You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 397.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Brooke: Okay, this is a crazy day for me. I was preparing for this podcast and I just realized – I just had this moment where – Scholars has been in existence for five years. It is insane for me to even think about it.
I remember when I decided to start Self Coaching Scholars, I was sitting with my CFO at the time and I said, “I want to start this membership. And one of the reasons why I want to start it is I want to show life coaches that there is a demand for life coaching and that we can help a tremendous number of clients with the struggles of modern-day life. And using our tools, we will be able to literally change the world one person at a time.”
And here we are, five years later. It’s insane. And the way that we have set it up is, as you progress through Scholars, you get different titles. And the people who have been on Scholars for five years, who have been here the whole time, we’re calling Five Carat Diamond Scholars.
So, we had Diamond Scholars and Double Diamonds and Triple Diamonds, and now we have Five Carat Diamonds. So, those of you who saw the title for this podcast and thought maybe I got engaged with a five-carat diamond, it’s even better. It’s even better.
I have five Five Carat Diamond Scholars. And so, what we’re going to do on this podcast is talk about the lessons learned and utilized through the tools that I teach in Scholars. And this will be a great podcast for those of you that aren’t in Scholars. You’ll be able to hear some stories about how the tools were used. But also, those of you who are in Scholars, you can learn from these amazing women on how they have utilized Scholars to change their life.
So, we’re going to start with Danielle Bradley. She is our first featured Five Carat Diamond. Welcome to the podcast, Danielle.
Danielle: Thank you so much, Brooke. It’s really an honor to be here. I’m so excited.
Brooke: Yay, okay, so let’s start with, what has been your biggest changes you’ve created as a result of being in Scholars?
Danielle: So, I mean, there have been so many, obviously, in five years. But I would probably sum them up in terms of intimate relationships and relationships in general, and my health as well as career and business. Those would be the three areas that I really focused on and did the work in Scholars.
And intimate relationships was the first one that I tackled when I joined. I joined in month number two. I don’t know why I didn’t join in month number one…
Brooke: What the heck?
Danielle: I trusted you and I did join, and I stayed. So, obviously there was a lot here for me. Yeah, I knew of you for a long time. And the intimate relationship part I focused on – and the reason was because I found myself single in my 50s and it was an area of my life that I definitely was not happy with and I wanted to make some big changes.
Brooke: Okay, so you came into Scholars…
Danielle: Scholars really helped me.
Brooke: Yeah, you came into Scholars and you wanted to focus on intimate relationships. Tell me one thing that really helped you. What was one of the tools or one of the processes that you went through that really helped you? And be specific so the people listening may be able to benefit from your experience.
Danielle: Sure, well there was relationship training, obviously. The first couple of years of training was different than it is now. It’s all in the Study Vault now. But the relationship training specifically that you gave and some of the teachings around what an intimate relationship is there to do.
I think that’s what helped me the most is just to kind of put it in perspective, not to expect the person to be everything that fulfills your entire life and all areas of your life, that they’re really there for you to love and for them to love you, but mostly for you to love. And that was a big lesson, I have to say. And it really helped me in the relationship that I was able to build from there.
Brooke: Okay, so tell us a little bit about that. So, when you joined Scholars, you were single. You were 50 and you started to learn about relationships. And what’s happened since then, in the five years since then?
Danielle: So, in the five years, I actually met my current partner just around the time that I joined Scholars. So, I had put myself back into the dating game and, you know, Scholars kind of – I guess the best way to explain it is it picked up where therapy left off.
I had been in therapy prior to getting back into dating and prior to joining Scholars. I had suffered from PTSD from what happened in a prior relationship and I felt like I was healthy enough now to get back into dating. But I didn’t really have the tools to navigate the dating world at this age and this day and age and after what I had gone through.
And so, Scholars helped me – it’s almost like it was the therapy helped me get back into a healthy place, but Scholars was like my personal training for my brain and in my relationships. So, I could see my blind spots and I could see really what I wanted to build from there.
And yes, so we’re still together and we’re actually engaged. And he has four kids. You know, I don’t have any kids of my own, so it really helped me as well to be in Scholars, to navigate how to be a stepmom to teenagers and young adults.
Brooke: That’s amazing. So, how have you utilized Scholars on a regular basis. Do you take advantage of the coaching that’s available weekly? Tell us a little bit about that.
Danielle: Absolutely, yes, I take advantage of a lot of the coaching. And of course, once you hit Double Diamond, I believe, you get 40 minutes a week. And so, I use those sessions regularly because it’s, again, someone that can show you your blind spots. Even though obviously we know all the tools that you teach and being in Scholars for so long, there’s still some blind spots.
And there’s still so much benefit to having someone hold the space for us when we’re going through the 50-50 of life that you talk about so much. And today, I’m actually at my parents because my mom is really ill. And getting those sessions to be able to process those emotions and the ability to be there and be strong for my mom and my family, it really is priceless.
Brooke: Yeah, and I do think that’s one of the benefits that maybe people don’t understand, is the cost – like, a lot of people will join Scholars and it’s kind of like Netflix in the beginning. There’s just so much content in there and there are so many things to be able to read and understand, especially because we have five years’ worth of content and recordings in there.
But I think one of the biggest benefits after the first year is that ongoing coaching. I think people think, “Oh, I’m done with Scholars.” And they don’t understand, it’s kind of like saying you’re done working out. It doesn’t matter how well you’ve worked out that first year; you have to keep doing it.
So, I love that you’re utilizing the coaching sessions and staying consistent with that. So, that’s great. So, what would you tell someone that’s maybe thinking about joining Scholars? I know there are so many people that tell me, like, “I’ve thought about it but I’m just not sure. I don’t know if it’s worth it.” what would you say to them?
Danielle: I would say it’s a no-brainer. What is offered, the value that is delivered on an ongoing basis is incredible. There’s nothing like it out there. There really isn’t. And you keep finding ways to make it juicier.
I mean, it’s changed so much over the last five years and you are really paying attention to what we need. And every time I have a question, I feel like I have a different need maybe, it seems like it becomes offered when you add to the program continually. So, for me, it’s just been a no-brainer to stay on and continue to be really a lifelong student.
Brooke: Yay, well congratulations, Five Carat Diamond, so awesome. Okay, let’s jump to you, Linda.
Linda: Thank you. So, first question…
Brooke: First question – well, first of all, why don’t you tell us about what’s been going on. So, right before we started this – so you’re obviously a Five Carat Diamond as well. But right before we started this recoding, you shared some news with me and said, “I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do this or not,” and I said, “Let’s go for it.” So, why don’t you kind of bring everyone else up to speed?
Linda: I was married for 49 years, dated for seven, so I have spent a lot of time with my husband. Scholars made the last six years bloom into more technicolor than ever. It was very, very good. And then, last Thursday, within six hours, he died. And he was gone.
I grew up in family that emotions weren’t allowed, were punished if you showed emotions. And doing this work for the last five years allowed me first to even understand emotions and feel them. And as you keep saying, they’re a vibration going through your body. It’s temporary.
And I’ve never done this before, but that is the truest statement. We’ve had – every 45 minutes I’m hyperventilating, the whole thing. But it only lasts for a very brief time.
And I’ve been practicing, in so many ways, with your work that it was easy to do that. I would never have been able to. I would have just tightened up and not let go. And I’m here talking coherently, I hope.
Brooke: Yeah.
Linda: And I joined Scholars for several reasons. One was weight loss. I’ve lost four dress sizes and I’m still going down slowly. But the gifts that came out of it were so unexpected, and the depth of everything that is available, all the different coursework, Monday Hour One.
I had everything in place already. Obviously, I’ve made some drastic changes in the last several days. But everything’s under control because of that. There’s just so many aspects of all the trainings that allow that, for certain. I just can’t recommend enough for people to try this.
Brooke: Let’s talk a little bit about – one of the concepts or philosophies in Scholars, and in all of the body of my work is that we utilize the Model and the tools in Scholars in order to increase our awareness, to understand our own brains, to understand our own lives, to understand our own feelings.
And in the beginning, it’s very tempting to think that the point of the Model is just to feel good all the time. And in the beginning, I kind of allow people to think that because I want them to see the power of our thoughts being able to create our emotions.
But in the example you’re giving – and I think this is such an important point – is the ability to process and feel our emotions, especially negative emotions, is a huge part of a life well-lived. And the idea isn’t to get rid of those emotions or find the thought causing grief and then not feel grief, but to actually process those emotions all the way through.
And it sounds to me like that is something that you’ve been able to do with your husband’s death, being able to hold space for yourself to grieve, and also to let it be painful and to let it hurt and to not try and resist that, and to also move forward with functioning in your life.
Linda: Correct, yeah, to allow it is the key, absolutely the key.
Brooke: I think so many people don’t want to feel negative emotion. They’re afraid to feel negative emotion. And so, they push it away and buffer and overeat and do all of the things that prevent that, what I call, pure clean process of feeling pain. So, I think you’re demonstrating and being a beautiful example of that.
I get a lot of questions like, “Well I’m 60 years old. Am I too old for this?” Or, “I’m 50 years old. Am I too old for this? You can’t adjust now. I’ve been alive too long.”
Linda: “An old dog can’t learn new tricks…”
Brooke: Right, so you’re 70 now. You started when you…
Linda: Correct, I’ll be 71 in January. To briefly state the second benefit – I haven’t even done this all this time. I’m leaving my field of speech pathology after all these years and I’m becoming a life coach. And I have purpose, and that purpose is to continue to help other people. Not just within the whole primary purpose of my life – government situations have changed things that I’m not allowed to do that in my primary job. And so, I’ve been slowly transitioning. And given what just happened, thank God, I have something to look forward to in the future.
Brooke: Yes, and that is such an important piece of all of this. No matter what your age – it’s so funny, everyone comes with a different age that they think is too old to be able to do what it is they want to do. And this invigoration you have about your future and the ability to see your life as something that can be constantly improved – even if you were raised your whole life, taught never to feel emotion – it doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter where you are. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve practiced, you can change that now.
Linda: I mean, this is the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t know how I would have done it without you.
Brooke: That’s so amazing. Well, thank you so much. Do you utilize the one-to-one coaching?
Linda: Yes I do.
Brooke: Yeah, can you share with me maybe an example of one of those sessions that might have been helpful for you within the past five years?
Linda: Kind of along a completely different lines, because of the age, concern about time, getting this done, understanding – the only thing that’s hanging me up is the technology, and I’m plodding my way through it. But that said, by what I was doing, I was costing myself time. I was taking away the opportunity for time. And there was something about the manner in which he said it was like, ding, ding, ding, that’s it.
Brooke: It’s so awesome…
Linda: And I also, during that session, really you have different moments of reckoning. I truly understood that whatever I put in that result line, I could achieve. And I’ve achieved so much between 65 and 70.
Brooke: I love that. That’s so inspiring. And here’s one of the things I want to say about coaching and the one-to-one sessions that we offer in Scholars. Especially if you’ve been doing them for five years, there’s no way your life doesn’t change.
Sometimes, you’re going to go to a coaching session and all you’re going to do is hear yourself think out loud. And all that will do is increase your awareness. You may not have an a-ha moment. You may not have the huge shift. But it’s kind of like what we were talking about before. It’s kind of like working out.
It’s not like you go and do a workout and you’re like, “Look at my body. I’m amazing. I’ve completely changed.” But after a consistent practice of that, you will have these moments – like you’re saying – these a-ha moments where something will click and it’s almost like that entire programmed…
Linda: Neurons clicking all the way down…
Brooke: That’s right, that programmed circuit in your brain, all of a sudden, just implodes. And all of a sudden, you can think in a brand-new way. So, thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so inspired by you and I appreciate you being here considering what you’re going through. But it sounds like you are in an allowing, accepting space of the other 50% of life.
Linda: We thought we won the jackpot when I got the email for this. And then that happened, I thought, “Boy, that’s the best example of 50-50 I’ve ever seen.”
Brooke: Yes, that is. Well, it’s my pleasure to have you here.
Linda: Thank you.
Brooke: Alright, let’s go to you, Tara. You’re next.
Tara: Hello.
Brooke: Hi. Welcome to being a Five Carat Diamond. Tell us everything.
Tara: Oh my gosh, just like you said, five years. Wow.
Brooke: Yeah, that’s crazy.
Tara: Yeah, unreal. So, I was thinking, the thought downloads and awareness are probably one of the first things to bring up that have been life-changing for me as a part of Self-Coaching Scholars…
Brooke: Will you tell us what that is? What is a thought download? Just for people who are new.
Tara: So, I take a notebook and I just free flow. I just write down every thought that comes to mind. Sometimes, I might have a topic, if something is going on for the day that I know is challenging me then I’ll write down all of my thoughts about that. But just getting those thoughts on paper and then looking at them objectively and bringing about that awareness. Just that in and of itself can change, you know, how I’m feeling in the moment.
Brooke: Yeah, and the power in a thought download is it’s basically – what we don’t realize is all those thoughts in our brain are causing us to feel certain feelings. And we’re so unaware. We think our thoughts are just the world. We think we’re just observing the world.
But really, we have all these preprogrammed thoughts. And taking them out of your brain and putting them on a piece of paper and seeing them as separate than you, just seeing them as sentences on the paper, that one exercise alone is so powerful. So, then what do you do next? What do you do after?
Tara: Well, you know, with five years’ experience here, it’s interesting to see the common thoughts that I have, like beliefs, and those limiting beliefs, and then taking all these tools that we’ve learned and working on them deliberately, like seeing what really is a habitual type of thing and working on it.
Brooke: Yeah, so can you give us an example of maybe a change you’ve been able to make just by understanding how to change your thinking?
Tara: Well, I’d say one of mine that reoccurs is perfectionism. And so, often, I find myself giving qualifiers to things, moral values, you know, “This is right, this is wrong, this is best…” So, again, just being aware of that just helps me to pause to then decide deliberately how I want to think about it. and in addition to also the B-minus work that you talk about, just stepping back from it and just looking at how I can get it done. It doesn’t need to be perfect.
Brooke: Yeah, so I mean, I think so many of the Scholars, it’s like people pleasing and perfectionism, a lot of us have both of those. And perfectionism is all about, “I want to be perfect so then I will get approval from the world and from myself.” And when we’re not perfect, we’re always finding ways to nitpick at ourselves and to beat ourselves up and to judge ourselves, which prevents us from doing more in the world because we become so debilitated by our own judgment without even realizing it. We think the world is this scary place, but really, it’s just our brain is a scary place.
Tara: Absolutely.
Brooke: So, tell me about your weight loss Because you’ve lost weight as well…
Tara: Yes, so when you had mentioned that your son had insulin resistance and that you had found out about intermittent fasting and how that really helped him, I dove right into that…
Brooke: You dove into the Stop Overeating course in Scholars?
Tara: Yes, thank you because I couldn’t remember the name of the course. But yes, the course, and becoming fat-adapted caused me to have to tap into what my true hunger was, which was quite a wild ride when I first started the intermittent fasting. But yes, processing the emotions and the feelings and riding it out, allowing it.
But with that, the intermittent fasting has caused my insulin levels to level out and I feel so much better. And yes, I lost the 15 pounds that I just could not lose. I’m leaner than I’ve ever been. And all those skills, of course, have transferred into other areas as well.
Brooke: Yeah, and this is a really important fact. Because a lot of people will come to me and be like, “So, tell me what happens in your weight loss program. No sugar and flour and intermittent fasting and this…” And I can tell anyone those protocols. Like, create a protocol, follow your protocol, do intermittent fasting, all those things.
But if you don’t have the backup tools to be able to support you through that, you’re not going to be able to do it. We all know things to try and what to do. But what happens is, when we stop using food as a buffer, we’re left with our brains. Which is a terrifying, scary thing to be left with.
And so, there’s a reason why so many of us are overeating in the first place. Many of us are overweight in the first place. And for those of us who want to stop using stop using food as a buffer, it’s not just a matter of people saying, “Well, just put the fork down.” It’s not a matter of that.
It’s like, okay, we up the fork down, but we’re left with all of these thoughts and all of these emotions that we don’t know how to manage. So, one of the things that I teach in Stop Overeating is, yes, “Here’s the protocol and how to actually do it for your physical body because of what I’ve studied with insulin resistance with my son and with myself. But also, here are the tools that will allow you to continue to do that. And that’s what it sounds like.
And then, all of those tools, what’s so cool about the weight loss journey and why I love helping people lose weight is all the tools that you will learn, learning how to feel – you learn how to feel your feelings instead of eating. You learn how to be with yourself. You learn how to be mindful. You learn how to pay attention and be conscious.
That helps you lose weight, which is what you’ve done. But then also, you can apply that to everything else in your life. And that’s why life just keeps getting better in all of those different areas. And you’re able to manage your mind in a way that makes the weight loss permanent.
And anyone can intermittent fast for a week and lose a bunch of weight, but can you do it consistently because you’ve managed your mind?
Tara: Right, you’re exactly right because I’m coming up on three years now and it’s effortless. I don’t have to do a protocol anymore. But even speaking about that, you know, those decisions that you have to make ahead of time, that was a big part of it in the beginning, and speaking of it transferring, I’ve been self-employed now for I guess about 20 years. And with that, I was also able to raise my daughter, be a stay-at-home mom while running a business.
And I always felt guilty if I took time off. And so, with your Monday Hour One and making decisions ahead of time and planning my free time, you know, and then all of the things that I need to do when I have my free time, it’s actually free.
Brooke: Right, so inside of Scholars, I have a program called Monday Hour One. And that program really came from everyone asking me, “How do you get so much stuff done and have so much stuff done and have so much time off?”
And one of the most important things that we do in Monday Hour One is we plan ahead of time with our prefrontal cortex instead of responding to life. But we plan our self-care. We plan our time off. That goes into the calendar first. And then the rest of life gets filled in.
And when we make that a priority for our own health in terms of what we’re eating and planning our food, but also for our rest and rejuvenation and fun and play. Some people are like, “I don’t want to have a time management course. That sounds terrible.”
I’m like, “Listen, you’re going to want this one because this one, we plan all the goodies first and then we fill in the rest of life.” Where I feel like – it’s kind of like people that are like, “I don’t want to go on a diet. I don’t want to be on a budget.” It’s like, of course, because all you’re focused on is what you’re not going to get instead of focusing on what you are going to get.
Tara: Yes, and that is brilliant to plan your time first, your fun time. I love it.
Brooke: It’s so awesome. Well, thank you, Tara. Okay, let’s go to you, Doreen. Tell us about your experience five years into Scholars.
Doreen: Alright hi, Brooke and thank you so much.
Brooke: Yeah.
Doreen: So, I started with you sitting in the lobby in Colorado wondering, what the hell is going on with my life? I was in my early 50s, remarried, and I felt lost. And the Googles brought me to your program, and specifically about, for me, the overdrinking. You like chardonnay – or liked it. I liked cabernet.
Brooke: Okay, well just a different color. Same thing.
Doreen: Same thing, and using it was a way to relax. But also, just I learned that I’m buffering. I was buffering with that. I was buffering through – I’m a workaholic. I have three businesses. And it basically saved my life…
Brooke: You’re an attorney, right?
Doreen: I am. And it was so unbelievably amazing to find the program. And I was like, “This is it. This is what’s going to change my life.” And from there, I was just hooked. I was just hooked.
Brooke: That’s so great. I’m sure that so many people can relate who have been, like you said, sitting in a lobby in a hotel wondering, like, “This can’t be it. How do I find…” I remember Googling, “How do I solve my life? How do I solve the problem that is me?”
And so, I remember thinking, when I was going through all that, it’s like – and even now when I’m in pain or struggling or having a hard time with something, I’m always dedicated to solving the problem, making my life better, growing and evolving myself.
And so, when I hear you say that that’s the position you were in, searching, and you found me and my work and that’s helped you go to that next level, that is exactly what the purpose of my life is. It’s amazing to me that, like, what I struggled with. And because I struggled with it, we both have a better life, versus had I never struggled with it. It’s so powerful.
Doreen: It’s amazing.
Brooke: So, talk a little bit about the Stop Overdrinking program and how you applied that to yourself.
Doreen: So, basically, I was very dedicated on having my plan into action and sticking to the plan, you know, having all of my wins and counting all of the times, my 100 times that I had my urges and I didn’t follow. And I can tell you that today, I don’t miss alcohol or workaholism and it’s completely changed my life.
Brooke: That’s amazing. Yeah, so I know that there are people right now who are struggling with that. They’re like, “I want to be able to cut back on my drinking. I want to be able to not care about alcohol. But it seems impossible right now. It seems like alcohol is the solution to my feelings.” What would you say to those people?
Doreen: I would say that it’s a temporary fix. It’s that dopamine hit, that sugar rush, alcohol rush, surfing the net, that is just your way of avoiding what you really need to deal with. And if you don’t deal with it, it just comes up again and again and again and you never get to the other side of what really can be so amazing in your life.
So, letting yourself feel those feelings, knowing that they’re not going to hurt you and you can move past it and not buffer is the key to the other side. And really, the other side is so much more amazing.
Now, when I go to parties or I’m at events, I see people having drinks. And yeah, I love the taste of really good cabernet. I do. I enjoy it. But I don’t even want it.
And I see what’s happening around me and I just wish everyone could have and understanding about buffering and how it can really steal your dreams. It’s a dream stealer.
Brooke: It really is a dream stealer. And I remember – as you’re talking, I remember how I felt when I was drinking. And I think if I heard you talking I’d say, “No way is your life better without alcohol.” But you think about it, alcohol – I was just actually listening to this book that I’m reading on dopamine and basically, they were talking about cigarettes and alcohol. And they were talking about – and heroin actually – how there are certain drugs that drop you so low when you’re using them that you need the actual drug just to feel normal again.
It’s not even like, “Oh, I have this normal life and alcohol makes it better or cigarettes make it better.” It’s like, “Because I’m smoking cigarettes, I’ve dropped below normal and now I need a cigarette just to feel normal again.”
And so, I think the freedom that comes from not having that low – it’s kind of like that false dip in order for that false reward. You’re able to take all of that energy and all of the focus and, like, when I think about it now, the amount of focus that I had thinking about alcohol and what I used to do, thinking about food, what a waste of all my synapses. I took all that energy… go ahead.
Doreen: And all that guilt that comes with it, like, “Did I drink too much last night? What did I say to somebody? What are my kids…” and now you have all this beautiful space within yourself to create really whatever you want your results to be. That has completely changed my life.
I mean, every day, I listen. Every day, I do the work because every day is a work in progress. It’s just the way it is.
Brooke: Yeah, and that’s been the change for me too. And I think the change for so many Scholars is instead of taking that time and energy to think about alcohol or thinking about drugs or thinking about, you know, whatever it is you’re using to buffer, you refocus that energy on Scholars or on developing your mind or on mindfulness and connecting to yourself.
And the way that you’ll know that you’ve made that shift if the amount of progress and the speed of progress and the amount of results that you create in your life are just compounded. And it’s not because you feel this need, like we’re talking about with Tara. It’s not this need to be productive and produce something so you can be worthy. It’s almost like you just can’t help yourself.
Doreen: It just spills into you and out of you.
Brooke: Yeah, it’s so amazing. But I do want to offer – and one of the reasons why I wanted to celebrate our Five Carat Scholars is because this is a practice that compounds. This is like compound interest on your brain. And even though you may go a couple weeks and not feel like you’re making progress, and even though you may be managing your urges and trying not to drink and doing your thought downloads and you still don’t see the progress, if you stay with it, your brain cannot help but change. Consciousness will reduce any amount of shame that you have around that.
And so, the practice of thinking about your mindfulness, thinking about your coaching, thinking about your self-coaching as a process that you will be involved with for the rest of your life, I think is what allows for us to really see what we’re made of, really see what we’re capable of.
We know we’re capable of drinking chardonnay, but who cares? Or cabernet, right? It’s like, “Okay, drank another bottle today.” We just don’t get to make any progress from there. But what if your life was so amazing that alcohol couldn’t even compete with it? And that’s how I feel.
Doreen: And that’s how I feel. I do.
Brooke: Like, the way that I feel now – because I used to drink every night and I used to drink by myself just a bottle of wine. And I will still drink now and then, like when I go out. But it’s not like this compulsion to have to do it in order to escape my life. And that is a huge, huge difference.
Anything where you feel compulsive to do it, it’s because there’s something you need to be working on. So, I love that example. What would you say to a Scholar who’s already in Scholars, maybe hasn’t been in it as long as you, what would be your recommendation for how to best utilize it? How have you used it? Because you say you use it on a regular basis. How do you use it in a way that serves you at the highest level?
Doreen: Well, you know, I kind of – when I do my Monday morning download, I list what my priorities are. And then, for example, because I have a law firm, if I need more assistance on time management, which I’m teaching that and I’m sharing with them, I focus on the available resources that you have that really fit with me for that time period, for that moment, and carry it through.
And I go through your Monday morning message to me, Monday morning download has completely changed my life. And I just stay with it. I stick with it. And I do a lot of rinse and repeat.
Brooke: Yes, that is such great advice.
Doreen: Because you’re going to get into your old habits. You know, I’ve been with you five years. Well, there was a long time before that when my brain was already in its habit mode. I find I need that refresher course all the time and it’s available at my fingertips.
I love that you now have the favorites. You can put your favorites down. That makes it so easy to get to the ones that resonate the best for you and what your needs are. And so, they need to come onboard. They need to be involved. And they need to change their lives.
Brooke: Yeah, so one of the things we as an internal team have talked about a lot is I have taken 20 years – so my entire life’s work – and put it into Scholars. There’s nothing that isn’t in there. So, we have weight loss and overdrinking and relationships. And when you come in there, you may be coming in for a very specific thing, one very specific thing.
But if you’re anything like me, you’re like, “And I want that and I want that and I want that and I want that.” And maybe there’s things that you aren’t interested in and you don’t want that.
So, we’ve been trying and my team has been doing an amazing job on trying to make it so it’s completely customized to you. So, it’s a little bit like Netflix, where it’s like, “Recommended for Brooke,” and it has that little section. You can create that for yourself.
And so, that would be my advice too. When you come into Scholars, there will be so many things that you can do. You do not have to do it all at once. You have plenty of time. You have five years. It’s going to be okay…
Doreen: Don’t get overwhelmed. Don’t let your brain go there. Just take the things that are most important for you in that moment. The rest are there, focus there and then come back and see what hits you the next time.
Brooke: Yeah, that’s so good. I talked to someone one time and they’re like, “I don’t feel like I’m utilizing all of it.” I’m like, “Of course you’re not. There’s no way you can. It’s like trying to watch all the movies on Netflix. You’re not doing that.”
It doesn’t mean that it’s not productive. It doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress and achieving your success. So, it’s like, take that one focus. And I would say too, utilize those coaching sessions to keep you on track. Alright, thank you, Doreen. Alright, Pam, let’s go to you.
Pam: Hi, Brookie.
Brooke: Hi.
Pam: That’s what we call you in my family.
Brooke: A lot of my very good friends call me that. And my mom used to call me Brookie B. because my last name used to be Bollinger. So, right on track.
Pam: So, every time you say, “Hello, my friends,” I go, “Hi Brookie.”
Brooke: Okay, tell me everything, Pam. Tell me what it’s like for you to be a Five Carat Diamond Scholar.
Pam: Well, I remember when you announced that you were going to do Scholars on your podcast. And I was driving. And I remember calling my sister, my older sister and saying, “I think I have to do this program.” And she kind of discouraged me because I had done Marie Forleo’s B-School and I had done some other business programs and things like that.
And she was trying to protect me from spending money and whatever. And she was like, “I don’t know, you really don’t really need that.” And then I was like, “Yeah, but I’m going to do it.” So, I joined January 1st. I was right at the beginning.
And I think the biggest thing that’s changed for me overall is just my self-confidence. I mean, the fact that I’m even talking on this podcast right now is a huge accomplishment.
Brooke: I mean, this is a big deal. Literally millions of people are going to hear this; millions. Isn’t that crazy? I try to wrap my mind around that. I’m like, how is that possible? It’s so cool.
Pam: Yeah, and so, I mean, in all areas, what you said about coming into the program and being like, “I want that. I want that. I want that.” I started with the weight loss. I didn’t need to lose a lot of weight, but I knew that I had for sure a sugar addiction. And so, I lost 20 pounds.
Brooke: Oh, my goodness, okay.
Pam: I know. It was amazing. And then I was like, “Okay, what now?” You know? And I loved the organization. You know, you never know, Brooke, the things that you say that have an impact on people. But I just want to tell you, putting my Tupperware away with the lids on; gamechanger.
Brooke: Right? It’s those little things.
Pam: Totally, it’s so awesome. So, I loved that. I really loved the time management. But the Dare of the Day, I have to say, was my favorite month, on self-confidence. Because it really did just show me how much my thoughts were creating fear and how doing something even with my fear there, that’s what it is.
You’re never going to necessarily get rid of that fear. And you can still take action despite the fear, or with feeling the fear, allowing it to be there. So, that was huge for me. I loved that month.
Brooke: Yeah, that’s so good. I think that we have so many processes and so many worksheets and so many methods that we can follow and working with a coach. But sometimes, it’s those little – like for me too, it’s like even listening, it’s so crazy because now I listen back to myself, like years ago, and I’m like, “Oh, I totally forgot about that. That’s such a good a good point,” or, “Good job, girl…” talking to myself.
And I think that’s part of the process. Like, for me and for so many people in Scholars, just getting on Scholars and playing a coaching call where you’re hearing all of the tools being utilized. And just having that go on in your brain instead of the negative commentary that you’ve had, and then taking action.
Like what you’re saying, the whole month we had on self-confidence where every day you would do something, a Dare of the Day, that’s like outside of your comfort zone. And it requires you to manage your mind and process your feelings and show up in a way that your behavior is different. That is what literally changes your brain. And you realize, “Wait, I can do this? What else can I do?”
Pam: Yeah, and I’ll say, the other thing that was huge for me is getting over – and this has to do with self-confidence I think – but getting over my victim mentality when it came to my ex-husband.
Brooke: Okay, tell us about that.
Pam: Well, it was not a pretty divorce and there’s a lot of contention between us. And I think I just was really thinking that he was in control of my feelings and he was making me feel powerless and helpless and out of control. And just being able to get a handle on that was really lifechanging. We have a completely different relationship now five years later, where I don’t feel any of that anymore.
I don’t blame him for anything. I have compassion for him. And just being able to take back the power and know that I’m in control, I’m in control of myself and my feelings and actions and it was just really powerful.
Brooke: That is so interesting because so many times when I’m doing this work with someone on a relationship and they’re angry and they’re blaming and the person has been a perpetrator and the person has done a bunch of things that are unkind and, you know, hurtful or whatever, it’s like, yes and how much longer do you want to vilify this person and give them all your power for your emotions.
And so, I think a lot of times people will hear me talk in that way and it’s like, “Well, you’re blaming the victim. I’m blaming you for what he’s doing.” And the opposite is true. I want you to take all that power back. I want you to own all of that, let this person be who they are, let them have their wounds and their damage and give that all back to them, all of their quote unquote bad behavior back to them, and what can you change and what can you own?
And the benefit of that is not for him. It’s for you. Because you feel completely different. You feel more powerful and you feel more love and you feel in more control.
Pam: Totally, and just free. So much freedom.
Brooke: Free, yes, because you’re not needing to control this other person who is clearly uncontrollable. Especially exes. They’re not doing what we tell them to do. And so, when we own it back it’s like, “Okay, they don’t have to do what we tell them to do. I can manage myself in that space.”
Pam: And when I cleaned that up, then I was freer in other areas of my life. I was showing up better as a mom. I was showing up better at my job. All of it. Like you with chardonnay. You’re not spending all your time thinking about it. I wasn’t spending al my time thinking about and hating on my ex-husband.
Brooke: Yeah, because that can become a focus, right? The anger that we have towards other people and how they’ve done us wrong – some of us do it with our parents when we’re well into our 50s. We’re still telling this story about our parents or our ex-husband or whatever, whoever it is, the person that bullied us in school.
And just being able to take that power back is one of the things that we work on in Scholars. And it’s not an instant bullet. This is not one of those things where you come and you hear one thing and then your life changes forever. It’s staying involved and hearing it consistently over and over and over again.
The messages that we give in Scholars, which is, “You’re 100% worthy. You’re in control of your own mind. You have the ability to process your own emotions. There is nothing you cannot feel. Life is 50-50. The goal is not to be happy all the time…” And even though that sounds lovely, we’re so miserable because we aren’t happy all the time. It makes no sense to be able to do that.
Okay, so Pam, maybe you could give some advice to either brand new Scholars or someone who hasn’t joined yet on how to best utilize the materials and the work that we do in Scholars.
Pam: Alright, well I think, if you’re brand new, you come in and you can utilize – for new members, there’s a call every month, right? So, they come in, they take that call. They kind of get an orientation to the program. I would start with that.
And for sure, sign up for the weekly coaching sessions. And I think just start with that because…
Brooke: Okay, let’s talk about that for just one second. Let’s say I’m brand new. I’ve never been coached. I’m a little freaked out about this coaching session. Tell me what that is. Tell me, what will happen – because you’ve done many of them – what will happen for me as a brand-new person? What is a coaching session like? I sign up, I pick my time. I’m going to do it tomorrow at three, and then I kind of freak out. So, tell me what I can expect.
Pam: Okay, so you can show up with something specific that you want to talk about, or not. Honestly, you don’t even have to come with anything. The coach is there to take care of you. They’ve got you. They’ve got plenty of things that they can ask you when you get on the call to kind of open up the conversation.
They also have plenty of tools that they can talk to you about. Like “Okay, tell me what’s going on in your life?” And then they can help you to figure out what to talk about. They can direct you to go listen to certain audios, you know, or videos or whatever.
So, just I would say, it’s okay if you’re nervous. That’s totally fine. But the coach is there. She’s got you. I just had a coaching session earlier today…
Brooke: Oh, good.
Pam: Yeah, and every time I get somebody new, and they’re all amazing. Like, seriously. And so, just trust that that person is there to hold space for you to just be you.
Brooke: I love it. And I would also recommend, like what you’re saying is just going to the session and being like, “I’m freaked out. I’ve never had a coaching session before. This is my first time in Scholars. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Just whatever it is on your mind, you can take to that session.
You are not going to be required to keep the conversation going. You don’t have to bring something. It’s their job to handle that amount of time with you and serve you in the highest way possible. And we are very diligent about training all of our coaches and qualifying them and make sure that we have the best people to serve you in Scholars.
So, I want to thank you all so much, first of all, for being an example of what is possible in Scholars, for staying in Scholars for five years, for demonstrating to yourself how great your life can be, utilizing all of the tools.
Nobody has to do it perfectly. You’ve all utilized Scholars in a different way that has served you the most in your life. And I think for so many of the people maybe listening, you are an example of what it means to be committed to your own self-care, to be committed to growth, to being committed to constantly paying attention to your own mind.
And my goal in Scholars is to provide an affordable way and an avenue for you to do that at the highest level, by providing you with coaching and classes and ongoing materials.
So, I want to thank each and every one of you for being in Scholars, for being my student, for utilizing the tools and changing your lives. I know that it’s not easy showing up for your life. It’s much easier to go and drink chardonnay and cabernet and buffer. But be an example of what is possible, not just in your own life with your family, but to all the people who are listening.
So, my heart is huge right now. Five years of Scholars. How did that even happen? If you’re interested in joining us, please go to thelifecoachschool.com. We will hook you up. You are more than welcome to talk to someone on our team if you want to find out more information on all of it. We are happy to answer any questions you have.
But believe in yourself and the possibility that you could be just like someone else that you've just heard on this call, that you could lose the weight and stop the drinking and stop the overworking and process your emotion and change your life in any way you want. It doesn’t matter how old you are either, right, Linda?
Alright, my friends. Thank you so much for joining me. Have a beautiful week, everybody. Take care. Bye.
