I would love some insight on this one.
I am single and would love to be in a loving relationship. How do I accept this? If I do, won’t that mean it will never change? It feels like giving up. So I walk around longing for this to happen but with a feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach. I don’t want to accept that I will be single for the rest of my life.
I’m afraid that if I accept something that it means I am saying it’s ok as it is and it will never change.
This is just one example but I am really struggling with this one.
It’s the exact work my clients who want to lose weight do.
If I accept my body-I will never lose weight.
If I accept that I am single-I will never have someone.
But here’s the problem. You are single right now. Resisting that does not get you someone either.
It causes negative emotion. It’s hard to get a date when you’re grumpy.
So let’s use my milk example.
I don’t have milk at the house. I accept it fully and I know I will get some. Even though many things could get in the way of me getting milk-I KNOW that I will have milk at my house today.
There is no point in me not accepting that I don’t have milk. No point in getting upset about it-that doesn’t help me. I just need to plan to get it.
Then, there’s the excuse many of us use to suffer-“I don’t know how”.
So, you don’t have to accept that you will be single forever-just that you are right now. And from that place of acceptance you plan. If you are really serious about not being single, you will go at it like a job and set up twelve dates before Monday. The entire time accepting that you are single right now. Owning it and might I suggest loving it?
Being in a loving relationship is about you loving and feeling love. I know it might piss you off to hear me say this-but you can have that now before you meet Mr. Right. And if you don’t have it first, you are going to be wanting him to provide it for you.
Do you want to know if you will get something you want? Here’s how you know-the wanting feels great. It feels exciting and wonderful.
Otherwise you are wanting from lack. And that feels terrible. And in an attempt to feel better, you resist feeling terrible which only adds tension to the already negative emotion.
All of this makes perfect sense.
It’s the strangest thing but my mind wants to grip onto the fear, as if there’s something to figure out about being single. It’s crazy making.
I need to dig deeper and find out everything I’m thinking that’s creating the feeling of lack. Because deep down I know that this is what is keeping me from what I really want in my life.
There’s pain between the conflict of “I really want this” and “I’m so afraid this is never going to happen”. It’s exhausting and I would love to just let it all go, love it and trust it. I’m not quite there but I am willing to work on it.
Here is the thought that hurts: I’m so afraid this is never going to happen.
It’s so disempowering.
As if you have no say or ability to create it.
Instead of creating it, loving it, and making it happen!
It’s like me wondering if milk in my house is ever going to happen. Worrying that it won’t. Wondering what it will be like if I never have milk. Seeing that all my neighbors have milk. Crying that I can’t even spill my milk. Wondering if it’s just part of the plan for me not to have milk.
Geeezzzz, so f’ing obvious but I didn’t even see it. I believed that thought was reality. And the truth.
I immediately feel so much relief. Thank you for the reminder.
I will never think of milk the same again. 🙂