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Brooke Castillo

Mean Is Not Nice


I just spent a couple days with an intensive client.

She was amazing in every way. And I am not just saying that.

Interesting. Beautiful. Intelligent. Complex. Funny.

And mean.

So mean.

Not to me. Not to anyone in her life. But to herself.

Here are just a few of the hundreds of things she thinks about herself all day.
I'm too heavy
I'm unacceptable
I don't know what to do with myself
I deserve pain
I deserve to be unhappy
I shouldn't bother
I'll never change
I'm always gonna be stuck
I don't deserve hope

What is so amazing about this process is that she had no idea that she was being this mean. She was so used to hearing herself spout this negativity that she thought it was normal.

If I had walked through the door and said even one of these things to her, she would havd most likely fired me on the spot. But because it came from her-she listened and accepted it as truth.

She is not alone.

Client after client after client come to me and can't understand why they are so miserable.

They can't understand why they overeat when they are alone.

It's because they can't stand their own company.

They are way too mean.

I told my client she had to institute a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY.

No more meanness.


If you don't have anything nice to think-you need to come up with something.

Anything that isn't mean. Neutral is better than mean.

You can't create self-love from this place of meanness.

Love comes from love.

Love is nice.

And I think we can all agree with something my brilliant friend Melissa once said, “Mean is not Nice.”