Ep #524: Growth & Peace with Stacey Boehman

You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo episode number 524.

Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it’s all about real clients, real problems and real coaching. And now your host, Master Coach instructor, Brooke Castillo.

Brooke: What’s up everyone? You are in luck, Stacey Boehman is here. Stacey Boehman is like one of my favorite humans on the planet. I love her mind, I love her personality, I love her story. She’s an amazing student. She’s an awesome colleague. She’s a great friend. Welcome to the podcast, Stacey.

Stacey: Wow! I feel so honored and special. Like everyone should just say things about, right? Nice things. Yes, just say things like that. You should just wake up – I need to just record it and play that back to myself.

Brooke: Just be like, “Good morning, Stacey, you’re amazing.”

Okay, here’s what happened. So Stacey and I were chatting and we were talking about, first of all, you have to know this about Stacey. For those of you who haven’t listened to the podcast that she’s already been, maybe some of you don’t know who she is. She runs a very successful company that teaches life coaches how to make money. And so she is in the business of helping people build businesses.

And I have been thinking a lot about this, lady. I have been thinking about you, lady, but I’ve also been thinking about this lately because I am really working with my alumni right now and really trying to help them kind of get out of being stuck in some areas and grow. And one of the things, and I think you can speak so beautifully to this because you work with students that are in all phases of growth, right?

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: So she has a program called 2K for 2K, which is for brand-new life coaches that want to make their first $2,000. And then you can graduate to her 200K program, where your goal is to make 25K to 200K, right?

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: Yeah. And then the next one is 2 million. And I mean, who doesn’t want to make 2 million?

Stacey: Everyone.

Brooke: And this is all per year, my friends. Per year.

Stacey: Everyone should want to make millions.

Brooke: And so I just feel like you have such an extraordinary vision. You’re able to kind of see all the different phases of growth and the things that people struggle with. And you’re an expert with helping them overcome their obstacles. And I know that you’re very dedicated to helping people who want to make millions of dollars serving the world do that.

And as I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, I’ve been thinking about you too, right? Because I also have the perspective of watching you help students, but then I also have the perspective of you being my student, right?

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: So watching you kind of go through this whole process and now you are helping other people go through this process. So especially in the beginning, what I have noticed is that we have a lot of people that come to us who want to become coaches because they have this discomfort inside of them that’s calling them for more.

Many of them are in jobs they don’t like, or they’re not working, or they don’t feel purposeful in their careers. And so there’s this nudge, right? And it’s enough of a nudge that they’re willing to sign up for a course and kind of explore the possibility of maybe, right?

And then you get into it and you start building your business and there’s a whole other layer of discomfort, right? So I’ve been exploring this a lot, like there’s the discomfort of not growing, right? Because you’re being stagnant and you’re not pursuing your desires or your dreams. And then there’s the discomfort of showing up and trying to do that, okay?

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: And so I watch people, and I know you do too. I watch people, they’re like, I’m uncomfortable, I can’t wait to become a coach, this is going to be great. And then they start trying to build a business and they’re like, oh my God, this is hard, this is challenging, this is really uncomfortable. I’m going to go back to when I wasn’t uncomfortable. Even though they were uncomfortable, it was a different thing.

And so people are like, I just want peace. I just don’t want to be uncomfortable and I just want to calm my brain down, right? And so I’ve been pondering the question, even for myself. For you, like knowing your history, how do we reconcile the discomfort of growth and pushing ourselves to our dreams and the next level and seeing what our capacity is, and also being at peace in our lives and feeling a sense of peace?

So I’m just curious, maybe you could speak about your personal experience first, and then we can talk about our students and how we can most help them.

Stacey: Yeah. So this is the first thing that comes to mind because, for people who don’t know my background, in a very short little blurb, I grew up very lower middle class. Like lower, lower middle class. My dad was a factory worker, maintenance man. My mom stayed at home with us most of the time. And my siblings and I were the first to ever go to college.

Then I got out of college and I wanted to pursue acting, so I thought. And I really struggled for about 10 years with watching everyone else that I knew have what I thought was even like the supposed to things, right? The house, the family.

Brooke: The supposed to things, yeah.

Stacey: The supposed to thing, right? The house, the family, the kids, all the things. And I was like living this alternate life of I’ve never figured out kind of how to grow up. I was actually really good at what I did. I would sell mops and slicers in grocery stores and Walmarts and all of the things. And I was the best, like top in the industry, but I didn’t know how to manage my money. Everything was like, my whole life just felt very, very difficult.

I couldn’t figure out the equation to saving money, paying things on time, arriving places on time. Life was just sort of always happening to me and it was very, very painful. And I do remember being the height of, this is the moment I realized I needed a change. I was selling knives in a Yonkers department store in Appleton, Wisconsin. And I made $10,000 that week selling knives in this department store. And I was miserable.

Brooke: You made $10,000 personally?

Stacey: Yes, personally. Like cash in the bank, $10,000 in a five-day period. And I was miserable. I was crying in my car afterwards. And I remember thinking like, there’s no way this is the purpose of my life.

Brooke: Right, selling knives in Yonkers.

Stacey: Like this can’t be it. And everything in my life felt, I mean everything was hard, just everything. And so the answer to your question is one of the things I will say is where I am now, there have been so many things that were so hard that I tackled.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I look back and I’m like, how did I do that? And also, so I recognize how difficult it was. But I think back to, and I think this is what people have to have, is perspective. When I think back to the difficulty, the type of difficulty that I was in and the quality of my overall life at that time, yes, they were both hard, right? It’s hard to invest money that you don’t know where you’re going to get it from. It’s hard to walk up to a person and say, hi, I’m a life coach.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And it’s hard to explain to people what life coaching is. It’s hard to hear no. It’s hard for people to comment on a post and say, who do you think you are to be helping someone change their life, right? All of those things are hard, but it’s much, much more difficult every day to feel heavy because you’re not living life the way that you imagined you would be living it or the way that you want to live it.

So I have my students, a lot of times like they just, we lie to ourselves, right? I was just coaching someone in my $2 million group on this. She’s like, I don’t want to go to the millions anymore I don’t think because I’ve just become a mom or I am a mom. And yeah, I just want peace. It’s so hard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just want peace. And I’ve done this myself. We lie to ourselves about what peace will be like.

Brooke: Right.

Stacey: And so I’ve thought a lot about this on my journey to be a mom because my brain told me a hundred times, like you just become a stay at home mom, give up the business, dial it back, do all the things. And I went back and forth for a long time.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that it’s so much better where we currently are, ignoring all of the pain points, then we don’t consider any of the good things that would come with our growth and only the bad things.

Brooke: Right.

Stacey: So you’re taking the good from where you are, the bad from where you want to go, ignoring the good of where you want to go and ignoring the bad of where you are. And that, I think, is the equation. You have to be honest about all aspects of it.

Like for me, that’s been a huge difference every step of the way is like, oh, it’s uncomfortable to put a lot of money on my credit card to make an investment. Well, it’s also uncomfortable to be selling slicers for the rest of my life.

Brooke: Well, so I have people come to me and they’re like, I want to do this business. I’m very excited about this business, but I haven’t done anything on this business. And it’s always so puzzling to me when people say that. I’m like, well, how can I help? I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.

Stacey: Because they’re waiting for a thought. They’re waiting to feel more courageous or they’re waiting for it to feel easier before they take action.

Brooke: Exactly. And so it’s like the way that I kind of describe it is you have to put yourself in harm’s way. And what I mean by that is like emotional harm’s way. You’re going to be afraid. You’re going to be frustrated. You’re going to be confused. You’re going to be overwhelmed. Like sign up now. This is what we’re signing up for in order to be entrepreneurs.

And so I was talking to someone about this and she was like, I just don’t know if it’s worth it. I just don’t know if going after this dream of mine is worth it. And it’s exactly what you said, it’s because she’s imagining all the hard work. She’s imagining all of the discomfort. But then when I asked her, I’m like, but if you knew you were going to win, if you knew that you were going to be able to have this business where you’re helping people and doing all the things that you want to do, would you be willing to do that? And she’s like, yes. Absolutely 100%.

Stacey: But even if you don’t know that you’re going to win, imagine the feeling of knowing you at least tried.

Brooke: Right.

Stacey: That feeling feels so different than I thought about trying, right? Like I think everyone that is in that boat has to try it on, the thought, and feel into what the experience is like in your body to think about trying.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: Like, how does that feel for you if you think about trying? Like for you, Brooke, if you were going to think about trying for something.

Brooke: Amazing, always.

Stacey: No, no. Thinking about trying. It’s so interesting.

Brooke: I don’t know what you mean. No, help me understand what you’re saying.

Stacey: Like if you’re like, I might try. I’m stuck. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to try.
Brooke: Oh, I’m thinking about trying, I’m not yet trying.

Stacey: Yeah. Yeah, I might become a life coach.

Brooke: Yeah, no that feels terrible. But I don’t think that way.

Stacey: Right, but so many people do.

Brooke: Oh, they do.

Stacey: They’re trying on this idea of maybe I will. I mean, I get a lot of these conversations in my inbox.

Brooke: I see what you’re saying. It’s kind of like that miserable maybe. They haven’t committed to trying yet. Is that what you mean?

Stacey: Right. Yes. Like commitment means I’m going to go all the way through. Like I’m going to keep trying. Like I’m going to try once and then I’m going to try again. And I’m going to try again. And I’m going to try again until I get it.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: That feeling, if you think about a fail that you’ve had, and I have a whole thing that I could go into with that. But if you think about how it feels in your body once you’ve failed and then you’ve decided to pick yourself up and go again, that exact emotion, and you compare that to thinking about maybe doing something.

Brooke: That’s so good.

Stacey: Getting back up versus I’m thinking about doing something.

Brooke: Thinking about getting up.

Stacey: One feels so much more active in your body, so much more engaged.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: I think that we forget that on the way to success, all the failure that stacks up on our way, that makes us feel the most alive we’ve ever felt. I will never, never feel more alive than when I was doing a consult with you to go to The Life Coach School in the parking lot of a Walmart. That moment, that going for it. Like I was listening to your podcast that dropped today and you were talking about Byron Katie. I remember the moment where I was driving, listening to Byron Katie’s book and for the first time hearing the idea of a turnaround.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And I’m working so hard in my life, the grind of showing up to those Walmarts. And I would cry in my car for 20 minutes before I’d convince myself to go walk into a Walmart. And then I remember what it felt like to have that feeling of, I’m going for this. I’m going to teach this to people. I’m going to figure this out. That feeling, even when you’re failing, it’s so much better than the alternative, if you really check into your body.

Brooke: I totally agree. But that is if you want to feel alive. You want to feel the breadth of the human experience. And I think that so many of my students, so many people are not conditioned to embrace that, right? Any sense of fear, discomfort or humiliation or embarrassment or frustration or whatever is like a stop sign for so many of us. It’s like, I just want peace. I don’t know that I want growth.

And so here’s what I was thinking. I’m curious what you think about this, because peace, to me, is how I feel when I have truly laid it all out. The most peaceful I ever feel is when I know I’m living in integrity. I’m telling myself the truth. I’m doing the hard things and I can stand by my own life. I’m impressed by my own work and who I am. That is the most peaceful I ever feel. But it comes from growth, and I can’t have peace with growth still left inside me.

Stacey: So do you want to know what I think peace is?

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I think it’s knowing who you really are.

Brooke: Ooh, tell me everything. I love this. I think that’s what I think it is too. Yeah.

Stacey: Yeah, yeah, I think we’re going to say the same or similar things just differently. But I teach a lot of my clients, I teach them the idea of high value cycles and low value cycles. And a low value cycle is when you’re failing and just smacking your face on the ground, basically.

Someone said in one of my calls this week, I’m such a loser. And I was like, yeah, that’s a low value cycle when you just think you’re such a loser. And one of the things that I don’t think we think about, and going back to also feeling alive, is that there is an opportunity to feel the most alive when you are winning at something you really want to win at. And there’s also the opportunity to feel the most alive, to feel the most human in your deepest pain, sorrow, grief, disappointment.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: Like, I remember feeling so heartbroken in my life once that I have never felt more alive because I was in so much pain.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: It was like the human experience had become excruciating for me.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: So for me it’s about, I call it being intimate with yourself in your low value cycle. But I think we can be intimate with ourselves when we’re winning, and we can know who we are at our highest self. But if you know who you are in the trying and the failing, if you are kind to yourself or learn to be kind to yourself in the failing, if you learn who you are, how you react to your emotions, when you can take care of yourself and process your emotions, when you have explored everything you deeply desire in your life, and you are either working towards it actively or you’ve achieved it and you’re coming up with new things, that is knowing yourself very, very deeply.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: I would say before coaching before I found you, I did not know myself, which is why my life was so chaotic. Why it was so hard to live. I was with a partner that was not a great fit for me. I was in a job that wasn’t a great fit for me. I was living in an environment that wasn’t a great fit for me. I was tolerating things that weren’t good fits for me, having relationships with people that so many of my relationships were built on someone being the advisor of me and my mess.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: Right? Now my relationships are built on us enjoying each other’s company, right? Having things in common, loving each other, respecting each other, thinking highly of each other, wanting the best for each other.

So I don’t think, if you’re living an unintentional life, if you’re not going for the biggest things, if you’re not allowing yourself to be experiencing who you are, going after the things you love, winning at the things you love, failing at the things you love, it’s really hard to know yourself as a complete person.

Brooke: That’s so insanely good because when I really pay attention to myself and when I really get to know myself is when I’m going through the hard stuff.

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: That’s when I’m like, yeah.

Stacey: Yeah, I just came out of two years of really struggling with some really public criticism that I had gotten. And it was so challenging for me. I mean I talked to you about it over dinner. It was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever encountered in my business. I am such a people pleaser, even in my personal life, so when people are upset with me, I’m definitely awake at night about it.

And being able to see people’s thoughts that aren’t even remotely true and being able to sit with other people hearing about them, and then hearing people’s thoughts that are true and I need work in the areas, like pointing out the things that I have missed, all of those things, that two years was the hardest literally maybe of my whole life. And also I got to know myself more than ever. There’s no other experience that could have helped me learn myself more deeply.

Brooke: It’s so interesting, I was just listening to Alex Hormozi talk about this and he was talking about how human beings are just not designed to get this much feedback.

Stacey: I agree.

Brooke: Right? And so publicly in your face, it’s so interesting. So the work that we have to do to manage that is so awesome.

But I was just talking to Christian about this. So I just went to a golf tournament with him and it was like a five-day golf tournament. So the first two days he played really well. And the third day he didn’t play well at all. We were like, what just happened, right?

Golf is such a terrible sport, in case anyone’s wondering. It’s like imagine having your best coaching day, the next day, your best coaching day. And then all of a sudden the third day you completely forget how to coach. You’re like, I don’t even know. I’ve forgotten everything.

So that’s what happens in golf. And he was so bummed out about it. And I was like, Christian, most people are sitting on the couch. Most people are not putting themselves out there in front of a bunch of people trying to play golf at the level that you are. We have to keep our perspective.

When we’re failing, when we’re getting it wrong, when we’re stumbling, like you said, smacking your face on the ground, when no one’s showing up to your consults or whatever, you have to remember it’s this or the couch. And the couch is not where peace is.

Stacey: No.

Brooke: People think hiding is where peace is. But think of how you feel when you’re hiding.

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: You feel scared, right? So I feel like, for me, my main kind of message that I want to encourage everyone to do, because I want to sell people on the ultimate life that they can have by exploring the depth of their own capacity, is the willingness to disturb your peace just a little bit.

And I think it even works with the definition that you gave, right? It’s not knowing who you are for a second because you’re straddling two identities. You’re like, is this even possible? Do I even believe in this? Can I actually do this? And people will say all the time, like, so you’re just telling me just to believe in this? And they can’t wrap their mind around it. And I’m like, yeah. Yeah, I am.

Someone was just interviewing Usher, and he was telling everyone to like believe in your dreams and go after your dreams and all this. And the person interviewing him was like, well, do you think that’s true for everyone? And he paused and he’s like, yeah, I do.

Anyone who’s achieved their dreams understands that they’re just a human being having a human experience that believed in themselves enough to do the thing, right? So what are your thoughts on that? What are your thoughts on believing in yourself enough to be uncomfortable enough for long enough to see what you’re made of?

Stacey: I mean, I just think we have to find enjoyment in the hard, in the pain. We have to find the value in that. We have to find the intimacy of ourselves in that. We have to find the purpose in it. Again, like think about if you haven’t taken action towards your dreams, whatever it is, if you want to lose 20 pounds, let’s just say that. Like it has nothing to do with business.

You want to lose 20 pounds. How many times a day do you think about your weight? How many times a day do you look at the mirror and not like the body that you see or not be as active as you want to be? How much of that drains you? How much of that is uncomfortable?

If you know that and then you really, truly understand the difference between that and you’ve let yourself actually go for it enough so that you understand what that discomfort even looks like, because so many people are imagining the discomfort versus actually knowing what the discomfort is like.

Brooke: Oh, that’s true. That’s true.

Stacey: And then you can have the two to compare, that’s the game.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: If you’re going to be uncomfortable no matter what, be uncomfortable making the progress.

Brooke: Yeah, yeah. Progress, moving forward, right?

Stacey: But I also think that you can find peace even in big stretch goals. People have such a hard time with this, being okay with where you are and being really excited about where you’re going.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: I think that was the difference for me. I didn’t spend a year fighting the fact that I was selling mops in Walmart while I was trying to get clients, but I don’t have clients yet. I just thought about when I have clients, what will that be like? How will I get to feel every day? What will I be getting to do every day? So I spent a lot of time there.

And I also would walk in every day and say, I choose to be here. I choose to be at Walmart today.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And here are all the reasons why. Here’s all the value that I’m bringing in my life. So I do think you can have peace on the way. That’s just what you’re, you’re just calming your body down. You’re reminding your body, I’m okay. I have everything I need right now. I love my life exactly as it is. And also I want this amazing thing that I’m really excited about that I think I could have.

Brooke: Yeah, you know what just occurred to me? I think the reason why I’m at peace when I’m growing is because I know that I have my back and I know that if I fail, I know that if it doesn’t work out, I know that if it was a mistake, then I still got me. I’m still going to love myself and be kind to myself and I’m not going to beat myself up and I’m not going to tell myself that it was wrong and bad to ever go after any dream that I have the audacity to believe that I can do.

And I think that’s one of the purposes of my work, is to introduce the possibility that people can be successful. I can’t tell you how many people will say to me like, I never would have even considered that.

I had a lady yesterday, she goes, I started listening to your podcast and I found out how much money women can make. She was like, I didn’t know that women could make that much money. And she was literally talking about a hundred grand. Like she was just talking about like, nobody’s talking about how much money. She goes, so I just doubled my salary because it occurred to me that I could.

And for me, that’s like, uh. So my work, like my work this year, what I’m really trying to focus on is, and I know you’re doing the same work too, is like how do we get people, first of all, and let’s talk about it in terms of like life coaches who are trying to make their first 100K, right?

Stacey: Okay.

Brooke: The growth of that and the struggle of that and the discomfort of that kind of being that first step, versus the discomfort of going from 100K to a million. Talk about the differences there.

Stacey: Okay. So I just had this thought, although I’m having this discomfort a little bit right now, so it also can happen at the million dollar level. But I was talking to my husband and I said this in passing and I was like, I think this is a concept. I’m going to do a podcast about this.

But I was telling my husband how hard I’ve been working and I’ve been really having to get a lot of sleep because I’m pushing my brain really hard, creating a lot of content right now. And we’ve been making a lot of changes in my business. And I told him, but it’s a worthy grind.

Brooke: Ooh, hell yeah. It’s a worthy grind.

Stacey: It’s a worthy grind.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I feel like you’re on your way to 100K, it’s a worthy grind. It is a grind.

Brooke: It is a grind, yeah.

Stacey: It is a grind. And it’s work.

Brooke: That’s the hardest money. Don’t you think that’s the hardest money you make, your first 100?

Stacey: Yes.

Brook: Yeah.

Stacey: I’ve been trying to convince people lately to become millionaires because it’s so much easier.

Brooke: I mean, amen.

Stacey: I’m like, if you’re at 100K, you’re working the hardest you’ll ever work.

Brooke: Yeah, agreed.

Stacey: Truly.

Brooke: As an entrepreneur, right. Yeah.

Stacey: Yeah, as an entrepreneur. Likely at 100K you’re still doing sales calls yourself and you don’t have high skills in marketing and selling and delivering your offer. You’re still trying to come up with your concepts, your ideas. You’re still trying to build your audience. You don’t have a huge audience to be constantly nurturing to prepare for your next sales cycle.

You don’t have any of that. You’re building that as you go.

Brooke: And isn’t your brain like the biggest bitch at that time? Like, she just won’t be quiet.

Stacey: Well, if you don’t find joy in that process, right? If you don’t consider it a worthy grind.

Brooke: Yeah. I always tell my clients, is it going to work? You’re not going to make it. Nobody’s going to hire you. You’re not good enough. You don’t know what you’re doing.

Stacey: Yeah. I always tell them you will look back one day and you will miss this moment. You never get your first 100K back.

Brooke: 100%.

Stacey: You never get this grind back. And this might be something that you can relate to, but maybe not because I feel like you’re still really enthusiastic about it. But it’s hard for me to read a book now and really be emotionally engaged in a way that is like those first transformations, the first time you hear something.

Brooke: I’m not totally engaged with reading anymore as much as I used to be. Like, that is actually so fascinating.

Stacey: Yeah. Like I don’t feel like the moment I heard Eckhart Tolle’s first book or Byron Katie or all of that. It’s like where my brain was lighting on fire, you don’t have those moments.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: You won’t have the moments where the first dollars come in and you’re like getting those checks. I got an actual $20,000 check in the mail one time from a client and I remember thinking like, I just want to frame this, but also I want it in my account. But you won’t have that excitement anymore. You will lose the excitement of being paid.

There’s a time where you are so deeply excited when your client gets a result. And then there will be a point where so many of them are getting results so many times that it’s your reality and you don’t get as excited about your results, their results, the money you’re making, the things they’re doing. You lose that because it becomes normalized.

So you have to know in the beginning you have to enjoy it. You have to find a way to enjoy the ride, even the hard parts, and really do recognize that it’s a worthy grind. It’s the hardest money you’ll ever make.

Brooke: Yeah. I think that people don’t want to grind. Like when you think about a grind, like I don’t want to have to do this. I want to get to the point where I’m already there because then it’ll be so great.

Stacey: Only because you’re discounting everything you’re becoming in the process. You’re missing all of that, all of the value, right? You’re missing the experience of, I mean, it’s like I’m almost at a loss of words of how to describe it. But when I am really – Okay, I have a story, this is perfect.

So we made millions of dollars with one funnel that I did for 2K for 2K. It was a three simple step training for five days. And then it suddenly stopped working. And I remember it’s a very similar mindset to when I thought Facebook was singling me out and blacklisting me because they were denying all my ads and I was in Facebook jail and you had to be like, oh, Stacey, all of Facebook has just singled you out.

Brooke: I’m like, they’re coming for you, yeah.

Stacey: Yes. So I got in that mindset with my ads again because they weren’t working. And there was a moment where I said, you know what? This is too hard. I don’t need this in my life. I’m just going to market organically. My podcast gets a lot. My email list gets a lot. I’m just going to do the areas where I feel the most confident.

And then I remember thinking, I always want to be able to tell myself I’m the person who never hits a roadblock and just is stalled and stopped and that’s it. Like, over, done. I’ve seen people, oh, I’m getting off Instagram because I keep getting shadow banned or I can’t get ads up and working so I’m just, it’s never going to work.

I don’t want to be the person that runs into anything that’s never going to work for me. I want to be the person on the other side that always figures it out, always finds a way.

Brooke: Yes. I’m like, you know, it’s just the beginning. We’re just warming up.

Stacey: Yes, but I want to be that in that moment. I have to access that person, how I want to feel, who I want to be after I figured out the ads. So I’m like, who’s that person? That person’s highly engaged. They see the value. They’re super excited for the hard work that they put in. They’re proud of themselves. They are experiencing themselves being more valuable, having more knowledge and skill sets because they went after it. Okay, if I want that to happen, I have to be excited for this. I have to get myself up for this race.

Brooke: That’s so good. And I think when you get there, right, you don’t take your doubt so seriously anymore.

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: That was a lot of noise and you were wrong, doubt. Yeah.

Stacey: The first time was a lot of doubt about Facebook, for sure.

Brooke: Here’s for me, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you were talking about: that hunger, that drive, that ambition that I had to make my first million dollars. And I think it was this idea that once I got there, right? It was like the anticipation of it, that like, could I actually do that? This is actually insane, can I make a million dollars in a year? All of that. It’s kind of like the anticipation of Christmas is better than Christmas.

And what happens when you get there, right, what happens when you make your first million dollars in one year is you realize, and this is so disappointing for some people, that it’s not actually better there than here.

Stacey: Right.

Brooke: But you are more of yourself because you’ve had to overcome all of the primitive brain thought error nonsense to get there. And so then the next, from like the million to more millions, or to continuing to making millions, is growth too, but the discomfort is different. You want to talk about that a little bit?

Stacey: At the millions that growth is more?

Brooke: How it feels when you’re growing from a million to two, it feels different than going to your first million, yeah.

Stacey: Yeah, I mean, I think it just feels more logical.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I think you’re just not as – Like that’s why I think about those 100K days, right? I was so emotionally engaged in that, in that moment. Like when I’m in my mastermind there are emotions, for sure, that were processing, but it’s a lot of just logical strategy. And I think that we love the emotional engagement. It doesn’t feel as great in the moment all the time, but it is that thing that makes us feel more alive.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I don’t know, that’s my experience. It feels more like the growth is a little more. I have to choose really big goals to get that.

Brooke: But when you watch your students, so when you’re in with your group, with your 2K to 2K who are making some form of thousands of dollars, that is not their perceived experience, right?

Stacey: Yeah. Well, you have to choose that, but yeah.

Brooke: Right. Right. It’s like, how do we talk to our students in that growth without sounding condescending? Oh, this is the best part.

Stacey: But I don’t think that anyone’s ever considered that it could be the best part. I don’t mean it to be condescending, I just don’t think they’ve ever considered it. But yeah, I think their experience is like I’m trying everything and it’s not working. Like that’s typically the first 100K experience, especially your first client, getting that first client. That’s the experience, I’m trying everything and I’m not working.

And it is hard. It is. It is. You’re going to want to quit. I remember I had a coach that was like, okay, then quit. Just quit. Do you want to stop coaching? Or do you want to quit your business today? Like, what would you like? Like, that’s okay.

Brooke: That’s actually really interesting. I was coaching someone yesterday and she was like, I just haven’t done what I need to do to make my business happen. And I was like, well, maybe you don’t want a business. And she was like, oh, what?

Stacey: That’s how I reacted. I was like, oh, I’m not actually quitting.

Brooke: Yeah. And I was like, I actually think that you should consider that, right? Because it’s like if you’re not taking any action, you’re not pursuing it, you’re not showing up and you’re trying to get coaching on why you’re not doing that, you should consider that maybe you don’t want to. And it’s either going to ignite you, like it did with you.

Stacey: Or relieve you.

Brooke: Or you’re like, oh, maybe this isn’t what I want. And I think for me as a coach, I’m always like, of course it’s what you want, right. Isn’t this amazing? This is great. But maybe it’s not.

Stacey: I also think it’s helpful to just tell yourself this is the hard part.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And again, it just goes back to who do I want to be in the hard part? It doesn’t make it any easier, but who do I want to be?

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: This is going to be the truly difficult part and it’s temporary. And in this really hard part, how do I want to show up to it? What do I want to think about it? How do I want to be with myself in it? That is everything.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: I was recently telling myself that too, this is the hard part.

The other thing I was thinking about is we are at a tipping point, me and my team right now, where we’ve been doing some really hard grind with overhauling all of our technology, overhauling our content, setting my business up for a business that is ready to have another, so I can have another baby and fit two children in and run a company. And we have really aggressive goals.

I also just signed on as a, I don’t remember what it’s called, but I’m like an advisor. I lose words now that I’ve been a mom. I don’t know what the freak is happening.

Brooke: Oh my God, wait till you turn 50.

Stacey: Like they’re just gone. I have signed on to be an advisor in a software as a service company with my CTO. And so we have a lot of really aggressive, exciting goals.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And there’s the part that’s really hard because you’re fighting against it and not deciding 100%. Like you’re taking action, but you haven’t really committed to doing this. You’re taking action to see how the action goes, to decide. It’s like dipping your toe in the water. Let’s see how cold the water is. See how I respond to the water to see if I actually want to go in.

And then there’s the part where everyone’s working really, really hard, but really excited to do all of the work. Getting the failure, using it as feedback, going again, just giving it 100% of every single thing inside of you. It’s amazing.

Brooke: And I will say, I will say the key to that excitement and the key to being willing to bring it is the belief that you can. Whether you actually achieve it or not, not mattering. That’s the part that people can’t wrap their mind around.

Because if you believe, this is what I say to Christian all the time. I’m like, if you believe that you’re going to win the Masters, how do you approach this bogey that you just had? How do you approach the next hole? If you think you’re going to win the Masters, if you truly believe that, the way you approach your life is completely different than if you allow yourself to indulge in, maybe I’m not a good golfer, maybe I’m no good at this, right?

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: So for me, I just think, how do you keep going? How do you keep doing this? How do you keep showing up? How do you keep delivering? Because I know that I will arrive at the place that I most want to be. And I will have explored the deepest capacity within me.

Stacey: But you’re also just not fighting yourself the whole time.

Brooke: Exactly, yeah.

Stacey: Right? Not being fully committed is what takes so much of our energy.

Brooke: So why aren’t people fully committed?

Stacey: Okay, well, hold on. Let me answer this, or let me say this first because I think this could be helpful.

Brooke: Yeah, go ahead.

Stacey: For everyone listening, if we’re talking about a coach that’s like trying to make their first dollars, right? The other thing that’s important to know is trying a little takes more energy than trying a lot. If you’ve heard the saying, a body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest. So the less –

Brooke: Stacey Boehman, what did you just say? Say it again. Trying a little, what are you saying to me?

Stacey: Trying a little is a lot harder than trying a lot.

Brooke: Come on. That is genius.

Stacey: Because your body is in motion. Your brain is in motion. Everything is engaged, activated. Your ideas are better. You’re communicating more clearly. All of that is firing at the same time versus firing one thing here and there.

Brooke: Genius. Genius. Oh my gosh. And once you’ve overcome the emotion to take some action, keep taking action. Once you’ve overcome the doubt and the fear and the confusion, yeah, keep taking action. That is so good.

Stacey: Like I was driving all over the country selling my mops. I would drive six hours to Michigan to go work a store and I would be listening to personal development all six hours on the way up there. I would get up there, set my show up, maybe do a coaching call, work the rest of the day, do some coaching calls at night, sleep a little, get up in the morning, do some coaching calls in the morning, do a team call, show up to the store the next day.

I mean, I’ve never been so tired in my whole life. And also I was just taking so much action. There gets to be a point where if I even had a day off, I’d be like, wait, this is weird. I need to be doing things because I upped my energy so much that my body started kind of moving with me and I think it could have moved without me. Like it’s just, the train has left the tracks. There’s no going back. That type of action, people think it will create burnout. I think it creates momentum, over momentum, over momentum versus like little by little.

Brooke: That’s so good.

Stacey: I was a rip the Band-Aid off kind of girl. Like I’m going all in.

Brooke: Well, it just makes me want to ask everyone the question, like when is the last time when you really gave something your all? Your all, all. For me, that is such a delicious feeling because I like bumping up against the parts of me that I don’t know yet.

Like for me, I’m doing this a lot in pickleball because it’s like in pickleball, you can be at the back of the court and someone can like dink a ball. Like they just drop it right over the net. And the space between here and there and the ball being dropped, like the chances of me being able to get that ball are very low. And yet I’m going to try and get that ball.

I am always going to try. And so is my partner who plays with me, Elijah, always tries. And we get so many balls that other people don’t get because they just think, oh, I can’t get that. That’s too far away. I’m too old, whatever. And so we can play people that are way better than us, but because we go, we give it our all every time, I think we feel ultimately more satisfied at the end.

Stacey: Yeah, I mean I think hunger is a great emotion, right, to feel that. We just did a data study, I’ve talked to you about this, and we studied all of the income groups in our 200K Mastermind that have ever come through. And the group that grew the most were the people who came in at 25K in 12 months. And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. And I think it’s their hunger. They’re so hungry. They’re willing to work so hard. They’re willing to put their emotions on the line and give it their all.

Like the ones that are successful, they’re willing to just, they want – You said this years ago and I think about it all the time when I’m in a worthy grind, which is I want to lay my head on my pillow at night and know I gave it my all. I want to use up all of me in a day, in a month, in a year, in a lifetime. And thinking like this, I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes in one because I’ve used up so much of myself.

And so that hunger, that drive, that commitment, that willingness to lay yourself on the line and submit yourself to failure and rejection, that also creates the most value. It’s actually the most inspiring to other people.

Brooke: And it won’t burn you out if the underground foundation is love and belief in yourself.

Stacey: Yes.

Brooke: I think a lot of people are trying to outrun their own self-hatred. I did this. Listen, I hustled hard to try and lose weight for years, hating myself. That is not what we’re talking about here. It’s like the opposite of that. You’re invested in caring for yourself and taking for yourself and going to bat for yourself.

And I’ll tell you, I’m so appreciative of myself this morning going for that dink ball. I’m so glad that I laid it all out. And I’m also so thankful that I built this amazing business for myself too. It just feels great. And I’m also so thankful that I tried so many things that didn’t work, that I tried to build a hair salon and failed miserably. I just will never regret going all in on something.

Stacey: I think you have to also know, will you regret it constantly if you don’t go for it?

Brooke: Yes. And that’s the thing that people don’t consider, I think, the cost of regret of not seeing what you can do. And for me, when I look at all of our students, I look at you, I look at all the people, like it’s so obvious to me how successful you’re going to be. And listen, your already crazy successful, eight-figure business is insane but you’re just, like I know that you’re just warming up, right? And you’re so young and just starting.

I was thinking about this because initially we were going to talk about being a mom. On this call we were going to talk about being a mom and trying to build a business, which is such a worthy conversation, right? Because I started my coaching business when Connor was two.

Stacey: That’s so crazy. My son is two now.

Brooke: That’s crazy, right? When he was two is when I started my business and I built my empire business, my huge multi-million dollar business while I raised two kids. And I will tell you, I spent a lot of damn time with those kids and went to all their games and all their meals and long hours of conversation. And they saw me working. They have memories of me on the couch with the laptop doing the thing and on stage.

So I would love for you to talk about that a little bit. I know that you dealt with a lot of challenges with your postpartum anxiety and trying to run your company and take care of your kid. And what are your insights on that now that you’ve had a baby?

Stacey: Yeah, so I just didn’t expect how difficult it would be. How extremely difficult it would be. And I was actually thinking about this earlier today. I went through a period where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to really even work anymore. We literally talked about how much money could our money make and could we live off that money. And I went through a really hard time.

I think a lot of that was my postpartum anxiety of just being really activated when I wasn’t with my child literally 24-7. But it was really hard. And I went through a two-year period of not being committed, not knowing what I was going to do.

I think that there’s a willingness, too, that you have to have of exploring your lack of commitment. Like being willing to stay with yourself when you’re ebbing and flowing. Like one day I’m all in and I want to make $30 million. And the next day I want to be a housewife and I’m trying to figure out how to put Neil to work. And I let that be okay for a really long time.

Something I think that has been so incredible is your mentorship. You don’t even probably know half of the things that add up over a lifetime of knowing you, like the short time, but it feels like a lifetime. But just like you building your business around Christian’s golf schedule. The story you told a couple of years ago of you were working with a coach and it was towards the end of the year and they were like, hey, you could make a couple million more. And you were like, but why?

Brooke: Right.

Stacey: This whole mentality around it, you can grow. It doesn’t have to be a hustle. So one of the things that has allowed me to kind of get through the river of misery of becoming a mom and dealing with all of the postpartum and everything has been I know I can make the money the way I want to make it. I know that. I can do that without, I have plenty of time. I don’t have to hustle. I get to be with me where I am in my journey.

And I do love the idea of Jackson growing up watching me build an empire. I think all the time about the value that that creates in his brain every day. Now he’s become obsessed with it. He comes into my office without permission, climbs into my office chair, scoots himself up and starts playing on my computer.

Brooke: I love it.

Stacey: And it’s so sweet. But I think about what is happening in his brain when he’s watching his mama do that.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And also experiencing him being there all of the time. I get to have both.

Brooke: Yeah, I mean, I think about this too. Like the messaging that my kids get is that it’s very important for me as a woman to have my own money and my own freedom, which is what I think being independently wealthy does for you, right? Like you have the freedom to make the decisions you want.

And I work very hard and they watch me work very hard. And also, like Christian just had the experience, I think it was last year, where I was going to do a big mastermind. I had a bunch of people sign up, not a bunch, 10 people signed up for a mastermind. It was going to pay me a million dollars. I was going to work with a group of 10. And we had it all scheduled and all planned out. I think you were in it, actually.

Stacey: Yes. Yeah, that was one of the transformational things. I remember getting the email.

Brooke: And I just decided, just so they know, I just decided the timing didn’t work where I could mentor and go to Christian’s golf at the same time. There was just no way to work it out. And I remember I told my team, I’m like, we’re going to have to cancel this mastermind. And they were like, what are you talking about? It’s a million dollars. And I was like, I don’t care at all about the money. I’m much more struggling with this decision because of all the people that are in the mastermind that want my help. Like that’s what makes this hard.

But when it comes to being there for my kid or being there for my students, my kid’s always going to win. And so he watched me refund them all the money, not participate in that and just be present for him. And I’m just like, I just think it’s cool that he has a mom that values him and his dream that much.

I value my dream and he’s had to sacrifice for me to be able to have the business that I do, but I’m also going to sacrifice for him.

Stacey: Yeah. Yes, I was part of that mastermind. And when I got the email, I remember feeling, obviously, very disappointed because I love being in all of your containers. But I also remember thinking, oh my God, this gave me so much permission.

Brooke: Yes.

Stacey: And I’ve been changing my business now in a lot of ways to help me. I’m so proud of myself that I did a live three day event, very pregnant, like six months pregnant. And while having hyperemesis, which is when you’re just really, really, really ill your whole pregnancy. And then I also did a live event for three days on stage when I was three months postpartum.

And that was so incredible and so inspiring for me to believe I could do that. As a mom, I think we’re conditioned that we have to choose and we can’t do both. And so many people tell us we can’t do both because we don’t have enough time or enough energy or it’s going to be so hard. And I felt so inspired by that.

But then when I was thinking of the next baby, I’m like, I don’t want to put my body through that again. Like that just, I don’t want to do that again. I’m glad I did the first time. I feel complete. I don’t need to learn that specific lesson. And I remember having so much permission from you doing that.

And what’s been crazy is that I changed my whole business around that has been the same for the last five years. And the amount of people that have reached out and said, I want to work with you now because of your example that you’re setting has been humbling.

Brooke: It’s so amazing that when you have your priorities straight and you know yourself and you know what matters to you, that there’s a strength in that, that nothing can touch. And it’s challenging when you’re a people pleaser because you don’t want to tell 10 people who are so excited to spend the year with you that you’re no longer going to do that because you want to watch your son golf every single game.

And I will never regret watching every second of his life, like in every single thing that he does. And I know that that’s where my heart and my priority is. And also, I want to say this too, in other situations I may not go see him do something and prioritize my business over that too. I don’t think it’s always the kids are the number one priority in everything. So that’s not what I’m saying, but there is a balance to that and knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing.

And so I agree. And I love the way you’ve set up your business where your students can come and breastfeed and bring their kids and be moms and be where they’re at. And like really you demonstrating that example that it is possible to have it all, really.

Stacey: I still put Jackson down for almost all of his naps. I have three calls a week, we keep those the same always for consistency for the clients and for me. But all of my team meetings and all of that, we switch it around. First, it was my breastfeeding schedule. Then it became Jackson’s nap schedule and his wake windows. And my team is so great, but we just were flexible.

And for anyone that is kind of struggling in that, I want this growth, I want this next thing and I have this other competing priority, the other thing that is really helpful to me is I am very clear what my priorities are, right? My son will always come first.

Brooke: Yeah.

Stacey: And also I decide how many hours I’m going to work. I give that my 100% all when I’m doing that. And as soon as I’m not, I’m all in with what’s going on with the family. And then because I do that so frequently, because I have that consistency built where I know I’m going to work when I say I’m going to work and I get the work done that I say I’m going to get done, if Jackson pops in my office, I can stop whatever I’m doing and look up to him and acknowledge him and say, hey, you know what? Let’s keep this conversation going. You know, if it’s my team or whatever, let’s meet back in another hour. I’m going to go hang out with Jackson or whatever.

I can be that flexible because I take myself, my timing and my priorities so seriously.

Brooke: Yeah. And when you work, you go to work too.

Stacey: Yeah.

Brooke: And for anyone who’s kind of like, ah, I don’t know. It’s like, I think you just have to ask yourself really great questions. How can I have an incredibly successful business where I’m serving humans in the best way I can and raise my kids and be the mom that I ultimately want to be with them while having fun, is a question that I ask myself. And your brain will find that answer. It really will.

Stacey: Something I recently asked myself was after Jackson is, like once he’s in school and he’s gone most of the day or once he leaves the house or my future kids leave the house, who’s the woman I want to be? And do I want to wait to start that later or now? Right? Do I want to just be figuring that out then?

That’s been something that, I don’t know if that’s going to be helpful to people, but that’s something that’s been really helpful to keep me engaged in my business now when I want to be there all the time, 100% for every single waking moment. I’m like, well, also, I want to be left with me, right, my completeness even when he’s like grown.

Brooke: And that’s an example to set for them. I mean, listen, I made a lot of mistakes in my life and raising my kids. I’m sure that they would say that. But I do feel like my kids got to see that they are very important and very valued. But so am I.

Stacey: Yes.

Brooke: That’s what they saw. And they saw me valuing myself and my work and my contribution and also them.

Stacey: Yeah, it’s an and.

Brooke: Stacey, I could keep talking to you for another hour easily. Thank you so, so much for coming on the podcast and having this conversation and letting me switch the topic on you.

Stacey: You’re so welcome.

Brooke: You just impress me. I just love watching you live your life. I think you’re a huge inspiration to so many people, and you’re definitely one to me. I love you so much.

Stacey: Thank you so much for having me.

Brooke: You’re welcome. All right, my friends, until next month, we’ll see you then.

Hey, if you’ve ever wanted to work with me as your coach, now is the time to do it. You can join me in Get Coached in Scholars by going to thelifecoachschool.com/join. This is going to be the best year ever. It’s your turn to change your life. Let’s go.