Video: The Model Part 3
Join in as Brooke Castillo talks about the self coaching model developed and used at The Life Coach School.
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Hi, this is Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School, and in this video I'm going to talk to you about a concept that I created that we call The Model, and we call it the self-coaching model, we call it the get your head straight model, we call it The Model.
If a client comes to you with something maybe a little more difficult, like maybe it was an abusive situation, that might be a situation that scares you especially if you're a brand new coach. Let me show you how you deal with something like that using the model. Let's say a client comes to you and they say, "I was abused when I was a child." We give them that, of course, as a circumstance, right? That's something in their past that they don't have any control over now.
A lot of times a client will come and say something like this to a brand new coach and the coach will be like, "Oh my gosh, I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not a psychotherapist. I don't know how to deal with issues like this."
What I remind them is the only thing you ever have to coach is what's going on right now. What would be the next logical question? What is your thought about that circumstance that is causing you trouble now? We always stay in the present when we're coaching so we always stay right here in this moment, and you can, as a coach, deal with any thought your client presents with. It's just a sentence in their mind that they're thinking right now.
Many people will come and say, "I did something wrong" or "There's something wrong with me, because I was a abused as a child, there's something wrong with me." You don't ever have to find out the details of anything that happened in the past, and that's really important. You don't need to go and say, "Well, what happened? Tell me all about it." It's not relevant.
What's relevant is the thought that the client is having about that abuse that is causing them troubles in their life right now. What are they making it mean about them now? They're saying "There's something wrong with me," well, then you know that's the main problem. We can't do anything about the abuse that happened in the past. We can't go back and fix it. We can't go back and make it different. We don't need to talk about any of it. What we need to know is what are they thinking right now.
When we show our client, "Look, there's a big difference between what happened to you, which is clear and valid and important. There's nothing wrong with that." We don't need to argue with that at all, but what we do want to do is show the client is when you think this thought now, it's causing you problems now and this is a choice, and do you want to keep thinking that? Do you want to keep thinking that thought now?
Because the next logical question here would be, when you think there's something wrong with you, how do you feel? You're not agreeing, of course, that there's anything wrong with your client. You're saying when you THINK there's something wrong with you, how do you feel? Most of them will say something like shame, because shame really comes from that idea that there's something wrong or that you're bad. When you think this thought, you feel shame. When you feel shame, what do you do in your life?
A lot of my clients hide. They just don't show up. They don't do any of the work that they want to do in their lives. They pretend that they don't have dreams and they don't put ourselves out there into the world because of this shame, and then the result is they're not showing up as themselves and they're not creating what they want. I'm just going to put not showing up here.
We are driven to show up. We are driven to fulfill our dreams, to evolve, to become the best versions of ourselves. When we don't do that, that is further proof, right, for this thought that there's something wrong with me and then you start building evidence which comes from this result for this idea. That can be compounding, compounding, compounding.
We don't need to go back and change the past in order for this client to change all of this. All we need to do is help them first see this pattern. We're not going to change anything until the client really understands that this is just a thought they're choosing to think. Once they understand that pattern, then at that point they may decide that they want to change this thought.
If you try and change this thought before they really get the concept that they're choosing to think it, then it won't serve them later in their life because they'll just keep coming back to it. Your thoughts create your feelings which drive your actions which create your results.
What I would like to recommend that you do is write this down, C, T, F, A, R, on a piece of paper right now and ask yourself what is my problem that I'm having right now? Think of any problem. It doesn't have to be some big deep issue. It can be any problem and find out is it a circumstance? Is it a thought? Is it a feeling? Is it an action or is it a result? Pop it in there and then fill in the rest of the model. Share it with an instructor and it then get some feedback on it and keep practicing. This tool will make you a ninja coach. We call it the self-coaching model.