Bonus Training - February 2016

January 31, 2017

Welcome to this special Bonus Training!

The reason why I did this Bonus Training call is because I wanted to demonstrate what it’s like to work with me and be coached by me on a live call.

This is the last time that I’m offering any free coaching because I’m going to reserve all of my future coaching calls for inside of my Self Coaching Scholars course.

I want to encourage those of you who want to coach or be coached and want to apply everything that I’m teaching you on the podcast to join me inside the Self Coaching Scholars.

Episode Transcript

Hey, everyone, it's Brooke Castillo here. The following is a free training that I offered to everybody who is on my email list. And I invited everyone to check out a video I created called The 5-Minute Emotional Makeover.

And you can check that out by going to thelifecoachschool.com for the last 5-Minute Makeover. And that's the number 5-Minute Makeover. And the reason why I did this call is because I wanted to demonstrate what it's like to be coached by me and with me and on a call.

I did one of these last month, and I've done one of them this month. But this is the last time I'm going to be offering any free coaching because I'm going to reserve all of my coaching calls for inside of Self Coaching Scholars. I want to really encourage those of you who want to coach and want to be coached and want to apply everything that I'm teaching you here on the podcast to join me inside Self Coaching Scholars by going to thelifecoachschool.com board slash join.

Inside of Self Coaching Scholars, I will give you a weekly call where you will be able to be coached live with me. You will also have daily access to me through the Ask Brooke page inside of Self Coaching Scholars. You'll also have access to three of my coaches.

One of them is specializing in over drinking. One of them specializes in overeating, and one of them specializes in the model. And so you will be able to set up private 10-minute coaching sessions with them to get special help.

You'll also get coaching workbooks sent to you monthly, so you can work along and apply all of this material that we're doing. Self Coaching Scholars is my new baby. It is what I want to encourage all of my students to do.

It's where I want to do all of my deepest work with all of you. So I want to encourage you to go over and check it out at thelifecoachschool.com/join.

And the following is just a taste of what it's like to get taught by me and also coached by me within that Self Coaching Scholars. So please enjoy.

Bye bye.

Well, hello, my friends. I am so excited to be doing a call on Sunday night. It's like such a treat.

Everyone left my house. So I have the whole house to myself. And I am thrilled to be here with you all.

If you are new, this is Brooke Castillo. Master Certified Coach Instructor. And I am thrilled that you are all here.

Tonight, we are going to talk about the Five Minute Emotional Makeover that I recently created for myself. And now I am going to share with all of you. And I am actually in the process of creating a series of five-minute videos and five-minute programs and free trainings for all of you.

I have the Five Minute Lesson on How to Create Boundaries, the Five Minute Lesson on Unconditional Love, the Five Minute Process to Get Motivated, the Five Minute Guide to Saying No for People Pleasers. These are the things that I am working on. As my clients have issues, I come up with solutions.

Now, it's easy to learn something in five minutes, but it's much more challenging to then implement it. So what I'm gonna do on this call, and the reason why I'm doing some of these free bonus calls is so I can take the opportunity to talk to you guys about my brand new baby, Self Coaching Scholars, my program that I'm teaching. So I will answer questions and talk about that as well.

But I also want to give you a little bit of a taste of what we're doing in that program and how we're implementing some of this work. Most of you know that I have a podcast. A lot of you have been listening to it for maybe the past three years.

I know some of you have binge listened to it. But it's one thing to listen to me teach and to have that understanding of what I'm teaching about feelings and about emotions. It's another thing to apply it.

And one thing that I've been noticing with all of my clients and all of my students in the Self Coaching Scholars is that there's just like little tweaks we're making that are making huge differences. It's the application and the feedback that we're getting that I'm able to give to them real time that's helping them really make the changes. So you may have listened to what I've taught you on feelings before and you may think that you already know.

Maybe you're one of my coaches and you feel like you really understand what feelings are. I don't want you to skip any of these classes because you will hear the same thing in a different way and I will teach it in a different way so you may be able to then apply it in a different way. One of the things that I keep getting better at is teaching my own stuff.

I feel like I'm a good teacher at taking complicated ideas and making them simple and the more I teach them, the more simple they are to learn. That being said, learning something and practicing and applying something are two different things. So if I teach you how to do something, it may sound easy, like that makes sense, I can do that.

And then you go to do it, and it may feel hard. I just want you to know that's okay. Okay?

Nobody's really taught us how to deal with our emotions. Nobody's taught us this class before, and most of us have had 40 plus years of doing it this way and not knowing. So I want to make sure you're doing both pieces.

I want to make sure that you're learning the concept intellectually. That's what we call passive action. And then you're applying it.

So I'm giving you that five-minute process in the hope that you will apply it. And that's just the first baby step. And then as we move on, those of you who join me to be my client and work with me in the coaching context, we take it all to a deeper level where we're applying it daily in a really conscious way.

And that's when you blow your own mind. That is the only way I know of blowing your own damn mind is by apply and repeat. Apply and repeat.

That is the difference between people. Like if you look at the clients that I've had go through Stop Over Eating Masterclass, that's my six-month program. They know the material.

I teach them the material. But then it's almost like a full-on forced accountability that they sign up for and commit to repeating. We all know how to lose weight.

Those of you who have learned my materials, you know my concepts for losing weight. It's applying them that we need the help with. And so I'm going to talk a little bit about theory here.

But one of the things I'd love for you to do is hit star six on your phone if you get a question, or if you'd like me to do a little mini coaching session with you to help you apply this material to what you're experiencing right now. I want to give you a little bit of a taste of what it's like to actually, you know, if I teach you how to do a somersault by doing a somersault, you may look at that and go, wow, that's cool. But then I'm like, okay, you come try.

And you may be like, whoa, hey, what do you mean? I just want to watch you do it. And I think that's what happens to a lot of us.

We watch, I make it look cool. I make it look like it's possible. But the only way you'll ever get good at doing a somersault is if you do it and you, and you mess it up the first time, right?

So as we go through this, please hit star six, ask me any question that you have. I will answer it and I will, give you a little bit of coaching on this process. The process can be found on video.

If you go to the lifecoachschool.com/five-minutemakeover, and it's the number five, okay? I know some of you, if you're already on my email list, you already received that link and you can just click on it and go. But if you're not on my list and you want to see the five-minute video, you go to the lifecoachschool.com/thenumberfive-minutemakeover.com.

If you're driving, wait till you get home and go to the Life Coach School and click on Podcast, and there will be a little button on the side that you can click on and access that video. And you can watch that video as many times as you want. I go through this process.

But before I talk about the process and how to go through it, and it really does only take 5 minutes to teach it to you and 5 minutes to go through it on a daily basis, I want you to understand why it's so important to learn this process and to have this process in your pocket. The reason why is that most of us literally do not know how to change how we are feeling. We do not feel as if we are in control enough of our emotional life to be able to change how we feel.

We do not have what I call the emotional intelligence to manage our emotions. So what most of us end up doing is going unconscious, buffering, pushing against, resisting, and completely screwing up our lives because of it. In little subtle ways.

If you're one of those people that you know you could be doing more, you know that you could be showing up more in your life, you feel like you don't have enough time, you feel like you can't get it done, it's because you don't know how to feel your emotions. You're avoiding, you're resisting. When you avoid and resist your emotions, you prevent progress, you create lethargy in your life.

That promotes buffering and procrastination. How do I know this? I did it for so many years.

I didn't know how to feel my feelings. I did not know how to be emotionally intelligent. I did not understand how to do that.

And so what I would do is I would find ways to cope with my emotions by not feeling them. I would overeat, I would over drink, I would create gossip, I would procrastinate, I would watch TV. Anything to avoid my feelings.

Now, this wouldn't be a problem for most of us, and for most of the population, this is how they will deal with their emotions their entire life. They will basically survive their emotions. And up until this point in human history, that has really been all we had, that capability and capacity to do.

Our emotions were directing us to safety, and that was basically the complexity of them. But now we're in an environment where we're pretty safe, where the most dangerous thing is really our own mind, right? We're not faced with a lot of crazy, real dangers.

We're faced mostly with the dangers we conjure up in our own mind. And the problem with that, and if you know my self coaching model, you know that our emotions are what fuel our actions. And our actions are what create the results in our life, and the results in our life are what literally are our life, yes?

So you have to ask yourself, what is fueling your actions on a daily basis? If you're doing a lot of buffering, you're doing a lot of procrastinating, it means that you're doing a lot of resisting and avoiding of your emotions, which makes sense if you've never been taught how to feel and change an emotion. It sounds so ridiculously basic, but most of us don't know how to do it.

We have to learn to literally feel our emotions on purpose. That is the only way that we will develop authority over them. You can't immediately take charge and start creating emotion.

Once you learn the model, a lot of people are like, okay, I'm just going to start creating emotion. You can't, because that train is already going about 100 miles an hour. That emotional habitual process in your brain, those habits of emotions is already going.

So you can't just put your hand in front of that train and say, no, I want to feel happy all of the time. You're already in the habit of feeling stressed and frustrated and afraid. And all of that programming in your brain is not just from your lifetime, it's from all of your involvement to this point as a human.

It's all your pre-programming that you come with that basically is telling you to be afraid of everything in order to stay alive. So that's what you get to start with in your DNA, right? And then you grow up and you're taught, you know, that you don't have control over your feelings, that other people control your feelings, that you control other people's feelings.

And then when you get to a point in your adulthood and you wonder why your life is such a mess, it's because no one ever taught you how to feel your emotions. And then when someone talks about feeling your emotions and how to feel your emotions, it sounds very, you know, soft and fluffy and self-helpish, right? I want to get something done.

I don't want to sit here and talk about my feelings, right? I don't want to go to therapy and talk about my feelings all the time. I want to get some work done.

I want to create something. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to be thinking about what I'm feeling all the time.

But I'll tell you what, if you remember that your emotions are what create your actions and your reactions, you're going to pay a lot more attention to those emotions. Because if you think about any goal that you have in your life, it will be fueled by your emotions. All right?

So what is the benefit of knowing what you're feeling and feeling on purpose? It increases your consciousness. That in and of itself is a reason to do it.

We need more consciousness in the world. We need less unconsciousness. The way that the human race has evolved to this point and what we are presented with in our environment is a constant invitation to unconsciousness.

I mean, how many of you right now are doing seven different things? You're kind of half paying attention to me, you're scrolling through Facebook, you're checking out Twitter, you're seeing what's on the news, you're making dinner, right? There's so much unconsciousness.

We don't know how to be present and do one thing at a time, right? So one of the things, learning how to feel emotions on purpose by feeling what you're feeling and creating emotion increases consciousness. It increases your connection with yourself.

It increases your awareness of what's around you. It helps eliminate unnecessary fear and suffering. When you understand that you are creating your own emotion with your own brain all of the time, you will understand why you're so afraid, why you're so frustrated, why you're so lethargic, why you're so indifferent, right?

You're the one creating that for yourself. Not on purpose, because you don't know how to create an emotion on purpose, but that's what's going on. So the five-minute makeover is really about identifying where are we on that train, what's the emotion that's already going, and how do I manage my own brain to change what I'm feeling?

How do I change what I'm feeling by utilizing my brain? Really, really the most powerful thing I can teach you. It's the middle of the model, but here's why it matters so much.

Because the worst thing that can happen in your life is an emotion. Think about the worst thing you can imagine happening. It's because you don't want that to happen because of how it would feel.

Someone dying, being humiliated, failing, right? Anything you can think of. You don't want that because of the way that it would feel.

It would feel terrible. And we're so afraid of feeling terrible. But when you really think about it, wait a minute, if I learn how to feel emotion, and I learn how to not be afraid, and I learn that the worst that can happen is an emotion, then there's nothing I'm going to be afraid of feeling.

And I'll move forward in my life, and I'll be willing to feel the emotions. Right? I'll be willing to feel whatever comes up for me.

And once you're willing to feel whatever comes up for you, then you get authority over it, and that's when you're able to change it. Okay? So those are the reasons why I want to encourage you all to participate in this process.

Not to just learn it intellectually from me, but to learn it and apply it and then ask questions. So, I'm going to go through the process, and then what I'm going to do is ask you guys to hit star six on your phone, and I need some volunteers, I need some people to ask me some questions about their emotions so I can take you through this process and demonstrate it a little bit. So the first thing you want to do, first of all, some of the questions I've been getting in the Scholars Program sound like this.

What if I'm feeling good? Study that, right? Study why you feel good.

Study what that feels like. Memorize that so you can use it later. But also, if you want to work on practicing your emotion, one of the best ways that I know of how to practice feeling and changing emotion is to think about a goal I have.

Now remember, if you've been with me a while, you want to set a goal that requires you to grow into it, right? It requires you to become a better version of yourself. The next level version, the upleveled version of yourself requires you to evolve, to become more conscious, more aware, more in control, more kind, more compassionate.

So if you have a good goal, when you think about it, there will be a little twinge of something that will come up. It will be doubt. It will be fear.

It will be confusion. Something will come up. And what will happen if you don't manage that emotion, if you don't handle that emotion, and change it into something to fuel you towards what you want, then you won't achieve that goal.

And it's a very, very subtle difference. It's the difference between focusing on something you don't want versus shifting it to something you do. So when you think about that goal, immediately your brain, remember your brain's like, no, don't do it, you're gonna die.

That's what your brain's job is. It's to tell you not to go out of the cave. Stay in the cave, you'll be safe.

Right, so immediately you'll feel that doubt, and that's what you don't want. You don't want to fail, you don't want to be confused, you don't want to go in that direction, right? So immediately you just shift your mind towards what you do want.

So here's how the process goes. Very simple, I'm gonna walk you through it. You are going to at some point notice that you're not feeling a pleasant emotion.

You're feeling uncomfortable. All right? For many of us, because I've talked to a lot of y'all, for many of us, it's right when we wake up in the morning that we feel this, right?

I wake up and there's anxiety, right? For some of us, it's driving in the car. Some of us, it's just this underlying uneasiness that comes up, right?

So the first thing, the most important step is to become aware of what you're feeling, to pay attention, to go throughout your day and ask yourself, what are you feeling? Right? In Self Coaching Scholars, I have an even deeper process we're gonna go through on a daily basis that will make you so aware of what you're feeling, it'll blow your mind, right?

But for the sake of this, all you need to do is notice what's going on in your body and describe it. Okay? So you'll be driving along, you'll wake up, you'll be a little uneasy.

The first step is just describing it. There's like a little vibration, like right in my solar plexus. There's a little buzzing right in my head.

There's a tightness across my shoulders, wherever you notice the emotion. Now, this is important for a couple reasons. The first reason is, as you're describing what you're feeling in detail, not just labeling it, but describing it in detail, you have to shift from being at the effect of your emotion into the watcher describing your emotion, okay?

So all of a sudden, when I have to describe how I'm feeling, I have to shift my perspective from being at the effect of it to being the watcher. And the minute I go into the watcher, I get relief from the emotion. It's magic, okay?

It's that shift. It's a meditation, right? It's as soon as you go into a meditation and you start watching yourself be in the world, then you stop having to be at the effect of that being, right?

You are the watcher of yourself. You are at that higher level version of yourself, which gives you some relief from being at the effect of your humanness, okay? So first, describe it in as much detail as possible.

I'm noticing this tenseness in my solar plexus. I notice there's like this tension and it feels like someone's squeezing me. Some people feel it in their throat, whatever the emotion is.

Some people feel it in their arms. Where do you feel it? Pay attention, describe it.

Maybe you just describe it in a couple sentences. It can be really helpful to write it down. The next thing I want you to do is name the emotion.

Is it anxiety? Is it frustration? Is it fear?

Is it worry? What is the emotion that you're experiencing? Those of you in scholars, there will be a whole list of emotions.

You just pick one. Sometimes it can help just to look at a list, and you can see which one best describes it. And what's really been helpful for me is to be able to be like, oh, I thought I was feeling anxious, but that word is way better way of describing it for this specific situation.

The more specific you can be in naming it, I think the better. Because then you can start noticing, because I used to think just everything was anxiety, right? And that's much more difficult to identify the cause.

So when you can get more specific, it's easier to identify the cause of it. Step one, describe how it feels in your body. Step two, name it.

Now, if you have problem with step one, you're unable to describe what's going on in your body, and you just feel blank, and you just feel numb, then you are one of those people that is completely disconnected. And this happens a lot with my clients who are overeaters, right? Because what happens is we don't listen to our own hunger cues, we don't listen to our own fullness cues.

Many of us have dealt with physical sexual abuse, right? We've learned how to disconnect from our bodies. We've learned how to disconnect from the feelings of overeating, the feelings of hunger, from all of it.

We are just comfortably numb with food, right? I like to call it uncomfortably numb, right? We're so disconnected, we don't even know how uncomfortable we are.

So if you are in that space, it can be really helpful to get on the phone with one of our coaches and just spend 10 minutes and let them help you identify what's going on, right? To have a guide to kind of take you back into your body. So what happens is once you go back into your body and you start identifying, you start being able to describe how your body feels, you're going to get it in touch with a lot of emotions.

You're going to start to feel much more alive. Now, you'll get in touch with some negative emotion. It's okay, right?

But you'll also get in touch with your positive emotion again. You're going to feel so much more alive. Now, for some of you, this may be very frightening, but I want to remind you that I'm also teaching you how to change your emotion.

I'm also teaching you how to find the cause of it. And also remember that emotions are harmless when you feel them. The only time emotions become overwhelming and scary is when we resist them.

I like to use the example of holding that ball under the water, a huge beach ball. If you're trying to hold it under water, think of how powerful it gets. Right?

It feels so strong. It feels like it's in the minute. It pops up in the air, right?

It feels, but when we don't resist it, it just floats on the surface. It's completely harmless. For those of you who are new, I want to remind you and teach you about a concept that I have, that we do not have positive emotion without negative emotion.

Negative emotion is part of the human experience. And a lot of people don't even like that I call it negative emotion, but I think it's negative. I think it's unpleasant, right?

That side of the emotional ladder. But I think you can learn how to be in unpleasant emotion and make it less unpleasant. What makes it super unpleasant is resisting it.

But you cannot have happiness without unhappiness. You cannot have joy without grief, right? You can't have excitement without boredom, right?

If you're excited all of the time, you'll never know you're excited. You won't appreciate being excited because you're always excited about everything all of the time. There is no alternative.

There is no contrast. There is duality in the world. And I want to just offer this little caveat for those of you who are really struggling with what's going on in the world right now.

My best piece of advice for all of you without really coaching on specifically what it is you're suffering with in terms of your mind is to recognize that the world is meant to have both. It's meant to have good and bad, positive and negative. We're meant to rub up against each other, to have some conflict.

The reason why I know this is because it's always been this way, and it is this way. We have this idea that we should always be at peace, and we should always be happy. And that is not the case in our lives.

And I know that our lives are not meant to be that way because they are not. And I will tell you what, there is nothing that will set you more free than accepting that. Because then you stop fighting with the fight.

You stop fighting against the reality of it. You stop hating the hate. You stop frustrating over your own frustration.

You stop grieving over your own grief. You guys know what I'm saying, right? You're able to accept those emotions.

You're able to accept that anxiety is part of the human experience. And happiness is part of it. It's okay.

And as soon as you allow it to float, like that ball on top of the water, you will be much more able to function in your life than when you're trying to shove all those negative emotions down. If you are someone... I have a lot of clients right now who are very afraid, right?

Feeling very afraid and feeling like they shouldn't feel afraid, right? That there shouldn't be fear in their life. There shouldn't be fear in the world.

Other people shouldn't be afraid. But fear is... It's one of the biggest parts of the human experience, is fear.

It's okay to be afraid, right? And as soon as it's okay to be afraid, then what you get to do is understand your fear, and then you can change it if you want because you are the cause of it. Okay.

Step number three is find the sentence causing it. The first thing you did is you described it in your body. That put you in the watcher.

That put you in awareness. That put you in consciousness. Then you named the emotion.

The more specific you can be, the better. Step three is find the sentence causing it. No matter what emotion you are having right now, no matter what emotion you will have tomorrow morning, or tonight, or later, or after you have a fight with your husband, or after your kids drive you crazy, or after you eat too much, or drink too much, or whatever it is, every emotion you have is because of a sentence in your mind.

This is fantastic news. I used to think my emotions were caused by the world. I used to think that my emotions were caused by what was happening in the world.

I used to think my emotions were caused by how other people behaved, and what they did, and what they said. That is never true, ever, ever true. And if you find yourself resisting what I'm saying, allow yourself to believe it for just a minute.

All right? Your emotion, your feeling, is always caused by a sentence in your mind. One sentence in your mind.

Now, you may have lots of sentences in your mind. That's okay. Right?

Your feeling is caused by one. Here's what the sentence may sound like. He shouldn't do that.

She's mean. She's incapable. She's incompetent.

She's insensitive. They should be kinder. They should be more understanding.

They should be more inclusive. They should have called me on my birthday. They shouldn't have unfriended me on Facebook.

I can't even tell you how many times I've had the coach come on on that one. They should have invited me to their party that they posted on Facebook. Those sentences cause pain.

We think what the other person is doing is causing the pain. But here, I want to give you guys like the best news ever. Aren't you glad that that person isn't in control of your emotions?

Why do you keep delegating your emotional life to them? Why do you keep giving them credit for something you're causing? Is that who you want to have power over you?

If the answer is no, take back that responsibility. Your emotion is caused by a sentence in your mind. So when I wake up in the morning and I feel anxious, and I allow myself to feel anxious, I look around for the sentence causing it.

And it's usually something like, You're never going to get that done. You're not going to achieve that goal. You're not very good at this.

You shouldn't have done that yesterday. You should have never made this plan. Are you going to be able to pay that bill?

And whenever it's a question, I just answer it. And those thoughts just are habits that happen in my brain. They're all some form of, You're probably going to die.

You're not good enough. This isn't going to work. Something is wrong in the world.

Something is wrong in your life. Something is wrong with you. So those sentences happen in my brain, and I see them cause those emotions.

Now, most of us are unconscious. We're not directing our brains. We're not consciously thinking on purpose.

We're not deliberately choosing what to think. And most of us have no idea this is going on. I was just coaching one of my master coaches, and she just made like a little comment.

She just said, oh, I don't like that to me. And it was like the fifth time she'd said something similar. And I said, why would you say, I don't like that?

And she went, what do you mean? I just don't like it. I said, but how do you feel when that sentence comes up?

She's like, Icky, not good. She goes, I didn't even recognize that I was thinking that. I just thought that that was, I was just observing.

I just thought I was noticing something. I didn't realize that I don't have, that that thought's optional, that that sentence is optional. And I said, couldn't you just as easily say that you like the opposite, right?

So if you say, I don't like that, couldn't you just as easily say, well, instead of focusing on what you don't like, you focus on what you do like.

I do like this.

And direct your brain to focus on what it does like instead of naming what it doesn't like. Such a subtle little shift. I'm coaching my clients on politics.

You know, I'm always encouraging them to focus on what they do want instead of what they don't, on what they want to create instead of what they don't want to create. It's very subtle. You can be against something and feel terrible, or you can be for something and feel empowered and excited.

It's a very, very subtle shift. But you can't make that shift unless you recognize the sentence causing your feeling. Step one, describe the feeling in your body.

Step two, name it. Step three, find the sentence causing it. Now, so many of you in Self Coaching Scholars have written to me.

There's a section in Self Coaching Scholars that I'm on every day for a couple of hours where you can ask me any question. A couple of you have asked me or have told me that you don't know the sentence, that you can't find the thought. And so what I've always encouraged you to do is just make a list of a bunch of thoughts that are going on in your head.

You will find it. When you tell yourself you don't know something, you feel confused. That is the sentence, I don't know creates the feeling of confusion.

So I just haven't found it yet is a much better way of describing it. It's going to come to me. I'm going to find it.

One of the things that I like to describe is like going into your house and cleaning it up, right? We clean up the house by turning on the lights and moving the couches and looking underneath. And a lot of us want to just turn those lights back off and put the couch back.

We don't want to find the dirt. We don't want to clean it up because the process of doing that is kind of cumbersome. But once we do clean our house, then we have a clean house.

It's so lovely and wonderful. And then we get to, you know, wait a week and do it again and do it again. It's the same with our brains.

Our brains will think lies if they're not supervised. Here's what I mean. You're not good enough is a lie.

You can't do that is a lie. You're not good enough to do that is a lie. You're confused.

Who the hell do you think you are? She's better than you. He's better than you.

You're gonna die. All lies. The brain doesn't mean to.

We talk about it all the time in Master Coach Training. We talk about the brain doesn't mean to. It's innocent.

Just trying to keep you alive. It doesn't really know. It's just firing in ways that are trying to be protective.

So step number four is you change the sentence. For some of you, it will be easy just to believe the opposite. I am good enough.

I can do this. I had a time in my life where I used to believe that I was too fat and I'd never be able to lose weight. My body was awful.

And I just decided one day enough is enough. I'm not going to beat myself up over my weight ever again. Ever again, I will not allow it, allow it and that is final.

And I immediately started believing that my body was healthy and worthy and beautiful and lovely just at the weight that it was at. And that's the only thing I let my, as soon as my brain went to anything negative about it, I would flip it around to the exact opposite and force myself literally to believe the opposite, practice believing the opposite. I was very firm with myself because what I had realized is I never would let someone else talk to me like that.

Why do I let myself talk to me that way? Period. There have been other thoughts that I have changed more gently and more carefully and eased myself through, right?

I have switched from, you know, I can't do that to maybe I can do that. It's possible to do that to, I'm going to do that to, I'm committed to doing that, right? Easing my way along that, what I call that thought ladder.

What's important about the new thought is that you believe it. So if you're at a space maybe where you hate your body, you might just shift it to, I have a body. You just, you tell your mind what to focus on.

You recognize the reason why I'm feeling this emotion is because of the thought I'm thinking, I'm going to change the thought I'm thinking. And in five minutes, you will feel differently. And here's why.

You've, step one, you've gone to the watcher mode, that's already a relief. Step two, you've named it, you've identified it. You're still in that watcher mode, you're in a place of curiosity.

So you may be feeling anxious, but now you're curious too. Changes how you feel. You identify this sentence, now all of a sudden you have some authority over it.

You're the cause of your emotion. So now you're feeling curious, you have some authority and you're feeling anxious. You've changed the way you feel.

And then you direct your mind on what you want it to think instead. So you may not go from anxious to peaceful, but you will definitely change how anxious you're feeling by adding awareness to it, by adding intelligence to it, by adding authority to it and direction. That's how you have a five-minute emotional makeover.

In the beginning, this will take some energy. It will take some real intense concentration for that five minutes. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

You wake up in the morning, and you decide, I don't want to feel anxious right now, and you shift it. You say, I'm feeling that buzz in my body. I'm feeling that buzz in my brain.

I'm feeling anxiety. The reason I'm feeling anxiety is I think I have too much to do today. I'm going to shift that to, I can get it all done.

I've got this handled. I've always been able to get everything done every day. Boom.

Less than five minutes. Took like a minute, right? That's how you have an emotional makeover.

If you have a feeling right now that you want some help with, please hit star six. I want to help you. If you have a feeling about a goal that you have, press star six.

I want to help you. If you want to change the way you feel about a goal that you have, press star six. One of the things that I have done in my own life is, and I've talked a lot about this lately, is I change up my life so I require more of myself.

Right? You get a point, you can get to a point in your life where you can call success and tap out. Right?

You guys know what I'm saying? It's a different level for everybody. You say, I want to make six figures and be able to buy a beautiful house and buy a car for cash.

And you get there and you have the husband, the kids and that, and you could just coast from there. You could just stay there and work on yourself in a much more subtle way. Or you can set another goal and bring up all your stuff to another level.

People say to me all the time, am I done yet? I thought I figured this out. Am I done yet?

And I always say, I hope not. I hope you always keep setting goals to take it all to the next level. Because when you get to the point where you feel like, I just need some rest from my life, what you're really saying is, I just need some rest from my emotions.

Those of you who are so exhausted, most of you are so exhausted from resisting and reacting to your emotions. Okay? You may not want to go create something in your life, something new in your life, because you don't want to have to be exhausted anymore.

And what I'm offering you is when you learn how to feel your emotions, you create and you create much more in your life with much less effort when you get your emotions under control. Okay. So those of you who want help, hit star six.

I'm going to call you out by your area code, and then you will be unmuted. I'm going to start with 7-3-2.

Oh my gosh, that's me. Hi, Brooke. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm actually speaking to you.

I've been following you for probably two and a half years now.

Oh my gosh, awesome. Do you feel like you know me?

I totally feel like I know you. Like totally. I can't tell you how many people I've like said like, my friend Brooke, like my mentor Brooke.

It's like, I hear your voice in my ear all the time. So thank you for all that you do. Thank you.

Thank you for starting these calls again. And this is how I found you. So thanks.

Oh, good. Awesome. Okay, so tell me.

What's your question?

Oh my gosh. So right now, I have a pretty big goal. It's a big goal for me, I'll say that.

I am a marriage coach, and I am actually trying to generate consistent revenue in my business. And I actually am doing a call tomorrow. And I have a financial goal.

I have many products that I sell, that I have one particular product that I want to be able to offer. And my goal is $5,455.

And I know some people are probably listening. I love how specific it is. Right, exactly.

Yes. I've been working on my money mindset. And I'm sure there are some people listening that are like, that's, you know, super, super easy.

And other people are like, wow, that would be great. So I think for me, I'm really... It's one of those things where I've accumulated a lot of evidence for why it's not possible.

And I'm super aware, super conscious of the fact that that is not what I should be doing, that I should, you know, really sort of look for evidence that it is possible. And, you know, as I go into tomorrow, I'm really just trying to get my mind in the right space to create space for it to actually happen, because it is possible. I believe anything is possible.

But there's just a lot of self-doubt, because I haven't been able to do it yet. And I've created a pretty big story about why I can't do it.

Okay. So I was just telling this story to a group of my clients, and so it came to my mind. So I want to tell it to you, and then I'm going to kind of take you through this makeover process.

But if we think it's very logical to base our future on our past, it makes absolutely no logical sense at all to do that. And we don't do that until we turn about 25, and then we immediately start doing it. It's the craziest thing.

So when we're toddlers learning how to walk, we don't like sit down and say, screw this, it's impossible, I've never walked before. I mean, how in the world am I supposed to be able to walk? I've never done it before.

Right? So forget it, I'm not going to do it. And then we get up and we fall down, and we're like, see, I told you, I've never been able to do this before, so I'm never going to do it.

We don't go to like fifth grade, and we're like, well, I've never done fifth grade before. It's impossible. How am I supposed to be able to do fifth grade?

I've never done it. Right? And then we go to college, and we're not like, oh, my God.

I don't think I can do college. Why can't you do college? Well, I've never done it before.

It's impossible. How can I do something I've never done before? We don't do that.

How can I get married? How can I have kids? I've never done it before.

We never do that. And then at about 25, we start doing that. Like, oh, I can't lose weight.

I've never been able to do it before. I can't start my own business. I've never been able to do it.

And then we believe ourselves. We start believing. Now, here's the truth.

You can't do anything new. You can't create something new in your life having ever done it before.

Right?

It makes no sense.

Of course you can't lose weight for the first time if you've never lost weight before and kept it off, right? This will be the first time you do it. So we think that it's not possible, and our reason is because we haven't done it before.

That's the worst reason any of us can come up with, and yet we don't even question it. We're like, yeah, that sounds true, right? It's like, yeah, it totally sounds true that I can't do it because I've never done it before.

That's the stupidest reason ever that any of us could ever give for anything. Everything we do, we have to do for the first time. So we have to do that thing.

Now, here's what is required to do that thing for the first time is self-doubt, and that's what you're feeling, right? You're feeling doubt, and the sentence that's causing it is it's not possible. I've never done it before, right?

And that feels doubtful.

So like I've tried and I haven't been able to accomplish that before too, yeah. Right, right.

I tried to walk. This is the toddler, right? We always laugh.

Like we were talking about this in Master Coach Train. We're like, if toddlers had our brains, everyone would be crawling, right?

Because we'd be like, look, I tried six times.

I fell down every single time, right? We don't wreck it. When we're toddlers, what makes us strong enough to walk is falling down and getting up, those squats, right?

Every time we fall down, we have to push ourselves back up. That's how we get strong enough to walk. But when we were adults, we don't think about that at all.

Like all of our failures are what are teaching us what doesn't work and how we're developing the capacity to be able to do it. And so we just need to do more of it. And our reaction is, let's do less of that, that's scary and that brings up a lot of self-doubt, and so then we never do it, right?

So I've done this before, it's not possible, I haven't succeeded so far, so that means I won't succeed in the future. It's the most illogical statement anyone's ever said, and yet all of us say it all the time. I tried that once, it didn't work.

I tried that seven times, it didn't work. So that means it won't work in the future. That is not true, that's what I mean when I say your brain lies to you.

So what could you believe instead to feel different?

I mean, I think I could believe it is possible.

Is it possible?

It is, no, it absolutely is possible, yes. I believe that it is possible.

Okay, but I'm not asking you to believe that it's possible. I'm asking you if it actually is possible that you could make $5,000. Is it possible?

Gosh, I would say yes and no, if I'm being totally honest.

Okay, tell me why it's possible.

It's possible because I have enough people in my audience that I could do that.

So is it possible that each of them could give you a certain amount of money that would add up to $5,000?

Yes, absolutely.

So it is literally possible?

Yes, yes, it is literally possible.

Okay, I just, it's possible that you could make $5,000 in the next two weeks. Literally possible.

It's literally possible.

Okay, I just really want you to like let that sink in for a second. Like people could pay me money, I could accept it, and it could add up to $5,000. That's a possibility in the world.

Yeah, I could actually think about it being a possibility.

Is it possible that you could make $100?

Yes, yes.

How much is your product?

It's $47.

It's $47. Okay, is it possible you're going to make 47?

Yes, yes.

Like 100% you're going to sell one, for sure?

For sure, I will sell one.

Okay, do you think you sell five?

I think I could sell five.

It's possible, yeah?

Yeah.

You could sell five of these products.

I could sell five.

Like, letting yourself believe in the possibility of something is an option that's available to you always. Letting yourself think a sentence and directing your mind to think it. So, instead of thinking, I don't think it's possible for me to make $5,000, you could think, it's possible that I could.

Or you could think, I'm for sure selling one. I'm for sure making $47. Now, both of those are available to you.

Which one feels better?

The one that feels better is, it's possible that I could make $5,000.

Okay. So, now for a lot of people selling one, I'm going to sell one for sure would feel better, right? For you, it's possible that I could sell $5,000.

Now, you might say, I don't know if I will, but it's possible. Like, I live in a world where it is possible for me, as a woman, as a marriage coach, to sell a product for $47 and make $5,000. That is possible.

There are people that do that shit.

That is crazy.

Where else in the world? When else in the world could we do that? Like, from our house.

Talking about marriage coaching. Like, it's fantastic that that's a possibility in the world. But it's a likely possibility.

And you may not do it this week, but you may do it next week. And if you keep selling it every single week, maybe you'll end up there, right?

Right, absolutely.

And then you could say to yourself, so here's another thought, I am committed to making $5,000 in this business no matter what. I'm committed to it. That's gonna feel even different, even more different, right?

It's gonna bring up a different emotion. And you have to decide what emotion you want fueling you on, so you're selling it on a call, you said, tomorrow?

Yeah, tomorrow.

Yeah, you're gonna sell it. So if you knew for sure you were gonna sell $5,000, think of how differently you would show up.

Yeah, no, I've been, I mean, that's been my intention today, is to just make my decisions and direct my thinking as if it's a sure thing. So I'm like, okay, well, if I know what's gonna happen, how would I spend my time today? Yeah.

And I've done a good job of being able to do that.

But if you have that underlying doubt, that may be too big of a leap. So you may just say, I love that I live in a world where there's a possibility that I can make $5,000. I love that I live in a world where I can get on the phone and there are people on her with me listening to me sell a product.

Listening to me talk to them about marriage coaching. Like, this is incredible that people are listening to me talk about this and that they will give me $47 for doing this. Like, that in and of itself could be magical.

But your brain is like, no, see, you're going to die if it's $5,000 or nothing, or you're not worthy, or you're not, or you're terrible, right? Whatever your brain comes back to you if you redirect it to. Listen.

Yeah. I'm capable. I know what I'm doing.

What I'm teaching is valuable. I'm helping people. Right.

Then all of a sudden it becomes more powerful. And the fact that I can make money on the Internet as a marriage counselor, maybe you just put money in there, that's another way to soften that original thought, right? I will make money tomorrow as a marriage coach.

Like that's way more than it's impossible for me to do this, because I've never done it before. Because they'll be the first time when you make $5,000, right?

Yes.

And you know what happens? This is what I want you guys all to know. The first time you make $5,000, it will feel normal.

And here's why. This is why when people, because I train coaches, right? When coaches make their first $5,000, they're not like, oh my god!

It's not like they won the lottery, right? Because what happened was they had to have the thought, they had to believe it before they could create the result. So by the time they create the result, they already believe it.

Ah, yeah. Yeah.

So that's why I don't have students calling me like freaking out like they just won the lottery. They're like, yeah, I did it. I made the $5,000 that I believed I could make.

Yeah.

Right? So that's what you need to practice aligning yourself with. So when you wake up in the morning, you're for sure going to be filled with doubt and fear.

Yep.

You'd be like, hello.

It's only caused by a sentence. You think it's caused by a fact that you're not going to make the $5,000? I promise you it's not.

It's just caused by, because that future doesn't even exist yet, except in your mind.

Right?

And so the thought, I haven't done it before, so it's impossible. I think that thought for so many of you guys is stealing your dream. Completely stealing your dream.

So just notice that thought is a lie. Always. The past does not determine your future.

It can't. Or it would be your past, which, by the way, is for many of you. You just keep repeating your past because you let your past determine your future.

But your past and your future only exist in your mind. So you're the one creating it. It's like, I want to be successful in my future.

I can only get that belief from my past, but it's not there. It's not in your past. You know where you have to get your belief from?

This is crazy. You have to get your belief from your thought about your future. You have to believe that it's possible in your future in order to create it.

It's such a trip, right?

It is such a trip, yeah. Okay.

So just give me one reason why it's possible.

One reason it's possible, oh gosh, is because other people do it all the time. Yeah.

Like it's literally possible. Other people have done it.

It's literally possible.

It's a possibility, yeah. And are there people that aren't even as talented as you do? That's exactly what I was going to say.

Yes. Yes. There are people offering less value from my perspective, at least, yeah, that are doing it, working less much, you know, putting forth much less effort than I am to try to do it.

So yes, it is absolutely possible. And it doesn't have to be hard, that I believe, because I've absolutely seen it, yeah.

And you are allowed to believe that you are going to do it no matter what. The only thing that may be up for discussion is the time frame.

Yeah.

But you get to decide that you are going to do it. And you can come back and tell me, hey, I made that $5,000. And you know what?

It won't sound like, oh my God, I made $5,000. Right. You'll be like, yeah, I made it.

I did it, because you believe it ahead of time. Makes sense?

Well, my name is, yeah.

What is your name?

My name is Siobhan, Siobhan Parat.

And what's your website, just in case someone wants marriage coaching?

My website, yes, it's called brelatable.com. It's berelateable.com.

It's three words.

brelatable.com.

So good. Yeah, spelled Relatable, yeah, .com.

Make your marriage better for $47.

For $47, an amazing program. And I'm on Facebook, too. So I'm actually going to be doing a Facebook live stream of the call.

Do it.

So I'm excited about that. So thank you.

You're welcome. Make it happen. Okay, I'm going to go to 707.

Hello, 707.

Hi.

Hi, there you are.

Hi. Hi. Well, I know I was going to chicken out after that phone call that you just had.

Oh, were you like, I can't say anything, but she keeps saying my name.

I can't say anything, because this is like such a downer compared to that whole up thing that you just had with her.

Oh, good. I like downer stuff.

Let's do it.

Anyways, okay, so I think I even have gone to a psychologist thinking, well, maybe they can help me figure out the answer, but I went a few times and that didn't work. But it's just this empty feeling. So, you know, I'm looking at your describe to how you feel, name it, describe your sentence.

And so, like when I'm out on a walk and I feel like, wow, how come I don't have any girlfriends that are calling me today to go do something? You know, I'm free, I'm available, and I feel like, you know, I was an extrovert sort of thing in high school, but now I think I really wasn't. I was forced to be one by my mother.

And really, I'm an introvert. And as much as I want friends to call and say, let's do this, let's do that, I'm good during the morning and during the day, but in the evening, I really don't want to go anywhere. I really want to stay home and relax and be in my own space.

But I just feel like I'm the one that's making the effort. If I do want to meet up with a girlfriend and go for a hike, I'm the one that's calling and making the effort. And then you start questioning, well, am I not a good friend?

Am I not wanted? Am I not needed? And then you feel empty, and then you go home and drink and eat and fill up that void with stuff that will never fill it.

Right, right. Okay, so let's just clarify, right? So the feeling you have is empty.

That's how you would describe it?

Yeah.

Would you describe it as lonely?

Yeah.

Or empty. Is empty better?

No, just, yeah. Like, not, I use the word disconnected.

Disconnected, okay. Good. So I think the way you would describe it is kind of empty.

Where do you feel it in your body? Like when you're on the walk and you're watching yourself feel it.

Yeah, um, oh gosh, how do I feel it? Um, I can't even think of where I feel it. I guess just my throat or my gut.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, that's probably likely. I feel it in, I usually feel loneliness in my throat and kind of my solar plexus, right?

And the thought you have, you have a lot of thoughts, but the one I think that is the most pois-poisonous is, um, my girlfriend should be calling me. Right? Something like, if I were better, if I were more lovable, they would call me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Poison. Here's the, here's the good news. Anybody thinking that thought would feel the same way.

Probably, right?

Yeah.

So, it's the sentence causing it. Now, here's the problem you're having. You think what's causing it is them not calling it you.

You think what's causing it is you being the one that's always calling. Right? That's what you think is causing this loneliness.

Like, if you have this idea that your friend should be calling you more, and then you wouldn't feel more lonely. But what would happen is if your friend called you more, you would make it mean something that would make you feel less lonely. Right?

Your friend would call you and be like, see, I'm so loved, I'm so wanted. Now, we don't know why your friends aren't calling you. They may be on their own walks mad at you for not calling them.

Who knows? We don't know what's going on.

I know. And then I texted like five of them. And you say, what's up?

How's it going? And you're just trying to connect and see. And one was like doing laundry, and one was sick at home, and one was just being lazy that day.

So I mean, but I think I just have more free time, and so for me, I want to get up and go and do fun things. And I don't really have the people to go do those fun things with because they are busier than I am, and I have more free time.

Yeah, I have more free time. They're busier. They don't want to spend as much time with me.

But here's the thing. You could have a thought, I have five friends. Who has five friends?

You have five friends?

Well, I was able to text five people.

I want you to really think about that. I coach people on having no friends all of the time. You have five friends.

And you're using them as an excuse not to feel good about yourself. Right? Isn't it crazy?

I want you guys to really think about this. Someone else doesn't have any friends. And they're using that as their reason not to feel good.

You have five friends. And you're using that as a reason not to feel good.

Yeah.

Isn't it crazy? Like, we'll find any excuse.

Right.

Like, what is the excuse you're using to not feel good right now? It's always a lie.

Right?

That's really good to know. And I'm talking about indulgent feelings, right? I feel lonely.

The world should be different than it is. My friends should be calling me. Right?

So I want to do something with my friends. No one's available to do anything. And that's okay.

Versus, I'm the one always calling, they must not like me as much as I like them. They're so busy, I feel sorry for myself, because I don't have anyone that I can do that. Right?

It's just such a subtle shift that you may not even be aware of that can perpetuate so much unnecessary suffering. It's crazy what we do to ourselves when we do that, right? I have five friends who are busy right now.

Go ahead.

Well, so do you think, like, the, you know, feeling disconnected, that kind of thing, and then wanting to fill that void with the food and drinking and whatever, is that, I mean, how do I fix that?

Well, here's the problem. You don't truly understand why you feel disconnected. Tell me why you feel disconnected.

I know. I just do.

No. You feel disconnected because of a sentence in your mind. You think you feel disconnected because of your friends, because you're an introvert, because of your life.

That is not why you feel disconnected. How do you solve, feel, first of all, when you feel disconnected, the way that you solve not over drinking and not over eating is by being willing to feel disconnected. When I asked you what it felt like, you couldn't even really describe it, so it can't be that bad.

You're not like, I feel a stabbing in my heart, like I'm gonna die, right? You're just like, I don't know.

I know.

Right? Feeling disconnected just kind of feels, right? And so we run and eat over, eat and over drink, when really we could just feel disconnected.

And then we'd realize, oh, the reason I'm feeling disconnected is because of a sentence in my mind. I could actually just change that sentence. Yeah.

I'd be, I'd feel connected and I'd be a lot thinner and I wouldn't have a hangover tomorrow. Right? It really is as simple as that.

So here's what I want you guys to all recognize. When you see how powerful your brain is, you can be someone who has five friends to text and still feel very disconnected and very lonely. Like, that's fascinating to understand.

That's interesting. That's because you are disconnected from yourself. You don't even know what your brain's up to.

And once you feel that connection to yourself, now here's the thing. You don't have to be going out and doing something with a friend to feel connected. You could just text all of your friends and feel connected.

What makes you feel connected is what you believe and what you think. And so right now, your brain is kind of on the train of, you're empty and you're lonely, and you really can redirect that by what you focus your brain on, right? And one of the things I like to do is leave the circumstances worst-case scenario.

So worst-case scenario is you have five friends and they don't have much time for you during the week. Now what? Now what do you want to do with your life?

That's what you get to do with your life. That's what you're meant to do with your life. If you were meant to have five friends that were fully available all the time, you would have five friends that are fully available to you all the time.

But more is required of you than that. You know what I'm saying? It's not like you can just be like, hey friends, come over and entertain me so I don't have to deal with my own emotions.

Yeah.

It would just be one other way of buffering. If you don't like being alone with yourself, that is an amazing opportunity.

I actually love it, and that's a problem. I love being alone. I have lots of downtime and lots of my Brooke studying time and lots of self-help, you know, minimalism, blah, blah, blah.

All that stuff. I eat it up. I love it.

So I love being alone, but I just feel guilty like being alone. Like I shouldn't want to be. I should be more extroverted.

I should go out more. Like more, like people, you know, who are better, like, socialize and go out on a Friday night. Whereas I'm totally fine being home on a Friday night, but that doesn't seem like the good thing to really do.

Like I shouldn't be home and be happy about being home.

Yeah, that sounds like a terrible idea. You should be unhappy as much as possible.

I know, it's true.

But here, I mean, just notice, like, it's really obvious now as your thoughts come up that none of them make sense. Right? You get to, you can choose to believe that you should be out on a Friday night even though you'd rather be home alone, but, or you could just change that sentence to, I love being home on a Friday night.

And then maybe on a Saturday I'll go out with a friend and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll stay home all week all by myself because I love being alone and that's okay. You know what, you can believe that and it can feel great to you, and you don't have to ask anyone's permission.

Like we feel like, is it okay for me to just like stay home and not go out?

I know, it feels wrong.

The reason it feels wrong is because you have a thought that it's wrong. But if you didn't have a thought that it was wrong, you would just enjoy your time at home alone. That's what you have to take responsibility for, because here's what you'll do.

You'll go out on a Friday night and that won't feel right either, because you'd rather be at home and you'll be like, oh, I did my duty, I went out, now I'm a normal person, now I can come home and actually be happy.

Yes.

Right?

Yeah.

Or you could just stay home the whole time and believe that's normal and not have to go through the fallderall of trying to chase your emotions with your actions, because it's never gonna work.

I know. I want to just feel good about being home and not want to be going off.

So stop thinking the thought, I should go out. Stop thinking the thought, I should be an extrovert. Stop thinking the thought, it's not normal to stay home alone and just enjoy being home alone.

I mean, that's an option, and I'm giving you permission. Like, I feel like we need to give each other permission to like do the shit we want to do.

Like, it's totally cool with me. Like, this is what I say to myself. Like, it's totally cool with me that you don't drink.

Like, I think you're amazing even though you don't drink. And then I just get to enjoy it, because I'm like, everybody drinks, but I don't drink anymore. People think I'm boring.

It's okay that I'm boring. I'm not bored. I enjoy myself.

So, pay attention to those thoughts, mama. Shift them. And then you can feel connected and enjoy yourself, and you can kind of feel indulgent instead of guilty.

Yeah, I know. I definitely want to get there.

Do it. Work on it, okay? Find that sentence.

All right, I'm going to switch to 503. Do it, 503.

Hey, Brooke.

Hey. What's happening?

Oh, not much.

How are you feeling?

I'm enjoying the call. Good. I'm feeling good.

Okay. What feeling do you want to work on?

Well, the feeling I want to work on is, so I have a side business. So it's different from my regular job, and it requires me to pick up the phone and call people.

Okay.

And in, like, the exact moment that I need to pick up the phone, it's like it starts weighing a million pounds, and I just don't want to do it.

The phone weighs a million pounds?

Well, not literally, but that's the experience I have is I just don't want to do it. Why not? I'm afraid I'm going to screw things up, make a mistake, not do it right.

That's for sure going to happen. And none of that matters, right? You're going to tell, is it a sales call you're making?

It is, yeah. So it's processing calls, and they're not even cold calls. They're like a kind of a warm referral list, basically.

Okay, and they're for sure going to say no and stop bothering me, and you did it, that was the worst sales call you've ever done in your life.

Exactly.

That's for sure going to happen. Let's just plan on that happening for every call. Do you know that none of that makes you feel bad?

It's what you make it mean. It's that sentence that you have in between them doing that and you receiving it, right? So what is that sentence?

Well, if I fail at this, then I'm just going to become a failure in life.

That's awesome. I wonder why you don't want to pick up the phone.

Yeah.

If I fail at one sales call, it means that I'm a failure and I'm going to fail in life. Like, imagine if you approach those calls like, my goal is to get 100 no's. Like, I am going to do 100 calls and get 100 no's.

That's my goal, right? Notice how much differently you'd show up. Like, not caring if someone said no.

You have like a script you do? Yeah. Yeah.

You just go, you read your script, they say no, you're like, peace out, right? Next. There's one.

And you pick it up and do it again. There's two. Like, most people say yes, like on the third ask, and most of us only ask once.

I tell my students all the time. Like, most people can't be good at sales because they can't handle rejection. But rejection is harmless.

Like, if I said to you, hey, here's a hundred bucks, and you said no, you rejected my hundred dollars, do you think that would hurt my feelings?

Probably not.

Would I be like super sad that you didn't take my most valuable offer?

I don't think so. Right?

I'm like, here's a hundred bucks, and you're like, no, I'm like, no, seriously, it's a hundred dollars. It's a gift. It's for you.

And you said no, I'd be like, you're a dumbass. Right? In my mind, I'm just like, I offered you something amazing.

I obviously didn't convey the value of it. You obviously didn't believe that it was a hundred dollars, but you saying no to it doesn't make it any less valuable, doesn't make me any less valuable. It's just unfortunate that I wasn't able to convey to you the value of that hundred bucks.

I'm going to try again with the next guy, be like, look, it's a hundred dollar bill. It's yours. You can have it.

Right? No, really, you can have the hundred dollar bill. And they say no.

I'm like, wow, I have this valuable hundred dollar bill. Nobody wants it. Maybe I need to ask it in a different way.

Maybe I need to approach this a different way. And by the time I get to the 15th person, they're going to take the hundred dollar bill. But it's not because I'm more valuable or the hundred dollar bill is more valuable.

I just got better at offering it. And I got better at offering it. How did I get better at offering it?

Practice. Practicing it, right? So here's the thing.

How do we develop capability? We have to have courage. We can't develop capability without courage.

And we can't develop confidence without capability. So the whole process, I mean, you have this great opportunity to be able to change the way you think about those self calls as the best self growth opportunity you've ever had. Putting yourself, this is why I set crazy goals for myself, because it puts me in what I believe is harm's way.

Am I really in harm's way? What's the worst thing that's gonna happen? Someone's gonna say no, someone's gonna hang up on me.

That's not the worst part. The worst part is what I make it mean. So the worst thing that can possibly happen is me thinking I'm a failure.

So this is what you're doing. You're saying, I'm afraid, I want you to really listen to me here. You're saying, I'm afraid that I'll think I'm a failure, so what I'm gonna do is just think I'm a failure.

And not do anything. So the worst thing that could happen is that I think I'm a failure, so I'm just gonna start with thinking I'm a failure, and that's why you don't take any action. So take the action and don't think you're a failure, and then there's nothing to lose.

You hear what I'm saying? If you promise yourself you won't do that to yourself, there's nothing to be afraid of, because the thing you're afraid of is ascendance in your mind. You understand?

Like if I said to you, if you were working for me, and I said to you, hey, make these sales calls, and you were afraid that I would get mad at you, I'm like, I promise I won't get mad at you. That's what you have to do for yourself.

Like what if you had your own back on this? Like what if every sales call you're like, you know what, what's your name? Michael.

What if you're like, Michael, you're a badass. You know what you just did? You just made a sales call.

Like I know that was hard for you. I know you didn't want to do that, and you did it, and they said no, and you're still here, and you're still a badass. Now let's do it again.

And then at the end of the day, you're like, I did 20 sales calls. This is what I say to my coaches all the time. They do a webinar and it totally fails.

I'm like, here's the deal. You woke up today and did a webinar. Most people don't do webinars.

Most people don't make sales calls. Most people don't make sales. Most people aren't exceptional.

You know why? Because they're afraid of failing, so they just fail ahead of time. But if you have your own back on this, and you're like, I'm going to go after 100 nos, and I'm going to be so proud of myself once I do that, the worst that can happen is an emotion, and there isn't any emotion.

I'm not willing to feel. Because think about, I want you to think about the emotion. You make a call, somebody says you're terrible, don't call me.

Why did you call me? I hate you. Right?

And you do a terrible job in your mind. You tell yourself, I did a terrible job. I'm a failure.

How do you feel?

Crappy.

Crappy. Okay. Are you willing to feel crappy?

I felt it plenty of times before, so yeah. Okay.

Let me ask you this. When you don't make the sales call, how do you feel? Crappy.

All right. So if you're going to feel crappy, you might as well just make the sales call.

Yeah.

Because someone will possibly say yes at some point? Maybe?

Yes.

Then what? Are you going to be totally shocked and confused?

Like is what you're selling valuable?

Yes.

Yeah.

Will someone want to buy it, like genuinely?

Yes.

Will they find it useful?

Absolutely.

Is there someone out there that wants to buy it right now?

Yes.

And you haven't called them? Rude.

Right? I mean, seriously, think about it.

There is someone that wants what you're selling. They genuinely want it. They're going to be happy that they bought it.

And they don't get to have it because you're afraid of feeling crappy, so you're just going to feel crappy. You with me on this? Like what if you were just willing to move towards the crappiness?

Like not just be willing to feel crappy because you're already doing that, but like move towards it on purpose. Like get yourself 100 feelings of crappy, and then just be like, if the worst thing that can happen is that I feel crappy, I'm just going to keep doing this because eventually someone's going to say yes. And you know what the price is?

The currency for that yes is feeling crappy for you. And then what you'll realize is the only reason you're feeling crappy is because of that sentence in your mind, and then you'll just change that sentence in your mind, and then you'll do calls and hear no, and you'll stop feeling crappy about it because you'll decide not to make it mean something about you. And that's when you're gonna be an amazing salesperson, right?

You'll understand that no is just part of the deal. Right, you're just going for, you just gotta get through the no's to find the yes. Right, it's part of the deal.

It's kind of like you gotta wade through the no's, and then eventually there's the yes, and then you wade through some more no's, eventually there's the yes. And here's the best news, not only are you gonna get to some yeses, but you are gonna have the best self-development course of your life. Most of us are afraid of failing, so we just fail, and you're gonna do it on purpose.

You're gonna go out there and succeed on purpose. Most people won't do it. They're not willing to do it.

And here's the thing, if you get 100 no's and not one person says yes, you're still gonna be better off than had you not done it at all. Do you agree? Tell me why.

Because I practiced.

That's right, because you showed up for yourself and you were willing to feel it. And that's a transferable skill. Right?

You can transfer that to, you know, asking for what you want in your life from yourself and other people and not being afraid of failing. The fear of failure is what cost us success, right? It's crazy.

So keep an eye on that sentence. Yes?

Yeah, definitely.

You got it?

I want to hear, hey, listen to me. You for sure need to email me and let me know when you get 100 nos.

Okay.

Deal? How long is it going to take you to get them?

Deal. Boy, probably like a month.

Okay. Seriously, Michael, in a month, you tell me about those 100 nos, and I want to know how you're different on the other side. I want you to be a dude that got 100 nos, and I want to know how that changed you, and I'll share it on the podcast for people to listen.

Awesome. All right. Sounds great.

It'll be such an educational lesson. Okay. I'm going to do one more.

The next person is area code 209. Hello?

Hello?

209. How are you?

Hi.

Good, Brooke. Sup? Okay.

What's up? My question was going to be kind of like the first person that you talked to.

Okay.

So I find myself leaving myself lots of options, indulging in lots of options, which gives me lots of freedom to be confused and stay in that space. So I just recently decided, I'm like, you know what, I'm making this more difficult than it needs to be, and I'm going to commit to one thing, which is getting to my goal weight, and in that process, I'm gonna have other goals that I'm just gonna commit to, but in the process of quitting quit buffering and doing all that kind of stuff, I'm gonna learn amazing skills. That will help me do these other goals.

So tell me what it's like to take away all the options and pick one. Really scary. Yeah, so I want to point this out, because so many people do this, right?

They prefer confusion over fear. So the reason why people don't commit to one is because confusion is a lot more cushy. So I just want to point that out.

It's super comfortable for me. Right, I'm just confused. I don't know what to do.

So I'm just not doing anything. It's super confusing. But it's better than picking something, committing to it, and risking, like Michael said, risking failure.

Correct. Right, so that's what you've done. So what is the thought you have about losing weight?

It takes too long.

It's just like, oh my gosh. Okay, wait. Let's talk about that one for a minute.

This is my favorite one. It's taking too long, so I'm not going to start. Or it's taking too long, so I'm going to quit, because that will speed it up.

Right?

Isn't that crazy?

It's like we're going on a trip, we're going on a trail, and we get, it's a mile long trail, and we're a quarter of a mile there, and we're like, this is taking too long, so I'm just going to go back.

Right?

It's wild, because we're in a hurry to get to the end result, because what's going to happen when you lose weight? Tell me.

What's going to happen when I lose weight? Yeah, why are you in a hurry? I have to be responsible for it.

Okay, but you're in a hurry to do it, so you must think it's going to be great, right? Why don't you want it to take a long time?

Oh, oh.

Because I just remember how it, I vividly remember how amazing it felt to just get up in the morning and get dressed with no drama.

Like, you just pick clothes and you just put them on.

And I remember that feeling. So it's like, oh, my gosh, I want to feel that way. But I think what I've done is by having all these options, like, oh, okay, I should do, I should just keep doing this job.

Well, maybe I should just go back to school. Well, really, I really should lose weight first, I mean, because I feel crappy. So I just keep going in this little spin cycle of, okay, I should do this, and then I should do this, and then I should do this.

And then now I'm like, okay, no. All I'm gonna do for the next six months is focus on losing weight. Anything that comes up, what am I doing to meet that goal?

The most important thing right now. Everything else can just sit over here. And it freaks me out, because by eliminating all of the other stuff, not focusing it on it, not paying attention to it, I mean, it's still there.

I'm still going to work, obviously, and doing all of that stuff, but it's like, nope, how am I feeling, and why do I want to eat that, or why do I want to do this, or why do I feel like I'm in a hurry? And that was a skill that I had to learn, I think, even before making a decision to just do one task was, anytime you feel like you're in a hurry, there's your pay attention mode. That's right, and because you're in a hurry to get out of pain.

Like, you could wake up right now and not have drama when you get dressed. Your drama is caused by your brain, not by the size of your body, right? So that being willing to commit to that one thing, and being willing to stay completely focused on and committing to that result brings up fear because of all those thoughts that come around, and that is the work.

People think losing weight is all about what you eat. Losing weight is all about managing that part of your mind that is causing all that fear and is causing all that drama for you. And so that's why just one sentence at a time.

You know, one of the things that we do in Self Coaching Scholars is have you write all of those sentences down, every single one of them, and work on it, because you must understand what is going on in your own brain, right, in order to be able to change your result in your life. So do you believe you'll lose it? How much do you want to lose?

Well, right now, I need to lose another 50 pounds. So I've lost 10. My goal, well, so the total weight would have been 60.

So I'm already down 10. Yep. And so now I'm like, okay.

Do you believe you'll lose 50? Do I believe it? Oh gosh, I am working on believing it.

And yes, I do believe it in the sense of mostly, mostly, honestly, because I have let go of all the other stuff.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, I just need to focus on this.

And it's okay that I focus on this. Like this is my job right now, is to focus on this because. And your work is to manage your emotions.

Anytime you have an emotion that makes you want to overeat, that makes you want to resist it, you have to find the sentence causing it and redirect your mind. And that's for every, with weight loss, that's in every little moment that you do it, and it's also in the big picture of it. So one of the things we work a lot on is understanding like, when you get home from being out and you want a snack but you're not hungry, like watching that little thought, but also what is the thought you have about yourself 50 pounds lighter and doing that thought, not that bigger thought, and making sure you're managing the macro and the micro.

And here's the thing, and this is what I want to give to all of you guys. When you focus on weight loss, when you focus on getting to your goal of 50 pounds, then you switch to a, and you lose all that weight, then you switch to a different goal where you focus on, so like for example, I just had an entire group for a year that went through my stop over eating master class program, and lost, you know, I mean literally hundreds of pounds. And now they're ready, okay, so what am I getting, now that I have this skill set, I blew my own mind with being able to lose all this weight and all of the work that I did on that.

I want to take all of those lessons and now apply them to a different goal in my life. So that's the gift you're giving yourself, right? Not only are you gonna lose weight, but the skill set you're gonna develop in losing that weight will be applicable towards all the other things.

Right. And I think the reason I came to that decision was the... and I've heard...

because I've heard you say it a thousand times. It's soaking up all my time in my brain.

Like, I'm constantly thinking about it.

I'm like, oh my gosh. Chatter. I'm constantly thinking about this so I can move on to something else.

Right. And if you're already thinking about it all the time anyway, you might as well do it in a deliberate way that gets you a result you want. Right.

So true. So true. So work on that fear, right?

Find the thought causing that fear. Like, who cares that it's going to take a long time? That's what you need to.

Why are you in a hurry to get out of this emotion? As soon as you figure that out and you're able to be present with it, find that sentence, then wait for the next emotion to appear. Here's the good news.

It will. It'll come. I promise you that.

All right. I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to try and seal this call up with a kiss at the end. I love being able to coach you guys.

I don't have a lot of time on these calls. These are like mini sessions. When we do the Self Coaching Calls, I have more time to coach, and we do it on video, which is great.

And the other thing I want to offer you guys is that when you're in the Self Coaching Scholars, you have daily contact with me, so you can ask questions. I also want to offer something that is something that we've added that is really amazing. So basically what happens is you get all of my material in the bonus box originally, but then every month we have a main focus on what we're coaching on.

So we're either coaching on your thoughts, or this month we're focusing on feelings, next month we're focusing on how to believe something you don't yet believe. And all of the work that I'm doing and creating for Self Coaching Scholars, I'm also applying to myself. So basically I created this whole advanced version of managing your feelings that I've been applying to myself, that I am now teaching everyone in that course.

So I really am feeling like I'm taking all of this work to the next level for everyone who wants to be a part of that and wants to coach with me directly. And I'm going to make it possible for everyone to be able to not just learn this material from me, but also apply it to your own life. That is my goal for this year, is to not just have people say, I love your work, it's so amazing.

I listen to your podcast all the time. I want to hear from people, I love your work, it's so amazing. I've completely changed everything.

I've blown my own damn mind with the results that I'm creating. And that's how we are doing that within Self Coaching Scholars. So if you want to find out more about it, please go to thelifecoachschool.com/join.

We are closing enrollment for February in the next couple of days. So I want to invite you guys to come. Thank you so much for joining me on a Sunday night.

Super fun to hang out with you all. Thank you for everyone who volunteered for coaching. Super fun to have the opportunity to coach you guys.

I will talk to you next time. Take care, everyone. Bye-bye.

Bonus Training - February 2016

Discover The Self Coaching Model

You’re just one model away from everything you ever wanted. What are you waiting for?

Enter your name and email below for free access to the Coach Tools Series.

You’re just one model away from everything you ever wanted.
What are you waiting for?