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Brooke Castillo

Sometimes I Want Sadness


A couple of years ago, someone I love decided they no longer wanted me in their life.

I was devastated.

I was mad.

I was confused.

But mostly, I was sad.

I knew better than to hate or argue or try to change her mind, but I couldn’t shake the sadness.

I tried to coach myself out of it, and usually I am very good at coaching myself, but sadness stayed.

That’s when I realized I wanted to be sad.

I wanted to cry. Truly.

My heart was broken and I wanted to let it be broken for a minute without trying to fix it.

It was supposed to be broken.

And so I was sad.  I walked around with sadness like it was my heavy purse.

I owned it.  I carried it willingly.

Morning. Noon. And night.

Day after day.

And then one day I noticed…I didn’t want to be sad anymore.

I was tired of being sad.

I missed my friend. Every time I saw something that would have made us both laugh, I felt her absence.

But I was done being sad.

And because I had respected sadness and given it its due, it respected me and let go when I asked.

I remember when it happened…the radio was on and gave me a new thought…

“Now, you’re somebody I used to know.”

And I felt happy.

Happy to have known her.