As a coach, one of the most amazing tools that you have in your toolbox is questions and being able to ask your client the right questions at the right time in order for them to discover their own answers.
Join in as Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School talks about why one of the most powerful questions you will ever ask your client is “why?”.
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Get the Full Episode Transcript:
Hi it’s Brooke Castillo from the Life Coach School. In this video, I’m going to talk to you about questions.
As a coach, one of the most amazing tools that you have in your toolbox is questions and being able to ask your client the right questions at the right time in order for them to discover their own answers. It’s really tempting to switch into telling your client what to do, offering advice to your client. Many times it’s appropriate of you to share your experience with something because it can help give them some perspective. But what is always appropriate is to ask your client questions so they can discover their own answers. One of the most powerful questions you will ever ask your client is why.
Anything they present with, you can ask them why. There’s actually a process where you can ask why five times in a row. You’ll be amazed at what your client will come up with. Most of us do not ask ourselves why. Why are we having problems? Why are we feeling this way? Why are we thinking this way? Right? We don’t do that inquiry. We just accept everything at face value.
When your client presents with anything, let’s say they come to you with an emotion, “I’m feeling sad.” Why? When you ask them why they’re feeling sad, they’ll most likely give you their thought. If they come to you and they’re like, “I’m over eating a lot” or “I’m procrastinating a lot”. Why? When you ask them why, they will reveal their thinking behind their actions that they’re taking. If they say, “I have this result in my life. I don’t have enough money. I have only $4 in my bank account. I weigh 300 pounds.” Why?
Just by asking why to anything your client presents with will give you insight into your client but will also give your client insight into themselves. Why? Why? Why? I used to joke with a friend of mine that we could just have a phone that’s set on repeat just asking our clients why all the time. That they could get on the phone for an hour and just be asked why for an hour and come away with so much insight.
Some other questions that are really powerful for your client are why are you choosing that? It could be, why are you choosing to think that? Why are you choosing to feel that? Why are you choosing to do that? Why are you choosing to create that result in your life? The reason why those questions are so powerful is because it gives your client back responsibility for everything in their life. Most of this go through our lives thinking that everything is just happening to us. Our thoughts are just thinking, our feelings are just overcoming us, what we’re doing we don’t really have control over we just notice that we’re doing it, and we think the results on our lives are haphazard.
But really, we are creating in every moment our thoughts always creating them. It may not be consciously but it’s something that we’re doing. By asking your client, why are you choosing to think that, all of the sudden they have responsibility back to them and they can question, right, why am I choosing to think that? When I think that I don’t feel good. Why would I continue to think that? Now most of the time, the client doesn’t even realize that it’s a choice, they aren’t choosing to think deliberately. Those thoughts haven’t even occurred to them that there are choices. That line of questioning can be really powerful.
Another few questions I’d like to offer that are really great in approaching client are what do you want? Most of us don’t ask ourselves that question, we don’t see it as an option. We don’t believe that we can have what we want so we don’t really ask ourselves that question. Asking that to your client, “What do you really want?”
Another one is “How do you want to feel?” I love this questions because it teaches you and the client that all of our feelings are optional. We can choose how we want to feel in any situation. But first, we have to know, what we want to feel. One of the tests that we do in one of the worksheets that we do at the school are what do you want your top 3 feelings to be? Every day like if you could pick three feelings and you can, to have every day, what would they be? Really think about that right?
What do you want to do? What do you want to do in your life? What do you want to do with your day? Another great question. What do you want your results to be? What do you want to create in your life as a result? That’s another really powerful questions. Just remember, whenever your client is talking about anything, you can ask them, why are you choosing that? What do you want? Or Why?