Ep #32: Weight Loss Tools

Welcome to the Life Coach School podcast, where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. Now, your host, Master Coach Instructor Brooke Castillo.

Hey everyone. Welcome to the podcast. Happy Thursday! Today we're talking about weight loss tools. Many of you guys that listen to my podcasts may not be into weight loss. You may be like, "Oh man, why are we talking about weight loss? Don't want to talk about it." But so many of you do want to talk about weight loss and I just want to say that those of you who don't have weight issues and that's not your struggle, listen anyway because these tools you can apply to whatever it is you're using in your life. Whatever thing you use to avoid feeling overworking, overdrinking, I'm just saying there's about a couple 100 of you with that one, right? Over exercising, whatever it is.

Just take this episode and apply it to your life. Here's what I want to talk about. There's three specific tools that I most recently have articulated in a new way. For those of you who think you already know these tools, you're wrong. There's someone out there that listen to this episode thinking I already know of Brooke's tools. That, my friends, is a mistake because these are all new. Different ways of looking at it; different ways of talking about it.

Let that be a lesson for you all. Don't think that you already know stuff. Don't know that you already know everything. That idea of superiority, acting like I already go this, right? You might miss out on something amazing. You might miss out on learning something new. When I say that to you, I'm also saying it to myself, just so we're clear. Everything I teach is everything I need to learn, and isn't that it always?

Let's talk about weight loss tools. I want to talk about the three steps that guarantee weight loss. I said guarantee, yes I did. Unless you have some kind of medical condition that I don't know about that prevents you from losing weight, this will work. If you tell me that this doesn't work, it's because you're not working it, period. This is what works. Three steps.

If you guys are in my weight school, you've already heard this before so don't tell yourself that you already know it because repetition is the mother of skill and if you hear it again, you might hear it in a new way, you might apply it in a new way. Stay with me. All right.

Step one. Sing it with me, weight schoolers: be kind. This step is non-negotiable. You cannot beat the crap out of yourself and expect to figure out why you're overeating. It's not negotiable. Whether you're overeating, whether you're looking at yourself in the mirror, whether you've just had a huge stormy binge, whatever it is, you have to be kind. That has to be your number one commitment. It has to be step one.

No matter what you've done in your life, no matter what, you have to be kind. When I mean kind, I don't mean just doing kind things to yourself like taking yourself and getting a pedicure. That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about thinking kind thoughts toward yourself, about your eating and your body. That applies for when you are eating really healthy and you're eating two-to-two on the hunger scale, and you're only eating foods that really serve you and when you're not. You have to be kind when you've had 50 Oreos.

You must be kind to yourself in your thinking. What you say to yourself and about yourself. That is the number one requirement. It is not negotiable. Don't skip the “be kind” part because it seems soft and fluffy. It is the most important part. Being kind to yourself takes a lot of strength. It's not the weak way, it's the strong way.

Being kind also doesn't mean you're coddling yourself and letting yourself off the hook. It doesn't mean, "Oh honey, it's totally ok that you eat whatever you want whenever you want without paying any attention." That is not kind. Just like you wouldn't say that to your child, you can eat whatever you want all the time, candy for breakfast is totally fine ... that is not kind. Step number one: Be kind, period. Not negotiable.

Step number two: eat only when you're hungry. When I talk about eating two-to-two on the hunger scale, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about only eating when you're hungry. Now, if you say, "I'm confused by that," that's an excuse. Figure out what your body feels like when it's physically hungry, period. Then only eat when it's physically hungry. That's it.

That means stopping when you're in the middle of a sandwich sometimes. That means not eating when you aren't hungry even though there's food in front of you, even though there's chips, even though there's salsa, even though there's a bag of potato chips, even though your husband brought home a bowl of candy, even though your wife baked chocolate chip cookies.

If you're not hungry, you don't eat. Huge, huge commitment to only eating when you're hungry but if you do it, it will work, period. Now, what the important piece is what are you going to do the rest of the time when you want to eat and you don't. That's where coaching comes in. Helping you deal with your emotional life, helping you deal with your thoughts, helping you deal with all the things you're using food to not deal with.

You're still going to have to deal with all that but if you only eat when you're hungry, your weight will take care of itself. The rest of your life will for sure require your attention. That's the point of this work. That's the beauty of the weight struggle.

I was just telling my class this morning, I was teaching a weight coaching class and I was telling them that one of the beliefs that I have, something that I truly believe in is this is the exact body I was meant to have to fulfill my destiny on this planet. I was not supposed to have a thin body that I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight, because if I did have a thin body and I was able to eat whatever I wanted and never gain any weight, I would not have evolved into the person that I have. I would not have the relationship with myself that I have.

What comes up for you when you only eat when you're hungry is your work in the world, is your relationship with yourself, is the work that you need to be doing. Step one: be kind. It's non-negotiable. Step two: eat only when you are hungry.

Step three: eat foods that give you the result you want. If the result you want is to lose weight, eat foods that help you lose weight. You must eat when you're hungry and you eat only when you're hungry and you eat foods that help you lose weight. If what you're eating is not helping you lose weight, you need to change what you are eating.

I don't care if you've always had eggs for breakfast. If having eggs for breakfast doesn't help you lose weight, you need to change it up. You need to find the foods that will help your body release the fat. What are the foods that help you lose weight? For many of you, you need to add a lot of fat to your diet. I mean, really, I've had so many clients that have switched to eating more protein and more fat and have lost weight faster than they've ever believed. I've had clients cut carbs out and lose weight like crazy. I've had clients add carbs back in and lose weight like crazy. I've had clients that gave up on certain foods that they loved and completely lost weight. I've had clients that focus only on eating healthy food from fast food, food that makes the feel good and lose weight.

Don't let anyone else tell you what that food is. Your body will tell you because you will eat it and you will lose weight and you will feel good and you will feel fueled. Eat foods that give you the results you want. You want to feel good? Eat foods that make your body feel good. Focus on the results. You want to lose weight? Eat foods that help you lose weight.

Now, again, so many of you want to go, "I don't know what foods those are and I'm confused. I don't get it." That's my voice, by the way, when I don't really want to do something. That's my voice. I was laughing with some friends the other day and I'm like, "Whenever you notice my voice gets kind of high-pitched like this, it's because I don't want to do it."

I know you guys can all relate. You all have that voice. "But I'm so confused, I don't know, it's so hard." If you hear yourself doing that ... I'm confused, I don't understand ... that's how you know. Be on to yourself. Try foods out. Make sure they taste good. Don't eat cardboard, please. Make sure they fuel your body. Make sure they help you lose weight. If you can't find the right combination, that's OK. Keep trying. Keep trying. Give yourself a week on a certain type of food.

One of the cool things that I like to think about is what if the food that is the best fuel for my body, I haven't even tried yet? What if I need to go out there and experiment different combinations, different styles? What if I only eat vegetables? What if I become a vegetarian? What if I become a vegan? What if that's the answer fro me? I'll never know if I don't try. What if I need more fat? What if I need to add more butter?

Seriously, because it keeps me sated for longer and I don't want to eat so much. What if I need more avocado? What if I need more bagels? You won't know until you see how you feel on the food and see if it affects the scale the way you want it to. Step number one: be kind. Step number two: eat only when you're hungry. Step number three: eat foods that give you the result you want. Do not tell me that you don't know. Do not tell me that you are confused. You are not confused and you do know. You keep trying and you keep working at it.

If you tell me that you can't eat only when you're hungry, I will not believe you. I'll believe that you're choosing to eat when you're not hungry and that you're in control of that choice and that's OK. Be curious about that. Be fascinated by it. Don't beat yourself up on it because you've missing step number one. You got to go back to the beginning. Step number one: be kind. Step number two: eat only when you're hungry. Step three: eat foods that give you the result you want. If you do those three things, you will get the result you want. That is how it works. That is the magic of this process.

Now, I want to teach you a concept I've been working on called Sacred Moments. I just taught this in my class today and my students loved it and it's one I've been really thinking about. I'm working on a new product. It's called Fewer Cocktails and it's about our relationship with alcohol and how we can manage our relationship with alcohol better but it also applies exactly to weight loss.

There always is a thought that precedes every feeling and action pattern. What that means is every single time you overeat, it's preceded by a thought. Now if you can access that thought before you have the feeling and before you've reacted to the feeling by avoiding it and needing, that is the secret. I call it the Sacred Moment.

Step one: name that moment. You have to be aware enough to be able to name it. For many of you, that is when you come home from work after a long day. For many of you, that's around 5:00 when you're trying to start to make dinner. There's going to be a moment; it's coming where you are going to think a thought that will lead to eating, overeating. Or you will think a thought that will lead to not eating or not overeating. It's a sacred moment. It's the moment of decision. It's the moment of choice.

What that moment is is a thought. You decide in that moment what you're going to think. For example, if you come home and you're making macaroni and cheese for the kids, the thought may be, "I deserve to have some of this. I've had a long day. This will provide me with some comfort." Really important to recognize that moment when it happens because for most of us, that sacred moment is ignored. We don't even acknowledge it's happening. We've already eaten three scoops of macaroni and missed the moment altogether.

The sacred moment is the moment when you have a thought that leads to overeating. During that sacred moment, the first thing you need to do is pause. Acknowledge the moment it's happening. There is a moment where you have a thought about eating. "I'm going to eat this."

Some of you may argue with me and say, "No, I don't have that moment. I just eat." But you don't. You have to decide to eat before you eat. Eating doesn't just happen. You have to make that choice, so that is your sacred moment, so have a pause there.

Then in that moment you decide on purpose. Now, I'm not saying you should decide not to eat. I'm not saying that you should decide to eat. I want you to make it a conscious decision. I'm going to eat macaroni because I think it'll make me feel better. Acknowledge that. I'm not going to eat this macaroni because I know it won't make me feel better. Acknowledge that moment.

You name the moment and you pause, and then you decide on purpose what you're going to do and you state your reason. I am going to eat this cupcake and here's the reason why. I am not going to eat this cupcake and here is the reason why. That is the sacred moment, where you are making the decision. You're making it conscious.

Then pay attention. Pay attention to yourself, why you're eating it, think about your reason and then afterwards evaluate your decision with kindness. Step number one: name the moment and pause. Step two: decide on purpose, state your reason. Step three: remain conscious and pay attention. Step four: evaluate your decision.

When you look at 'I chose to eat that cupcake because I thought it would make me feel better' and then afterwards evaluate that decision. Did it make you feel better? Do you like your choice? Do you like your reason?

Then as you become aware of these sacred moments, as you become aware of making these decisions consciously, then you can start planning for sacred moments. Here's what that looks like. I'm going to go out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. There are going to be chips and salsa that come to the table. There will be a sacred moment where I will decide to either eat chips or not to eat chips. I'm going to decide that moment ahead of time.

Driving home from work, I know when I get home, I'm going to be confronted with the sacred moment where I will decide whether I'm going to eat something that's in the fridge or not eat something that's in the fridge. There will be a moment and I'm going to remain conscious and here is what I'm going to decide. I'm going to decide ahead of time and this is the thought I'm going to think. I will have a choice between thoughts.

One may be I deserve this, I've had a hard day, and the other one is I deserve not to overeat. I deserve to wait until dinner. I deserve to take care of my body. You get to decide ahead of time.

When that moment comes, you will be ready for it. You will have an answer for it and you will get to decide what you're going to do in that moment.

Now, if you get to that moment and your new thought isn't quite strong enough, I want you to remember the lesson from how to feel. It doesn't mean you have to eat. You can say to yourself in that moment, 'I'm willing to feel the negative emotion that's going to come up when I don't eat. I'm willing to be in that moment and not eat.'

When you do this ahead of time, when you make these decisions about eating ahead of time, you have your own back. You increase your consciousness tremendously. You become aware. Name the moment and pause. Decide on purpose and state your reason. Remain conscious and pay attention and then evaluate your decision afterwards without judgment, without beating yourself up. Just notice, did you reason get fulfilled?

For example, if you're hungry and there's food and you decide 'I'm going to eat this because I'm hungry' and then you eat it and then afterwards you pay attention to the whole thing and then afterwards you say, 'Yes, I liked my decision. I like eating because I'm hungry. It feels amazing.'

You start accumulating all these moments, all these sacred moments of making the choice to eat when you're hungry and all these sacred moments of choosing not to eat when you're not. It's a really powerful thing.

Now, I'm just going to offer you one last thing and this is something I haven't even introduced in weight school. By the time this comes out, it will be introduced but it's something that I really want you all to think about. It's this idea of eating two-to-two on the hunger scale.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I created a hunger scale that goes from negative 10 (-10), which is starving, to positive 10 (+10), which is completely full, and right in the middle is zero (0), which is neutral. I suggest that people that are trying to get tuned into their body and turned into their hunger scale and their sensations in their body of hunger, physical hunger, that they eat negative to two (-2), just the whisper of hunger, to positive two (+2) on the hunger scale, which just is sated.

One of the things I want you to start thinking about is what does it take to get you from two-to-two on the hunger scale? My Mom came over the other day and she said, "For me, it's six almonds." How many almonds does it take you to get from two-to-two? For me, it's two fried eggs. Actually, it's not even the entire second egg. There's a little bit of that egg left on that plate. That's how exact I want you to think about this.

How much of a sandwich does it take you to get two-to-two? How much pasta? How many bites of pasta does it take you to get two-to-two? It's going to be different for everybody. A piece of pizza; how much pizza does it take you to get from two-to-two? One piece of pizza? Two pieces of pizza? Five pieces of pizza? How much milk? If you have a hot latte, what does it take to get you from two-to-two?

I want you to start thinking about certain foods and how much of those foods it takes you to get two-to-two. It's really fascinating. Notice if you feel a salad without any salad dressing, how much salad can you eat two-to-two? If you add ranch salad dressing, how much does it take two-to-two? If you just add a little oil, how much does it take? If you only add vinegar, how much does it take?

Start to notice what ingredients does it require to increase the food or to decrease the food to go two-to-two. Really start playing with that with yourselves, and start really understanding what it means. Is it two pieces of turkey? Is it three pieces of turkey? Is it one piece of toast? How long does it take you to get hungry after certain foods? Really start paying attention.

I hear you. This is so tedious. It's that high-pitched voice, 'I'm confused. I don't want to do it. This is tedious. I don't want to pay this much attention with food. I don't want to; I want to lose weight more than anything in the world.'

This is what I hear from clients all the time. "I want to lose weight more than anything in the world but I don't want to pay attention to food so much." Well, I don't know what to tell you folks. It's like, I want to earn a million dollars but I don't want to work at all. Well, all right. Is there a way to do that? Maybe, but what I'm suggesting is that if overeating food is what's preventing you from losing weight, you might have to pay attention to your food.

What does it take you to get to two-to-two? I would love to hear in the Comments what it takes you with certain foods or a certain food to get two-to-two. I'd like to share that with you all and see what the variations are. What's really going on with you and your hunger scale and how much food it requires.

There it is. I hope you guys have enjoyed these new ways of thinking about the weight loss tools. I hope that they work for you. I hope you work for yourself and apply them to your lives because I do know without a shadow of a doubt that they absolutely work. I believe that if you work them, you will get everything that you want when it comes to your body and you absolutely do deserve that.

Hey everybody, don't forget to join us. Make sure you opt in for our coaching call that comes up on Wednesday. We'd love to have you there, and if you opt in, we also give you access to the other calls if you want to listen to them. We'll see you there. Go to the lifecoachschool.com and opt in. Take care, everybody. Bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to The Life Coach School podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.