Posted on March 20, 2020
We’re moving into a new phase of episodes to help you cope and thrive during the ongoing uncertainty. Over the next several days, I’ll be posting episodes in the Moving Forward series about how to do just that.
This is not the time to procrastinate, hold back, or shut down. It’s a time to act.
When we don’t know how to manage our emotions, they can consume our lives. They make focusing on work difficult, especially if you’re now working from home. Many of us will turn to unhealthy habits to take the place of coping with our emotions. There are no benefits to this.
I’m going to use this episode series to show you how working through your emotions can make you more productive than ever before. No more excuses. Be brave and face them. Don’t get stuck in the past.
The feedback I’ve received from the Handling Chaos series is amazing and I’m going to be using some of your questions and insights in the upcoming episodes. I’ll also be including insights from my Self Coaching Scholars coaches on how they’re helping their clients manage their emotions so they can perform at their best.
We’re done being panicked and scared. Let’s move forward.
What you will discover
- Why using the Model is incredibly helpful right now, for yourself and others.
- How panic and fear are based on how you view the circumstances.
- Why it’s important to wash your hands and wash your mind.
- How to handle working with negative and complaining colleagues.
- The importance of using this time to learn emotional management.
- Why self care should be your No. 1 priority right now.
- Why you have the potential to work at your most productive level ever.
- How to find success moving forward.
Featured on the show
- Learn more about the Self Coaching Scholars program.
- The Handling Chaos episode series
- Ep #312: Feeling Awful
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Well hello my beautiful friends. Welcome to Friday. So we finished up our handling chaos series. We did six episodes of that, and I want to recommend that you go back to that series any time the news tries to scare you with any new information, which just so you know, that’s the media’s job is to find new ways to scare you.
So when that happens, go back to that series and re-listen to it. It’s always there for you, always free, always online. You can download any of those episodes. I’ve heard from so many hundreds of you that listening to it has calmed you down, and I want to tell you a little bit about some of those emails that I got so you can take some of that information into your life.
All of you who are working on yourselves and improving yourselves and trying to manage your minds are leaders in this world, and you’re going to be on the cutting edge of leading through this movement. So I decided to do a new series called moving forward and this will have six episodes. I’m going to try to do them daily. We’ll see how that goes.
If we do them daily, I’ll do another six episodes of that. We will always have the regular Thursday episode that will drop on Thursday. So here’s some of what came in from some of the feedback that I got on the emails were that just listening to me not be afraid, listening to me not freaking me, listening to me talk about how I’m dealing with anxiety.
One of my - I can’t remember if I mentioned this on the podcast or not, but Frank, my coach and I, were texting each other and we’re like, what’s everyone worried about? We’re worried all day every day because we both have chronic anxiety that we deal with every day.
And so for those of us who have this, this is kind of like, you know, like we talked about. This is life for us. So we’re able to manage it. People that haven’t had a lot of anxiety in their life, this is their opportunity to really learn how to deal with their emotions. And so I think because I’ve had so much practice with that, I think that sense of certainty is helpful for people to hear.
And that’s just something that you can take into your life. When you do your own self-coaching and you have a sense of yes, I’m afraid, or yes, I’m worried, but you also have a sense of confidence about it because you’re able to see it from the outside, from that watcher perspective, you’re going to bring that leadership energy into whatever space that you’re in, that certain energy, that calming energy.
Customer service sent me a message and said that we had been getting lots of emails in customer service about me talking or requesting that I talk about the workplace. I’ve been talking a lot about entrepreneurs and a lot of people being laid off and being at home, but I hadn’t talked a lot about people going into work, that are still going into work, that are stressed out about going into work, or even teams that are working virtually for the first time.
If you’re working virtually for the first time, there’s a lot of added confusion that normally wouldn’t be there. If you’re going into the workplace and you’re worried about getting the virus, or you’re worried about your coworkers, or you’re just worried in general and then there’s that tension in the office, you’re having a whole new set of things to work through and to think about.
But what I always want to remind you and I always want to say this when people make a specific request of me to cover certain topics is that I always want to say, it doesn’t matter what the topic is. The answer is always the same. The answer is always the Model.
So when someone comes to you and they are - this is for coaches, and for you, those of you who have the Model, when someone comes to you and they’re freaking out about the virus, put the facts in the C line and find out what their thought is. If it’s someone that maybe you’re working with that you’re not going to coach or maybe you don’t talk to but you just hear them being stressed, try to figure out or guess at what their Model is. What are they thinking that is stressing them out?
If you’re an in a leadership position and you have the opportunity to teach the Model to your team, I highly, highly, highly recommend it. This could be one of those opportunities to have enough interest in feeling better that people will really pay attention and utilize the tool.
I’ve seen this a lot recently where people were like, “Oh, that’s fun, that model that you do. That’s interesting,” and then coming back to me and being like, “Okay, remember that Model? Can I use that? How do I do that? I need that right this second.” Like yes, let’s go, let’s do it.
So whether you’re going to work or you’re at home or you’re working virtually or you’re not working, it’s always separating out the facts, putting them in the C line and finding out what your thoughts are. It is never, even in these times, it is never the circumstance causing the freak out. It’s always what you think about the circumstance.
And if you don’t believe me, look around. There’s a lot of different reactions. There’s a lot of different feelings as it applies to the same exact circumstances. People will say, “Well my situation is different, or my circumstance is more painful.” That is never the case. It’s always just the thought that is more painful. It’s always just the way that you’re thinking about it.
So I want to highly recommend to my friends who are going into work every day that you listen to a podcast on your way to work and that you do models while you’re at work. You guess at other people’s models so you don’t start judging them and getting mad at them or getting upset at them.
Obviously, and it goes without saying, and I hope that your companies are implementing all the safety procedures that are needed in order not to spread this virus in terms of washing hands and cleaning everything that needs to be cleaned and social distancing and all of those things. That is not my area of expertise. There’s so many amazing people out there right now who are handling that well and I highly encourage you to go and talk to those people. That’s their expertise.
But in terms of your mind, that is my expertise. And just as important as it is to wash your hands, it’s important to wash your mind and to keep your mind clean and practice utilizing the tools now during this time, and they’ll be even way better after this is all over.
One of the things that I want to talk about to you leaders and also to you employees, and your leader’s employees is that this is not a time where we’re slacking off. I think it’s the opposite. My team knows, I told them, I went, “Listen, we need to be on our game right now. I do not want to create any chaos and any confusion with any of our customers. They’re dealing with enough of that outside. We need to be impeccable.”
Now, I built this business on failure and B- work and hustling and all of those things. And so I understand of course, we’re going to make mistakes sometimes and of course, we’re going to fail sometimes. But what I’ve implemented with my team and what I’m being really strict with them is you need to have other people checking your work.
You’re not expected to never make a mistake, but I do want to expect that your teammates will help you when you do. And so our customers aren’t having to deal with our mistakes. That’s the last thing I ever want them to do. So I want my team to up-level their double-checking with their teammates.
Because what’s true is you can do a bunch of work and feel like you’ve done it well, but there’s this noise going on in the background that you’re having to manage. And so it’s just really easy and really, I think, smart to just have a coworker double check an email you’re going to send out or double check some work that you’re going to do or proofread something for you.
Just have that moment of hey, could you take a look at this? And do that back and forth. It will prevent a lot of work later. My expectation of my team is the highest level of production, the highest level of work that they can bring. I think it’s important, especially right now, to not use any of this as an excuse to not be the best version of yourself.
And I’ve seen a lot of that actually in some of the coaching that I’ve done where people will say, “Well, this thing’s going on so I stopped working towards my goal, or I stopped focusing on what I was doing at work, and I’m just going into work and watching everyone freak out.”
You need to go into work and do your job and you need to do your job better than you’ve ever done it if you can. This is when we need value creation. This is when we need production. Nothing has changed in your brain and your ability to produce. Businesses need our minds. People in our businesses need our minds. They need us to be managing our emotions.
So instead of saying well, I’m going to wait for this to blow over and then I’ll be excellent again is not a good thought. My suggestion is your thought could be, “This is the best I’m ever going to have ever done at my job over the next 90 days. I am going to show up and I’m going to deliver the best version. I’m going to check in with my boss and make sure my boss doesn’t need coaching or doesn’t need support or doesn’t need a conversation.”
Now, that doesn’t mean you go to your boss and you’re like, hey do you want me to do the Model on you? No, but you just ask your boss, ask your coworkers, how are you feeling? What are you feeling? Way better question than, you okay? Yes or no. Ask, what are you feeling right now? What are you thinking about all of this?
And you’ll be using the Model gently and delicately with them, without them feeling like you’re like, listen, I need to coach you. You can just offer new thoughts for them to think, offer new perspectives, bring calm energy, bring the best work you can to work.
If you are working at home for the first time, figure out how to do that at the highest level and deliver at the highest level. One of the emails we got was about somebody was saying all their coworkers are complaining and super-negative and that was making, quote unquote, them upset.
Listen, of course they’re complaining, and of course they’re negative. They don’t have the Model. They don’t have a way of managing that. You can’t expect the not to do that if they don’t have the skills that they need. But you have the Model. And so, if you’re sitting around complaining about them complaining, you’re really missing the point.
“But it’s so hard to be there.” That thought right there, not serving you. You can go into work and you can say, “Listen, I’m going to let everyone be as freaked out as everyone needs to be. And I am going to be as calm and professional and on it and delivering as I need to be.”
I like to go home at the end of the day and be proud of the work that I’ve done, be proud of how I showed up and how I delivered. There’s new stuff going on out there. Your brain is like, “New, new, new, new,” lots of things to pay attention to, lots of things to, like, rattle it. And the way that you handle that can make you stronger.
And you can go to bed at night and be like, “I gave love, I showed up the best way I could, I processed my emotions. If I felt awful, I let myself feel awful, but I didn’t react to it and I loved forward.” My highest advice to all of you is to not identify as a victim of other people if they’re not doing it the way you want them to do it. There is no upside to that.
Let people be who they are and you be the hero of your own life. You’re not the victim. And don’t start being a perpetrator. Don’t start going around and yelling at everyone and telling everyone what they should and shouldn’t do. That’s not helping. You can’t control the people. You can offer advice. You can offer suggestions. You can share articles and education and talk to people from love. But that’s very different from trying to control them because you don’t like the emotion that you’re having.
Okay, I want to switch gears a little bit and talk about buffering. I have teams of people that I work with, colleagues that I work with in this industry. Some of them are very heavily focused on weight loss, and they’ve been telling me about what’s going on in people’s minds in terms of weight loss and overeating and that sort of thing.
And one of my students was talking about her weight loss program that she’s launching, and we were talking about how important that is right now. When you’re someone who overeats in order to deal with emotions – believe me, I know this one very firsthand – this is an opportunity for you to get the highest level of education in how to not do that.
When you are able to go through situations that are new and different and use that as an opportunity to process emotion instead of overeating, you are going to be so much stronger.
A client had sent me an email saying, “I’ve gained weight back.” And my reply was simply, “Why?” And her reply was this long list of all the things and all the problems and all the – she was beating herself up a little bit without even noticing it. And I replied back and I said, “The only reason you’ve gained weight is because you’ve been eating instead of feeling. That’s it.”
During this time, it’s so important to have a plan, right? You sit down the day before when you can utilize your prefrontal cortex and you make a plan for what you’re going to eat. And then the next day, the only reason why you won’t stick to that plan is because of a feeling that you don’t want to experience, which may be, what, deprivation, frustration, stress, anger, anger at your own food plan, whatever.
That is the only reason. And so, if you take that and put it in this kind of environment, you see this is the perfect curriculum, this is the perfect opportunity for you to learn how to feel instead of overeat. And at the end of the next 90 days, you could have lost a significant amount of weight, and much more importantly developed the skill of being able to truly understand the value of managing your emotions.
The same goes for those of you who are drinking and trying to deal with your emotions by drinking alcohol. This is a very easy time to make excuses and to say, “Well obviously I’m not going to start quitting drinking right now during this crazy time. I’m going to wait until this is over, and then I’ll take care of it.”
God, even just saying that, I can’t even tell you all how many times I said something like that. It didn’t matter what it was. I’d always have a new reason why I needed to wait to stop drinking.
And listen, I’m not suggesting that you stop drinking at all. I’m just saying that, like, decide how much you want to drink the day before, when you can utilize your prefrontal cortex. And then honor what you’ve decided by allowing yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up when you don’t overdrink.
Emotions are harmless, no matter how scary the thought is creating it, they’re harmless. They just buzz through your body. And when you drink, you numb all of that, but only temporarily. You’re pressing an escape button on your life temporarily. And that may seem like a good idea, but then you have to wake up the next day and the world is still here and you still have emotions.
So, very simply, do this work. You could come out of the next 90 days having done all of the work that you’ve most wanted to do. And utilizing this energy, maybe you have fear, maybe you have frustration, maybe you have a lot of time on your hands, utilizing it to create the result that you really want in your life.
For those of you in Scholars, those programs are in there, for those of you that have other coaches that have programs that are offering during this time, I also want to highly recommend that you sign up for them, that you put your self-care as a number one priority for you right now.
Listen to podcasts. Fill your brain with information about self-care and about emotional management and about taking action from a place of calmness. That will really help with you getting to the bottom of what it is you’re feeling.
Another note on this, one of the things that I see happening and being justified is procrastination, “Well, this isn’t a time for me to be writing my book, or this isn’t a time for me to be trying to get clients, or this isn’t a time for me to be writing my novel.” Whatever the excuse is, whatever the excuse is that you’re bringing up because you want to utilize this time in the world to not step out there and achieve your dreams.
And if it’s not this, it will be something else. This one is pretty easily justifiable right now, and I just want to say, don’t do that to yourself. Don’t rob yourself of your dream during this time. This is a time to hunker down and get to work on that dream, more than ever in my opinion.
So, if you have a schedule for writing that book, stick to that schedule. Give yourself some time to do that. Right now, it’s 5:30 in the morning. It’s completely dark outside. I’m recording this podcast for you all and I feel completely grounded in my schedule and what I have planned, my communication with my team and the ideas that we have to help all of you. I feel like I’m right on track at my highest level, performing at my highest level.
And so, even when the world is crazy, I’m getting stronger and I’m getting better through this, through my own self-coaching. Now, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have crazy thoughts, because let me explain to you that I do have the craziest thoughts that any people ever have. And when I was just talking to my girlfriend yesterday about what I was thinking and her face was so puzzled, like, “What is happening in your brain?”
And me hearing myself say it out loud is so powerful; getting coaching and hearing your thoughts outside your brain, writing them down outside your brain, very, very important.
I also just want to note for those of you who are prone to worry and those of you who are prone to worst-case scenarios, I want to encourage you to just go to the worst-case scenario and do your work on it. Just process it through. That’s work that I need to do because of my anxiety, because my brain will always tell me that I don’t know the scariest thing and that it does and that I need to listen to it.
It’s like, “Listen, you don’t know the worst that can happen, but I do. And so, I’m going to tell you about it all of the time.” And I’m like, “No, I actually just want to learn about it, know about it, solve it for me and make peace with it, and then I don’t need you to remind me about it.” And that actually really works with me and my brain. We have a pretty good understanding.
It wants to be the toddler with a knife and I tell it, “Knives aren’t safe, sweetheart. I understand where you’re coming from, but let’s put the knife down.”
This series is going to be recorded in the mornings and published the next day. I’m going to call it Moving Forward. We’re going to go from handling chaos to moving forward to carrying on throughout our days to a place of more strength and more accomplishment and more evolvement than maybe we’ve ever had before.
Use this as an opportunity, not an excuse. Go to work and be the best version that you can possibly be. At home, be the best version that you can possibly be. Dig deep, my friends. Be willing to experience your emotions. Be willing to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself, put everything down. Understand that this is temporary, but that doesn’t mean you need to be in a hurry to get over it.
It’s just like all classrooms, all classes are temporary, but there’s a point to them. This is our world classroom. This is an opportunity for us too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow in Moving Forward.
Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out Self-Coaching Scholars. It's my monthly coaching program where we take all this material and we apply it. We take it to the next level and we study it. Join me over at the TheLifeCoachSchool.com/join. Make sure you type in the TheLifeCoachSchool.com/join. I'd love to have you join me in Self-Coaching Scholars. See you there.