could get done during that time instead.

Are you spending two hours on a project each week that should only take you 30 minutes? Do you find your workdays leaking into your family time at night without you even recognizing it? Giving yourself a birdseye view of your schedule will help you figure out where you’re really spending your time.

Write Everything Down

When you plan out your week ahead of time, it allows you to be purposeful about your day, so you’re not reacting to things that pop up throughout the week. It gives you the freedom to focus on the task at hand instead of worrying about what’s next. But ultimately, it allows you to get more done so you can enjoy your downtime and live a life of balance.

At the beginning of your week, take an hour to write every single thing down that you need to do during the week ahead. Seriously, everything. If you need to make a phone call to a friend, write it down. If you have to drop off clothes at the dry cleaners, write it down. If you plan to watch a movie with your husband on Friday night, write it down. It may feel silly to jot some of these things down, but it’s all part of your new time management strategy.

It may also feel intimidating to look at this list. There’s usually a lot of things on it. But when you learn how to organize your tasks the right way, you will realize how doable everything is. In fact, you will find that you have so much more time to do the things you actually want to do in addition to the things you have to do.

Time Management Strategies to Increase Productivity Monday Hour One

Set Goals and Focus on the Most Important Things First

Once you’ve established everything you need to get done during the week ahead, it’s time to figure out when you’re going to do everything. Whatever you deem a priority should go first. So, for instance, if you always pick your kids up from school on weekdays from 3-3:30 pm, block that time on your calendar. That means no matter what comes up throughout the week, you know that 3-3:30 pm is safe.

Continue working through your to-do list in that same way, making sure you’ve allotted enough time for each task. We recommend adding recurring tasks at the beginning of the process so you can set those to automatically populate weekly. That includes an hour each week to build your calendar. By the end of this process, every minute of every day should be accounted for. That means you will include sleeping, eating, grocery shopping, etc.

We also recommend you include some overflow time to help you complete unfinished business. You likely only need 30 minutes or an hour at the end of each day for this. This time will also allow you to field any unexpected tasks that arise during the day that you haven’t been able to schedule.

Manage Your Projects Effectively

It’s great to have your calendar planned out each week, but it’s pivotal that you follow through. When you open your calendar on Tuesday morning and see an hour blocked off to write that email to your team or clean the house, you may start to convince yourself that it can wait until the afternoon. That defeats the purpose of your new time management strategy. In order for this strategy to be as effective as possible, you must do exactly what you’re scheduled to do when you’re scheduled to do it.

Think of each appointment the same as you would a meeting with a friend. You wouldn’t stand up your friend or show up late, would you? Show yourself the same respect for each task throughout the day.

That also means you stop writing that email as soon as your hour is complete, even if it’s not finished. As you go, you will learn how to become more efficient with your time and what it takes to get the email written in an hour. You can finish writing the email during your overflow time at the end of the day.

Give Your Tasks the Focus They Deserve

When you’re working on a task, it’s critical that you manage any external distractions. This includes email notifications, text messages, phone calls, unexpected visitors, etc. It’s so easy to divert your attention when your phone dings or buzzes or lights up. You owe it to yourself and the task at hand to be 100% present.

By turning off all external time wasters, you will find yourself much more efficient in whatever it is you’re working on. Your mind won’t wander to see who’s texting you or what they may want or what you might’ve forgotten to do. You can be confident in knowing everything you need to do is being done when it needs to be done and you’re not missing anything.

Reevaluate at the End of the Week

Each Friday, it’s important that you set aside some time to look at your accomplishments for the week. Allow yourself to feel proud of everything you did—you will find it’s much more than you’re used to getting done. Focus on the results you created.

Building a time management strategy that works for you will require constant adjustments. Reviewing your week allows you to jot down things that did and didn’t work so you can make changes as you go. For example, if you only allowed 30 minutes to send your weekly update, but it’s been consistently taking an hour, you may want to revise that time moving forward. To see the biggest impact from your strategy, it’s crucial that it continually evolves.

Time Management Strategies to Increase Productivity Monday Hour One The Life Coach School

Don’t Worry If You Don’t Complete Everything.

It is possible, especially as you’re first learning how to become more efficient, that you won’t complete every task on your to-do list. That’s OK. Give yourself grace as you get started. Make sure to complete the tasks with a hard deadline during your overflow time and let the more evergreen open items roll over to the next week.

When you reevaluate at the end of the week, you can identify the three most important projects that you still need to complete. These will be the first items you schedule during the following week’s Monday Hour One. Make these a priority for your next week, but don’t shame yourself for not completing them this week. Remind yourself that you are capable of getting everything on your to-do list done, and move on. Next week is a fresh start.

As you become more comfortable implementing this time management strategy, you will start to notice your productivity soar. You will stop procrastinating. You will finally have time for the things and people that really matter. And you will stop feeling busy and overwhelmed.

When you enroll in Self Coaching Scholars, you will gain immediate access to all our time management tools, including Monday Hour One. Start living a conscious and deliberate life today. Click here to enroll in Self Coaching Scholars.

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