You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode 466.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Hello, my friends. I’m laughing as I record this because my girlfriend Tonya has been talking to me about my podcast voice lately. And so I notice that when I introduced the podcast, I went right into my podcast voice. And then my friend Roberto was making fun of me for, “Rules for living number five,” voice.
So, just so y’all know, I have two voices I guess, according to my friends. So today, I am excited to talk about a topic called Success Is Hard. I am sitting in the penthouse of The Setai Hotel in Miami. It is stunning. The view is gorgeous of the ocean. I love it so much.
I recently bought a home, a penthouse down here. Not recently. I bought it two years ago and they’re still not done constructing it. And I had thought maybe I would sell it because it’s appreciated so much, but as I sit here and look out at this gorgeous ocean, I’m like, I don’t know, I might have to stay in it for a minute.
So it’s hot here, y’all. We woke up and played pickleball and now we’re about to go out and play again. My son loves playing pickleball when I’m willing to bet money. So we shall see. We play a lot of games in our family. My son Connor is here with my bonus son Mason, and so we’re going to all go out there and play a little, see what happens.
But I wanted to record this podcast before I went because I had this profound moment earlier and I’ve been thinking about it all day. I was looking at my bestie Kris Plachy’s Instagram, and she had a reel on there that was really interesting, and it said, “When you make success look easy, you attract people who want easy success.”
And I went, “Huh, isn’t that so interesting?” Because so often, so many people say to me that I make success look easy, and I make making millions of dollars look easy. And the truth is, it’s not easy. It’s hard, and it’s easy.
So I think that that’s just really important to say out loud, and I want to break it down so you understand what I mean when I say success is hard and success is easy. And then I want to talk a little bit about the messaging that I give as a teacher and the responses that are available.
Because I get a lot of pushback from a lot of people for the messaging that I send to my students. I get a lot of pushback for telling people that they can make money, for telling people that they can be successful, for telling people that they can make millions of dollars. I get a lot of pushback that that’s a lot of hype and it’s not true and that a lot of people can’t do that.
We also get the question, “What percentage of people make millions of dollars, and will I be in that percentage range, and can you guarantee me that?” All these things. So I’ve been thinking about it a lot today.
And first of all, I was thinking about that I get a lot of heat for saying you can do it. What I’ve done in terms of creating a business online, making millions of dollars, you can do this. And I believe that in the core of my soul.
And I read that somebody said that I wasn’t trustworthy because I said things like that. I was like, “What? Trustworthy?” I can’t be trusted because I tell people that they can have success. And I was like, “Wow, that is crazy to me.”
That’s like, wow, because if someone else doesn’t believe what I’m saying is true, they think that I must be lying on purpose to them because they don’t believe it. Isn’t that a trip? But I’m not lying, and I do believe it, and I have tons of evidence and lots of students, extraordinary percentage of my students making millions of dollars.
And I actually did it on purpose. I really genuinely wanted to focus only on teaching the Model and only teaching coaching because I think, honestly, that’s what I’m best in the world at. I didn’t want to teach business as part of my certification, I didn’t want to coach people on business. I didn’t want to focus on that area because I think there’s other people out there that teach business and I think they teach it better than me.
I don’t know that anyone teaches coaching better than me. And call that what you will. Arrogant or whatever, I just think that we have the best tools and we do the best coaching of anyone I know at The Life Coach School.
But I do think that other people teach business better than us. So I didn’t originally want to do that, but a lot of people were giving me all this pushback of other people can’t do what you do, or you’re a unicorn, or you’re significantly different than other human beings, or whatever. And I was like, this is nonsense.
I have the same capacity, I have the same fears, I am human. I have worked through some of this stuff, and I know other people can too. I think everyone who wants to can.
So anyway, that is why I went around my own rule and started teaching business and started helping other people make money because I wanted to prove that I wasn’t just making this up, that I wasn’t just some unicorn, that other people could actually do it.
And unfortunately, it hasn’t made much of a difference because I still get so much pushback for telling people that they can be successful. So I considered, what’s the alternative? I could tell people that they can’t do it. I could go around and say, “Oh no, this thing that I’ve done on the internet, this thing that I’ve done with coaching, this thing that I’ve done with building a school and building a membership, you can’t do that. Only I can do that because I’m so great.”
Is that what I’m supposed to say? I’m so amazing that only I can do it? Can you imagine the hate I’d get if I said that? So how do I win here? I tell people they can be successful, I get in trouble. I tell people they can’t be successful - first of all, I would never do that. But if I did, I would get in trouble from the world telling me that I shouldn’t tell people one way or the other.
But I think the truth is everybody can do it, and I would never tell people that they can’t do it. But what I would tell people sometimes is that you probably won’t do it. And when I said that, I just had this moment. I was like, “Huh, if I’m the kind of person that makes success look easy, so I attract sometimes people that want easy success…”
Kris Plachy wasn’t saying this to me specifically, she was saying this to all of her students, and I’m one of her students. She really does a good job of explaining how hard it is to be a leader, how hard it is to be a CEO. And she doesn’t mince any words about that. And a lot of us students really appreciate that she does that because it kind of sets us up to be ready for the challenge.
So if I were to say, “Listen, you can do this but you probably won’t do it,” that’s probably the most accurate thing I could say. And I’m not going to say that because I don’t find it useful. I don’t find it helpful. Unless you’re the kind of person that takes that as a challenge, which I would be, I’d be like, “Oh really?”
I would never want to put that in someone’s brain. I want people to try and find their full capacity. I want to help my students explore what they’re ultimately capable of.
So I was coaching someone today, one of my alumni students on this, and I told her about this podcast that I was working on and I told her that typically, those of us who won’t do it, it’s not that we can’t do it, we just won’t do it, we end up blaming when we won’t do it.
We end up either blaming ourselves and beating ourselves up and telling ourselves we’re imposters and that we’re not good enough and that we’re not capable and that we’re dumb for believing that we could do it, or we end up blaming someone else.
We end up blaming our teachers, we end up blaming the course creators, the people that told us that we could do it. Some people, they end up blaming me when they won’t do it. But this client was blaming her husband. And it doesn’t matter, we can blame our families, our husband, our circumstance, whatever.
But what that does is it ends up leaving us totally disempowered. And instead of acknowledging this is something I could do, I could be successful at this but I’m not going to, and I’m not going to because of the real reason why we’re not going to, instead of saying we’re not going to because it’s not possible because this person didn’t do this, this, this, or this. Or it’s not possible because I’m not this, this, this, or this.
So when you look at those three options for people as teachers, especially teachers selling business, selling dreams, selling ideas, selling what’s possible, being an example of what is possible, wanting to bring a lot, for me especially, of women along the way, it’s a profound experience to really think about what your options are.
You can do this. You can’t do this. Or you probably won’t do this. But you could do this. It’s kind of a trip to think about, right? So it doesn’t matter how many times I revisit it. I always end up with the same message. I always end up committed to telling women that they are capable and that they can do this work and they can be as successful as they choose to be.
And that is financially, and that is morally, and that is emotionally, in all of those areas. And I’m just not going to ever change that message. I’m just not. And I get a lot of people that say to me, “Hey, stop talking about money so much, stop being focused on money so much, stop setting that as a goal.”
And anyone who has really studied my work understands that the financial goal is really just a spiritual goal, an emotional goal, a human evolvement goal to bring up all of our obstacles and work through them. It’s not about the money actually at all.
So let’s go back just a minute to the part where I make it look easy and how I simplify concepts and ideas so they’re easy to understand. And I really do believe that the secret to success is easy, it’s simple, but it’s also hard.
So for example, the secret to success is you pick a goal and then you try something towards that goal, and if it works, you continue to do it, and if it doesn’t work, you stop doing that thing and you try something else and you keep going until you achieve it. That is as easy as successful gets.
Now, is that easy to do all the time? No, of course not. It’s emotionally challenging. But it’s easy in the sense that it’s not complicated. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. You don’t have to be overeducated. You don’t have to have a college degree. You don’t have to have a super high IQ to understand and achieve success.
You just have to try something with all your heart and all your massive action, and if it works, you keep doing it, and if it doesn’t, you try something else until it does. That’s it. That’s as simple as it gets. And people say, “It’s an oversimplification, you shouldn’t tell people that.” I don’t care because it’s the truth. It’s what it is.
So let’s talk about how success is hard though. Success is hard in the sense that you have to face up to yourself. You can’t just blame someone else. You can’t just live in confusion. You can’t blame your teacher. You can’t blame the school. You can’t blame the university. You have to own it. That’s hard. It’s much harder than blaming.
Success is hard because you have to show up consistently. You have to be willing to let people make fun of you and judge you. Brené Brown says, “Hey listen, if you’re not in the arena, I don’t want to know your opinion. If you’re not out here with me in the battle, in the field doing the thing, I don’t want to know.”
Amy Porterfield says, “Hey, remember, anyone more successful than you is not going to be spending their time hating on you. They’re just not.” So look at the people that are judging you and hating on you and commenting on you. So many of you are so afraid of what they’re going to say on your Facebook about you to you that you don’t even go out there because it’s hard. That’s the hard part.
And the reason why it’s hard is we’re wired for connection. We’re wired for sameness. We’re wired for convention and falling in line and doing what we’re told. Most of us were raised in a school system that they told us what to do and how to do it and that there was an answer for everything and that they would provide it.
Success is hard because your emotions are hard sometimes. Doubt and worry and confusion and failure and shame and humiliation and embarrassment. You’re going out there and you’re going to do this big webinar and two people show up. You’re going to do a call and one person shows up. You’re going to a launch, you’re going to sell 100, and 10 people buy.
I’ve coached everyone on everything. We’ve all gone through it. When somebody calls us out or call us ugly, or says we’re dumb, or says something we said was dumb, or says something we’re wearing is awful, whatever. It’s all of those things. Those are hard.
Showing up every day and not being told how to do it and having to figure that out, that is hard, my friends. You have to constantly be learning new things. Your brain is constantly in discovery and curiosity and learning mode. It is the most calorie-expensive thing a brain can do, and we do it every day almost all day. That’s hard.
Overcoming the obstacles and the doubt and the fear, stepping out of the cave, stepping out of the group of people that are all doing it differently and standing alone is hard. Having people get upset with you because you did it wrong is hard. Making mistakes in your business and letting people down is hard. It is so hard.
Getting up every day when you have employees who are dependent on you, clients who need you, that is hard. But once you do it and you practice it and you evolve and you get better at it and you overcome the obstacles, you become less fragile. You become more emotionally resilient. You learn how to not quit.
You learn how to not take other people’s opinions of you so seriously, whether they’re positive or they’re negative. And you learn that your life is meant to be lived out loud, and if you have a desire to be successful and you have an opportunity to be successful, this is your chance. Right here, right now, this life.
Let it be hard. We can do hard things. You’ve heard the saying. We can do hard things, my friends, and the harder they are, the stronger we get. The stronger we get, the bigger things we do. And it’s a perpetual cycle of deliciousness.
So I was thinking, why do people think I make success look easy? Why doesn’t it look as hard as it is? Because I’m enjoying myself? Because I know how to explain it really simply? Because I’m having so much fun so much of the time? Because I’m not sharing as much of the negative 50 as the positive 50? And is it my responsibility to do so?
And I think I’m going to really be conscious of this moving forward, of sharing how hard it really is in case I haven’t done that enough. And how hard some of those emotions are, and how hard it is to show up and have people say hurtful things about you, and how hard it is to show up and have no one buy, and to keep going.
I, as you know, have been spending a lot of time with my son Christian who is attempting to go pro in golf. He’s currently playing for Arkansas. And I watch him grind and I watch him fail and I watch him succeed and I watch him fail. And I just think, “God, this is hard, and it’s worth it.”
What is that thing that you would be willing to do and continue to do even as you’re failing at it? If you can answer that question, you will be successful at that thing. You will find your way towards that thing. And if you are successful, that will be magnificent. And if you decide not to be, that will be the only reason that you aren’t.
I’m going to keep saying it. Whatever you desire in your heart to be successful at, please don’t ever give up on it. Please don’t blame other people for you not doing what it is you genuinely want to do. Don’t blame yourself in a way that’s disparaging or ugly or unkind.
Treat yourself with respect, treat yourself with curiosity, treat yourself with love, and know that you are already 100% worthy. Success isn’t about making you more worthy. Success is just really, really fun, and really, really awful, and really, really easy, and really, really hard. And it keeps us moving forward, and it keeps us evolving, and that is why we do it.
And that’s why I always want to invite each and every one of you to believe in your own success and what is possible for you. Have a beautiful week everyone, I’ll talk to you later. Bye-bye.
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