Have you ever had the thought, “When I finally achieve my goal, I’ll be fulfilled”? That when you lose weight, find love, reach success, you will suddenly have the self-esteem and joy you’ve always wanted?
My guest today is an expert on this mindset and she helps her clients go from burnout and success exhaustion to success alignment and soul happiness.
Dr. Tangie is a physician, certified life coach, and energy healer who helps high achievers align their goals with their souls. Success isn’t just about wealth, it’s also about your inner fulfillment. It’s when we chase our goals at our own expense that we get into trouble.
In today’s episode, I interview Dr. Tangie on what success exhaustion is and why so many of us burn out on that rush to success. She shares why suffering is part of the process, what happens when you’re fueled by external approval, and why so many people self-sabotage.
If you’ve worked your whole life to become successful, and now that you have it you still aren’t happy, you’ll want to hear what Dr. Tangie has to say.
Check out the video of our conversation below!
What you will discover
- The difference between success exhaustion and success alignment.
- How pain doesn’t go away when we reach our goals.
- Why suffering is part of the process.
- The power of believing in others as much as you believe in yourself.
- How Dr. Tangie helps her clients align their goals with their souls.
- Why so many of us self-sabotage when we get what we want.
Featured on the show
You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 346.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Brooke: Okay, my friends. We have another amazing guest today. You’re welcome. This topic is amazing. I had asked who wanted to be on the podcast and she presented this topic. I absolutely loved it. Welcome, Dr. Tangie, to the podcast.
Dr. Tangie: Thank you so much, Brooke. I’m so happy to be here.
Brooke: So, let’s start with why don’t you introduce yourself a little bit. Tell us a little bit about your story to becoming a coach and a little bit about your practice and about being a doctor and about all your amazingness.
Dr. Tangie: Okay, so I am Dr. Tangie, as you said. I have two jobs; one is as a certified life coach and one is as a physician. I’m a forensic pathologist. And for people who are unfamiliar, those are CSI doctors. So, we get to hear really cool stories every day and figure out why people passed away.
And in my coaching practice, I started off coaching people on burnout. But as I coach people more and more on burnout, what I discovered was that there is something that lies even deeper that burnout. And it’s what I coined success exhaustion. And essentially, success exhaustion is a sense of overwhelm and unfulfillment that you still feel. And the underlying core of it is because you’re relying on external validation for your sense of happiness and success, rather than your own internal guidance. So, that’s what I coach on.
Brooke: I love this topic. And the reason why I love this topic so much is because I have a lot of very, very successful colleagues and friends that I have met through masterminds and through the industry and people reaching out to me at the income level that I’m at.
And one of the things that people say to me all the time is, “I don’t understand how you’re so successful and how you work so little and how you are so happy.” Because so many of them are still chasing some level of fulfilment and feel some internal deregulation when they achieve that success. And what I’ve watched people do is achieve success and then sabotage it. And I think it is because of this reason.
And I just want to, before we dive in much deeper – and I can’t wait to get into this topic – I notice this also in, when I first started out it was in weight loss. And so, I would notice this with my clients. They would achieve this level of weight loss. And some of them would do it with me as a way to gain my approval, which is the wrong reason.
It’s like I was the authority in their life and so as long as they were coaching with me, they were able to lose weight. And then, as soon as that was over, they were exhausted because the reason and what was fueling it was this idea of needing my approval. And so, one of the lessons that I learned from that really early on, first of all, is how important it is to hold space for a client and not care about their results and not make their results about me. But also, from their perspective, through success, success isn’t going to be sustainable and it isn’t going to help you evolve and grow if you’re doing it from the wrong sort of fuel.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, exactly. And you know, even when I first started coaching – and I think a lot of people do this when they come through your school and they have you as a mentor, is that you’ll start a Facebook live and you’ll be like, “Hello, my friends.” But that’s not the way my internal voice speaks to people. And so, that becomes exhausting because you keep doing and doing and doing all these things but you’re operating from an internal voice that’s not yours or an internal power that’s not yours.
Brooke: Yes. The other piece of this that I think I teach pretty regularly, but may not be internalized and applied to this that I think would be important for my podcast listeners to know is this idea that it’s better there than here, and once we achieve this level of success, that there should be some expectation of more joy or more self-pride or more self-esteem.
And I was coaching a woman last week and she was telling me she had reached the $500,000 mark in her business and she thought something was terribly wrong because she didn’t feel great all of the time. And I told her, I said, “You know, what I think’s happened is I think you’ve made $500,000 and remained human.” I think your humanness has stayed intact here.
And so, it was like kind of delightful for her to recognize that because I do think, when we dream and we visualize and we identify with our goals, we do imagine, like when we’re thin, when we have the true romance, when we make all the money, when we have the success that somehow we will then drop into a better version of ourselves. And the truth is, we drop into the better version of ourselves as we’re accomplishing it. And yet, we remain human. So, when we push ourselves past our pain because we think that, once we arrive, the pain will go away, we’re terribly disappointed.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, and that I also see that one mistake we make is that you’ve arrived somewhere and that’s the end point of your journey. And if you’re really listening to your internal guidance, I don’t think any of our souls came here to just make $500,000 and stay stagnant for the rest of our lives and live in this utopia or whatever.
Our nature is to continuously expand and to grow into more and more glory, if you will. And I think that’s why so many people are attracted to you and the Life Coach School is because that’s one of the core fundamentals, like what is possible for you. And so, in some respects, with the there is not better than here, sometimes some things are nice. It’s nice to be able to buy what you want.
Now, for me, it’s nice to just buy whatever I want instead of, I remember in medical school, eating oatmeal for like two weeks for dinner. So, that part’s better. However, if there is something internal that wonders if, like, there’s a base of unworthiness or self-sabotage, those things are going to keep repeating themselves until you address them. And so, you can progress in life, but those things will always be there for you and that’s always going to be your work.
Brooke: Yes, absolutely. And so, I think for me, in my teaching and with my students, it’s very important for me to sell everyone on growth and success. I think that one of the best ways that we can do our own personal growth is through our money work. Because I feel like – and I love the way you use the word soul. And I think for others, just insert whatever word works for you all here. But I think one of the things that we forget is that we are humans, spiritual beings having this human experience.
And so, the goal isn’t to always be in spiritual bliss. That’s not for this world. But it’s also not to be caught up in the worldly world. It’s to balance those two things. So, how do we stay in our spiritual essence? How do we stay connected to what we believe our source is and what our purpose is, but then also integrate that into the world and manifest that and kind of display that as kind of a reflection of our human life?
And as I teach this and see people embrace their possibility and embrace what is true for them, I see them do it, when they do it correctly, they do it with an ease that doesn’t even makes sense. It’s like, how in the world? So many of my million-dollar earners are like, “How is this my life? This is just so amazing.” And there’s still a lot of internal work.
The difference is – and I’ll be curious what you think about this – the difference is even though they’re still human and they’re still struggling with self-doubt and worthiness and all of that, there’s not a sense of hurry and there’s not a sense of hustling anxiety, as if, “I’ve got to get this done. I’ve got to get this accomplished. I’ve got to hurry up. I’ve got to extract the money right now.” Because it’s being fueled by that underlying fear.
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, I know for me, one of my core tenets is really and truly number one, listening to my own soul and harnessing a sense of safety. Number two, choosing what I want to do in the world and how I want to express myself and come from a true place of service, right?
So, I know that I’ve decided to have a million-dollar business, say. And I also know that I have also decided to really become super-curious about myself and my own growth and really fall in love with the process. And I know that sometimes, when you do that and you make certain decisions and you start to harness your own power, things fall in line really quick.
Like, there are some people who will make a million dollars in a year and not even go through the 100K or the first 5K or whatever you have it. And there are some people that will take 20 years. And I think that’s because everybody has a different curriculum. And I think it’s very important not to compare yourself to other people and their curriculum because it’s just not your curriculum.
Brooke: Yes, that’s so good. And just because you can do it faster, doesn’t mean you should. And that’s been one of the things that I’ve contended with a lot because my ability as an entrepreneur is extraordinary now because of the amount of study that I’ve done in marketing, because of the amount of testing that I’ve done with my marketing, because of the amount of mind-management I’ve done.
So, the combination of being able to manage my mind, be a high-level attractor, understand marketing, understand how to run a business creates an opportunity for me to accelerate very quickly. So, when I set my goal of making $100 million, it seemed ridiculously impossible. I mean, who makes $100 million?
But now, at $35 million, it seems much less impossible. And so, often when I talk to other business owners or other people that are further along in their revenue journey or are at the same level, they will say to me, “Why don’t you just make $100 million next year? Why don’t you make it in the next two years? All you need to do…” and then they show me the math, “All you need to do is have this many clients and add this many programs and add this many employees and all the things.”
And for me, it’s not about the money and it’s not about the money right now at all. That isn’t the purpose of it. And I think when the goal becomes at your own expense is where you get into trouble. So, everyone on my team knows, listen, if it’s not fun, we’re not doing it.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, that’s one of my rules too.
Brooke: Right, so if there’s a way for us to make money or there’s a way for us to compound our revenue or anything and it’s not fun for everyone on the team, we just don’t do it. And we leave lots and lots and lots of money on the table because we’ve made those choices.
There are a lot of programs, a lot of things we could do, a lot of advanced trainings that people are asking us for that we have chosen not to do because I want to work three days a week and because my team and I want to have a great time and we want to enjoy the process and we want to always be over-delivering to our clients.
So, I think that’s a great question for people to ask is, are you willing to delay your goal in order to feel the way you want to feel along that journey? Because I don’t have any stress about making $100 million because I’ve given myself the space and time and the rules for doing that, right? My caveat is it has to be fun.
So, I don’t start feeling like, “I better hurry up and make $100 million. I better get on it because, you know, people are depending on me to do that,” at all. I refuse to do that. I’m like, “Listen, we’re going to dance our way up to that and then we’re going to dance our ay on that glass ceiling and do a little spin. We’re going to do all the things. But we’re going to do it in a way that feels amazing.”
So, tell me what you think about this. and I’ve said this many times, but I’d like to get your take on it. It doesn’t matter how you feel when you get there. what matters is how you feel on the way there. because if you visualize yourself there and you feel that now, that will create the feeling once you get there.
And if you think, “I’m going to suffer my way there and then I’m going to be happy,” that’s when you’re going to have this success exhaustion. So, can you speak more to that?
Dr. Tangie: Yes, there’s two things that I want to say about that. So, the first thing, yes, absolutely, feeling your way there more and more and staying in the energy of that person who you’re becoming is gold, is one of the most valuable things that I’ve ever learned. And what I’ll say about suffering, I feel like that’s part of the process because that is a roadmap to where you need to grow.
So, along the way, I know for me, when I first started, I had a lot of compare and despair. I would look at somebody and be like, “Why are they making money? I’m not making money…” even in medicine. And so, it was a lot of insecurity type jealousy, like when I started to compare my own level of success with somebody else’s. and what I learned through all of that is one day I was sitting there and I was running my models and I was like, “You know what?”
I just didn’t want to feel insecure. I didn’t want to feel jealous; you know what I mean? And so, I would buffer in various ways or try to hurry up and get over to my intentional model. But what I learned, one day, I just stopped. I was like, “Okay, thank you, insecurity,” because – and this brings it back to the whole soul of it, is just like I know that I didn’t come in with that, like that’s been some sort of conditioning or programing or what have you. And that’s not how my soul wants to feel.
So, I just started thanking all of those uncomfortable emotions because they point me back in the direction to where I’m supposed to go. So, even suffering can be good to me.
Brooke: Okay, but let’s make a little distinction here as we’re doing this. I always like to, like, create as we go. So, I think the suffering comes from thinking you shouldn’t feel that way.
Dr. Tangie: Yes.
Brooke: When you actually process the jealousy and process the insecurity, it stops becoming suffering and just becomes pain. It just becomes the other side of the 50-50, which is different than suffering. So, I think what you’re saying is we need to process the negative emotion. We need to go through it. It’s all normal. It’s all part of the process. When we suffer is when we think there’s something wrong with us for feeling that way.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, or that we shouldn’t feel that way.
Brooke: Yes, that we shouldn’t have that. Because I’ve had a lot of people that have said that they kind of hate me. They begrudge me because they see me as a source of their jealousy or they see me as the source of their envy and they’re like, “Sometimes, I wish you weren’t so successful because it makes me feel bad about myself.” Or other coaches that are even closer to them, maybe they started in training at the same time and they’re now celebrating.
And so, I think it’s just a really important lesson for all of us that it’s very normal, as a human being, to feel jealous. It’s very normal as a human being to feel competitive and to compare and despair. And it’s also an opportunity for us to process that emotion and then use that as a source of inspiration of possibility instead of what I’ve talked about on earlier podcasts, which is trying to pull that person down to your level so nobody wins, instead of rising up so you both win.
Dr. Tangie: And even if you’re successful in doing that, somebody else will just rise up and make $100 million and…
Brooke: Gosh darn it…
Dr. Tangie: “I made $100 million in three seconds…”
Brooke: “Yeah, Brooke Castillo took 10 years. I did it in two.” I’m often telling my student, Corinne Crabtree that I want her to out-earn me. That’s my goal for her. I’m like, “You’ve got to catch up and out-earn me.” And I would be so delighted if that happened for her.
And I do know that how long it took me to make $10 million versus how long it took her, we’re just accelerating everyone’s process by being supportive of each other. And so, I always want to encourage that, like, you will succeed at the level at which you believe I yourself and other people. Not just believing in yourself. Believing in yourself and your clients.
Okay, so you say here that there are actually two ways of achieving success. There’s success exhaustion and there’s success alignment. So, do you just want to give us some quick short definitions so people can see what the difference is and kind of put it in their mind?
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, pretty much success exhaustion basically is when your success is fueled by external validation. And success alignment is when your success is fueled by internal validation. You do what your inner voice – you live according to your inner motivation.
It’s just kind of like you were just talking about. You don’t do anything in your business, like your business has a soul of its own. You have your own soul and so, your success has been fueled by internal motivation.
Brooke: Yes, very much so. I think when your success is fueled by external motivation, the reason why it’s so exhausting is because there’s never enough approval.
Dr. Tangie: That’s true, yes. And I also feel like it’s so exhausting because that voice will just get louder and louder and louder until you listen to it and life will begin to reflect the discord that’s within your own body.
Brooke: Yeah. So, I’ve seen this happen with people that get success really quickly. So, this has happened to a few of my students. They’ve done a blog post or they’ve come on the podcast or they’ve done a Facebook live that went viral. And so, all of a sudden, they get this huge influx of approval, external validation. And it feels amazing and they’re so excited about it and they get all these people signing up with them and they’re doing all this great work and so they feel the approval of that and they try to utilize that as fuel.
And it works temporarily as long as the approval is coming. But unfortunately, there’s always going to be that one person that doesn’t approve, or several people that don’t approve or think that you’re doing it wrong. And when you’re thriving on approval, when you’re being fueled that approval, that disapproval is devastating.
Now, when you’re being what you call success aligned, which means you’re aligned with yourself and your internal approval, you can get external approval and you can get external disapproval and it doesn’t affect your fuel for accomplishment. And I do feel like that is one of the things that I learned very early on, is that people are going to love me and that doesn’t really matter. And people are going to hate me, and that doesn’t really matter. What really matters is, am I loving myself? Am I aligned with myself? And am I telling the truth?
And what I have found is that the more I align with myself and the more I tell the truth, the more people love me. But also, the more people hate me. And in order to grow to the level that I want to grow, I have to be able to tolerate the people that hate me. And if I am externally driven, there’s no way I can do it.
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, and I also feel like when people hate on you or hate you, and that triggers you, then that’s still just an area where you don’t quite accept yourself 100%. And I think that you’ve touched on this before in the podcast, it’s like what are all the ways what they’re saying is true? And see that part of you and accept it and love that part of you anyway.
Brooke: And also be able to say is what they’re saying true, do I believe this? And even though they’re mad at me, I disagree with them. And that’s okay and I can let that go. Because I can really feel the difference.
For example, when somebody comes at me and says, you know, “You talk about money too much, or you talk about loving money too much,” it doesn’t bother me at all. Like, don’t care, not upset, fine. Somebody says I’m unkind or I’m treating people unfairly, or I’m not aware of a mistreatment or a bias, that devastates me because I know that it’s true. I can find it. And there’s work for me to do.
And so, that devastation isn’t actually a negative thing. It’s a beautiful thing for me and I’ve grown so much when I can hear those things. So, it’s like, is this true for me? And if it is, will I look at it? Will I find what I’m missing? And if it isn’t, do I have the courage to keep believing it anyway?
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, it’s like really having that willingness to explore yourself in the face of those things, and also having the discernment to know when something’s coming just 100% from somebody else’s own model that has nothing to do with you.
Brooke: Yeah, and the way that I can tell, just personally – and you might be able to relate to this – is when somebody accuses me of something that I know isn’t true and that I don’t believe, I have no resistance to it. I just smile. When somebody accuses me of something that may be true or I haven’t evaluated, I haven’t looked into, I feel myself get defensive. I feel myself put the wall up, which feels in the moment like strength, but it’s actually weakness because as Byron Katie says, the first act of war is defense.
And when someone comes at me and I have no defense, there’s nothing. There’s no fight to be had. When someone comes at me and I defend it, it’s because I have a dog in that fight. They’ve touched on something that is probably true for me and I can look at it and I can be vulnerable in that space. So, that’s something that I would recommend for all of us, especially as we’re moving our way towards success, as people start accusing us of things.
Now, listen, you may feel defensive because of a thought pattern too. So, you want to look at it and evaluate it. It doesn’t mean that you have to change who you’re being, but just paying attention and listening is something I think us as a country has a hard time doing overall as humans, just listening to other people’s sides and what they’re saying and is their truth to it and can you find it? Most often, we can’t if it’s been an unevaluated thing.
Okay, so the next thing is, you say all the things that you’ve focused on that have led you to success exhaustion are simply distractions. What do you mean by that?
Dr. Tangie: I mean that a lot of people spend their time ruminating on these external things that they can’t change, or spinning around. Just for example, I’m in this job, I’m a forensic pathologist and something inside just begins to say – it’s not that I have to up and quit my job and go move to Bali or something. But it was just like urging me to explore the things that bring me closer to myself that I’m passionate about; personal growth and development, meditation, things of that nature.
And that brings me to life coaching. And so, I’m a doctor. And at the time, I wasn’t aware really of any other doctor life coaches. Now there’s a lot. But at the time, I was just like, “What do you mean, life coach? I don’t get it. I don’t understand. People are going to laugh at me. They’re going to call me crazy.” And then…
Brooke: You’re right, they will.
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, but then I just started looking into it and really became enthralled, obsessed, what have you, decided to get certified. And as I begin to voice it, people were like, “What are you talking about?” And some people did laugh at me. Some people did call me crazy. And it’s just one of those things, like, worrying about those things consistently and worrying about how you’re going to get people to still approve of you while following this deeper thing, it’s a distraction because you miss what the deeper thing is going to bring you.
Like, life can’t unfold for you until you make that first step. And so, it’s just kind of like, if something’s nudging you to write a book or take a ballet class, it’s just like you have to take that step, I believe, before your soul or the universe or what have you opens up all the other things or continues to unfold the fullness of who you are.
Brooke: Oh my god that’s so beautiful. I think part of that, what I’ve been- going through personally recently is really aligned with that. I think one of the things that makes us being success aligned so much easier is the willingness to fail.
So, for example, when you’re deciding, “Maybe I’ll become a life coach. Maybe I’ll get certified,” And everyone’s like, “You’re out of your mind. You’re crazy. What are you doing?” Allowing for the space for them to be right about that and to do it anyway. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe this is insane. Maybe thinking about becoming a life coach when I’m a doctor, maybe that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And it feels aligned to me so I’m going to try it. And if I fail at it, that’s okay. If my friends are right about this, that’s okay. But I’m not going to fail ahead of time and decide not to do it just in case they’re right. I’m going to actually discover for myself.
And so, one of my friends recently was saying that she had started exploring one of my colleagues, one of my students’ work in terms of being a coach. And I said, “Why haven’t you signed up for her program yet?” And she said, “I don’t know if she’s the right coach for me.” And I said, “Well you’re never going to know unless you sign up and coach with her whether she’s the right coach for you.”
And the willingness to choose the wrong coach, the willingness to choose the wrong career, to choose the wrong avenue to find out for sure is what success alignment is. It’s weaving your way there in a way where you trust yourself enough to be willing to fail in order to succeed ultimately.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, and be willing to – it’s okay if you outgrow something, right? So, that person may not be your lifelong coach. But if you’re feeling the nudge, that is the coach for you right now. And you’re not going to find your lifelong ultimate guru coach unless you sign up with this coach, unless you open the gift that’s right in front of you.
Brooke: And this one may be your lifetime guru coach, but you’ll never know. You may be missing out on that, right? So yeah, I love that. That’s so good. So, let’s talk about what are the things that you work with your clients on? Because you work- do you work one on one or in groups?
Dr. Tangie: I work one on one and in December I’m launching a course that will have a bonus group component to it.
Brooke: Nice, what’s the course called?
Dr. Tangie: The Wealthy Happy Soul Project.
Brooke: Alright, who doesn’t want that? I love it. And so, they’ll be able to find that on your website. And we’ll talk about that at the end. Let’s talk a little bit about the one on one coaching that you do. If somebody is feeling – like, a typical client for you would be someone who’s feeling, “I have success on paper. I’m hitting all the dots. I’m making the money. I have the career. I’m doing the things. And I’m exhausted from my own success.”
Dr. Tangie: Yes.
Brooke: That would be the person that would talk to you. Or they may be successful in one career and feel like they’re missing out and may be considering something else. Is that another group that you might work with?
Dr. Tangie: Absolutely, yes.
Brooke: Perfect, okay, so tell me how you would work with someone.
Dr. Tangie: So, the way I work with people first, like, making sure they understand the difference between success exhaustion and success alignment. And then I also work with them on actually being able to consciously create the lives that they want through internal guidance and validation.
And so, we talk about things like intuition, which to me is just simply awareness. So, to me, I feel like the model is a very intuitive tool because it brings so much awareness to your life. It brings so much awareness to your problems. And also, things like meditation and things of that nature where you can really just start to listen to what that voice – because so many of us are conditioned to ignore it, from little kids. So, a lot of us don’t even know we’re listening to our inner voice, but maybe it’s our mom’s voice or maybe it’s our husband’s voice, or…
Brooke: Yeah, our unquestioned thoughts’ voice that aren’t even deliberate. Totally.
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, the unmanaged mind voice, AKA the hot mess voice. And so, yeah, so just kind of opening up intuition and then bringing them into the power of now it’s time to, like, how do you decide what to do next and understanding the true power of making strong decisions in creating where you want to go and committing to those things.
Brooke: I love it. And so, do you work with people for a certain period of time?
Dr. Tangie: Yes, the course and my private program are 12 weeks.
Brooke: Perfect because this is something that is a programming that’s deep. And it’s something that I think a lot of people think that they have a fear of success. I hear a lot of people say that to me, “I have a fear of success.” But I think it’s very close to what you’re talking about here. The fear is because you’re focused on that external approval, the fear is that you won’t get the approval or you’ll get the haters, or you won’t be able to manage the approval once you get it.
Because that’s the problem with external approval. You have to keep trying to get it once you’ve gotten it. And so, if you approach your success from a much more aligned internal place, which actually sounds like an easy concept, but it’s very difficult to navigate if you don’t have self-awareness. And that’s one of the things that coaching gives us.
And I’ll tell you this. If you think you can do this with just self-coaching, I want to offer that you might not be able to because so much of that programming is actually primal. It’s like in our DNA to look outside of ourselves for approval because the way that we evolved as humans was in tribes. So, we evolved in a way where we were looking to other people for safety and for approval to be willing to stay in that group.
And now, as we’ve kind of evolved beyond that into more of an individualistic life where we’re trying to be entrepreneurs and run these businesses, it’s normal for us to snap back into, “Do you like me? Am I in the in-crowd? Am I going to be able to stay in here?” And just being aware of our brain doing that by having a coach that you can kind of process that with is very, very important.
So, I would highly recommend that any of you who are on the trajectory of any kind of success – and I would recommend, you’ve had a little bit of success, you’ve had a taste of it, and it’s freaking you out. Which, for people that haven’t had any success, it doesn’t make sense for them because they think success will just feel like rainbows and daisies. But it doesn’t.
Success brings up all of your stuff. And that’s why so many people have success and then they sabotage themselves and fail and just keep going back to that same level.
Dr. Tangie: Yes, I agree. And I also just wanted to add in too, you had mentioned something about people’s fear of success. I would also like to add that I think the fear is that they won’t be able to sustain it. Because I think attaining success is a very intellectual, logical process. It’s like you follow the steps, you do the math, and you’ll get somewhere. But to actually sustain it and not sabotage yourself is a very internal process that requires that- internal guidance that we were just talking about.
Brooke: Yeah. And I will say this too. I think that when you have success alignment, your success makes you feel proud of yourself internally. And that is something that most of us have not experienced. And the distinction is very important.
When we are growing up, we want our parents, we want our teachers, we want our authority figures to be proud of us. And we feel that external validation, it feels amazing. And we are programmed for that as children. There’s nothing wrong with us that we’re seeking external validation.
But when you start aligning with your own internal validation, when you start feeling proud of yourself for your own accomplishments, it accelerates your growth at such a rapid rate because you start valuing your own opinion. You start valuing your own values and you don’t sell yourself out and seek success at your own expense. When you start seeking success at your own expense, you’re exhausted…
Dr. Tangie: Amen, sister.
Brooke: That’s what’s up, right? Because what you’re doing is you’re always having to override your own internal wisdom. And it’s exhausting to be doing that. And it’s kind of like running around doing a dog and pony show, “Look at me, look at me, look at how great I am.” To get a little drop of somebody feeling proud.
And listen, other people are not good at being proud of you. Especially your mother. And so, you’re trying to do so many things to make other people proud of you, when if you just aligned with what was true for you, being proud of yourself becomes just so good. That feel so amazing. And the other last piece – and I’m sure that you do this with your clients because it’s so obvious, but we miss it, is taking the time to feel that alignment and to feel that pride. Because we’re always onto the next thing, right? So, someone will say to me, “I want to make $500,000.” And I’m like, “well, can we acknowledge that you just make three?”
Dr. Tangie: Yes, and that’s something I learned from you, sitting and joying – while we’re expanding our capacity to have things, to have success, to really just enjoy what we’ve already created. Because we’re all very powerful creators. It’s just a lot of us don’t even acknowledge it.
Brooke: Well, and if you don’t acknowledge what you’ve already accomplished, if you don’t acknowledge what you’ve already done, you miss out on that being part of the fuel that accelerates you to the next part, right? Because if you’ve already made $300,000 and you feel super-proud of yourself and super accomplished and super-excited about the work that you’ve done, that will energize you. If you think, “That’s not enough because Sally Jane made a million,” that will deplete your energy, yes, totally.
Dr. Tangie: I like to think of it as, like, this is all the evidence that everything I’m doing is working, everything that I’m thinking is working. Everything that I’m committing to, it’s working. It’s working. It’s working.
Brooke: And, you know, just recognizing all the ways in which you already are the badass. Because for you to have the goals that you have, for you to be listening to this podcast, for you to be doing this self-awareness work, you are already an amazing spectacular human being, like way beyond. And so, if you don’t acknowledge that, you miss that energy, you miss that fuel. So, that is the alignment, by aligning with the success you already have and then using that to propel yourself forward.
And listen some of you are like, “Well I don’t have any success.” One of the things I learned from Jack Canfield that he says often is, “Did you make it through third grade? Then you’ve had success.” Right? And really seeking that evidence for yourself.
Dr. Tangie: Yeah, and even just being in the process of becoming – I hate to use the word better, but becoming a more, sounding spiritual now, but a more expanded version of yourself.
Brooke 100%, yeah, more aware, more expanded, more evolved. You’re never going to be better worthy-wise because you can’t increase your worthiness. But you can be better at acknowledging yourself, better at manifesting, better at aligning, better at managing your emotions and processing. And that’s what we teach here.
That’s what we’re all teaching you is how to take what you’re learning on this podcast and actually apply it so you can enjoy your life more. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have negative emotions. You’re just going to stop beating yourself up for being human. That’s the biggest difference. Which removes the unnecessary suffering.
Listen, you’re still going to have suffering. But you’re just going to get rid of the unnecessary suffering, which will make your life way more fun. Love it.
Dr. Tangie: Exactly.
Brooke: Okay, so tell us how we can get ahold of you and hire you and work with you and learn more about you.
Dr. Tangie: Absolutely. You can go to drtangie.com and all my stuff is there.
Brooke: All her stuff is there. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I love, love, love this topic. I love, love, love you. I think that this topic for people, and I think that a lot of my people listening who have been listening to the podcast and have had success are ready for you. So, go check her out. Hire her. Join her course in December and enjoy. Have a beautiful week, everyone. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Dr. Tangie: Thank you for having me. Bye everybody.
Brooke: Absolutely. Bye, everyone.
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