Ep #388: The Skill Every Woman Needs to Have with Kwavi Agbeyegbe

You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 388.

Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Brooke: Welcome to the podcast, everyone. Hello, my friends. It’s going to be a very exciting one today. We are going to be talking about the skill every woman needs to have. And I have a special guest on the show today, such a special lovely, amazing guest. You have to for sure go to the video so you can see how amazing she looks right now. You, like, represent, Kwavi, welcome to the podcast. Will you introduce yourself and just tell us a little bit about yourself?

Kwavi: Yeah, so my name is Kwavi. I’m a life coach for women 50 and over. And I just believe that women 50 and over need to rock their lives. I mean, I just want them to live it out loud, boldly, fiercely, and proudly.

Brooke: I love it. Okay. And we’re going to talk about women approaching 50 – I’m 49 – approaching 50 and in their 50s. And how about any woman who thinks they may ever turn 50, we’re talking to you. Or if you’re beyond 50. I think that we live in a youth-obsessed culture, as you say. And there’s not a lot of direct communication to, I think, women that are my age – how old are you?

Kwavi: I’m 53.

Brooke: You’re 53, yeah – and our generation, that’s like celebrating our lives and what we’re doing and where we’re at. And I think a lot of it is we celebrate, okay, if you’re 50 and you’re an empty-nester, it’s kind of like you’re in this whole other category that’s kind of cute and tucked over [crosstalk] at Hobby Lobby or something. So, tell me how you got into this, why you started coaching. Tell me all of it.

Kwavi: Alright, so for me, what happened was I was about 48 and I did a series of interviews with women. And I was just excited. I’m like, “I’m going to be 50 soon. I just want to know all the things I need to prepare for, the exciting things.” And unfortunately, I was disappointed because 80% of the women described themselves as invisible.

And I was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I was like, “How can this be?” You have lived up until this point. You’ve amassed all this wisdom, and now you feel invisible? And I was like, “Oh no, we have to change this.”

Brooke: Why do you think that is? Why do you think women in their 50s are feeling invisible?

Kwavi: I really think it’s because a lot of them have decided to take on what society says about women in their 50s and over. And it’s – I mean, you see it everywhere, really. Because even look at the TV. Even when you look, most times, women 50 and over are depicted probably in pharmaceutical ads. We don’t see ourselves out there. we see the youth, you know, because we live in a youth-obsessed society, so we see that.

And so for them, they’re like, “I don’t see myself anywhere.” And so, “Okay, you know what, maybe I need to just kind of lay low, not do anything,” and just kind of feel like it’s over. I’ve had women tell me that. They feel like they hit 50 and it’s like it’s over. They have nothing to live for.

Brooke: Gosh, that’s so interesting. I think it’s because – it’s kind of what we talk about with the Model and what we talk about with belief systems is we have, like, a plan. I know that I did. You have a plan. It’s like, you go to college, you get married, you have babies, you raise the babies, you take care of your career, and then the babies leave.

And I keep saying I’m in the middle of a midlife crisis. That doesn’t feel like a negative term to me. Everyone’s like, “Don’t use the word crisis.” But I think identity crises are powerful, amazing opportunities where we get to kind of strip down all of the labels that we’ve had, all of the history that we’ve had, and decide, “Now what? Now where am I going?”

Kwavi: That’s true. But the thing is, I think women need to realize that this is an amazing opportunity, and some don’t see it that way. Some feel like they’re no longer – the kids have left home. Some of them are now single. And then some of them have changed careers or maybe they’ve retired. And they use those labels to define who they were. And so, now they’re at this point, like, “Who am I now?” They don’t know who they are. All those labels have been stripped, so who are they?

Brooke: Yes, and I think that that can be a very scary, debilitating, depressing thing if you feel like it’s a loss. And I do think that there is a loss that requires grieving when it comes to the kids going away to college. For me, that was a huge one. And for many women, the change in their relationship if they’re married, changing into a different form.

And for me, that was I got a divorce. But for other women, it’s the parental relationship is so different now. It’s like they’re not spending all this time with this person parenting. Now, you kind of have to reinvent what that relationship is going to be and who you’re going to be in that relationship. And I do think that because we don’t know how and we’re not celebrated for making those changes, I think it can feel daunting and exhausting.

Kwavi: Oh yeah, I mean, it’s so scary for a lot of women. Like, where do I begin? How do I even start? How do I show up?

Brooke: And what I hear so many women saying is, “I’m just too old for that.”

Kwavi: Yeah, or, “It’s too late.”

Brooke: And you’re 50, I’m like, “What are you talking about?” Listen, y’all, I’m just getting warmed up.

Kwavi: Thank you. I definitely agree. I’m with you on that. It’s like, too late? Says who?

Brooke: I feel like the first half of my life was one thing, but the second half of my life is going to be a whole other thing, and let’s get it going.

Kwavi: Yeah, and it can be as amazing as you want.

Brooke: Totally. And what does it mean to be 49, 50, 55, 70, whatever, what does it mean to be the age that you are? Is age just a number? That’s actually a really interesting question. Let’s talk about this for a minute because I’ve been dating and there’s a lot of much younger men that want to date me.

And I’m always like, “What is going on? Why do all these young guys want to date someone older?” And I’ll ask them, I’m like, “Why are you trying to date me?” And many of them will say, “Well, age is just a number.” And I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I’m like, “But is it?” It’s not just a number.

Kwavi: It isn’t just a number.

Brooke: It represents something. So, how would you respond to that?

Kwavi: I don’t think it’s just a number. But I look at it as it’s whatever you make it. But it’s definitely not just a number. Because I think age represents, “I have lived up until this point.” I can’t take that lightly. All the wisdom I’ve achieved up until this point counts for something. And so, it’s not just a number.

Brooke: And you know, the other thing I’ve asked them, which I think is kind of interesting, is I’ve been like, “Okay, so what is it about older women that you’re so attracted to?” And one of the things they have said to me is like we’re much more sure of ourselves. Like, we don’t give any effs anymore. And we just show up, “This is what we got. This is who we are.” And there is this amazing sense of freedom in that.

Kwavi: Oh my goodness, yes. It’s like, you now come into your own. Because probably up until this point you’ve done for others, you’ve done all these different things. And that can kind of be exhausting. So, when you come into who you are, oh my goodness, you feel the freedom. Like, I can actually be. And you don’t care. It’s like, “Yes, this is me. Take it, warts and all. This is me.”

Brooke: And I think that there’s something, like especially for someone like me who suffered with such body image issues my whole life and was so critical of myself and how I looked, there is something so freeing – this happened to me in my 40s – where I was just like, “This is what we got, folks. And we’re going to celebrate it. And it’s changing because I’m getting older. And let’s go.”

Kwavi: Yeah.

Brooke: And I’m still going to take care of myself, of course, and take care of my health. And I’ve done all of that. But also, the things that are part of me because I am older, like from having babies and from struggling with my weight and from just growing older, I’m so in love with all of that. And what’s interesting about that is that creates this sex appeal that I didn’t have when I was younger.

Kwavi: Yeah.

Brooke: It’s so fascinating. Like, the amount of people coming up to me, men, and talking to me and flirting with me, it’s like insane compared to how it was when I was younger. And I know it’s because of that self-confidence and that acceptance and that freedom. So, what would you say to someone who is struggling with that, who feels like they’re not embracing, they’re not loving their body, they’re not embracing their age and kind of the second half of their life? They’re just feeling like they’re done and just exhausted?

Kwavi: Yeah, I’m going to answer that question. But one of the things I wanted to share that I think is really fascinating is whenever I go abroad, if I go to Europe, for instance, and I go on the beach, I just love that women there don’t care. Like, they’re wearing two-pieces. They don’t care. And I say over 50 comes in all shapes and sizes, and they are celebrating all of it. And I just love that.

But back to your question, I think it stems from you have to love yourself. That’s where it begins. It all stems from that. In fact, I had a conversation with one of my clients yesterday where she said she’s really loving herself, but she said she caught herself almost body-shaming herself at one point.

And she recognized that, and that’s what we do to ourselves. We body-shame ourselves. Don’t worry about the other people. We body-shame ourselves before we get out there. And so, if you’re body-shaming yourself, by the time you go out there, it’s like, it’s just going to happen…

Brooke: Right, and you’ll be imagining that it’s happening. So, we titled this podcast The Skill Every Woman Should Have. And the skill is loving yourself. And I love that we’re using the word skill, because it is something that so many of us women have to learn how to do. How do we love ourselves? Especially as we age, especially as we aren’t looking the way we maybe used to look or our body isn’t functioning the way maybe it was before and we don’t have the same roles?

So, when we’re feeling ugly and depressed and unattractive, what is the actual skill? What do we actually do to bring ourselves into the feeling of love for ourselves?

Kwavi: I think one of the things we have to do is just look and appreciate who we are. I think sometimes we kind of go directly to the flaws. Come on now, look at our bodies. For women that are listening, if you’ve had kids, your body has birthed kids. I mean, think about that, this amazing body that you have.

This same body has brought you to this point, taking you through all types of different journeys. Don’t you think that body deserves some kind of love? And when we look at it from that point, this body is still going to take us to the next point, right? So, it’s like, think about the people you love; your spouses, your friends, your kids, your pets. What do you do for people that you love?

Brooke: Yeah, that’s actually – you give them compliments. You acknowledge. You don’t criticize them. You don’t judge them. Exactly.

Kwavi: No, and let’s do that for us. Like, start there. and I know it’s hard because for most women – I mean, some women don’t even look at themselves. I have clients, sometimes, just to look at themselves in the mirror is a challenge, you know.

Brooke: Listen, I’ve got some tips. You’ve got to get naked. And I mean naked.

Kwavi: Yes, I agree, totally.

Brooke: You’ve got to put on – for me it’s country music. Maybe some rap. Like, put on some music, and instead of looking at your body from the outside – because what you will do when you look at your body from the outside is you will compare it to what you’ve been socialized to believe is beautiful. And when you do that, you will start judging yourself against much younger modeled, airbrushed bodies.

But when you feel your body from the inside, when you put that music on and you feel your body from the inside, there is so much beauty that comes from it. Even with, like, this hot mess that I’m dealing with, I still am so in love with the way I can move and the way that I can feel and the pleasure that I can experience in my body.

I feel like I’ve come into this whole new space of pleasure that was so dormant for me for so long because my focus was on different things. And so, I totally agree with you. I think we don’t look at ourselves – like if you feel yourself from the inside and you can appreciate your body from the outside, there’s so much pleasure to be felt from that experience, just you.

Kwavi: Just you.

Brooke: Yeah, and you don’t need anyone else to admire you. You don’t need anyone else to look at you. And what you had said, like appreciate the experience that it is to be in this body and to be alive. And that’s harder than it sounds, for sure.

Kwavi: It is, but then we do hard things. I mean, we do it for the people that we love, so let’s do it for ourselves. And Brooke has explained this. This isn’t exclusive to one person or certain people. Everyone has this opportunity. You can do this for yourself. Everyone can do this.

Brooke: Yes, absolutely. And so, I think that one of the questions that we can ask – I know you have a question you want to pose to them too. But one of the questions we can ask is, what does it mean – like I’m going to be turning 50 next year – what does it mean to me?

And the answer to that question is your creative story that you get to write. And so, whatever age you are, what does it mean to me that I’m 35? What does it mean to me that I’m 45? What does it mean? And what do I want it to mean?

I want this to be, like – this has been and I want it to continue to be – the most amazing awakening, the most amazing identity shift, the most amazing experience that I can have. And one of the ways that I have been doing that is just by saying yes.

Kwavi: Nice.

Brooke: So, I do say yes to these young men that ask me out and I go on dates with them. It’s fascinating. And I say yes to all the crazy things they want to do. I’m like, “Let’s go kayaking and paddleboarding. And let’s go to this place and get a drink.” And it’s just made me, like, wake up in a way.

But you know the other thing that it’s done that’s so fun is going out with younger people, I love the vibrance and the energy, but it’s also made me really appreciate what I have that they don’t, which is the experience of life.

Kwavi: Yes.

Brooke: There is a richness and a depth to having lived as long as we have lived. And that is something that the younger people, they just don’t have it yet…

Kwavi: They can’t have it.

Brooke: They can’t have it yet, right?

Kwavi: It’s not possible.

Brooke: And so, it’s made me love that part of me, love the part of me that’s been through the freaking wringer and out the other side and given me battle scars, but also given me a sense of confidence. You have to earn it.

Kwavi: You have to earn it. You have to live through it. I mean, and the thing is really, if you get to this age, whatever it is, 50s, 60s, 70s, to me that’s just like a blessing. Because not everybody gets to experience this. I mean, think about the alternative. You won’t be here.

So, I just think it’s amazing that we’re here. I just look at it from that standpoint. Like, we’re here, let’s go. What do we want to do? What do we want to create? Okay, let’s turn things up, change things up.

Brooke: Yes, so what do we want to create? I think for me it’s like, what do I want to look like? How do I want to dress? How do I want to show up? And I’ve talked a lot on the podcast about showing up in your life. And I think for me, it’s been so interesting to watch my own mental transformation and I wanted there to be like a physical transformation too.

So, I’ve been growing my hair out and I’ve been lifting weights. And I visually look different to myself. I visually feel different to myself. So, tell me about your experience with how you’re showing up at 53.

Kwavi: Yeah, so for me, I just made the decision that I am going to be me, warts and all. It’s like, take it or leave it. I’ll give you an example. So, I’m on TikTok. And TikTok typically…

Brooke: I love that you’re on TikTok with all the kids. I love it.

Kwavi: And I remember, when I first said I was going to go on TikTok, I have teenagers and they were like, “Mom, no. No.” And I said, “Okay.” And this was like November 2019. I said, “Okay, you know, I’ll leave it alone.” And then March 2020 and I was like… They were like, “No.” I’m like, “Guess what? Mom’s going.” And I started going on there. But I’m like, why not? I’m like, who decided? Because their term was, “That’s for us.” I’m like, “Who said it’s for you?”

Brooke: Yeah, is there like an age limit?

Kwavi: Yeah, there’s no age limit. So, put whatever it is for you that people have said you can’t do it because whatever.

Brooke: What are you doing on TikTok?

Kwavi: Well, I’m talking about my program – guess what though. The strangest thing is the people on there with me are my age.

Brooke: I love it.

Kwavi: They’re my age. And the funny thing happened – I wanted my son to dance with me on TikTok and he said, “Mom, no. I won’t do that.” My 18-year-old, he said no. He said, “Well, if you get 10,000 followers, I’ll dance with you.” Guess what? I did get it and he danced with me.

Brooke: How can we watch this? What do we do?

Kwavi: I’ll send it to you so you can watch it.

Brooke: No, but we can go to TikTok and watch it, right?

Kwavi: You can go to TikTok, yeah, kwavi_tv and watch it.

Brooke: Listen, so if you’re over 50, you must do this. Is it an app you download, TikTok?

Kwavi: Yes, it’s an app, yes.

Brooke: Okay, you download an app and then you search for Kwavi and then you find her dancing. Was he excited to do it?

Kwavi: Of course not, no. He had a little smile at the end. But for the most part of it, he was like, “Really?” But I was like, “We had a bet. You said…” And guess what? Now I’m at 30,000 followers.

Brooke: Well, good for you. What? That is amazing.

Kwavi: With these over-50 women. These women are in their 50s, 60s, 70s on there with me too.

Brooke: And you’re just recording – I’ve never been on TikTok…

Kwavi: So, what I do is I record little snippets of things. So, I talk about being over 50 and living your best life and changing things up and just realizing that you have the power to change this. Society might change this, but you have the power to determine what you want your life to look like. And so, I kind of speak to that on there.

Brooke: Oh, I love that. Okay, we’re all getting on TikTok just to follow you and see what’s happening. Okay, so you wrote a book.

Kwavi: Yes, I did.

Brooke: Let’s talk about your book.

Kwavi: Yes, I did. The reason why I wrote this book was I want women to really live their lives without apologies on their own terms. I want them to give themselves permission to do this, to place a priority on themselves. And one of the things I noticed a few months – well probably a couple of years ago – I would read a lot of books.

But I realized it was almost like a bragging right. Like, “Oh yeah, I read these number of books.” But then when I looked back, I wasn’t really doing anything with the information. And so, I said, “Okay, I’m going to write a book that has this information. But also, is written in the way where women have to take action right away. And so, that’s why I wrote it this way. So, they’re questions…

Brooke: What’s the title of the book?

Kwavi: 50 Questions to Answer When You Reach 50.

Brooke: 50 Questions to Answer When You Reach 50. Can I get it on Amazon?

Kwavi: Yes, Amazon, Barnes and Noble. Yeah.

Brooke: All of it, okay.

Kwavi: Yeah, and so it’s a guide to help women shine and thrive in their 50s and beyond. It has all these different questions. And I really believe questions help us grow. I really think they do. And not just asking the questions, but answering them for yourself. They get to answer the questions.

A lot of people have said, “Goodness, I haven’t thought about that in years,” questions that they haven’t thought about. But by the time you finish reading this, you can actually look back and say, “Oh my goodness, I did this and I did that.” This is an appreciation of who you are, where you’ve been, the journey that you have taken up until this point. And I want women to see themselves in that way. And we don’t, most of the time.

Brooke: So, give me an example of a question…

Kwavi: Alright, let me look through. Let me pull one. “Name a situation where you surprised yourself. Describe a moment when you did something you couldn’t believe. It wasn’t until it was over that you realized what you had done. It can be something frightening, courageous, funny, or exciting. Adrenaline kicked in and you went for it. All the details, please.”

Brooke: Oh, that’s so good. I have so many. So, the two that came to mind were making a million dollars. I was like, “What, girl, what are you doing?” And that was a while ago. But then just recently, we went to Miami and we went to this dinner club. We had dinner. And then afterwards a DJ came out and the music came on and I literally stood up and danced. I danced in this club with all these young kids until 4AM. I did not stop dancing. I was pouring sweat. I was so happy. Every song that came on.

And I look back and I’m just like, “Girl, what is going on?” That’s so exciting, right? And that, to me, is like such an equal – “I feel so free and so energized and so alive right now.” And before, when I was younger, I would have been much more self-conscious. Like, were people watching me? Was I sweaty? Was I gross? I did not care at all. I just danced until my dress was seriously, like, wow.

Kwavi: That’s an amazing experience though. Oh, my word.

Brooke: Right, and so I love that question because the more we acknowledge those things, the more we invite ourselves to do more of them.

Kwavi: Exactly, and that’s why I wrote – because I want women to realize, “Listen, it is not over. It is not too late. There is so much more you can do for yourself.” And there’s so many exciting things that you can do.

Brooke: Yeah, it’s so true. And I think if you’re someone that’s feeling like you’re burnt out or tired or run down, I think a lot of us look in the mirror, we look at our homes, we look at the state of our relationships, maybe our financial situation, and we just feel like we’ve been grinding for so long. And it’s just, for me, I really believe in the concept of redeciding your life.

And that’s what I did. When I was 45 years old, the kids were going to college. I’m like, “Okay, if I can rebuild from the ground up…” which, by the way, y’all, you can, “What is the best-case scenario for my life? Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? How much do I want to work? What career do I want to have?”

And I’ve just been talking about this a lot with people. They’re thinking about whether they should become life coaches or not. They’re like, “I really want to do that. I feel this passion for doing that. But I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid. Am I too old? I’ve been a doctor my whole life, an attorney my whole life. I can’t just throw that away to do something new.” And I’m like, “Yes you can. That’s what’s so cool.”

Kwavi: I actually have a word for that feeling. I call it scare-cited, where you’re scared and excited at the same time. And that’s okay. It’s like, just keep on going. This scare-citement, it’s fine. It’s fine for you to feel that.

Brooke: Yeah, so tell me a little bit about what it’s like for you to work with a client when they come to you. What is your process with them?

Kwavi: So, I have actually an online community where I also work one on one, but I also have an online community. I have, like, every week we have trainings. We have coaching. We have what we call Monthly Mingle, where we have, like, a social hour online.

But for me, I just want to help them grow in different ways. So, there’s like a module called It’s All About Me. And I labeled it that because up until this point for a lot of these women, it was all about everyone else. And I want it to be about you. So, we cover self-love, which I think is the foundation for everything because, if you love yourself, listen, you’re going to do all the things.

So, self-love, we talk about self-compassion, and we talk about self-care. So, that’s one. Another area we cover is health because I really feel, at this point, listen, we have to really take care of our health…

Brooke: Right, which is a huge part of self-love, right?

Kwavi: Exactly. I also cover relationships, because that’s another big part of how we show up. We have style. Style is another area that we cover. And the last module is sleep and sex. We cover that too. And all of those kind of, when you hit midlife, these pillars are kind of important in the way you show up. And so, I cover that. And like I said, the self-love is really key. I’ll give you an example.

So, one of my clients, she’s losing weight. She’s in her 60s. She’s lost like 26 pounds and she was like, “Kwavi, when you talked about the self-love piece, now I really get it.” Because she said she loves herself so much that sometimes she looks at the times like nine o’clock, normally she goes to bed late. And she looks at the time and she’s like, “It’s nine o’clock. You know what? I love myself so much, I’m going to bed.” And so, she’s doing these things because she loves herself. And I think it’s so important, when you look at it from that perspective.

Brooke: And I really have found that the effort that I’ve put into loving myself, and really loving myself out loud and on purpose has brought people into my life who treat me with love, because I’m demonstrating it to them.

I’m demonstrating, “Listen, I matter. I’m not invisible around here.” And my kids – it’s so funny. We just went to Lake Tahoe and we’re all on the boat and the kids have all their rap music playing and they’re yelling at the top of their lungs and I’m, like, right up in there. I am not the invisible mom sitting at the back who brought snacks. Oh, hell no. Hell no. I’m right here…

Kwavi: That was for soccer.

Brooke: Exactly, that was for soccer. I’m so much more engaged now in a way that I feel so much more alive with them, which is so fun because now they’re adults. And so, we’re all learning how to re-relate to each other in a whole new way where I’m still obviously their parent, but we can have different types of conversations and different types of interactions in a way that is so exciting and so different.

Kwavi: I’m with you.

Brooke: And I think it is because too, I’m showing them, listen, I’m making these decisions for myself, even though they’re very difficult. And I’m showing up in my life because it’s very important. And so, for those of you who feel like you’re just now on the sidelines of your kids’ lives, which I think a lot of people feel that way, like, “Now I’m just going to watch my kids go get married and have kids and I’ll just be grandma on the sideline,” I think that’s something to really reconsider.

Kwavi: Yeah.

Brooke: I think that you don’t have to not have your own fantastic, amazing life. And I feel like for my kids, it makes them want to spend more time with me because I’m not just sitting here syphoning off their life. I’m providing them, like, “What are you put to mom?” Connor said to me the other day, he’s like, “Mom, you sure are living your best life.” I am, son. Yes, I am. He rolls his eyes, “Okay…”

Kwavi: I think that’s great. But I also think that you get to choose that. Like, how do you want this next chapter of your life to look like? Like, you get to choose this. And it’s not about anyone. It’s about you. Like, the kids will be fine. The spouse will be fine. The people around you are going to be okay. What do you want? Like truly, what is inside of you that sometimes you kind of push down because you’re like, “Not really. It’s too late.” What is it? Let it come out. Birth it out into the world.

Brooke: 100%. And we talked about also, you know, really acknowledging, what is your story about your age and where you are and making sure that’s a story you want to tell. And I would just end with, like, the last piece of this, the real skill of self-love is managing your mind about yourself. And what are the thoughts you’re thinking about you? What are you thinking about what’s possible for you? What are you believing about this next phase of your life?

Like, are you just squinting against the reality of it or are you creating something that you actually want? And what do you want to believe about yourself? So, Kwavi, tell me a couple of your thoughts. What do you believe about yourself that maybe we could borrow?

Kwavi: Yeah, so I just believe I’m someone who, like, if I want to do something, I do it. It’s okay that people might not like it. I’m okay with that. Sometimes my kids don’t like it. Sometimes my kids are like, “Mom, you’re just extra.” I’m like, “Okay, I’m good…”

Brooke: My kids tell me the same thing…

Kwavi: And they’ll tell me, I’ll say, “I’m okay with it.” And they’ll say things like, “Well, that’s not a good thing.” I’m like, “well, to you it isn’t. But to me it is.”

Brooke: That’s what Christian said to me. He’s like, “You’re so extra.” I’m like, “Thank you.” He’s like, “I didn’t mean it in a good way.” And I’m like, “But I took it in a good way.”

Kwavi: Yeah, you know. And that’s neat. And then there’s one thing I always say, I say, “I don’t believe in playing the waiting and wishing game.” I’m not going to wait for this to happen or wish this. I’m just going to make it happen now. It might not work out, and that’s okay. But guess what, I did it.

Brooke: I showed up for it, right? And that’s actually a really good point is like, one of the most important parts of self-love is a willingness to fail. And if you think about this with your children, those of you who have children, we don’t want our kids to fail ever. But yet we still push them out in the world and allow them to fail because we know that that’s what will build their strength and character and show them, when you fail, you pick yourself up, you treat yourself well, you move on. You don’t beat yourself up.

And I think that’s true for all of us navigating the second half of our life. And listen, your kids will also tell you that you’re trying to act young, as if they have the corner on fun behavior. You try to be fun. It means you’re trying to be young. Hell no. This is what older people do. This is how we roll.

Kwavi: Exactly. It’s true. And then the other thing I’d also like to say is, at this point, there are going to be so many things you’ve never done before. And sometimes you might say, “I’ve never done this, so I can’t do it.” I’m like, “Do it anyway.” I always think about toddlers. I’m like, can you imagine if a toddler told himself or herself, “I can’t do this walking thing because I’ve never done it before.” We’d still be crawling. Think about that.

Brooke: Right? It’s so true.

Kwavi: So, just go ahead and do it.

Brooke: That is, like, such a beautiful point. I think we get to the point where we somehow think our life is behind us and that new things aren’t available. But I love the way you just said that. There are so many things in this world you haven’t done yet.

I mean, for me, my life has exploded with the people that I’ve met and the people that I’ve dated and the opportunities that I’ve had and the travel that I’ve done and the things that I’ve said yes to are exploding my life into this whole new perspective.

And listen. I had an amazing life behind me too. But there’s no reason to think, “Okay, now that’s done.” And I think it’s partially because we didn’t used to live as long as we’re going to live.

Kwavi: Yeah, true.

Brooke: So, this could be a whole lifetime. And so, one of the things I like to say is, okay, if that was a whole lifetime, I’m ready for round two.

Kwavi: That’s it.

Brooke: Let’s go, right? Okay, so tell us where we can find you on TikTok? Where else can we find you? Where else can we get more information?

Kwavi: Okay, so on TikTok, I’m on kwavi¬_tv. You can find me on TikTok, kwavi_tv. On Instagram…

Brooke: Spell Kwavi for us.

Kwavi: So, Kwavi is, K-W-A-V-I_TV. I’m also on Instagram, same thing, @kwavi_tv. And then, on my website, www.kwavi.com.

Brooke: Beautiful.

Kwavi: And then the book, Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Brooke: Tell us the title one more time.

Kwavi: Yeah, 50 Questions to Answer When You Reach 50.

Brooke: What a beautiful gift for someone turning 50 too. I love it. Kwavi, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and talking about our lives and what we’re going through. I know that so many people are going to benefit from this. The skill every woman needs to have is self-love. It is something you have to practice and you have to continue to do on purpose. And friends, you’ve got to love yourself. Have a beautiful week, everyone. Thank you, Kwavi. Take care.

Kwavi: Thank you. Bye.

Brooke: Bye.

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