You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo episode 408.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Hello my friends. I’m excited. The next two podcasts are good. This one and the next one. I sat down with my friend Ryan Moran and I love him. We love each other. We are like, besties and neighbors and we get to jam and we get to jamming.
So he recorded this podcast for his podcast, Capitalism.com is his business, and I listened to them while I was walking and they were so good. I think we cover some really great topics in detail. We talk a lot about my life and his life between the two episodes, and we reveal quite a bit.
So this first one is how to make every year the best year and what that means, and I hope you enjoy it. I really do focus on making every year my best year, and this has been my best, best year so far. So come on, join me and Ryan Moran, let’s do this.
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Ryan: So Brooke, we’ve got to know each other just a little bit over the last two years and I’ve noticed something about you that I want to ask you about. I have noticed about you that you decide how something is going to go before it happens.
Brooke: Yes.
Ryan: I need you to talk about that.
Brooke: I think that’s how we live intentional lives. I think that most people will say, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen, or I’m going to wait and see what happens, let’s try it and see.” And I’m always like, no, let’s create something that we want in this way and make it happen.
Ryan: And when you do that, are you thinking about it from an emotional perspective? Or are you thinking about that from a results perspective?
Brooke: Results perspective.
Ryan: Okay. So most people would enter into some sort of an experience and hope for the result. They would say, “I can control my thoughts, I control how I feel about it, I can control my reactions,” but they would never say, “I can control a result.” You’re like, well, that’s stupid.
Brooke: Well, of course you can control the result because if you think about the Self-Coaching Model, your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, your actions are always delivering your result.
So when I say I’m going to create a result, people are like, how do you know? I’m like, well, I’m just going to keep taking action until I create the result. And I think most people think about a result as a one-shot opportunity.
Ryan: Yes.
Brooke: So they’re like, well, I’m going to try and if it doesn’t work, then I won’t have created that result. And I think my perspective is I’ll try a thousand times and then if I still don’t have the result, I’ll try 1001.
Ryan: Do you think that requires a certain amount of resolve for the result?
Brooke: Of course.
Ryan: Because I’ve been guilty of this. I’m sure a lot of people are. They will change the result that they’re going for based on the data that they’ve received of previous attempts. You know what I’m saying? So I think in order to have that sort of commitment, you’ve got to be very resolved that that’s the thing you’re going after.
Brooke: And I don’t normally change the result. I usually just change the timeline. If it’s taking more attempts or more effort or more times to get the result that I want to get, I’ll just give myself more time if I need to. But I rarely change the result that I was going after.
Ryan: When did you feel resolved around the 100 million?
Brooke: Always. Since I said it.
Ryan: Since you said it. But you didn’t always feel that way. Like, it was first you’re going to make your first million, and then it was 10 million. You decided to go after the 100 million, you’re halfway there. So what you’re saying is you always felt like 100 million, going for it, no doubts about it, I’m just going to go for it, I’m going to figure it out?
Brooke: Yeah. And what’s so fascinating about that actually, I think you and I were talking about this the other day. It’s like, that feels much more real and attainable and achievable than a million did when I first said a million.
Ryan: Interesting.
Brooke: That felt so far away and so crazy. And one of the things that I’ve come to that this is a really good insight that I recently wrapped my mind around is I’m currently working on creating a sales script for my certification program. We’ve never done any kind of like, outbound sales or phone sales. It’s always just been done through a funnel. And one of the things that…
Ryan: Which is amazing, by the way that you’ve done 35 million a year with no sales processes, except having a funnel. It’s unbelievable.
Brooke: Yeah. And so what’s cool for me right now is learning about the sales process and learning about scripts and working with a company on that. And one of the things that I’ve been thinking a lot about is when you’re on a sales call with someone, it’s all about making a decision, and being certain about the outcome of that decision.
So in this example, they’re making a decision to sign up for certification and the reason they will make that decision is because they’re certain that if they do, they’ll get the outcome that they want…
Ryan: Makes sense. I’m totally picking up when you’re throwing down.
Brooke: And so I work a lot with my students, my brain is just on fire right now around this because I’ve been starting to think like, we sell people on our products but we also sell ourselves on our dreams. And so as I’m learning this sales process and how I can work with a potential student and sell them on themselves succeeding in certification, I’m thinking to myself, “Can I use this same sales process on my own brain to sell me on my own dreams?”
Ryan: How is that playing out in your brain?
Brooke: It’s so cool. So the way that I’ve been thinking about it is when you make a decision to believe something, and this is something you and I have talked a lot about with your listeners, we talked about how important it is to believe in your dream, whatever it is, your seven-figure dream, or your business, whatever.
And a lot of people come to me and they say, “I believe in my dream,” and I don’t believe them. And so I’ve been trying to figure out what is it about belief that when certain people say they believe something, I believe them. And other people say it and I don’t believe them. So how do I know?
And what I realized is when you make the decision to believe something, it’s not enough to just think it. An actual decision requires action. So I think we think about decisions as thought choices, like I was thinking this and now I’m thinking this.
But if you think about it in terms of a sales call, how do I know you’ve made the decision? You pay me money. You enroll. And something clicked in my brain and I was like, oh, so someone could tell me all day long, “I want to become a life coach, I think I could be an amazing life coach, I think your program is amazing, I’m 100% in.”
Tell me that all day long. I do not believe you until you’ve enrolled, until you’ve paid the money, until you have skin in the game, until you’ve taken the action. And it’s the same with a client who says, “I really believe I can make a million dollars.” And they’ve made the “decision” and they believe it. What have you actually done that has put skin in the game, that has risked your current life for the one that you want?
Ryan: I just want you to know that I’m totally going to use that quote in a sales letter. I’m going to say it on sales calls.
Brooke: 100%.
Ryan: I don’t believe you until you’ve taken action.
Brooke: And you shouldn’t believe yourself. So I had a friend tell me like, “I believe I’m going to be able to make a million dollars, but I’m not really ready to sign up yet.” And I’m like, then you don’t believe it yet.
Because listen, and it sounds like a sales tactic and it is, but you can use it on yourself for your own dreams. So that’s what’s so amazing. It’s a tactic that actually is true and works.
For example, when I decided I wanted to make a million dollars, I made the decision to put 100% focus in creating the two products that I have now. Self-Coaching Scholars and certification. And in order to do that, I had to stop doing another program that I had just enrolled a bunch of people in.
So I returned their money to them, 200K. And that for me, that was the decision. It’s like, I put my money where my mouth was, I had skin in the game, you could tell, I could tell that I believed in myself and in my dream because if I’m going to make a million dollars, this 200K isn’t that important.
But if I’m not willing to give up that 200K, I don’t really believe in the million probably. Although Frank Kern said, “I mean, you could have 1.2 million.” He’s like, what don’t you have both?
But for me, it was that defining decision where I’m willing to put money down on it. I’m willing to push my chips in. I’m willing to risk something to prove to myself that I believe it. And I’m willing to keep taking action until I get that result. So for me, that has been an incredibly powerful way to prove to myself what I believe.
Ryan: It makes total sense. I like to say that action is evidence of the belief.
Brooke: Yes.
Ryan: We sometimes separate the two. But I think that your actions are evidence of what you believe.
Brooke: It’s so true. It’s so true.
Ryan: And for me, we’ve talked about - I have one really big L. This big loss and this one business that I lost a couple million bucks running. And I always had this thought train of once I have sort of recovered, when I’m back to even on that, then I will x, y, and z.
And that is flipped in my brain where it’s like, no, I believe in x, y, and z, so I’m going to take the L on this and do whatever it takes to cut that off or pay that off, or I’d do whatever it takes to shore that up so it’s not in my brain anymore because I believe in this other thing. And that took a while for that shift to happen. Do you think there’s a way to expedite that?
Brooke: Action.
Ryan: Say more please. That’s not what I thought you were going to say. You saw my face. I need you to keep talking.
Brooke: I think if you’re having trouble believing in something, the more action you can take towards it - so even with your L, the way you’re handling that, can we talk about it a little bit?
Ryan: Yeah, let’s do it.
Brooke: So you bought this business and you still owe this business money. Now, you could just keep paying them monthly and eventually you would have them paid off. But you want to take the L and move on with your life. You know why I believe you? Because you’re going to just settle and you’re going to have a big fat chunk of money and move on.
So do you need to do that? Is it necessary? No. But it’s making a statement to yourself about what you believe is true. And when I see you do something like that, and I’ve done similar things in my life, it’s like, that amount of money will be recovered more quickly if I just take the L and move on.
So I think when somebody says to me, “I’ve been really working hard on my business because I really believe that I’ll make a million dollars,” I’ll say, “Show me all your results.” I don’t say show me all your wins. I want to see your Ws and your Ls.
And the more Ws and Ls you have, the more I believe that you believe. And people will say, “Well, I’ve been working hard.” I don’t ask them what they’ve been doing. I don’t care. What are the Ls, what are the Ws? Show me the results you’ve created. That’s what demonstrates it.
And that’s a very important distinction. You’re not just having conversations about this. You’re not just having negotiations or putting up flyers or Instagram posts or whatever. What are you actually creating? What are you actually settling as a result?
And I think for some people it’s hard to wrap your mind around that. But I was just talking to a friend about this and she just was telling me, “No, I’m 100% committed, I’ve been working so hard.” I’m like, “Don’t care at all how hard you’ve bene working.” And that’s hard for people to hear. I don’t care how hard you’ve been working. I care how many results you have that are demonstrating your belief in this result.
Ryan: So I’m thinking of a person in my mind who I’ve been working with who has a lot of Ls because this person has been trying a lot of different things, and they’re starting to get discouraged in the results that they are getting.
So if somebody came to you and you told them, show me your wins and your losses, and they brought you a sheet of all their losses without a lot of wins…
Brooke: I would be all in with them, especially if they’re high-quality losses. A lot of people take action that is unplanned and undisciplined and unregulated and call that failing, or they fail ahead of time and call that failing. I want to see like, are you, in the work that you’re doing, demonstrating the belief in your business? And is that why you’re getting an L?
If you have a bunch of Ls because of that, you’re so much smarter than when you started. You’re so close. So when you look at that person, do you see how much they’ve learned from all of those negative results? If not, they’re probably not demonstrating their belief. They’re probably all over the place.
Ryan: I think for a lot of people, they are making the actions with the underlying fear that it’s not going to work out, without the underlying resolve. I’ve already decided that this is going to happen. And so I know that I’ve shown up in areas of my life like that, and when I do that, I make chaotic decisions.
Brooke: That’s exactly right.
Ryan: So I will have Ls, but they are chaotic Ls. They’re not progressive. I’ll throw some money at this and I’ll try to fix this problem. But when I have real resolve that this is where I am going, I will still have Ls, but they still lead me in a direction that is closer to the result that I’m wanting.
Brooke: Well, and you will be so much smarter. So if you have a bunch of fails, like if I’d made a bunch of offers and people have said no, I need to be learning from all of that. And if I’m just chaotically doing stuff and being like - it’s like, if I do a sales call the same way 100 times, I’m going to end up with 100 Ls, but I haven’t learned anything.
Each call needs to evolve me. And when you believe in your end result, you’re almost confused by your fail. You’re like, wait, I know I’m going to make $100 million, why didn’t that go through?
Ryan: Confused is a much better feeling than discouraged.
Brooke: It’s like, perplexed. You’re like, wait, I know I win this game. I’ve been watching Tom Brady’s Man in the Arena. Highly recommend it.
Ryan: Is it on Netflix?
Brooke: Tom Brady is amazing. It’s on HBO Max. And it’s a series about his career, which is of course extraordinary. And so everything in my mind right now is a football metaphor, which I love.
But it’s like, every single opportunity that you have to put yourself out there, to lay it out, and to learn from it, I actually think can be more powerful than having a bunch of wins.
Ryan: I agree.
Brooke: And so when I was thinking about this podcast that we’re going to record and you had said to me, “Hey, let’s do a podcast on how to make sure every year keeps getting better,” and I was thinking about that. How do I make sure that each year is my best year?
And I thought, it depends on how you define best. It depends on what it means to you to have a good year or a better year. And as I’m watching this series with Tom Brady and seeing like - we see all his wins. But he’s had so many fails, so many Ls too.
I was just watching the season where he had a perfect season until he lost the Super Bowl. And you’re just like, what just happened? It’s crazy. But he was talking about how that loss for him kept his ambition high because it’s like, that’s the one thing he hasn’t done yet.
And you and I were talking about this too. I don’t know for me, making that first million was the sweetest, the best year ever. The year where I made a million dollars was the best year compared to making 17 million, which is insane. It’s insane.
So then you have to ask yourself, okay, so how are we defining the best year for ourselves? And when you’re in the middle of the grind, which many of your listeners are, they haven’t made their first million yet, or maybe they haven’t even made their first 100K, maybe they haven’t even had their first client yet. It’s like, that to me can be the best.
Ryan: The grind is the best part. Because the delta on your change is the greatest. The first 100K, going from zero to 100K is an infinite expansion. Going from 100K to a million is only 10X. It’s still awesome but it’s only 10X.
Brooke: And we were talking about this at dinner the other night is the anticipation of how you’re going to feel when you have a million dollars, when you make a million dollars is so much better than actually making a million dollars.
You think if I could just, and it’s kind of like what you were saying about this business. If I could just get past this then, if I could just make this much money then. And once you make that money, you realize, oh, it’s just me with a million dollars.
Everything else is just the same, and now we get to do it again. And again and again. And now we want to do more of that. So when you think about what makes a year the best year, for me, I think it’s growth.
Ryan: Growth over the previous year.
Brooke: Growth. And not financial growth, but personal growth. So when I think about your year and I think about you going through what you’re going through with this business, or I think about my year and what I’ve been going through in terms of my personal life and how much fun I’ve had and how much I’ve learned, talk about Ls and Ws.
I’ve had so many wins and so many Ls. And the growth that I’ve had in that area is so exponential that it feels like one of my best years, versus maybe last year where I wasn’t growing as much personally. My business was growing, but I didn’t feel as much evolvement.
And so it’s kind of ironic to think about some of the roughest years, emotionally rough years. Like the struggle, the discomfort, the grind, like what you’re saying. That can be some of the best years because you evolved the most.
Ryan: Every time I go through one of those periods, when I look back on it, I’ll be like, that was so pivotal to my success. So if I can marinate in that belief, it lets me get through that time with more grace. It can still suck. It’s still emotionally difficult, but I can get through it with less hating myself, less beating up myself for this situation.
Brooke: Totally.
Ryan: So I’ve noticed you show up to everything with this idea of how it’s going to go. And you’re saying you do that with every year by just saying I know I’m going to grow personally. But have you ever had a year that that didn’t happen?
Brooke: Where I didn’t grow personally?
Ryan: Where you felt like you regressed?
Brooke: I don’t think I’ve regressed just because of my mindset. I’m always putting myself in harm’s way is what I say.
Ryan: I get that. Even in my own mind, I’m analyzing just that question that I just asked you. And I’m still quantifying it in the case of business growth. A result that you could measure. But you’re saying whatever happens, you’re going to grow from it.
Brooke: This year’s a great example. We want to do 50 million this year. We did 42.
Ryan: Are you going to be okay?
Brooke: I mean, but listen, that’s a goal that I’m working towards. I would never see that as a L.
Ryan: Are you going to be able to make rent? You only made $47 million.
Brooke: No, 42.
Ryan: How do you live on $42 million?
Brooke: I mean, it’s a significant thing to think about because a lot of people will set a goal for a million. And 42 to 50, that doesn’t affect me literally at all in my life. But people will crush themselves over this.
Ryan: You could let that defeat you. You could beat yourself over that.
Brooke: And people are like, I want to go from one to 1.2 and they crush themselves over it. It’s like, come on. And that is a significant lifestyle difference. Much more than what I’m dealing with. But for me, is that - the compounding growth that I’ve had and then comparing it to this year, it wasn’t as much.
But I don’t feel at all like it’s a regression. I don’t feel at all like I didn’t do something right or something well. It’s the craziest thing. I just extend my timeline for the next year and we’ll do 50 million this year for sure. And so I think for people that are setting big, huge, impossible goals for themselves, I think sometimes they want to change the result so they don’t fail.
They’re like, no, kidding, I was never going to make that. And that’s why for me, an impossible goal is so powerful. Because you already know you’re probably not going to hit it. And when you do, it’s such a delight. And when you don’t, it’s not a big deal. And you just move on.
But the difference is I never ever stop believing right up until the moment where it’s a new year. I never stop believing. And I think that’s the difference is when you stop believing in what’s possible for yourself - I always believe right up to the last day.
We could do this, we could still make 50 million. Why not believe that? Why not keep yourself open to that? Versus we should change that, or we should beat ourselves up for not doing it.
Ryan: Do you ever stress about not hitting a goal?
Brooke: No. Why?
Ryan: Some people say the stress is the motivation for you to work harder.
Brooke: No. The inspiration. You want to switch out - because working harder from fueled by stress energy is never going to create something sustainable.
Ryan: Well, the counter argument would be December 1st hits, you realize you’re not on pace for the 50 million, so why aren’t you crushing your email list with promotions?
Brooke: You totally can. But just make sure it’s fueled by inspiration and not from stress and fear. That is a huge difference. Oh shit, I’m not going to hit it, I’m not going to hit it, let’s go get them, let’s go slay it, let’s go make it happen because we suck if we don’t do that, versus, alright, what can we do? Let’s make it happen, this will be great. And people think that stress and beating yourself up is motivating. And it can be temporarily but it’s never going to be sustainable.
Ryan: I’m really glad you just said that. Because I have definitely put that pressure on myself and I know I’m not alone in that. And that’s the seed of discouragement, burnout, dissatisfaction. And then that’s when I get into the mode of burn it all down and let’s start all over. If it’s always from a place of inspiration, then I just want to wake up and try again.
Brooke: Yes. And that’s why people say to me, “Well, I made a goal to make 50 million last year but I didn’t hit it, so I’m going to set a lower bar this year because that was so stressful.” It’s like, it’s not the goal’s fault that you were stressed out. It’s your brain’s fault.
Make your goal even bigger. Double down on your goal. But have your mindset be more positive. So I look back, I’m like, hey, how did we miss our 50 million goal? What wasn’t set up the way that we could do it now? And how can we double down? And how can we switch it up?
And for me, that’s what’s so exciting. I’m like, okay, we’re going to reshoot some videos, we’re going to redo some funnels, we’re going to do a webinar, we’re going to bring on a sales team. All of a sudden, it’s evolving my company and me in a way that’s exciting and inspiring because we didn’t hit it, versus beating ourselves up.
Ryan: And you said something really interesting there, which is the funnels and the webinars and all that stuff, you’re genuinely excited about doing all of those things.
Brooke: Yes, instead of like…
Ryan: I have to redo it again, got to do this again. But when you really believe that that will lead to the result…
Brooke: Then it’s just an ATM machine. It really is. When people say they don’t like funnels, I’m like, you don’t like ATM machines? Like, don’t beat up the machine just because you don’t know the code to get money out of it yet.
Ryan: But you’re not showing up in the way to where that funnel is enjoyable. It means you don’t really believe that it’s going to have the outcome that you want.
Brooke: Exactly.
Ryan: When you’re showing up in that stressed and fear-based position, of course you’re going to hate funnels. You’re going to hate everything that you do. But when you are genuinely inspired by it and believe in the outcome, at least the eventual outcome, every single time, it’s exciting.
I’ve noticed about myself that when I really have that internal resolve, I show up extremely differently in that video or that webinar. And I enjoy the entire process. And every sale and every piece of progress feels exhilarating, versus when I’m showing up fearful and doubtful, even if I’m getting results, I hate it.
Brooke: It’s so fascinating. And I think one of the things that we have to be really careful of, as entrepreneurs, is anticipating that we will have failures and really being disciplined in what we make those mean and watching how easy it is to justify mediocrity and justify scaling back our goals and scaling back our growth because we’re not as good as that other person, or maybe we overshot it and maybe we’re not as good at copy and maybe this isn’t going to work for us and maybe we should change, maybe we should sell.
My think is, maybe I should just become a hostess. That seems like an easy job. Like, really. And people think because they have those thoughts, that they’re not set up to be an entrepreneur or they shouldn’t be doing this because it’s so stressful.
And I’m always like, “No, the stress is not from being an entrepreneur. The stress is not from having big goals. The stress is from not managing your brain. And that’s the secret between five million and 20.
Ryan: That’s really interesting because even in this past week, I had a setback and I could not get my mind to shut off all of the failure chatter in my brain. I could not get it to turn off. And once I had sort of processed through it, after a couple days, I realized my life was exactly the same as before the setback. The only thing that was different was my thoughts about it. We were talking about this at dinner this week, how Byron Katie says, “Regardless of what’s going on, you’re either sitting, standing, or lying down. Everything else is your thoughts.”
Brooke: Yeah, so let me tell you – I’ll tell you exactly what had happened. I have a friend of a friend who is in a very different financial situation than I am. And he was needing to pick up his car from the shop, and he had to pay to pick up his car from the shop, but he didn’t have money to cover it. But he was getting paid the next day.
So, he asked me, “Can I borrow $300 for 12 hours so I can get my car out of the shop and then I’ll pay you right back as soon as I get my paycheck.” And I said yes, of course, and he did pay me back and it was a beautiful thing.
But I was thinking about this. There are people that are living on this planet that don’t have $300 of savings in their bank account and then there’s me, right. I have $300,000 in my coin purse, literally, that is not any money to me. And yet, the two of us are human beings on the planet. All we’re doing is standing, lying horizontal, and neither one of us is happier than the other.
And it makes everything else, like, perspective. And I was thinking the same thing with Tom Brady. So, Tom Brady was talking about how he had a perfect season and then lost the Super Bowl. And he didn’t sleep at all that night that he lost the Super Bowl.
And I was thinking about, you know, there’s people all over the world losing sleep about all sorts of different things. And you look at Tom Brady and you’re like, “Dude, you lost the Super Bowl by four points, but you went to the Super Bowl and you get paid…”
Ryan: “And have you seen your wife?”
Brooke: “Have you seen yourself? Your life is insane.” Like, it doesn’t matter. He was up all night that night and he said he was devastated. It’s all relative. That was his negative 50%. And we can look at him, or we look at my friend that only has $300. At least he has a car. There’s someone else that doesn’t have a car.
So, when you step back from all of that and you look at it, it’s like, we’re all going to have a 50:50 life and we’re going to have wins and we’re going to have losses and if we can manage our brains and we can decide not to be upset about being upset, we’re going to have a way better life.
Ryan: And you told me that this individual was a delight of a human.
Brooke: Delight.
Ryan: Fun to be around…
Brooke: Amazing, happy…
Ryan: Joyous, happy, great family and is probably no less happy than you, just a completely different life circumstance. And I told this story at the Capitalism Conference but a couple years ago, there was a situation outside of my control that I found myself wrapped up in, and I thought there was a chance I might go to jail.
There were some things that happened that I didn’t know about that I wasn’t involved in, but I was worried that I would get wrapped up in it because I had a friend who had been in a similar situation and he went to jail for something he didn’t do. Anyway, story for another day. Some of you know the story.
And I had to get to this place in which I was envisioning myself in prison and wondering, “Can I be happy here? Can I find peace here? Can I find peace if the feds take all my money and I’m locked up?” And I genuinely got to a place where I believed, where I knew that that was possible. I could be locked up and I could find peace and joy and purpose. And I knew, in that moment, that if I could do that while being in prison, then I could do that in any situation in life.
Brooke: And the way that I like to leverage that knowledge is not, “You can be happy no matter what, so why go after all of it?” Mine is the opposite, “You can be happy no matter what, so you might as well push yourself. You might as well put yourself in harm’s way.” It’s always going to be 50% happiness. You might as well be rich. You might as well evolve. You might as well create the biggest life you can possibly do.
And I think, when I say that to people, they think, “Oh yes, that sounds great. I’ll do that.” But you don’t do that. Because what happens is you set your goal for 50, you only get to 43, and then you think, “Oh that feels bad. I’m going to down-regulate myself.” Versus it feels bad but it’s going to feel bad not to make it too, “It’s going to feel bad to make less than that, so I might as well double down and keep striving and keep going and making my goals bigger.”
And I think people want to be more inspired by their goals. They want to feel more excited. They want to feel more motivated. Get over it. If you feel entitled to be inspired and motivated for your goals and you look at someone like me or you look at someone like Ryan and how much money we’re making and you think, “Oh, they’re enjoying that.” Nope, we’re not enjoying it any more than you are, 50% of the time.
And I promise you, there are so many days when Ryan and I are like, “Yo, this sucks. Let’s talk about how much it sucks for a minute.” And then we move on.
Ryan: We were on a walk this week and you said, “I’m shocked at how I’m just as happy as when I was making 400K,” and how sometimes you’re like, “My life was a lot simpler back then. Now, I have way more meetings. Now, I have days where I have to work. Whereas before, if I didn’t want to work, I just didn’t work.” And it’s a change of scenery.
You still only like half the scenery. I lived in a high-rise a few years ago with what I thought was the best view of the city. So, we’re in your penthouse right now. I was on the 12th floor, I think, right by the water. So, it was the perfect view where I walked in and saw water the whole time. I loved this view. Two months into living there, I didn’t even see it anymore.
Brooke: Right, although if you stay conscious…
Ryan: If you actively appreciate it…
Brooke: I do. I walk in this penthouse every day, I’m like, “Girl, good job.” But you have to be conscious of it. You have to actively appreciate it.
Ryan: I think active appreciation is sort of the secret. I did a presentation once at this conference on a topic where I noticed that the few people in my life that have the rare combination of being both wealthy and really happy – I know people who are really happy and don’t have a lot of money and people who have a lot of money but aren’t really happy. But there’s only a few that have that combo, genuinely so.
Travis Sago is one, Mark Jenny is one, you’re another. And I believe that the thing that they all did was they actively appreciated what was good in their life, like practicing focusing on what was good. And when you can make that the dominant focus, it brings more – you start training your brain to see more of that. And the opposite is true too.
We have mutual friends that are looking for a lot of negative in the world right now. And they are finding it. And they are making up stories that aren’t true to continue justifying the belief that the world is getting worse.
I remember, we were sitting here right when the meltdown happened after COVID and you were like, “I just think the market’s going to go boom, the economy is going to go boom. It’s going to come right back.” And it did.
Brooke: And why not believe that? Even if it’s not true, why not believe it until it doesn’t? Yeah, totally. I don’t know if we’ve talked about this on the podcast, but if we haven’t, I need to share it with the people that listen, is the idea of maybe your life is just a two?
Ryan: I don’t think so.
Brooke: Okay, here we go. So, listeners, think about your life right now. And on a scale of one to 10, where do you think you are? And if you’re like most of my friends and most of my students, you’ll give yourself a seven or an eight…
Ryan: I don’t let people say seven. Whenever I say one to 10, you can’t pick seven.
Brooke: That’s interesting.
Ryan: Seven is the safe answer because it’s good enough. If you say six, it’s like, “Oh, there’s some room in here.” If you say eight, you’re doing pretty good. It’s very revealing if you make somebody not say seven. Please continue.
Brooke: So, most everyone will say maybe an eight, like living a good life, you’re obviously smart, you’re listening to a podcast, you’re trying to make more money, you’re trying to improve yourself. Yeah, everybody who listens to this podcast is hot…
Ryan: Everybody from capitalism.com, super attractive. You’ve been to our events. You saw…
Brooke: There are some hot folks, yeah. So, when I ask that question and then I’m like, “But what if you’re wrong about that? What if your life right now as good as it is, is really just a two? What if the potential for your life is so much bigger than you have even been willing to imagine?”
And I love this way of looking at life because I think sometimes, we forget to try to be awesome. And as I’m watching Tom Brady’s life on this documentary and I’m thinking about every year, they have the Super Bowl to go after, and I’m a little bit jealous of that. I’m like, “What’s the Super Bowl in my life this year?”
And the hall of fame is my $100 million, but what is this year’s Super Bowl? What does that look like and who are my opponents and what am I going up against? And what is it going to be like? And what do the weeks look like? And it got me so riled up. I was like, “Yes, I can’t wait to talk to my team about, like, what is their Super Bowl?”
Ryan: Individually, you mean?
Brooke: Yeah. What’s everybody’s Super Bowl for this year? And are you aiming too low? Are you thinking about your life as a two when really it could be an eight, it could be a 10?
Ryan: I love that question. So, for you, what is that Super Bowl?
Brooke: Well, that’s what – I’m like living in that question right now. So, for me, obviously, $50 million for my business. But I also want to create this dream team. He talks about how, on this team, he feels like they were the best NFL team of all time that year. I can’t even remember what the year was.
And talking about how everyone on the team was at their edge, everyone was working towards their eight, and he was talking about how so many of us, we don’t want to go to that edge and we’re good enough to be comfortable in our success where we are right now. And I’m already making $42 million a year. Why am I pushing myself? Why am I trying to go to my edge? Why am I putting myself in harm’s way?
Tom Brady has already won everything why is he still fricking at it? And the way that he talks about it is, “I just want to fulfill my potential as a human.” That is ultimately what it is.
And I love that that includes the hard Ls, like you’re experiencing, and the sacks and the losing the Super Bowl after they won every game in the season. It’s so gritty and so exciting. I think that’s what makes our lives worth living. And when I think my life right now is a two and it could be a 10, there’s something about that that just makes me so excited.
Ryan: So, it reminds me of – you’ve heard Dan Sullivan do the Life Extender, right? How long are you going to live? The short answer is if we added 10 years to that, what would happen in those 10 years? What would that free you up to do?
And what I’m processing as you’re saying this is, if I believe my life’s an eight, but it’s only a two, all of a sudden, I feel like I have all this capacity that I didn’t know is there. and of course, it’s just in our minds. But we create that. So, now, I’m thinking about all this capacity for how I really could be at an eight. I’m only at a two. And it’s just my own judgment that is making it an eight.
Well, if I change that, then I have all this room for growth in areas that I’m not even exploring right now. And that makes me really excited about happiness.
Brooke: And you have to be careful about this too because I have some friends that I presented this to and then they beat themselves up that they’re only at a two. And I’m like, no, you just have to think about it as you’re only in second gear. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You just didn’t realize you have three more gears that you can shift into.
There’s nothing wrong with second gear. Second gear is good. You just can’t get to where you could if you changed up the gears. And it does, it just opens up possibility.
And there’s so many people – and it’s probably not people listening to this podcast, but there are so many people that don’t even think about being great. They don’t even think about being extraordinary. They don’t think about, “What is my human potential?” They’re just thinking, “How do I get through it?”
Ryan: Well, they’re convinced, they have a belief that they’re average. And it’s just a belief.
Brooke: Yeah, they’re at a five and that’s all they can do.
Ryan: And they’re finding evidence to support that belief, “I’m a five. I’m just average. It’s fine.”
Brooke: And it’s not changeable. There’s no mind growth there. There’s no growth mindset, so there’s no possibility. And so, if I think I’m an eight, “Then I could go nine and 10, but I don’t want to get greedy.” But if I’m at a two, I’m like, “Whoa, I think it’s an eight but really it’s a two, let’s go.”
And I was talking to a friend and she was saying to me, “I just don’t think I have the potential to be as successful as you.” And from my perspective, that’s absurd because I’m the one living it and I know that I’m not any more exceptional than you, and I know that I’m not any more capable than you.
And other people will say, “Yeah, Brooke, but when we look at you, we see that you are more capable.” I’m like, “That is not true. The only reason you see that is because I’m already at the finish line in your mind.” But for me, what you see as my potential is just me warming up. I’m at the starting line.
And so, when my friend looks at me and says, “I can’t be as successful as you,” it’s absurd to me. Why in the world would you choose to think that thought when I’m your friend and you can see that I’m just as normal as you are? We’re just hanging out together, sitting standing, lying horizontal together, why not believe that you could have what I have?
Ryan: that question, why would you choose to have that thought? Why would you choose to practice this thought? There are people still talking about you asking that question at the Capitalism Conference because it melted their mind so much.
And because the assumption is, “I believe that thought because it’s true,” or, “I believe that thought because I have evidence for that thought.” And you’re saying, “But there’s evidence for this thought too, and this one feels way better.”
You said on one of your Scholars calls recently that beliefs are like a fire, and you need to find the logs to throw on that fire, and every thought is like a log. So, choose the thoughts that keep the fire burning that you want to grow. I never thought about it like that.
Brooke: And I want you to think about it this way too. There’s a big bucket of, “I don’t know how,” that extinguishes that fire. And I have heard so many people saying, “I can’t be like you, Brooke, because I don’t know how,” and put the fire out.
Versus, “If Brooke Castillo can do it, if Ryan Moran can do it, why can’t I do it? I can do it. I’m a human. I have a brain. They went before me and they’re teaching me how. In fact, I could do it faster.” That’s been true for so many of my students.
What took me so long, they’re like right behind me now. It’s so exciting to think about, as we all increase our capacity, we all increase our capacity. The capacity for growth expands versus limits.
Ryan: I really like what you said about Tom Brady. And I’m sort of jealous of this idea of every year, he has that thing to work at and get better at. There’s part of me that covets that, so I’m spinning in this now too of what can I make that in my life? I would just make something up and say, “That’s my Super Bowl,” it’s been the Capitalism Conference for us, like how do we make this better? How do we shoot towards this? But I’ve never thought of it from the perspective of making it the Super Bowl.
Brooke: Well, and the other thing that happens that is so important is, every single NFL team wants to win the Super Bowl, but none of them quit because they don’t. None of them are like, “Well, we didn’t win the Super Bowl, again, so we should just not come back next year.
Ryan: Otherwise the Browns would not be a football team.
Brooke: But I mean, really think about that. They show up. They’re happy to show up. They work. They grind. They try. They have their eyes on it. They’re building their team every single year with the goal – they don’t change the goal of the Super Bowl. That’s always the goal. And they show up every year and give everything they can.
And maybe you win it. Like, who’s more upset, the person that didn’t even go to the playoffs, or the person that loses the Super Bowl? It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re growing as a team and evolving, always keep showing up.
And so, for me, like, I love, love, love the football metaphor of life because I see way too many students join their pro football team and they don’t go to the Super Bowl the first year and then they give up.
Brooke: The beautiful thing about entrepreneurship is there’s not just one winner of the Super Bowl. There’s only going to be one Super Bowl winner this year. They’re not giving out multiple trophies because it wouldn’t be fun if everybody got a trophy.
But entrepreneurship, everybody can win. And other people winning can be evidence for you winning. And you winning your game does not threaten somebody else’s game. It actually helps your game.
Brooke: Yeah, that’s so good. And so, I think that understanding that losses for sure are a part of winning – unless you’re Tom Brady in the perfect season that hasn’t happened yet. He had to wait until the very end. But it’s all part of the process, then I think that could be your best year. Your best year could be the year that you took the most Ls.
So if you compare – this is really actually fascinating. When I think about my year of making a million dollars, that was a wild magic carpet ride for me. That was extraordinary. But when I compare that year to this last year of mine, the Ls, I mean, it’s embarrassing compared to how I’m doing now. It’s embarrassing.
And yet, that was one of my best years for my growth and my evolvement. And so, I think sometimes we compare ourselves to people that are further ahead and we say, “Oh, they’re doing better, they’re better,” maybe not. It all depends on the way that you want to look at it.
Ryan: And in Tom Brady’s case, losing the Super Bowl created so much more hunger for him. I think he’s 44 right now. And he’s playing way longer than anyone expected him to. The fact that he left the Patriots, joined another team…
Brooke: Come on.
Ryan: And still won a Super Bowl. That’s ridiculous.
Brooke: I love it.
Ryan: You can’t even hate the guy.
Brooke: I love him.
Ryan: I wonder in my brain, had he had that perfect season…
Brooke: Would he have done it? I don’t know.
Ryan: Would he still be going at 44? And I doubt it. Because what do you do after that? What do you after you’ve been on that mountaintop? You don't have that fire to go get better. It’s like, in 2016 the Cleveland Indians were in the World Series against the Cubs. The two longest droughts of a World Series win. Best game in history. The most exciting game. And I’m there. It was…
Brooke: And it was so good because they’d had so many Ls. That’s what’s so cool about it.
Ryan: There was such anticipation of getting there. And the Cubs won in extra innings and I’m sure I was the last Indians fan. I just stayed and watched and watched these grown men sob. Half the stadium with Chicago fans and they’re crying because they finally won. And I’m sitting there like, I want it more now. I want to win now.
Brooke: And that’s what I think all the time. Would you rather lose the Super Bowl or not play football? Losing the Super Bowl hurts like hell, but you’re going to show up on that field again and go through it again with the privilege of maybe losing it again.
Are you willing to do that in your own business? What would you do even if you knew you would lose the Super Bowl? Would you continue to be a pro football player? Every single one of them is going to say yes. They’re not going to say, “If I can’t win the Super Bowl I’m not playing.”
No, but that’s how sometimes we approach. It’s not our best year if we don’t hit our goal, it’s not our best year if we don’t win our Super Bowl. We always want to have the Super Bowl to go after, but whether we win it or not does not define whether we should stay in our career or not, I don’t think.
Ryan: So Brooke, let me ask you this then. When you enter into a new year, how do you choose the things that you determine are worth going after?
Brooke: I pick the thing that makes me uncomfortable, that puts me in harm’s way. So I can easily say let’s do 40 million this year. And everyone around me would be like, holy shit, that’s a lot of money, that’s insane, that’s great, I’m just going to keep my business healthy and - but I don’t.
I want to do 50 this year. I want to do 100. So as soon as I put that, then all of a sudden, it’s like, how are you going to do that? That’s not going to work. You suck at this, you couldn’t do it last year, why do you think you’re going to be able to do it this year? That seems like a lot more work than you need to do. Don’t you want to relax?
And it’s the constant negative barrage, and that’s how I know I’m onto myself. And then I’m like, okay, I’m going to show up. And then as I do things that either prove that it’s going to happen or not, I grow. And that’s it.
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